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Thread: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

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    Default What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    I found mine last Wednesday night. The Pitiful Princess in Portland. Yes, that is really the name... I have attached a photo for your amusement.

    We got there about 10:30. There were three dancers working: an Asian girl whose belly stuck out further than her boobs, an over tanned blonde who was probably 5'4" and about 175lbs (at least.. OMG) and a girl who looked sorta Hispanic who had possibly THE most dimply ass I have ever seen. Nothing but overweight, sluggish girls with smeary makeup. There were 3 other customers there besides my husband, my brother and I, and they were missing teeth and had dirty clothes.

    The "stages" were about the size of a dining room table that seats 8. The chairs were those rolling office chairs, with the X bottoms like this: WD5330.jpg

    The tables reminded me of conference tables from like a Holiday Inn or Super8 or something. There was no DJ, just a jukebox (I've never been to a jukebox club in my life) but there was a 1 drink minimum. My husband and I got bottles of water, and my brother slammed his beer in like, 2 gulps.

    I don't see why anyone would work there!

    So what the worst titty bar you've ever been to, and why was it so terrible?

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Bare Necessities, otherwise known as Bare Nasties around here. There is something terribly wrong with each girl that works there. Their 'stage' is really just 3 or 4 poles behind the bar making it a bitch to tip. They totally water down drinks making them taste like shit. It looks like shit inside. I don't even know why I stopped in. Basically the girls working here are very old, or sloppy in some way, like fat, fucked up on drugs and strung-out looking. Its just fucking nasty. That is the worst strip club I have ever been to but I've only been to 6 in the US. Oh yeah, none of these girls will ask you for a dance before asking for a drink or cig, classy.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    AHAHAHAHAHA I can't believe they use rolling office chairs for private dances!!! I mean, I've worked at a club that had little squat plush rolling chairs on the floor that we would give table dances in, but in the private dances the furniture didn't move. LOL, how the hell are you supposed to give a lap dance in this kind of chair?

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Hmmmmmmmm two vie for ranking as the worst I have ever set foot into................. Baby Dolls on Platte in Colorado Springs ranks as the first time, I have personally been bored in a SC. Four dancers one was meh but was table dancing for some regulars. One was at the bar (two seats away) calling dealer after dealer trying to get someone to bring her crystal meth. Two more were at the little stage practicing pole dancing moves like the place wasn't open..........

    It was every bad stereotype Hollywood and the "Jeebus Saves" crowd could bring together. Oh and the best beer choice was bud light...............

    The other......... Been so long I forgot the name. Its in Tacoma, Wa. Went as a group, walked up this long ramp with black lights and green neon lights for illumination. The was the door man that took our cover charge. Then another short hallway turned to our left before opening out in to what was the main floor. Fucking deserted............ No dancers, no waitresses, no bar tender.......... Until Mama san comes out of the back yelling Hey! Hey! Whahyoowhahnnnnnnnnnnnn!" felt like I was in Seoul again for a moment. Surreal.

    Music blasts on Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to loud, then gets turned down. Fuck if I know what the song was. What happens next nearly put me off strip clubs for life. The Dancer, front and center, stage one. What I can describe in words here to you can never ever measure up to the erection killing display of womanhood on stage there in that moment of time. Eight Soldiers, just back from six months in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba working Cuban migrant and Haitian refugee camps recoiled like someone threw a bag of rattle snakes onto our table....... It was 1995 and this is still vivid today.........

    Fuck I know I can't myself put the horror into words and give it the imagery to do it justice....... Lets start at the top. She had black hair, like really black so I am assuming dyed, and it can down past her shoulders. Those are the two positives about her hair I can relate (look for the positive in everything right?). The style? A cross between bed head and got your ass kicked and drug around the dressing room for stealing. Matted and stuck out in weird directions. Her make up was smeared around one eye like she fell asleep and woke up rubbing one eye. Don't know.

    I think what set us back was two things all the loose skin like she had weighed 500 pounds and got it down to 150 but in like three months. Think fat bastard from Austin powers.....Then there was the caesrean scar. Which I have seen several times on dancers. Normally it is a thin white line and seldom noticeable........ This womans was not. Not seldom noticeable, and certainly not hardly noticeable. This was something like 12 inches across and two inches wide with a really purple coloration enhanced by the black lights for sure.

