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Thread: Convincing the boyfriend?

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    Question Convincing the boyfriend?

    Hi girls! So I've been lurking on SW for the past few days, and I must say it totally changed my perception of stripping, in a very positive way. I'm struggling financially right now, working a crappy part-time job, and I think it could be a very interesting alternative! I've tried to bring up the topic in a ''half-kidding, half-serious'' type of conversation with my SO, but he doesn't seem sold to the idea at all.

    Any advice for me? Thanks! I love reading you guys, glad I found this forum!

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    Featured Member GlitterBexie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    I met y bf when i was working as a stripper, when i moved to live with him i gave it up. It took over a year before he suggested me going back, i was struggling hard financially and now that im back, he is enjoying the cash flow and positives that come with having money. He works nights too (as a bouncer in a different club) and i really only work the nights that he is at work, it keeps his mind off what im doing and i get a lift to and from work! Have you shown him this website? it might help if he saw the positives which you can see. Bring it up to him, ask him what he thinks. Some bf's want to know every detail, some want to know as little as possible.

    How long have you been together? Stripping can wreck previously happy relationships. But if you think it will improve your life financially then you should give it a go. Maybe go to a club together, sit in and have a drink and watch the stage show? Get him comfortable with the surroundings? Get him a dance? Talk to some of the girls and management there and find out about the ins and outs of the club you'd want to work at. It sucks that its one of those jobs which can make or break a person, or a relationship, you have to keep your feet on the ground and be honest.

    Good luck

    xxx
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    I think you should talk to him about it seriously. If it means a lot to you and it is something you really want to do, you should make it clear you want his support at the very minimum... because you need to do it anyway for yourself and for your financial well-being.

    I always think of something when I see older women making fools of themselves in a public party environment (club, beach, whatever), that thought is: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DAY-DREAMED ABOUT BEING A STRIPPER AND NEVER DID. You grow older and act wild in public and not give a fuck. So do it. You don't want to be that lady!

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    You can do bad all by yourself. If you have a bf he should be helping out. When you decide to strip, men will be paying you to dance for them yet you're going to go home and what give him money? Of course he doesn't want you stripping but you may later resent him after doing it. Feeling like wait I'm grinding on some guy to pay my bills and now I have to go home and fuck the guy that can't? The thought of what could happen is already crossing his mind. Now if you're at a primarily air dance club where no one touches you in any way then it may not be such an issue. Two way lap dancing with some loser that thinks pinching nipples is supposed to be a turn on for you, and yeah you may not like it. Do some research on the clubs in the area and what they require of their dancers.

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    you don't need permission to do anything. Your boyfriend is not your "keeper". He is supposed to be someone who supports the informed economic and business choices that you make.

    is HE going to give you thousands of dollars? Is HE going to give you financial independence and all the perks of stripping? I can guarantee you that if he isn't, you can find someone who will be happy with you stripping and doing all those things...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlitterBexie View Post
    I met y bf when i was working as a stripper, when i moved to live with him i gave it up. It took over a year before he suggested me going back, i was struggling hard financially and now that im back, he is enjoying the cash flow and positives that come with having money. He works nights too (as a bouncer in a different club) and i really only work the nights that he is at work, it keeps his mind off what im doing and i get a lift to and from work! Have you shown him this website? it might help if he saw the positives which you can see. Bring it up to him, ask him what he thinks. Some bf's want to know every detail, some want to know as little as possible.

    How long have you been together? Stripping can wreck previously happy relationships. But if you think it will improve your life financially then you should give it a go. Maybe go to a club together, sit in and have a drink and watch the stage show? Get him comfortable with the surroundings? Get him a dance? Talk to some of the girls and management there and find out about the ins and outs of the club you'd want to work at. It sucks that its one of those jobs which can make or break a person, or a relationship, you have to keep your feet on the ground and be honest.

