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Thread: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

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    Default Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I don't know if it's just the regulars that I have but coincidentally they all talk too much way too fast and are super overbearing characters.. They're pretty generous but I can't help but think that Id rather hustle a crowd all night and walk with the same amount than spend time with them.. Like Thursday my regular came in and I still feel mentally drained today. I guess maybe cause when you're spending so much time with one person it becomes more personal and I don't like the pretend bf/gf situation?

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I've had some regulars over the years that I put up with only for the money. My fav (insert sarcasm) was the guy who could suck his own dick and wanted to sleep with his mom, he spent a lot but was a pain in the ass.

    I have some great regulars who i actually enjoying hanging out with and make it worth my time, these guys are my favorites, a couple of them I'd hang out with regardless of the money because they're just great guys.

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    Member vicky89's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    OMG YESSS THEY DO!!! there's this one old asian guy who is really the only real regular i've ever had. he is so needy, requires way too much time and attention and he actually demands that i act like i actually like and care about him. when i refuse, he just wants me more. it's so frustrating. it feels like the more i try to ignore him or be a bitch to him, the more he tries to win me over. he always tells me to treat him like a friend, not a customer and i just want to straight up tell him that he IS just a customer to me and i only dance for him for money. what's really annoying is that he's constantly trying to push the limits and the rules. he wants me to do things i don't want to do and he wants to kiss me in front of everyone at the club, like i'm his girlfriend or something. he knows i have a boyfriend that i love but he thinks one day i will love him, instead. i've come to the point where i actually just can't stand him, but it's hard for me to tell him to fuck off and it's not even worth the money anymore.... i met with him outside the club one time. BIG MISTAKE! don't ever do that if you have this type of regular. we went for sushi and then he convinced me to go to a hotel room with him. i kept saying no but he kept begging. he won't ever take no for an answer. even though we didn't do anything more in the hotel room than we did back at the club, i still felt disgusted by it. i've had nightmares about that night. i told him how i felt and he says he's sorry and he wants to start over. he also used the excuse that there's a cultural difference and that's why he didn't understand that no means no. i think the truth is that he knows he can manipulate me into doing what he wants because i'm a nice person and i actually feel sorry for the little prick. i wish i could just get rid of him

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Yes, I feel this way. I don't like having regulars. I've only ever had one regular I liked and that was because he would just come up and ask for dances, and then didn't expect me to hang out before or after to make him feel "special." But most regulars aren't like this and are needy instead. I can't stand it. I would rather work new guys every night than deal with the same annoying needy douches night after night. They're the ones that burn me out the most. It gets to the point where you know how they'll act and how much you'll get out of them, and it's just tedious to put on a fake smile to humor them, knowing exactly how it will all go... boring, annoying, too personal - blah! Give me traveling guys over regulars any day.
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Totally! Plus with the regulars that I have the money is literally equal to what I'd make otherwise.. And they act sO entitled

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Quote Originally Posted by vicky89 View Post
    OMG YESSS THEY DO!!! ...
    Mine was an older white guy and he would show up when I got to work and leave about an hour before I did (thank god he left before I did). I did make the horrible mistake of meeting him for lunch before work, I thought he would be grateful. But he only used it as a way to push my boundaries farther. I never met him in a hotel but he told me how he used to meet another girl in a hotel and just do what he did in the strip club. I didn't trust him though, what we did in the strip club was too much already, especially without a bouncer near by. I remember I mentioned to him how I thought he would be happy I met him for lunch and how instead it just seemed to make him aggravated and shouted at me, "You are going to meet me outside of the club on a regular basis!" I think I flipped out on him after he said that. But he was a bad regular because all he ever did was try to push my boundaries farther.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Some regulars I don't mind... others I can do without... like the one who comes in for me to give him a massage... I'm not a fucking masseuse... -___- like I see him walk in and all of a sudden my damn hands cramp up -__-

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    If I remember correctly, Vyanka is this way.

    I have mixed feelings about it. Regulars were the main reason I was banking in the depths of the recession with very little hustle energy exerted. That being said, they definitely tend to drain my emotional energy. They feel entitled to my time, and it's like they're trying to date me through the club. I don't like how intensely personal that relationship can get. But they're a great way to ensure consistent, "easy" money when the club is dead. It's hard to turn down the potential to get a regular for this reason.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I'm so glad you made this thread. They definitely drain you and I'm being mentally drained as we speak. I have a regular who I've had for years and although he's very nice and super sweet, I just HATE seeing him now. He doesn't spend enough for me to spend the kind of time he wants me to spend with him and he's coming in just about every shift now. Everytime I see him, I cringe a little now. I guess he's picked up on this and this week he went on to spill his guts about "not wanting to lose me". Now I'm so uncomfortable when I see him but I feel I still need to be nice to him because he's so overly sensitive. Ugh hate even thinking about it.....