    This display struck us speechless, I mean we spent six months working with third world refugees explaining public sanitation, and occasionally putting the dead into body bags. Drownings from some diving off the cliffs trying to swim to cuba or the loser in a fight over a woman. However, what we were expecting to see and what we saw on stage were so dissimilar, as to only be a like in A) a stage and B) a woman on it, was simply visual trauma. But wait! There's more!

    Our shell shocked looks not with standing, she told us " You guys suck! Come on! Woooooooooo" then boozily turned around to display for us her backside. Fucking awful......... Ok lets say you have two, one gallon ziplok freezer bags. Let us say you chose to fill them each with 3/4 of a gallon of cottage cheese. Sitting at the table, place the two bags on the table side by side, place a strip of black colored cloth on the table in between the two freezer bags. Now press the two freezer bags together so that the cloth is only visible coming out the top and bottom between the two bags, pull the freezer bags toward you so that the bottom one third in hanging off the table. Now ok here comes the visual part....... quickly slosh the bags to the left and the right causing the cottage cheese contents to flow back and forth with the bottom one third swaying to catch up........ That is what this appeared to us on stage.

    At this point my room mate Ward and I looked at each other, and began "Duh nuh, dah duh nuh, Dude looks like a Layyyyyyyy deeeeeeeee." " The entity on stage screamed "Fuck you, you guys suck, get out!" So we did.

    I cannot comment on the drinks, though there was a one drink minimum and we each had one, I cannot recall any one of us saying we had so much as tasted them. We went immediately to the Deja Vu, and made a dent in six months of pay, we had previously had no where to spend.
    Last edited by ArmySGT.; 02-19-2012 at 10:26 PM.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    The worst one I've ever went to was also one I briefly worked at called Scuttlebutt in Lake Station Indiana. I had seen their advertisment in the paper and went into audition but the manager hired me on the spot and offered to pay me something like $50 a night. That should have been my clue it was bad.

    1)Dancer 1: She had ratted hair and extremely thin, like crackhead thin where you could see her inner organs. She would get on stage and fling her arms around. That was her routine.

    2)Dancer 2: This one would get on stage and have a cigarette in one hand and a bag of booze in the other. She would walk around the stage and would then fall. She'd get up and just sit on stage and drink and smoke. She also came onto me in the dressing room asking if I would have sex with her (I declined and got out of there).

    3)Dancer 3: This one was actually nice but she was 300 pounds and about 50 years old. She was telling me about her daughter in college and how she hopes she follows her into stripping.

    4)Dancer 4: Very nice, lended me a few outfits and though she was older (mid 40's)she was attractive. However she would tell me about meeting customers in the parking lot afterwards and how much she charged for blow jobs ($25 I believe).

    5)Dancer 5: She had thunder thighs and would get on stage and jump. Apparently she had caused them to repair the stage a few times. She would also walk around telling people how she was going to kill herself.

    6)Dancer 6: Very attractive brunette who was only there because her boyfriend was in prison not far from there and she wanted to be close enough to bring her daughter to see him. I think he was in prison for drugs.

    7)Dance 7:Very attractive African American dancer who told me that she was planning to quit soon, was there to get in shape (she looked good)so she could hit the downtown Chicago clubs.

    In addition to the dancers there was a bouncer there who was from Poland and kept trying to touch me and asked me to be his girlfriend (I didn't date him at all and avoided him as much as possible). The female manager hated me because she said I thought I was better than the others. Well duh most of the dancers were skanks. The owner though liked me and told me to come to him and ignore her because she was a bitch.The ceiling was cracking, the music was a jukebox (that the dancers had to pay for and it mostly had disco and country). I had enough one night because a guy I knew came in (he was a male dancer)and she told me I couldn't talk to him. I went and sat in the dressing room until it was time to go then I went to the owner's office and told him why I was quitting. He begged me to stay, offered more money but told him I couldn't handle bitch manager. He eventually sold the club and have been two upscale clubs since then.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Easily the Gold Rush in Miami...

    I visited this dump when working in Miami a few years ago. No dancers on stage and no dancers circulating around the club. I saw about four customers though I'm pretty sure at least two of them were pimps. There was a woman dressed in street clothes sitting at the bar arguing with a guy quite loudly, finally to the point where a bouncer dragged her and the guy out to the front lobby. After this happened a second woman in street clothes came over to me and asked in broken English if I wanted to go to VIP with her. To call her a dancer would be an insult to all dancers everywhere. I would call her a hooker but I know a lot of hookers and they are all nice girls. This woman was spent, zonked and desperate. This woman was a crack ho. I politely declined her invitation.

