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Thread: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

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    Member violet123's Avatar
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    Default how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    my boyfriend has been gone for eight days...has not came home or even SPOKEN or CALLED or TEXTED, my car broke down too. so even though just today the neighbor gave me an address-i didn't go to find hiim..
    and then i realized SCREW THAT. i am not wasting my time going to get him like i'm his babysitter. i am waiting to see how long it will take for him to actually come home. i have not texted or called him in three days. i feel heartbroken and foolish for staying with him. but since he's been gone, i've been leaning more and more on God, and He really does comfort me and strengthens me. what do you guys suggest i do? continue doing what i'm doing or go look for him??anyone gone through this before?

    oh yea just for background info, he has MY phone. and on the computer he accidentally didn't logout of the email account that i did not know about.. and so since i've had that gut feeling for awhile...i looked inside and there were actual emails he wrote soliciting sex to the casual encounters on craigslist...i confronted him about it and he acted like he had no idea..the emails dated back a few months to a time when we broke up and had two of his phone numbers written in the emails..and those phone numbers are prepaid and his accounts are secured and encrypted so there's really no other plausible explanation except that he cheated and got caught has no excuse..

    feels like he's trying to show me for the millionth time that he DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME, and wants me to just go so that he doesn't have to make the painful decision on his conscience of breaking up with me. so am i still here out of pride and spite? that is funny sort of.
    there was a time (when he was locked up for about a year) when he told me i was the air he breathed..and that he loved me..for a few months after release everything was great until he started doing drugs and leaving me at home for days...also he has forgiven ME for cheating on him, but that's another really long story..

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    Newbie payme.ck's Avatar
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    yes, you are crazy...about a man who is cheating on you, disrespecting you, and lying in your face. Pack your stuff and leave. Go with God if that is your choice, but go with some self respect. No woman deserves such a loser. It will only hurt you and in the end, you will start to despise yourself for being a doormat. Strength and honor my dear!!

    Best of luck,,,

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    Newbie kitson's Avatar
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    I just think he is not a good boyfriend.I won't let my girlfriend waiting for me withour any words.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    This is so sad. You need to know that you deserve so much better. I don't care if you find the strength through god or within yourself but you need to. Nobody, and I really mean NOBODY, deserves to be put through this.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    You're not crazy, Violet - maybe this is a clear sign that it's time to leave this relationship. I could be wrong, but I can't imagine that the Big Guy Upstairs wants this for you. Sure, we are to forgive and love... but not like this. Not when the other party is unwilling to change, willfully hurting you, being dishonest and generally unfaithful.

    He may say later that he didn't mean it and wants to change... but my advice: don't listen to his words, just look at his actions: 1) He hasn't been home in over a week 2) He hasn't called and took your phone 3) He's solicited sex from other, random women and lied about it.

    Moving on sounds like the best thing you can do right now.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    No one deserves to be with a man that doesn't want to be with them. I found emails of my ex-husband's to craigslist ads, and they dated back years!!!! He's gone now.
    You sound like you're on the right track, go with your faith in God. You'll be better of without him, even if it hurts now. You'll be OK.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    Something similiar happened to me a few years ago and yes, he was just trring to get me to leave him without doing any of the actual work himself. This was years ago and I've moved on with different (better) guys, but I'm STILL mad at myself for allowing someone to treat me like that. If you have more willpower than I did, then leave before he gets home-no note,no texts or calls- it'll be tough but soooo worth it in the long run. You don't want to keep dwelling over damaging stuff. Just bite the bullet and do it!

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    Very. Very crazy. Stop being crazy.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    Quote Originally Posted by violet123 View Post
    feels like he's trying to show me for the millionth time that he DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME, and wants me to just go
    Then go. What are you waiting for? Cancel your phone and get a new one, and get out of there without looking back.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    Quote Originally Posted by violet123 View Post
    feels like he's trying to show me for the millionth time that he DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME, and wants me to just go so that he doesn't have to make the painful decision on his conscience of breaking up with me.
    Wow.

    Even a couple days of disappearing like that would be enough. Unless he's in a coma in the hospital I'd say you should have already packed up and left by day 2. (Or sold all his stuff and changed the locks).

    If you haven't already, I'd get going on that right this minute.


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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    There are plenty of other carp in the lake. Find a better one.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    I have only one thing to say in regard to your situation ...

    Next !

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    Leave, run, dont look back. If he doesnt think its worth calling you to let you know he's ok after one day, never mind eight, Move on! He is not worth the stress. If he is casually soliciting sex from strangers aswell who knows what diseases he may come home to you with, risking your health is not worth it. (I know, my last bf was a compulsive cheater, cheated WELL in excess of 100 times before i knew anything about it, going to the clinic and telling them the story of that sexual history was horrific, they gave me every kind of test known to man, and then as a preventative every remedy, including two injections and three courses of antibiotics as a just in case, as they assumed i was riddled, to add insult to injury i hadnt even looked at another man!)

    God only knows what he has been doing for over a week but one thing is sure, he doesnt respect you, so dont give him the time of day.

    xxxxxx
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    A man who has that much of a lack of respect for their S.O, doesnt deserve an S.O. If you dont mind me asking, how old is he? And what is it thats kept you with him? How long have the 2 of you been together? Does he make decent money or something? Im asking these questions because Im honestly trying to understand whats got you questioning leaving, its just a given to me, even if the two of you have been together awhile or if he makes good money still isnt enough, but just curious. Goodluck either way, Im really hoping your not feeling stuck or something cuz your not. You have a choice! Make the one that you know is better in the end for YOU.

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    Member violet123's Avatar
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    i keep telling myself over and over when he is gone, that i really really need to go because nothing ever changes. i think the reason why i've stayed is because i never truly felt loved and at one point i did feel loved and respected by him. i don't know how it will happen but it will..i will go. i just started reading about codependency, and i think that i might have my mom buy me some boxes to leave. maybe i'll leave and THEN break up with him because i hate confrontation so much.. that sounds very smart very good advice, and insight thankyou..i hope to update you guys and be able to say that i'm not living here anymore.

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    Featured Member GlitterBexie's Avatar
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    You deserve better, what he is doing is a form of abuse and its not worth risking your health for. Be strong and do everything you can to escape. You deserve to be happy and healthy without stress and hurt xxx
    ''I love fake boobs''
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    Member violet123's Avatar
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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    thankyou he just left again i don't know if anyone has been through this but it sucks really bad b/c he makes me feel so guilty to not let him take the car...
    i have to be careful what i say which is sad.

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    Default Re: how crazy am i to stay with a man that has not came home for EIGHT DAYS...WOW.

    You are not the only one hun, my ex used to throw me out at random intervals whenever a girl he fancied fucking (who wouldnt sleep with him in his car/in a club fire escape) would pop up. He would disapear for hours on end, not ring or text and then just turn up at home like it was nothing. And then when i finally left for good and didnt answer his phine calls (two/three days later) wanting me to come back he would lay guilt trips on me, even going so far as to get his mum to ring me saying he was in hospital (he wasnt!) Driving three hours to sit in his car in front of my parents home (i wasnt even there) for hours on end to "catch" me and then coming up with fantastical ideas about moving into a house with me near my Mums house. By this point we hadnt been together for about 8 weeks and id changed my number and he managed to get hold of it omehow, to this day i have no idea how! His guilt trips are stupid, think of how worried and scared he has made you feel during his week long benders. He does not deserve you, your sadness OR your car! Dont let him back in your life no matter what! Good luck hun xxxx
    ''I love fake boobs''
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