    Good luck

    xxx
    We've been together for a year! We have also been living together for more than half the relationship. We get along great, I'm just scared to lose him if it becomes a conflictual topic.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    you don't need permission to do anything. Your boyfriend is not your "keeper". He is supposed to be someone who supports the informed economic and business choices that you make.

    is HE going to give you thousands of dollars? Is HE going to give you financial independence and all the perks of stripping? I can guarantee you that if he isn't, you can find someone who will be happy with you stripping and doing all those things...
    I definitely am not submissive in a relationship, hence me not seeing him as my ''keeper''.. haha

    However, I like to think of relationships as teamwork. And you cannot always make selfish decisions when you are part of a team. I'm trying to figure out how to show him that it's not as bad as society makes it look.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by VintageDisaster View Post
    We've been together for a year! We have also been living together for more than half the relationship. We get along great, I'm just scared to lose him if it becomes a conflictual topic.
    Honestly, my relationship with my SO became soooo much better when i went back to dancing. I have spare money, savings, im not stressed and worrying about how im going to pay my rent or phone bill every day and genuinely, ive got a lot of confidence in myself back. Not cause of the customers telling me im gorgeous blah blah blah, but cause im earning my own money and i have the ability to take care of myself financially again. I refused point blank to ask for money from him even when i was struggling really badly, my pride got in the way. I understand what both you and Luscious Sadie are saying though, he is NOT your keeper and you should never let a man give you rules etc, but you dont want to make an issue out of dancing if its going to hurt your relationship cause you love him and dont want to hurt him. You never know until you give it a go though, and if you want to try it, do it, dont make the mistake of it being a regret. Men will come and go, even if you adore him till the cows come home, money will give you a safety net to fall back on. I love my SO to death, but i have savings put aside as a "running away fund" that id never tell him about, i want to make sure i can provide for myself should anything happen. Cause ive been there before when ive been broke as a joke and then you get dumped and it SUCKS! As much as you love him, you do need to look after yourself first and foremost! xxx
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    I'd emphasize the positives. My fiance met me as a stripper online and from the get go I made it clear to me that my work is sacrosanct. Plus he's too much of a greedy fuck to want me working a 9-5 and waiting for the paycheck. He also likes the fringe benefits (occasional 3somes, seeing random naked women, etc)

    Now as to you stripping AFTER you met him..thats a whole other ballgame. 95% its going to wreck your relationship and he's going to resent you. Don't mean to be a killjoy but I've seen it happen time and again. You're not the first I've seen and you won't be the last.

    Talk to him and be honest is the best advice I can give you. If he loves you he'll understand. If not well you have some hard questions to ask yourself and some soul searching to do. I don't envy you and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

    xo
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    This is kinda the situation I was in when I started! It's not like he's forbidding you, but I did want to take into account his feelings. I'd say definitely get his support before you do it. You don't want to start, realise you like it then have to stop if it's affecting you two badly. Better to not get hooked in the first place (though lokikola raises an excellent point).

    Try and put his mind at ease that you won't be hooking up with people or going crazy on booze and drugs. Reading this forum or talking to a dancer can easily show that dancers are normal people just doing a job.

    I tried to do this, reassured him HE was my only man, and that the money would solve a lot of problems, money i literally could not get any other way. It has opened a lot of doors since solving those first issues too!

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    I think you should talk to him about it seriously. If it means a lot to you and it is something you really want to do, you should make it clear you want his support at the very minimum... because you need to do it anyway for yourself and for your financial well-being.

    I always think of something when I see older women making fools of themselves in a public party environment (club, beach, whatever), that thought is: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DAY-DREAMED ABOUT BEING A STRIPPER AND NEVER DID. You grow older and act wild in public and not give a fuck. So do it. You don't want to be that lady!
    This made me laugh and reminded me of a former friend (who was a stripper but the trainwreck type). She does all of this and more and I cringe.

    OP you've gotten good advice here but it boils down to how you feel about this and yourself. I briefly gave up dancing for a then boyfriend and resented it. I eventually went back and dumped him and that was the best choice for me. Dancing does change the dynamics sometimes good, sometimes the relationship ends.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Thanks for all the good advice ladies! I will think about the whole situation, and decide what's best. In the meanwhile, I'll keep lurking on SW and learn from the pros! haha

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    That's really tough. I was dancing when my husband and I meet. I quit and we got pregnant right before he went to Iraq . Fast forward 2 years later, mOney was shit and we were fighting a lot so I went back even though he didn't like it. Now 1 1/2 years later. He loves the mOney so much he doesn't want me to give it up to take a dream carreer that only pays 3k a mOnth.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    ^^^ mine too, i gave it up for about a year and now im back ive pretty much tripled my monthly income. Its been nice to have a bit of a break from stress. And mine is handling it well, i think he thought he woudnt cope as well as he has to be honest. But he works nights too, and its been good for us to spend more time apart,
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    Veteran Member Su Su's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    If he loves you, he'll let you do it no matter how unhappy he is.