    The place is primarily a whore house, at least during the day. I would advise anyone in downtown Miami looking for a strip club to do what I should have done. Take a cab to almost anyplace else.
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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    The worst one I've ever went to was also one I briefly worked at called Scuttlebutt in Lake Station Indiana.
    ...wtf kind of strip club is named Scuttlebutt?

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Gonna have to agree with Babydolls on Platte in Colorado Springs, for all the aforementioned reasons. Also, Al's Green Door in Cheyenne, Wyoming. It was so bad on the outside that I never actually went in to the club itself. And yeah, it had a green door to get in it. It looked TINY, and was attached to a liquor store, was in a not-so-friendly part of town, and a scary dark almost empty parking lot. The building looked like it was gonna fall down.

    Another is Northern Dreams aka North 40 outside of Casper, Wyoming. It is a run-down single wide trailer, one pole, and maybe 3-4 dancers at a time. The dancers themselves aren't that attractive-either looked like they were methed out or were pregnant when I was there.
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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    ...wtf kind of strip club is named Scuttlebutt?
    The kind with Scuttlebutt dancers. Either that or maybe the owner was in the navy. Years later I lsugh thinking of both the name and the dancers, most of whom were trainwrecks. It's now Polekatz Indiana and a far nicer club.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    The catwalk in new haven conn. It had bullet holes in the window, no alcohol and a bar attached named hell that you had to get fully dressed to go have a drink. My gf and I were like saying constantly were going to hell be back. Then they stopped us and felt us up and wanded us for weapons and I was like I work here and the lady told my friend to get me and was like watch your attitude or you can go home. we ran out and left anyways. Oh and there was no one there for like 3 hours and these 3 chicks were practicing their lovely pole moves, well one leader was trying to teach the other two whilw this one chick who looked like they went and picked her up at the local high school just watched the other two in amazement. My gf and I watched and cracked up for around a half hour before we went to hell. Oh and then this chick spread eagle on stage and had this glowing white thing in her pussy( I guess a tampon and the string) from far away it looked like toilet paper stuck there and all the college kids were laughing at her, I had to go tell one of her friends to tell her cuz no one was. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    29 out of the 34 clubs in the state of Virginia are horrendous!





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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    babes in san antonio. there are a few that one should steer clear of

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Beavers in Amarillo.

    Concrete and plywood with little beaver stencils spray painted all over.

    Add a real bitch of an owner dressed in really...well, questionable in a stripclub is really saying something.
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    Also, now offering phone sexins!

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    NERO's in El Pisshole, Texas. You don't even want to know !

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    Duh Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post

    Also...sorry, but Garden of Eden, I know you think the theme is cute but a teeny tiny SC COVERED in leaves is fucking weird!!!!! And SCs do not need to be massive but I felt like Alice when she took the "grow me" cake. Very uncomfortable.

    While we're at it...any SC with any dignity needs to shut down if they are remodeling. Or hurry the fuck up. No reason to have your main floor covered in dust, plywood, and duct tape for months on end. Especially if you promote yourself as an upscale gentlemen's club. For real.
    Haha about the scaled down SC..I feel that way in my place sometimes! Yeah, also about the remodeling, definitely hurry it up!

    Great Thread, Med! For me: this place, so dirty like literally a foot thick of dust, buckets everywhere (to catch rain), dark, dingy, the place itself, seems left over from cowboy days (not in a good way) old old OLD! Bugs nearly the size of cats

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Back in about ’68 I went into a place there was a stage about the size of a shipping pallet, and if you put money in the jukebox a girl sitting at the bar would take her dress off and dance on stage. One song on the jukebox was enough. I don’t know the name of the place.

    It could have been worse. Some bars have chicken wire in front of the stage to protect the band from flying beer bottles.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    The Toy Boxx in Schenectady, NY (long since closed). It was in a lovely industrial area that was difficult to find in the pre-GPS era. There was no DJ. The "sound system" was a portable boom box sitting on a folding chair by the "stage," which was an odd sort of raised platform with no pole. Customers sat in folding chairs arranged in front of the stage. There were no tables and nothing to drink (that I recall). I did not get any private dances. I was offered something called "I dance for you and it's like oral sex but it's not really oral sex, y'know?" by a *ahem* "lady" who squeezed mini-lestat and alternatively asked if I wanted a Jacuzzi dance. While I generally lament the closure of any club, this one was where souls go to be introduced to hopelessness, and it's death was untimely in that it should have been closed on opening day.
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    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    I worked at both and had the same gripes. Agreed!
    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    Hungry i in SF...that place hasn't been remodeled in ages, full of extremely unattractive, desperate, scowling dancers. Most annoying dj ever, I could not understand a word he said.

