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Thread: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

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    Default My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Other dancers - please tell me if you feel same.... becasue of my experence dancing, money really doesn't impress me much anymore. That's not to say I don't WANT money, or even that I don't LIKE money, but throwing around cash just to be noticed....or doing 'high-end' things to try and flaunt your means....has no appeal to me what-so-ever. I mean...I like nice things and don't want to be a pauper all my life, and a successful man who does well is attractive to me. A man who brags on and on about how much he makes an hour is a total turn off. I know what real money looks like, I know what high-earners look like, and I know what comes along with it. I was surrounded by it for a long time while I was stripping, so now that I have a straight-job when people act obnoxious with their cash it's completely unimpressive to me. Often times what most people I know define as "rich" is no where near "rich" in my books.

    Now for the little story....

    So, I moved to a new town about 4 months ago. It's famous for having lots of very high paying entry-level jobs, and nearly 3/4ths of my old highschool class have also moved to this new town and are working in fairly high-paying positions. And good for them. I'm genuinely happy for them.

    I have a straight job here also, but as I haven't been as long (the rest have been here about 3+ years) I don't have a super high paying position yet. I do well, I'm just not.....rolling in the dough. And that's fine for me. I'm happy with what I have and all my needs are met...and them some.

    But I can't afford to go out and do the things my girlfriends do. Honestly, even if I DID have their money - I'd probably squirrel it away and not spend it anyway. My girlfriends and I were raised in a fairly poor area, so having the cash for non-essentials is a new and exciting concept. And I totally understand that and get that, and try to put my feelings aside when they do/say things to me that are.....irritating and rude.

    But every time I try to get together with them to hang out, they want to do something well beyond my means. Just now, our 'girls movie night in' was cancelled - and replaced with a Spa Day on Tuesday. A spa day costing $440. Even when I was dancing, and making three times what I do now....I wouldn't spend $440 on a fucking spa package. And I'm certianly not going to spend that now. We were supposed to have a video game night - was replaced with going out and buying several bottles of wine. Another night we were going to go out and have a few drinks.....and they changed it without telling me - instead going to a pricey Seafood/Steak Buffet AND drinks..."No thanks ladies - I ate before I came. Becasue, y'know....we all agreed we would...?". Not dropping $100 on a plate of food I'm not hungry for. Call me cheap all you like. Kthx.

    They KNOW I can't afford this shit. I straight up tell them now. "Oh that sounds fun, but it's too expensive for me. You go and have fun. We'll get together another time. XOXO". But ....Another time comes and they want to spend a considerable amount on something else.

    It's not like they NEED things things. I've know these girls well. They're doing it for "bigness". They brag a lot about how much they make. They talk about buying only designer purses and sunglasses. They show off, basically. A lot. And it bothers me because....I never did.

    When I was dancing (which they have no idea about) I was making TONS more cash than they could have dreamed of. But I never rubbed it in their face. Never told them their clothes were cheap. Never bragged on and on about my expensive manicures or dinners out or how I had a customer drop $600 on me last night in a CR and I already spent it all on new boots and a name-brand winter coat. Never said any of that. They had no idea. I kept it that way for a reason. Because I didn't want to be an obnoxious bitch....kinda like the ones they've turned into.

    At first it was kinda funny to me, but now it's just irritating. I'm happy they're doing so well, and I hope they continue to succeed and do well for themselves. I just wish that they'd come back down to earth a little, and perhaps remember their other friends in 'low-places'. Not sure why they feel it's okay to show off like this. It doesn't suit them at all.

    I've been slowly cutting them out of my life, and I think I'll continue to do so. I don't really want to be around people who talk about how awesome they are because of how much money they make. Or - conversely - treat other people like they're worth less because they earn less.

    Posting this in Lounge rather than Life Support because Support isn't really needed. Empathy, maybe some similar funny stories from all of you, but support-wise I'm all good...and I feel better now that I've gotten all that out.

    Anyone go through anything similar?



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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Good old fashioned immaturity is what that sounds like.

    You know, when I was 21 or so, I was like that. I'd throw my money around just to show off how much I had. At the time I DID have a lot- This was in ATL in 2003. I would invite like 12 people out to sushi and then foot the whole bill, throw lavish parties with esoteric booze selections and dates stuffed with almonds and brie.. that I did by hand. I had a personal assistant, and a few times when I came home with $300, I would wire it to my sister or give it to someone... because "Ugh, it's so little.. I don't even want it."

