I was once told that I severely lack life experiences which is a result of my extreme
shyness. I want to know what I have missed in my life. So what life experiences should I
have had by this point in my life. I turn 21 this Friday.
I was once told that I severely lack life experiences which is a result of my extreme
shyness. I want to know what I have missed in my life. So what life experiences should I
have had by this point in my life. I turn 21 this Friday.



I can see shyness as something that hinders one from doing certain things- usually things of a social nature. For instance, an introvert may pass up the opportunity to go on a trip to Europe with a group of friends, for they'd rather stay home and work on their own things. An extrovert, OTOH, usually loves to be around people and would usually say HELL YES to a Euro trip with friends in a heartbeat. Therefore, the extrovert has the experience of having travelled out of the country.
Some see me as shy, other see me as outgoing. It depends on who I'm around and also what mood I'm in.
I'd say by 21 you should (some of these are so obvious):
-Have your driver's license
-Know how to read and write
-Have a job <-----If not, then...
-still be in college
-Have a high school diploma
-Have built a circle of friends
-Have hobbies and interests defined
-Good common sense
-The knowledge of "right and wrong" <----I know people way beyond 21 who still don't, so this may not count.
-Some knowledge of money management like how to save money.
-Knowledge of FICO scores and credit and how our society defines you by it.
-Some knowledge of how to eat right. Know how to read food labels.
-Know how to take care of yourself
Rarely do I see or hear of a 21 year old who has their whole life planned out before them. We're expected to make our own decisions about what we want to do for the rest of our lives straight out of high school. Why do you think more than half of all college students change their majors at least once?
As people start to live without having a schedule structured around being in school, and as they start thinking for themselves, they make realizations of what it is they want out of life. You are considered lucky if you know your passion before you turn 21. A lot of grown adults are still searching, and some may keep searching and never find it. Other's don't think about what makes them truly happy because they're too busy working (slaving away) 40+ hours a week at their dead end jobs only because it pays the bills and puts food on the table.
What did the person who made that comment to you accomplish at 21? Are they comparing themselves to you or vice versa? Some people think the biggest accomplishment is making $X a year, while other see it as having their own family. Everyone will have their own answers due to their OWN experiences and outlook on life.
Find what makes you happy. That is the ultimate life goal in my opinion. If you're working on that, or if you've already found it, you're doing alright.
Last edited by AriahsPariah; 02-13-2012 at 05:32 AM.
"Do what thou wilt..."-Crowley
http://exoticallyneurotic.blogspot.com/
Hi Kitson,
this is a hard one to answer. I've traveled around Europe by myself at the age off 22 and yet I still consider myself to be shy in certain situations. I know it's hard but we have to remember that there are no "shoulds" and yes I forget this myself at times. "Should" makes us feel pressured and anxious and often to the point of inaction paralysis. Just use your common sense and figure out what would make you less shy and more confident. Make a list!! You can volunteer, see if your local community college offers any free classes like dance, join meetup groups and these functions will put you in different situations with different people. Soon you will be able to take on newer and bigger challenges and with time that ice block you've formed around you as protection will begin to thaw (; I'm older than you, and working on these issues myself..so you are definitely not alone.
remember, baby steps!!
21? Seriously? How many major life experiences do most 21 year olds have? Sure, I know there are many people out there who had extraordinary lives before 21, but 21 is not the birthday where you go "omg, I've wasted my life away and missed out on sooo much!"I feel like by 21, you just need to know how to function on your own - know how to drive, keep your own area clean, and get up on time without your mom waking you. But those aren't really "life experiences" - more like life skills that I think adults should have. Forget other peoples' ideas about what you should accomplish or have accomplished by now. Make a list of the things that are important to you to accomplish, and just start on that. And no, you do not need to finish it by your next birthday. 21 is so young... you have plenty of time to have important life experiences. I'm 23 and I still have a long-ass list of things I need to accomplish... I still haven't traveled anywhere that required a passport, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life... I never went to prom in high school or a frat party in college - somehow, I think my life will survive having never done those things, and the others - I have plenty of time for. It's not like the second you become an adult, you QUICK have only the years between 18-21 to have important experiences in life or you've wasted your existence! Focus on what makes you happy - ignore whatever people are telling you you've somehow missed out on life already.
ETA: Just noticed you have a blue ribbon and are just going around the site posting random questions... why are you on a stripper site doing that? Is this part of your list of things to do in life - ask strippers a bunch of random-ass questions via a web forum?![]()
Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 02-13-2012 at 12:54 PM.
Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
21 is very young....I woudn't expect a 21 year old to have a lot of "life experiences" but if I was going to list some...
1-Kissed someone romantically
2-Been on a romantic date
3-Been drunk
4-Had a job
5-Have a bank account
6-Lived on their own, even if not completely (i.e. not lived in your parent's house for some period of time, even if they're still supporting you)
That's about the minimum I'd expect a 21 year old to have under their belt.