    Also...sorry, but Garden of Eden, I know you think the theme is cute but a teeny tiny SC COVERED in leaves is fucking weird!!!!! And SCs do not need to be massive but I felt like Alice when she took the "grow me" cake. Very uncomfortable.

    While we're at it...any SC with any dignity needs to shut down if they are remodeling. Or hurry the fuck up. No reason to have your main floor covered in dust, plywood, and duct tape for months on end. Especially if you promote yourself as an upscale gentlemen's club. For real.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    My nominations are:

    Hillside Inn, Milwaukee, WI
    I have been there twice in the past two years. This place is bad in about every way that a club can be.

    Let me start by saying that I normally like seedy joints with women who are a little more down to earth, but this place is about the worst club I have ever visited, and I have been in some bad places in my travels.

    First, there must be a minimum 230 pound weight requirement to work here. No joke, every one of the girls was a fat pig. Not a little padding, but outright fat and sloppy.

    Second, the place is a depressing dump. Broken down in every way, seats torn and dirty, all of which is only highlighted by the painfully bare bright white bulb next to a small tv siting on a rail near the back side of the bar.

    Finally there was the liquor. I don't know what they put in my glass, but it was not the Jack Daniels that I ordered. I drink Jack regularly and this was something else in a Jack bottle. There are some cities where watered liquor is common, but I have never had an outright switch out before.

    This club is simply atrocious and I don't know how it even exists. Shit, even if these girls were somehow making their money by offering sex, I cannot imagine that the demand for these particular ladies is all that high.

    Lady Godiva's, Greenville, SC
    I have given this club two chances over the years and I will never go back. I have never seen anything other than skanky pigs in this place. And not only are the girls disgusting, but so is the facility in general. The reality is that Godiva's is more brothel than SC, which in my opinion would be ok if there was anything worth hitting, but sadly no.

    They really don't bother to put on much of a pretense of dancing in this joint. Every once in a while a girl will walk around the stage fully clothed and highly unmotivated.

    One night I visited and there was a "dancer" reading a book at the bar. After she tried a few lame hustles, she came out and admitted she was the one clean girl in the place. She actually expected a tip from me under the theory that, since she told me this before scamming me into a backroom, she saved me money and time. I gave her a $5 for her trouble.

    The fact that this place exists at all, and in fact has been around for many years, never ceases to amaze me.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    AHAHAHAHAHA I can't believe they use rolling office chairs for private dances!!! I mean, I've worked at a club that had little squat plush rolling chairs on the floor that we would give table dances in, but in the private dances the furniture didn't move. LOL, how the hell are you supposed to give a lap dance in this kind of chair?
    Lol in our 'semi-private' room (the one for cheap fuckers) before we renovated had the most random garage sale furniture. There was one chair you could dance on and an awful couch, but the other two were rocking recliners. Definitely had a few girls end up taking out the chair during a dance.

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Would you guys beleive that I found a strip club with :
    Photos of George and Laura Bush lining the entry way.
    The owners collection of animals inside ( about 6 small dogs and 2 fat cats )
    A ceiling that is too low for a 5'8'' dancer to wear any type of heel
    AND .... a fully decorated christmas tree !
    .... cause I DID ! Hahahaha!
    ^ This is club alley cats in Honolulu Hawaii !

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Hehe! I've worked a couple nights at Hungry I in San Francisco!

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Lace in Atlantic City was downright awful.
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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Country Hooters in Halladay TN. When I got there I couldn't figure out how to get in. All the doors looked like those emergency exit doors that only open from the inside. I walked all the way around the building. When I got back to where I started someone was leaving, so I grabbed the door before it closed, and went in....Big Mistake!

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    Default Re: What's the worst club you've ever been to?

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    ...wtf kind of strip club is named Scuttlebutt?
    There's a Scuttlebutt in Louisiana too, north of Lake Pontchartrain. I haven't been there, but I hear it's quite a dive.
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