    Yeah. I was one of those people.

    Then on day during my parties, I looked around and it totally hit me.... 'These people aren't my friends... they fucking hate me. They're only here to drink my free liquor and eat my fancy snacks'. AND IT WAS SO TRUE.

    Seven years later I can't hardly believe I was like that... I don't feel like the same person at all. But frankly that happens a lot of the time when you mix immaturity and cash.

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    ^So the cure to the asshole-ism is just to wait it out? That I can do...while I distance myself from them more and more.

    Also, those dates stuffed with Brie sound delicious.



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    Veteran Member _natasha's Avatar
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    I lived with those people my first and second year at university... Only they didn't work for it, it was always daddy's money. I ended up moving out and haven't spoken to them in two years, so it didn't end well... But I am a lot happier now.

    I'm not sure this is really much help or advice but I can completely empathise with your situation. It's horrible to be that person that can't afford to do x y and z. I hope your situation gets better!

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    They'll get over it in a few years when they realize they could be investing that money and paying off mortgages, etc. Hopefully its just part of that "dumb" phase we all went through at 19. And even with designer things... like all that stuff isn't even in style anymore to be honest lol. Like its fine to have a few designer things, but it totally lacks creativity when you just have a closet full of designer clothing that no one will care about in 3 years. You can't create your own sense of style solely with designer pieces. Fashion fades, style is eternal. And style is a big part of personal identity IMO.

    Sorry, but they're only a couple of years away from realizing they shouldn't be spending lavishly until their (modest) house is paid off, their (modest) car is paid off, their education/trade/business venture is paid off, they have a couple years of savings, they have a retirement fund, and they have investments. And no offense to anyone who falls into these categories, but I think buying a big house or a really nice car is asking to robbed/stalked/harassed. Even if I was a multimillionaire, I wouldn't live like one because I wouldn't want people to use me (or try to), be fake or suck up to me, or steal/rob/hurt me over jealously. Idk, but I believe most "rich" people think the same way. Or they just end up living lonely, solitary lives on purpose a couple decades later after realizing this.

    I used to be materialistic like that, and I'm glad I'm not like that anymore. I should have put that money toward a PHD honestly. Or invested it. Or something productive. But I'm just glad I got that out of my system why I was still young so I don't fuck up in the future like that. I'm actually glad the recession hit because it curbed materialism a lot for most people. But alas, not all obviously.

    Just talk to them and maybe say something like you've been listening to too much Suze Orman and you'd rather put your money toward things that make you money, not things that get rid of it quick.

    P.S. Doesn't Bill Gates still drive a toyota? Yeah, thought so. Because "real" rich people don't flaunt their money. They buy quality on necessities yes, but only because it saves them money in the long rung. They know its best to save & invest in your future no matter how much money they have.

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Guccci Gucci Louie Louie Fendi Fendi Prada, basic bitches wear that shit so I dont even botha! I dont know what happened to me but I feel the same. I was very materialistic until I had to work hard for my money. Being a clockwatcher at a normal job, Id blow my check every week knowing Id make the same one the next. For me when I got into dancing/camming/working on commission and tip-based jobs, my money was hard earned and even harder to let go.

    I once dreamed, in my lowly normal job of owning designer duds, etc...and that dream has since come true, but I dont know what has happened... I dont care about the material anymore. It is my goal in the next coming years to basically find out how frugally I can live, even though I make good money. I want to cut my living, food, etc expenses in half and one day have no payments at all to make (car, rent, etc) I think this is the only way I will truly ever be a happy person. I know it sounds odd,but I am not happy living in a vicious cyle of bills, rent, work, bills, rent work. If I can stop this cycle I think it owuld be fantastic. If I have to let go of the material goods to do so, cut down on my electric bill, wash dishes the old fashioned way, do without....I WILL cause I am tired of this rat race. I aspire now to have nothing but the basics and to be nothing. I do not want a job title. I wuold be happier finding a hobbie and making money from that, and acutally being able to save the money, rather then having a fancy job title, and having to pay for mortgage/fancy car/etc to keep up appearances.

