Never mind, I deleted most of the post.
I know I'm a fuck-up. Thought i'd get some advise or support on my lifelong depression, low self esteem, or stupidity or something on how to not be a fuck up. Despite the many stories from cammers, porn stars, those who fuck on the first date and others who do stupid shit, it's Ok to make a mistake as long as you aren't married.
Thanks for the responses though, they were honest and unhelpful



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