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Su Su View Post
    If he loves you, he'll let you do it no matter how unhappy he is.
    This x1000000
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    It took a few weeks of harassing my husband (then fiance) to consider the possibility of me stripping. We were in an awkward transition and had just made a big move back to our home town, and were struggling big time financially. I knew stripping made decent money, but not how much. I also knew that I would love it since I did cam work for a few months just for fun and had a blast. He was absolutely closed minded about it at first. Not because of jealousy or moral objections, but for my safety. He was concerned that someone might try to hurt me, follow me home, rape me, etc. It took about 3 weeks of talking about it for me to convince him that I would be just fine, and there were bouncers and managers keeping me safe. He did a little research on his own and was still nervous but willing to let me try it. I went to the club on my own, talked to the manager, he hired me and told me to come back the following week. My husband was still worried but went along with it after I told him about the club, the girls, and the customers. (He had never been in a SC before). I think if your boyfriend initially objects to it, find out why and work from there.

    Dancing really did change me. I used to think I was confident, but let me tell you that I have never felt so good about myself, ever. It is a huge self esteem boost and if your boyfriend can't handle the fact that you'll become super self reliant and confident, he may not be the person you want to spend your time with. I really like the way you said you work as a team. If that's how he thinks of it too, approach it as you both growing together and allowing the other person to branch out and find what they love. If you want to do it, he will eventually want it for you if you're consistently talking to him about it. Good luck!!!

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    If he doesn't want you to strip it is going to cause a rift between you both. You won't change his mind about stripping if he is hell bent that it is a bad idea. Some boyfriends don't want their girlfriends stripping because of jealousy. Others don't want them stripping because it can be dangerous (stalkers), emotionally taxing (being verbally degraded, touched inappropriately, solicited), or because they feel like their girlfriends will be taken advantage of (clubs take a lot of money and try to force you to work when you don't want to and go on stage/dance naked for free!).

    I guess it depends what his reasoning is. If you two are living together and struggling financially then stripping isn't the ONLY answer. By struggling do you mean you are in $5,000 of debt, about to be evicted, going to the soup kitchen for food, and running out of gas because you can't afford to fill your tank? Or do you mean you both work 40-50 hours a week (normal) and you don't have money for leisure and vacationing (normal). This economy is tough so many couples struggle.

    Is he a good man? Does he work full time and/or attend school full time? If he can't pay his fair half now what is the reasoning? Is he a med student? Is he doing 15 credits a semester and studying hard/getting good grades? If he is showing signs of personal improvement, a desire to grow together, possibly marry and start a family, then don't throw it all away because you read some nice things on StripperWeb. Exotic dancing is great in some respects (money, flexible scheduling, shorter hours), but it's also horrible in some clubs/for some people (PTSD, anxiety, unsafe working conditions, drugs, alcohol use). You can say you won't use drugs and alcohol (which is fine, I don't), but you can't stop yourself from becoming emotionally overwhelmed, objectified, and feeling like a piece of meat if that's what happens to you. Everyone handles it differently.

    If your life is going OK right now and you are both making improvements I would say don't jump into stripping for some excitement and throw away your relationship. If you really want to do it and have reasons (going to school, buying a house, financing a car) then consider it a short term plan and make an exit plan before you start. Don't spend lavishly, expect to save most of what you make, and reap the benefits while you can.

    Stripping is not all bad and it's not all good. Every area is different, every dancer's experience is different, but I think sometimes girls on this forum are so quick to bash boyfriends when they don't consider why the boyfriends are taking that stance. I have a son, but if he was a girl I would never want him stripping. I wouldn't want my sisters stripping (and one of them is old enough to, younger than me), I wouldn't really want anyone I care about taking up stripping because there are too many things that can go wrong.

    So just because someone says "I don't want you to strip" doesn't mean they don't care, they want to control you, and so forth. Also, most boyfriends can't afford to give their girlfriends "thousands of dollars a month" but that doesn't mean the relationship should go to hell. There's a lot more that matters in this life than money, trust me. You have to think about what you are giving up to earn that money. Police officers give up safety. Soldiers (like my fiance) give up their safety and personal freedoms. Doctors are on call, they are exposed to illness. EMTs (like myself) are exposed to horrific accidents and death. Bank tellers face the risk of being part of a robbery. Strippers face the risk of being emotionally degraded and having their self esteem eroded. Does it happen to everyone in these lines of work? No. But it happens enough to make it mentioned and therefore should be considered a "job hazard".