By 21 I had:
1)A drivers license
2)Lived in a dorm
3)My first job
4)Lost my virginity
5)Dealt with rejection
6)Bank account
I didn't have a car then nor did I have a credit card but saw no need for either one at that point. However I think it varies and not every 21 year old is the same. I doubt I would have dated a 21 year old at that point who didn't have a license, a high school diploma and had at least one job.




I honestly want to tell you not to listen to what anybody says you should have done (yup, that includes what people here said you should have done) by 21.
If you are shy, and are asking people what you should be doing with your life, I instantly think: You must, *must* listen to yourself.
I confess, I thought "fuck that" when reading half of what people have said should be done by 21.
I can't drive.
I dropped out of School.
I also dropped out of college / Uni (the position for which I had managed to secure by strength of my portfolio alone, because)..
I don't have ANY qualifications!
*grins*
If I would have listened to what other people said I should have done with my life, I would be fucking miserable. It would basically mean I would have appeased other people's sense about who I am, what I should be, and what I should DO, whilst ignoring my own incentives.



"Do what thou wilt..."-Crowley
http://exoticallyneurotic.blogspot.com/




It's a shame that you looked upon my response in this way. I could never regret my lack of academic prowess, lack of qualifications, among other things people would say that I should not only have accomplished by now, but should have done and dusted years ago. Had I have felt ashamed, guilty or spent years attempting to conform to standards or expectations others had of me, I would have not only never have had the time to sharpen the skills I naturally have, but I would be miserable. I would be half the person I am because I wouldn't be doing what I wanted to do.
Hence, the advice I want to give to kitson, is to just do whatever the hell she wants to do, without being concerned about what she feels she has to do by anybody else's standards. Something about her post gives me the feeling that she is quite self-aware, and aware of how others may perceive her, and so she would benefit from allowing herself complete freedom.
If you allow yourself to simply "let go", you won't fuck up. You have the built-in instinct to stay alive, and it's easy to discover what pleases you if you fully let yourself. And really, School is not the be-all-end-all many people make it out as. I guarantee you though, that you will enjoy life a hell of a lot more, if you allow yourself to fully own your life and do as you wish with it. It is yours, after all. x





IDK when Alexander the Great was 21 he was king of Macedonia.Are you hoping to be on that grandiose of a scale?
By my 21st birthday I had
1)Lost my virginity and then some
2)Been married and divorced
3)had my own place
4)Had my license
5)had my own car
6)enrolled in college
"Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
Tempest





It depends on who you are. Are you happy with where you're at? If yes, then who cares what people think? If no, what do you want to be doing? The only person who matters here is you.
At 21 I was traveling the world with my ex-husband. I'd been on my own since I was 16. We'd been married for 3yrs and were "living" in California. That's me though. Who are you?
Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight
"you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me
Blessed Be
See, I saw this thread title and immediately thought of a variety of substances and sexual acts and was totally going to post them, but I saw all the really thought-provoking serious responses and changed my mind.