    I have noticed that more and more people are getting into this mode of thining. My sister used to think I was crazy, but now she is ready to hop on my homesteading-hippie bandwagon. My soul aunt said that in 2012 she believes there will be a shift in opinions, not like the world is ending but peopel will become more conscious of how wasteful we are,that these materialistic things we really do not need. Alot of people are changing their ways they want to live because they simply arent happy in this ratrace and society as it is now.

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Quote Originally Posted by _natasha View Post
    I'm not sure this is really much help or advice but I can completely empathise with your situation. It's horrible to be that person that can't afford to do x y and z. I hope your situation gets better!
    Aw, thanks for empathizing with me doll! Yeah, it's shitty to be around those sorts of people. The less they're in my life the better, I figure.

    But don't get me wrong - I don't need my situation 'to get better' - I'm doing just fine and I'm really happy. And I'm hardly counting pennies; all my bills are paid, I have savings and I can still afford to get new clothes at the mall, go to movies if I want and eat out/go for drinks (within reason). It's just...I think it's honestly a waste of money to to do those things in excess at overly expensive, high-end places, y'know?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    They'll get over it in a few years when they realize they could be investing that money and paying off mortgages, etc. Hopefully its just part of that "dumb" phase we all went through at 19. And even with designer things... like all that stuff isn't even in style anymore to be honest lol. Like its fine to have a few designer things, but it totally lacks creativity when you just have a closet full of designer clothing that no one will care about in 3 years. You can't create your own sense of style solely with designer pieces. Fashion fades, style is eternal. And style is a big part of personal identity IMO.

    Sorry, but they're only a couple of years away from realizing they shouldn't be spending lavishly until their (modest) house is paid off, their (modest) car is paid off, their education/trade/business venture is paid off, they have a couple years of savings, they have a retirement fund, and they have investments. And no offense to anyone who falls into these categories, but I think buying a big house or a really nice car is asking to robbed/stalked/harassed. Even if I was a multimillionaire, I wouldn't live like one because I wouldn't want people to use me (or try to), be fake or suck up to me, or steal/rob/hurt me over jealously. Idk, but I believe most "rich" people think the same way. Or they just end up living lonely, solitary lives on purpose a couple decades later after realizing this.

    I used to be materialistic like that, and I'm glad I'm not like that anymore. I should have put that money toward a PHD honestly. Or invested it. Or something productive. But I'm just glad I got that out of my system why I was still young so I don't fuck up in the future like that. I'm actually glad the recession hit because it curbed materialism a lot for most people. But alas, not all obviously.

    Just talk to them and maybe say something like you've been listening to too much Suze Orman and you'd rather put your money toward things that make you money, not things that get rid of it quick.

    P.S. Doesn't Bill Gates still drive a toyota? Yeah, thought so. Because "real" rich people don't flaunt their money. They buy quality on necessities yes, but only because it saves them money in the long rung. They know its best to save & invest in your future no matter how much money they have.
    Aw, thanks for this post! You hit the nail on the head with all of it. I've always found that "real money" doesn't flaunt, as well.

    Also, I'm in Canada - the recession scare didn't hit quiet as hard in these parts. Oh - and these people I'm talking about....are 23-27years old. If they were 19 I'd forgive them completely, but getting into your mid-20's....You should have grown out of the "look at me" stage, y'know.

    Thanks Babe!

    Oh, and I've always wanted to tell you that I always think your second avi is my boobies when I first glance at it. Similarity is uncanny....



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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    If the money is new to them, I'd wait til the honey moon phase dies & see if they snap back into down to earth land some time.

    Some ppl really do change as soon as they start making money. I call it dick money. My exbf is prime example of that. Ha.

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    A little offtopic.

    Am I the only one wondering if this magical town packed full of young people who don't know how to handle money has a tittybar?:-D

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    It's their money, and if that's how they wanna spend it, that's how they wanna spend it. I think it's a little unfair to bash them about their spending habits just because that's not personally how you would use the money. What I think makes them assholes is not that they spend extravagant amounts, but that they keep changing cheaper plans to super-expensive ones when they know damn well you can't afford it. That's what I think is really shitty.

    Could it be they are trying to cut you out? I only ask because something similar happened to me my senior year of high school. Suddenly, my 3 best friends were constantly changing plans to times and things they knew wouldn't work for me... and they'd just be like "oh well, tough shit" if I was like "umm... I can't do that." At first I thought they were just being dumb, but I eventually concluded they were doing it on purpose. To this day, I honestly don't why they all of a sudden didn't want me around, but they spent a year until we all graduated going out of their way to make it happen.