    So think long and hard about what you'll gain--and lose--if you decide to strip. You might be so glad you did, or you might be crying wishing you hadn't.

    -Laurisa
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Honestly, i completely agree with Laurisa. If it was going to cause so much upset to him if you were to go ahead and do it anyway its only going to cause resentment and eventually a split, no matter how much you love each other, stripping is not something every man can handle. If you think with convincing and a bit of encouragement that hemight go for it then go ahead, audition, but dont invest too much money into shoes and outfits etc at first and give it a try. If he doesnt cope at all, and you dont want to split up with him over it, then give it up and try another avenue. You dont want it to always be a bone of contention and cause hassle at home in an otherwise happy relationship. If your relationship means more to you than money or if he is a control freak who doesnt want you doing it as a "no girlfriend of mine/strippers are sluts blah blah blah etc" id say get shut of him anyway, if he is going to curtail the way you want to live your life. But if he is a good bloke and just worried for your safetly and mental health (it can be a mind fuck of a job, especially if youre not used to it and are naive) then maybe he just needs showing its not all negative.
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Also, I want to add this.

    If you really are curious how it feels consider entering an amateur contest at a local club. A lot of clubs offer bikini contests but you won't get the real experience unless you go topless or nude (whatever the local laws are). And hanging out in the strip club you want to work at beforehand (and please tip the girls/buy dances if you do) will help you get a better idea of what the club is like. When you get a dance observe the kind of contact, and if possible have a male friend accompany you and get a dance too so he can tell you what contact/extras (if any) he was offered. Keep in mind that just because a stripper at that club tells you "it's great/fun/she makes lots of money" doesn't mean it's true. Strippers are supposed to be friendly to customers, and if they are having a bad night a good stripper won't tell you that. Just because you are female doesn't mean she doesn't want your money, if she's spending time with you then she wants to make a sale! A lot of strippers avoid females in the club because they are time wasters, so if she is giving you her time then make it worth her while. Also, don't ask a bunch of personal questions like "how much money she makes". You can ask general questions like how she likes management and how scheduling works, but if you have serious business questions talk to the manager on duty and say you are considering auditioning at a later date.

    The grass is always greener on the other side, and a packed club doesn't always mean money is being spent--a lot of it is smoke and mirrors. The only way to find out is to try it, but heed my warnings.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    Another complete agree with Laurisa! Whenever i get asked how much i make i will say the same thing no matter who im talking too and it will always be "you can go home with nothing, you can go home with a pocket full of cash, depends on the club, the customers, the amount of girls on and which night you're working!" No two nights are ever the same and there are no guarentees. My club offers a amatuer night but its rarely happened, mainly because no girls will do it, and the girls who are already work there wont pretend to be amateurs to "bulk out" the one or two who do turn up.

    Whatever you do, if your relationship is important to you, make the time to have the difficult conversations, dont hide things or make it sound better than it is. A lot of girls who dance will lie about how much they earn to outsiders, always be your own judge, scope out a few clubs, see what goes on for yourself, involve him.
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    First I found a job as a bartender at a club. Then after a while of doing that I started to plant the idea in his head with comments like "Damn they make so much money in such a short amount of time.." or "Everyone keeps telling me if I danced I would make so much money"...THEN i said " I think I want to try it!". He didnt like that idea one bit, but I went and tried it anyways. I made great money and he was impressed with that...but still didnt like it. Eventually he got more comfortable with it, and now he still wishes I didnt do it, HOWEVER he loves spending the money I make and often brags that I make more then him with what I do.

    So my advice would be to ease him into it slowly. Maybe look for a waitress job or bartending job at a club so he gets used to you working in that environment and then switch to dancing =)

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    GlitterBexie is right.

    I've worked at clubs that offer amateur night, but many times it did not happen because they needed at least 3 girls to do the contest and not enough showed up. Often times if girls did show up it was 7 or more (a group of friends) so most of the participants didn't win anything.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Convincing the boyfriend?

    i started my bf at the time HATED it... 1 if he isn't paying your bills go for it, and tell him that 2 he will only have a real issue with it if he is insecure 3 explain to him, as many boys don't understand, that no strippers ACCTUALLY want to sleep with any of the custis. 4 this job may well last longer than him and will do you more good too!!!
    its your bills and your body and if you like it by all means do it.

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