at 21 I had:
Travelled overseas on my own
Gotten married (and had lived out of home for 3 years)
Had a mortgage
Had half a university degree (I never used it, but Im glad I studied)
Ive just turned 30 and am financially comfortable (though returning to work to buy another investment property) and Im raising a family.
I have a list before 40 though![]()
Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
you just keep on trying till you run out of cake
It helps that Alexander's father was king before him, and that Alexander was in the direct line of succession when his father was assassinated.
Accident of birth counts for a lot. It's important to remind all the Charles Winchester Fairchilds VI out there that much of their success in life is not due to "hard work," -- nobody works harder than a single mother with three jobs, for example -- but because they were extraordinarily lucky.
It would be pretty cool to have Aristotle as a tutor, though.
So by age 21:
1. Escaped alive from an alcoholic hellhole of a childhood in a small Western town (second greatest accomplishment)
2. Completed an academic year studying abroad at a Russian university
3. Had paid my way through 3 of 4 years at Georgetown University, largely on loans, not eating much, and a congressional scholarship
4. Was trilingual, which honestly is pretty lame for a linguist (my academic advisor at the time spoke 10)
5. Had my first threesome (in Russia, duh)
6. Drank 4 Russians under the table out of stupid national pride, risking permanent brain-damage (third greatest accomplishment)
7. Co-interpreted (Russian-English) at an international conference with the current Librarian of Congress
8. Failed a graduate seminar and missed graduation because I though I was smarter than everybody else (I wasn't)
9. Was recruited to work on the Presidential Hotline (this made me feel better at the time)
10. Discovered Camelot (greatest accomplishment)
There have been a lot of good suggestions, so I will just add one.
Getting assfucked by a llama.
By the way, dont look back at the llama while he is doing it, its a sign of disrespect to the llama.
^ Damn, I knew I was doing something wrong 'cause it spit on me.





Mine are random, and probably more like by age 25 but here you go:
- Develop personal tastes
- Get your priorities straight
- Have lots of fun regardless. Go out a lot anyway
- Know what you like doing, what you don't, and how to say no
- Experience as many other cultures as possible
- Travel
- Know your spices and cuisines
- Be able to tell your wines and cheeses apart
- Learn how to cook
- Learn different forms of exercise and find the kind that works the best with your body (same goes for diet)
- Be able to look at a piece of art and tell which era its from
- Be able to critically critique art
- Develop a sense of individuality and creativity
- Learn your personal sense of style (not clothing, but style)
- Start building a closet full of high quality pieces to last you decades (this does NOT mean designer pieces. I actually loathe most designer pieces unless classic vintage)
- Open your mind to others' perspectives and strive to surround yourself with new views
- Throw out things of no value, create a refined collection of things that do have value
- Develop hobbies
- Try as many new things as possible
- Check out books from the library for free and learn new, helpful skills (non-fiction) and open yourself up to creativity (fiction)
- Start saving for a house/education/horse/business whatever that you're really looking forward to having... and only things that appreciate in value or at least don't depreciate unless its a personal hobby
- Cut corners where ever you can. If you don't need it, don't buy it. If you can get it used, buy it used
- Indulge yourself sometimes, but not all the time
- Start a trade on the side. Or create a business. Or volunteer
- Find like-minded people through interest groups
- Get out there and meet people. Go to all parties and events you're invited to. You can always leave early, but you can undo regret or should-haves
- Experiment
- Take risks if there is a potential payoff. Lots of them
Mine are probably different than many people's, but I've always felt older than I actually am. Much, much older. Idk.





Joined the Army. I saw Saudi Arabia and Iraq from the top of a Humvee with a M60 machinegun in my hands. Camels, endless sand, bedouin tents with a satellite dish and a Mercedes Benz outside, dusty border towns where dust smells like cinnamon, little boys and girls waving their hands and screaming "Candy".
Discovered women were not like high school girls. Discovered a 32 year old woman is a fantastic thing to happen to a 20 year old guy. Discovered that I like being Dominant with a girl that liked spankings. Discovered I like Bourbon but Scotch is not for me. I discovered you only get what you fight for, not buddy fights harder on your behalf than yourself. I discovered treachery and someone will only use you for their good time. I discovered food is an adventure and try it first then if you like it buy the whole box. I discovered sex in unselfish ways, makes sex better albeit paradoxically for yourself. I discovered my identity is flexible and who I am this year may not be as I am the year after.





My greatest accomplishment by age 21 was surviving that long. I made it through a devastating and permanent childhood injury, and through about 11 years where my greatest goal in life was to make it through the day without getting attacked at school or at home. I made all the "wise" decisions we're "supposed" to make, which means I studied hard and had little to no fun. By age 21 life was not worth the enormous effort I'd put in to it. But I'm still pushing my way through life, because that's all you can do. So make bucket lists, have dreams, and set goals if it makes you feel better, but all it really does is give life something to chuckle about as it's busy making other plans for you. I keep pushing ahead because I have a small amount of hope that one day I'll get to know what it feels like to be in love.
Oh, and work on that shyness thing NOW. It will never go away on it own, and it takes many years (10+) to get less shy.





Bookmarks