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Thread: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck off

  1. #1
    Member foxrc0310's Avatar
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    Default if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck off

    hey ladies, need relationship advice, a i'm right/he's wrong thing

    been dancing for 3 years, smart funny pretty ect, knowi can make it on my own. have a pretty decint relationship or so i thought with live-in boyfriend, but regularly having fights about "my presence in public."

    bf is constantly bitching at me for crude jokes and the way i cuss ect (usually when were at bars)...

    sometimes he embarrases me but id on't say shit cuz i know that's just him and i'm ok with that.if he dosent like me for me too fucking bad, right?

    let me clarify, i do cuss, but not in every sentense or at obviously the wrong time, when were out at bars for fuck's sake. THAT is when i embarass him.

    i understand there are lots of worse relationship problems but this is a respect issue/hypocritical thing for me. i am big on respect in a relationship and i feel as if he is trying to censor me and change me for who i am, for how i talk with FRIENDS AT A BAR. and if this is starting now with something so little how much more crap am i going to have to change to amke him happy? i was never the proper pretty trophy gf when we meet and never want to be. if that's what he wants then why stay with me? that goes for every aspect of a realtionship and i feel that if this is how it's going to be then i'm not interested. like really, i am no different than i was when he met me and now he decides to have a problem with me?

    *backround* met when he was bouncing in my club a few years ago, became good friends and live together for a year. family loves me ect. still dancing part time and haven't had a lot of fighting til recently, pretty much about this and about lack of sex (on his end not mine) know all his friends and they like me.... um yeah didn't ahve any issues til i started feeling like he wants me to change.

    any thoughts? i feel like this isnt really ardcore bad i just feel decived/disrespected

    thanks ladies

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    Well, you have to weigh his pros and cons. If he has more pros and cons, you may want to consider the cussing when in public; not to stop cussing completely, just in public. Hey, I hate when my husband does the same but I once ask him to cut down the cussing when in public. He still does it, obviously, just not when we are in public. Talk to him about that. Is there something you don't like about him? If there is (say, you don't like that he spends too much time in the computer), tell him that the only way you will minimize the cussing is if he spends less time in the computer (using it as an example). Remember that in a relationship giving and receiving should be around the same; don't be the only one giving and not getting anything back.





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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    Have you told him how his negative comments about your behaviour make you feel? Perhaps he doesn't realize they bother you so much. Or, perhaps your behaviour really does bother him a lot, and this will at least be a chance for you two to have an open discussion about it and see how best to move forward.

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    Member foxrc0310's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    Jay12
    Totally agree that it should be give and take. The thing is i have cut back a lot already. Also, my big thing was there is shit he does that bothers me but I let it slide because i see that that's just how he is, and i wouldn't ask him to change. i feel that it is one sided and hypocritical of him to ask that of me :/
    Thank you for the advise

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    Member foxrc0310's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    shanna dior
    i'm sure it does bother him, that's why i have been trying to respect it andits still not enuf for him. at the same time i have told him that it hurts and he was rolling his eyes at me when i'm telling him that. :/ feel way disrespected...
    thank you for your input, really appreciate it

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    Featured Member HaydenBlue's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    So you both knew each other for awhile before getting together?

    My opinion is when someone meets me and the FIRST time they find out something about they don't like (I'm chubs, I'm a cig/weed smoker, my attitude, etc - whatever the "bad" issue is) then that is the time to walk away. If you decide to stay, you are accepting ALL OF ME - and that means the 'flawed' part of me as well.

    Do not stay with me and bitch, nag, push or prod to try and change me or constantly demean me for who I am and what I do. You will never be happy because it will never happen. I change for me and on my time, no one elses. If it was an issue that started after we had gotten together then yes, go ahead and say something. But if you knew about it from the beginning? Then you have no room to talk.

    That is something I tell all of my partners.

    If they don't like it, they are grown men and can find the door themselves.







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    Member foxrc0310's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    That was exactly my point!!!

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    Quote Originally Posted by foxrc0310 View Post
    Jay12
    Totally agree that it should be give and take. The thing is i have cut back a lot already. Also, my big thing was there is shit he does that bothers me but I let it slide because i see that that's just how he is, and i wouldn't ask him to change. i feel that it is one sided and hypocritical of him to ask that of me :/
    Thank you for the advise

    That right there; you should had never let anything slide.

    I learned that the hard way when I first started dating my now husband (after six weeks of dating, back in 2010, we took a "break" because of issues like those; he hated my accent due to being a polyglot, and was insisting that I should drop it).

    I left that slide (getting used to be mocked 'cause of the accent), and after those weeks of separation, we tried to give it another shot, and it was very rought because the damage was partially done. However, he got some major surgery, I took care of him (he has no family or close friends in Va), and he eventually stopped (like right away).

    It kinda sucks that for some men, the only way they will stop trying to change their women is when something really bad happens to them and then see the bigger picture.





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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    Foxrc, I hear ya - my bf does this to me too: he'll try to tell me not to make such crude comments or cuss so much in public, and he especially likes to tell me to lower my voice... My response is a quick break in my line of speech to just say, "Don't tell me how to talk." Then I continue my story, and if he keeps making hushing motions or acting embarrassed, I turn around and find someone else to talk to. To be fair though, I have several friends who do the exact same thing to me. They just get so god-awful embarrassed if I use the word "fuck" in public, or talk in above a whisper when I say the word "sex." I'm not fucking shouting or anything, but I just don't see the point in censoring everything I say just because someone in a bar might have delicate sensibilities that will be offended if I tell a crude joke... jeezus, get over it, is my opinion.

    I don't know how serious the fighting is with you and your guy over this. For me, all I do is tell him to shut up or I commence in walking away. He never brings it up later to start a fight about it. Maybe try that sometime - ignore him at first... if he doesn't let up, just say in a very matter-of-fact-voice, "Don't tell me how to talk," and he if keeps acting like a baby, walk away and go talk to someone else who won't bitch at you about your speech.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Member foxrc0310's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    i love all this advice ladies

    aurora-
    i like that good for you. i would love to walk off and ignore him i think that is the best "fuck you"! great idea tahnks, dunno why i havent tried that
    been contemplating this all day and he can take me as is or leave me, (i sure as hell don't need him to take care of me haha!)
    i am no different than i was 3 years ago when we met and i don't intend to change, i like me.

    thanks so much ladies

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: if bf is embarassed to be around me in public i thonk i should tell him to fuck o

    DUMP HIM AND MOVE ON!

    relationships should be fun and full of two people who love each other... not one person constantly putting another down. It doesn't seem like this guy actually adds anything to your life so dump him and tell him to fuck off in the process!
    [/center]

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    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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