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I had this one epic regular who would spend about $200 on me every time I worked (not a ton, but solid money to earn at the beginning of my shift for 1/2 hour of time). I'd let him know via gmail when I'd be working, and he'd always show. But it got to the point where I would dread even checking my e-mail, because he was constantly asking me to go out with him, telling me he loved me, pressuring me for more, etc. In person, he'd always try to kiss me when I'd hug him, pout when I said I had to go talk to other people, etc. I burned out of the industry partially because of him.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I suppose it depends, but most of my regulars tended to be pretty high maintenance, so they were extraordinarily emotionally and mentally draining. I think maybe I just had really bad luck with my regulars--with one notable exception (a politician who couldn't afford to start getting crazy), my regulars were such a drag to deal with that I stopped cultivating regulars at all.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    A HUGE reason why I can only tolerate travel dancing now lol. Because eventually they cease to spend $$$ for the same amount of attention assuming they've given enough. Then you have to break it off but they still come to the club so its awkward. Too annoying.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Nope... Cause at the end of the day, I can make wayyyyyy more money off a regular than I ever could hustling the club. Ive never had one that comes in every shift or anything like that though. I know a couple girls who have every shift regs and one gets crazy annoyed by hers and the other doesnt seem to mind at all (I would guess she makes $1K/wk off him alone)... so ya I'd probably put up with a lot of emotional crap for $1K/wk. To me stressing about the club being empty or the fact that some cheap dude is only gonna do 1 dance is worse.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    YES very draining. At one point ALL I had was regs. I barely hit the floor and had to work 3 nights just to fit them all in. It was very mentally taxing and although it was nice to have "stable" income for a bit, I am so much happier having only a few and not having to see them every time I'm at work.
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    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    yes thats why i dont bother with them anymore. sure i like some to return every now n then but im not good with keeping them and im better at extracting money from different guys so to put it simply, i prefer my custys disposable rather than reusable. it may sound crazy. but i dont want to feel like theyre my friends or in some kindof a relationship because then i drop my guard and end up extracting less money out of them
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    i hate to hijack your thread but can anyone tell me how u got rid of your annoying regs? this guy drives me nuts but he just won't take a hint!

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    regulars that you like are great. a regular who you want to strangle is just bad for your blood pressure.
    whenever a regular starts becoming vampirish, i know it's because i LET them in. so it's up to me to maintain boundaries if i expect someone else to respect them. feeling drained is a reminder for me to be more vigilant about protecting myself emotionally.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    feeling drained is a reminder for me to be more vigilant about protecting myself emotionally.
    But how do you prevent that from happening? I mean.. I found myself stuck with the same guy for hours and hours and hours on end. We had to talk about something.. Eventually you begin repeating yourself. Often times I would steer the conversation away from things like meeting him outside of the club and I would come up with crazy shit to talk about. But this regular was someone who I saw for about two years and I never told him my real name or where I lived... It was like babysitting my own personal stalker.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I've had some very annoying & needy one's over the years, but, these types seem to mostly have an expiry date & move on eventually anyway. So, while you have them-milk them for as long as you can IMO. I also prefer to hustle the crowd to make my $ and often make more if not the same as I would from having a reg' visit. However, the safety of having a reg' there & knowing that you will make good $ is always a relife. Having said that, if your reg' is causing your job to be more mentally draining & stressful than it would otherwise be then maybe it would be better for you to think about cutting him off (yes most of us dance because of the $, but at the end of the day your mental health & safety are more important IMO).

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    So nice to know everyone else feels the same as I do
    Sometimes I'll see other girls in the DR texting their regulars... I just don't get it.
    They burn me out. .... although it took me a little while to realize that.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Although i cam and don't strip, yes, a million yeses to this! I feel that exact way which is why sometimes i pray my regs don't come on at all lol. It is far more draining to try and maintain the facade when you see someone more often and they can see your body language, hear the inflections in your voice, see if you look any different, act any different etc. You probably also told them things about yourself which you then have to try and remember and add to/ not give yourself away when asked about it etc. All in all, very tiring unless you're prepared to be totally upfront and yourself with these guys which to me just seems a bit dirty and tacky, letting them have that sort of power over you (to know who you really are and therefore judge you on it).

    Quote Originally Posted by crystalize View Post
    I don't know if it's just the regulars that I have but coincidentally they all talk too much way too fast and are super overbearing characters.. They're pretty generous but I can't help but think that Id rather hustle a crowd all night and walk with the same amount than spend time with them.. Like Thursday my regular came in and I still feel mentally drained today. I guess maybe cause when you're spending so much time with one person it becomes more personal and I don't like the pretend bf/gf situation?

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Without switching clubs, what really is the best way to rid yourself of a regular? Any advice?

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    I think I'm gonna start living by "treat them as if they are dispensable" which really, they are.. I think the reason why they drained me so much was that I was trying to be interesting for them and keep them.. I think I just like new people all the time and I just can't listen to dome narcissistic fucker talk about how great he is. I don't understand how they could possibly think were actualy into them...

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiabambina View Post
    Without switching clubs, what really is the best way to rid yourself of a regular? Any advice?
    I would love to hear what others have to say about this. The reason I am avoiding a club I used to work at is because of a regular. He continued to text me for seven months after I quit and I never texted him back, not once. I know he will want to "punish" me and make me earn "it" his company/money. When I tried to avoid him in the club the owner would make me go sit with him. What can you do except quit? I suppose you could do the Jenna Marbles face or pretend you don't remember him every time he comes in.

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    Default Re: Do you feel like regulars drain you mentally?

    Regulars are energy vampiresl! Energy vampires drain you emotionally with their neediness and demands. When I become emotionally drained I also feel physically very tired and exhausted as well. I actually feel much more tired from talking to a boring demanding reg for an hour than from dancing nonstop . They are totally not worth it. Now I just hustle the crowd 80% and I have guys here and there who come see me once in a while but not every week and I don't communicate with them on the phone or anything, they know when I work - Fri and Sat night and if they want to come in they can.

    Before I used to communicate with regs via text/email and now I realized it is totally not worth it. I ddid have one reg lately, who was totally draining to the max and I just recently dumped his ass for good. He talks for an hour about shit I don't care about and I feel completely drained after I'm done talking to him. He also makes me work harder too during dances which pisses me off. Even if the club was completely dead I'd rather not make that 100-150 off him - totally not worth it. Energy vampires, by draining your energy - gain energy themselves. I've had a few in the past who were cheap too, always trying to get a bargain on dances and VIP rooms, for more work. NO thanks...I'm getting all riled up even thinking about them. argh!

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