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Thread: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

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    Senior Member DanceMami's Avatar
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    Default He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Im going to Hawaii with my man in less than 2 weeks….and he's been there with his ex before me YEARS AGO. I know its so stupid and petty..but I always catch myself saying " oh, i dont wanna go there….yall did that together already"
    I know its so dumb. But am I the only one who gets this way sometimes??
    Please say no.
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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    No - I don't think it's weird. A) you want to 'discover' some place new together and B) Well... there's a memory there with someone else. How you're feeling makes sense to me. It's normal. And it sucks, BUT if it's any consolation, he's not there with her now. He's there with you. Meaning you're so special, he wants to share this wonderful place with you. And you'll get to provide him with new and better memories. I've been in your bf's position - the reason why I wanted to take my new SO to the places I had been before with my ex is because I had such an amazing time in the places themselves that I wanted to share them with my new SO. I wanted to share this fantastic experience that meant a lot to me because my new SO meant that much to me.

    Also, maybe make an effort to go to places in Hawaii that he hasn't been before - island hop to Maui or Kauai for a day. Hawaii's also changed A LOT in a few short years so there a lot to experience together for the first time.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    I am funny about the whole "he did it with his ex" on most cases anyway so I agree with you. Anytime I did something like this and he already did it with his ex I felt inferior and that it wasn't special anymore. This was true on big things like vacations. I ended up breaking up with guys for these big issues because I couldn't handle it.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    I doubt it matters to him the way it seems to matter to you. He's not going to be thinking about her while you're there. My ex-husband and I were married for 10yrs. He was in a band that toured all over the world. If my bf wouldn't go with me on vacation to a place because I'd already been there with my ex, we'd be staying home an awful lot.

    Past is past lady. Let it go. If he wanted her, he wouldn't be with you.
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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    If my bf wouldn't go with me on vacation to a place because I'd already been there with my ex, we'd be staying home an awful lot.
    Yeah, I feel the same way. My ex and I went to lots of places, and though my husband has done some very limited international traveling when he was a kid, he hasn't been anywhere domestic that isn't along the east coast, and he's never been to any of the places I've been with my ex that I very much want to visit again. My ex had a tendency to ruin lots of vacations, though, so if my husband and I went to, say, London, I wouldn't be walking along like, "Oh, that's where we ate dinner and he told me he loved me," or, "We went to that museum and had so much fun..." I'd be more like, "This city is going to be SO MUCH MORE FUN now that I'm here with you, and these are all the things I want to do." I imagine it would definitely bother me if I went with my husband somewhere and he was all nostalgic about his ex while we were there...but that's really, really unlikely. Are you worried that he still has feelings for his ex, or are you just really jealous about having any experiences with him that he's had with someone else?

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    It wouldnt bother me.

    What would bother me is if he constantly talked about his exgf....deja vue this and that, bc of a place they went to years ago.

    This was my shitty ass exbf.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Use this as an opportunity to replace any memories that he has of her in Hawaii. Have so much fun that every time he thinks of a vacation he thinks of you.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Thanks yall…
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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    She's an ex... your number 1 now. Don't worry. Im sure theres plenty to see and do there that he hasn't already done.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Oh I know exactly what youre going through. My guy has traveled to virtually everywhere around the world. We were going to go to Chile and I felt so overwhelmed with feelings that I almost didnt want to go cause I knew him and his ex had spent time going through South America. But eventually I just decided that I was being irational and If I do want to travel again, I have to focus on the future and not the past..
    don't hate the player hate the game......

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    Veteran Member Jenn1981's Avatar
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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    Enjoy your trip. Dont waste time being worried over what he is thinking. I spent many years wondering what exs were thinking or comparing myself to their exs.
    Got me nowhere.
    Im jealous by nature, but now I really actively try to make myself think differently. Its hard, but worth it.

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    Default Re: He's already been there with his ex… ugh

    As long as he isn't wistfully recounting memories of doing certain things with his ex and making you feel like you won't live up to his past experiences, don't worry about it. He wants to go to Hawaii with you because he wants to create a new memory of a wonderful place with his current gf - you.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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