    If your friends can't be bothered to occasionally make and keep cheap plans that you can be included in, then yeah, they obviously don't care about being around you any more than you care to be around them anymore... I'd give them up for lost.
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Quote Originally Posted by kissykins View Post
    A little offtopic.

    Am I the only one wondering if this magical town packed full of young people who don't know how to handle money has a tittybar?:-D
    It does, and they do well from what I hear! But we're in Western Canada, and there's this whole thing with throwing Loonies at the girls on stage that I just can't seem to wrap my brain around....

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    It's their money, and if that's how they wanna spend it, that's how they wanna spend it. I think it's a little unfair to bash them about their spending habits just because that's not personally how you would use the money. What I think makes them assholes is not that they spend extravagant amounts, but that they keep changing cheaper plans to super-expensive ones when they know damn well you can't afford it. That's what I think is really shitty.

    Could it be they are trying to cut you out? I only ask because something similar happened to me my senior year of high school. Suddenly, my 3 best friends were constantly changing plans to times and things they knew wouldn't work for me... and they'd just be like "oh well, tough shit" if I was like "umm... I can't do that." At first I thought they were just being dumb, but I eventually concluded they were doing it on purpose. To this day, I honestly don't why they all of a sudden didn't want me around, but they spent a year until we all graduated going out of their way to make it happen.

    If your friends can't be bothered to occasionally make and keep cheap plans that you can be included in, then yeah, they obviously don't care about being around you any more than you care to be around them anymore... I'd give them up for lost.
    I don't mean to bash them about their spending habits. And I stated quite a few times that I'm happy they're doing well and able to afford nice things - it's more their new shitty attitude that's pissing me off so much. It's true that hell would freeze over before I spend 1k on sunglasses, but if they wanna do it - go for it! Just don't talk about it. And talk about it. And tell everyone how much they cost when they compliment them. And then talk about it more. Because it doesn't impress me and I find it obnoxious. And boring.

    I considered the idea that they're doing it on purpose....but then why keep inviting me out? This has happened literally DOZENS of times. Why keep making plans? They keep inviting me out, and contacting me first in most cases, so it doesn't make sense that they're trying to distance me while calling me up once a week. People are strange.


    C'est la vie.



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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    How about hosting at home dinner parties- they could flaunt with exp. wine or a hired chef when its their turn. Working out/yoga classes. To be honest, i'm not into the clubs the girls I know go to, i don't constantly booze on or take drugs so I just think that its another case of "growing apart" (as you have from your friends).
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Ya sounds like your friends are kinda being bitches. I make a lot more money than a lot of my friends because they are students but I would never expect them to drop $440 on a spa day or anything for that matter. Once and a while I do wanna do something nice and if I want one of my friends with less money to join I will treat them. I would just talk to them openly and tell them it stresses you out. If they don't listen or care, then they aren't very good friends anyway and Id move on.

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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Thankfully I've never has to deal with this, and I've always tried to be conscious of doing it to my friends. It sounds like it really sucks and I think you're doing the right thing by slowly distancing yourself from them.
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    If the money is new to them, I'd wait til the honey moon phase dies & see if they snap back into down to earth land some time.

    Some ppl really do change as soon as they start making money. I call it dick money. My exbf is prime example of that. Ha.
    This. As soon as they realise that there are more important things in life than spa days it will calm down. As you said, you like to save no matter what, so when you have bought your own house, car etc and have money to burn, you will be the victor, all they will have is memories of having nice skin. My ex best friend was a "fritterer", her parents would give her money as and when she wanted it, she would rub it in my face a lot of the time and it did my nut. She was one of those "disapprovers" when i started dancing. Six months down the line i had been saving my ass off, her parents cut her off and she could not stand it that i had spare cash and she didnt. Not once did i rub it in her face, never did i push her into spending money that she didnt have, if i said "lets go for coffee" it was my treat etc. She fell out with me on her birthday after i said something along the lines of "i took the weekend off to spend it with you!" Bearing in mind it was a 7 hour round trip on public transport, travel alone cost me $100 and that was without the night out expense, presents, throwing her a birthday party etc. She couldnt cope, we made up a few months later, she liked it that id quit dancing and she could lord it over me again. We fell out again lol. Anyway, long story short, friends who like to show off often fall short of their own spending, they cant keep it up and you (and they) learn who their real friends are when they stop spending stupid amounts of money on spa weekends etc. Ride it out, keep to yourself, get on with it and do the things you want to do, its not worth throwing money away, rainy day funds are much more important to have!
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Computer posted twice, didnt want to take up double the space!
    Last edited by GlitterBexie; 02-06-2012 at 10:16 PM. Reason: Double post.
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    Are they really your friends or are they doing this because they don't want you in their "circle" anymore. True friends don't do stuff like changing plans to something else they know you can't afford. Maybe it's time you start hanging around people who, like you, live within their means.
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    i totally understand, especially similarly coming from a poor background, i never dreamt before my dancing days that one day i will be able to afford non target and best'n'less clothes on my own. sure when i started dancing i have done and bought a lot of things, but those were mostly to fulfil my need for good solid expensive things rather than to show off and make others feel like shit. im not against going out and buying nice stuff for the sake of having nice stuff. im just not into people actively doing it to seek out attention to maintain somekinda fantasy staged for other people.

    your 'friends' sound familiar to the people i go to fashion uni with. its all superficial, all very gossip girl. i doubt any of these girls are happy. i think they need to go out and put on a giant act and throw cash around because they couldnt stand 5 minutes alone in a room with their thoughts or infront of a mirror.

    i suggest finding a new crowd. easier said than done, i know but thats what i did. i gathered my only friend who quit fash school and decided, fuck going to the posh rooftop swimming pool bar, we gonna go to a seedy rock pub and hang out with these musician dudes we currently fucking / partying with. ive tried to fit in for faaar to long to be able to last a single minute playing a part in someones elses picture book fantasy.


    if i was hanging out with people for whom looks/bigness/moreness/flashiness was EVERYTHING, i would wonder if i'm an accessory to them myself
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    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    You've outgrown them. You have different values now. I'd put some distance there. Accept less invites and maybe just zero in on one or two you want to keep as friends and cut the rest.

    I had a friend who was very pleased with himself for starting to travel and buy designer things. He makes a big to do about it but all the things he's doing now (gambling in Vegas, sunning in Costa Rica, designer suits, gala events) I've been doing for years. I just haven't talked it up. It's not necessary because friendship for me isn't about pretending to be shiny and fabulous through spending money. It's about connecting to another persons inner experience and supporting and celebrating each other. Any money in his pocket or on his back is irrelevant. I gotta live for my specific needs and requirements--not his or any other "friend's" requirements.

    So, the end of the story is I've made less time for him and more time for others who share my values. And we have a bang-up time thank-you-very-much.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  33. #20
    loveshooks
    Guest

    Default Re: My friends are Assholes and feelings towards money.

    I know a few couples who make well over 200k yet live on credit and don't have any real savings. They spend like money doesn't matter, but it's foolish to think that a high-paying job, healthy job sector, good health etc will last forever. Life happens, circumstances change, and when people live large like the cash won't ever end, when it does they go bankrupt. It happens all the time, and the sub-prime disaster in the States was an excellent example. People made a killing in real estate...until it ended. The ones who spent like the $$$$ wouldn't ever stop went broke.
    To be honest, to me that kinda spending reeks of insecurity and really wonky values, like alot of the chicas above have noted, and I find it bizarre that your friends refuse to do anything that doesn't involve flagrant displays of 'wealth'
    My partner and I both make alot of $$$$, but we spend fairly frugally (or rather I do and he tries to) because we're more interested in setting up a really comfortable future than buying a ton of ish we don't need, or even really want. Add in the fact that alot of my work revolves around the reality that alot of people in my city who work 40 hours per week rely upon food banks to survive, and ostentatious spending kinda turns my stomach.
    As a result, we don't spend as much time as we used to with peeps who think nothing of dropping $300 pp on a meal and I'm not interested in hanging out with the chicas I know when they're play-acting that they're Paris Hilton. Fuck that. I wanna retire at 40 and do ish I really care about for the rest of my life. Would I trade that in for spa days and over-priced purses? Never.
    If I were you 4ever I'd find some new friends to par with.
    Last edited by loveshooks; 02-07-2012 at 12:49 PM.

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