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Thread: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

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    Default My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Yep. Oh yes he DID. I really don't know what to think right now. My husband gave me "permission" to do phone sex from home while he worked and slept. In all of this I wouldn't think he would actually post outside of my office and listen in on calls. He can't seem to separate reality from fantasy and says that when he hears me it breaks his heart. I'm not going to lie, several months ago he asked if I would stop because emotionally he couldn't take it. And upon doing this, I did say that if he wasn't comfortable with things, I would stop. Instead, I told him to go fuck himself and I was going to do it whether he liked it or not. Several times actually. Of course that backfired. I had been working dispatch and I have a few sites up that all ring to me at home. I've spent countless months, days and hours on promoting my websites and I used my dispatch company to help fund expenses for my sites as well as help with the bills. Not to mention hundreds of dollars for advertisement, backlinks, and web building. I would've kept going except it got to the point where he wanted to separate if I was going to continue. He tried kicking me out OUR house. Imagine that.

    He says he's okay with me training and managing the business but doesn't want me to take anymore calls so eventually I will have to hire girls. The issue with that is starting a business is a lot harder when you have to manage others. This means I have to buy an LLC, a do business as name, work with tax forms, payroll, and above all TRAFFIC and much more. I had been using myself and a guinea pig and using a backup service to take calls for me while I slept. Thing is, I have at least 50 characters and no one to play them and not that much traffic so hiring girls is out of the question for at least another year. I hate companies who throw up sites and have NO clue how to pay their girls. It's more than just posting on a top site hoping clients will click and buy. I could forward all of my calls to the affiliate I use as back up but guys will be calling to talk to a specific girl and she won't be available for a very long time.

    I know some people would suggest I divorce my husband but that's out of the question. That he's a control freak (which he can be at times) But, I can see his side of things, and he also works in very high extremes(government) so it would be less risk for me to do it. Apart of me wishes that I could be with someone who supported my work, just like I would support there's but sometimes the adult industry doesn't let that happen. We've only been married for 7 months and together almost 2 years so this isn't just a typical "well, he don't like what you do for a living, screw him" situation. I love my baby with all my heart, I just rather make money per minute than per hour. Also, because I've been working from home for so long, I wouldn't even know how to explain things in a vanilla job interview. It sickens me how much money I could be making while I sit on all these sites. They are direct dial, and the affiliate is mainly automatic dispatch. And my biggest fear is eventually hiring girls who just don't do it the way I can though I know I can train them. Any suggestions on what I should do? TIA!

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    Featured Member HaydenBlue's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Sorry but I think that is a bunch of bull.

    He said "yes" in the beginning. He has no right to tell you to stop now, after he said he was OK with it - especially with threats of divorce or kicking you out of the house.

    You're a grown ass woman, no one should be giving you "permission" to do anything. *Especially* when it comes down to how to make your money.
    Last edited by HaydenBlue; 02-29-2012 at 02:12 PM.







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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    When you two got together and he gave you "permission" to do this job, you should have broken up with him. No one can give you permission you;re an adult and so is he. Some people (men) cannot handle sex jobs and take it personally because they dont see it from our point of view. Some of them will never understand. Either you need to sit down and talk with him and work something out, either work with it while he is unhappy and may improve or he will always stay the same. Or quit your job, find a civy job in order to make marriage work, or keep doing it and watch your relationship tear apart.

    Usually, when men are not happy now with the adult job - they will never be and will always dislike it no matter what they say or act, it will randomly come up in anger or agurements.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    I think that your husbands idea about training and managing the business is worth to think about(can be hard work in beginning but maybe after some years money with very little work).
    Why not find some girl who in the beginning do your backup service - whatever you decide later- it will be better then something random.
    You can teach her all those 50 characters and maybe create some new. When you feel confident about her work - get next one. and so on. but in same time continue being operator.

    Maybe talk with your husband that you are not ready to stop in one day. That you transition from being operator to business during some time (for example half a year), that you feel uncomfortable with "buy an LLC, a do business as name, work with tax forms, payroll, and above all TRAFFIC and much more" - maybe he can help you with it (at least in beginning).

    Tell him that you need some time to study all those things (and really do it) but in same time he need to calm down about you being operator (maybe he will get used to that and you can continue it without much conflict).
    It would be useful if you find out why exactly he doesn't like your occupation - is he afraid that somebody find out? is he jealous sexual or emotional way? maybe he feels insecure because he can not fully support you so there is no need for you to work?

    try to talk this with him in calm friendly way as if asking for advice - he will keep his feeling of control and maybe you get everything in way you want

    also creating business can help with problem what to say on vanilla job interview

    BUT if he tried to kick you out of your home? and after being together for only 2 years? think with your head not heart how it will be after 20 years.
    maybe both of you can find way how to compromise and be happy together. or you find way how to control him in gentle way

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    The good news is that 2 years together/married 7 months isn't exactly a long time compared to people who have been together through several different stages/passages/decades of life (where attitudes/behaviours have become deeply ingrained)- which means that there's still time to work on creating a new dynamic between the two of you.
    If you love the man, don't threaten divorce or pack your bags, simply sit him down and explain that from now on you two need to work on becoming equal partners in your relationship. Make a personal decision to not allow your guy to hold total control over your life, and see what he does with that decision. He may find this unacceptable, in which case he's making the decision to not work with you in creating a relationship that works well for both of you. Then at least you'll know where you stand before committing the rest of your life to a man who infantilizes you. Respectful relationships require alot of talking, finding acceptable compromises between two individuals who often hold very disparate positions on any given issue. Unilaterally making decisions for you is the opposite of respect. If he's not willing to work with you to find a solution that works well for both of you, he's showing you that he feels his needs/desires take precedence over your own. That is not love, that's possession.
    This really isn't about phone sex, this is about a man who feels he holds a position of authority over you in approving or 'banning' your choices. That's.....just so wrong, on so many levels, I truly hope you see that.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Quote Originally Posted by loveshooks View Post
    The good news is that 2 years together/married 7 months isn't exactly a long time compared to people who have been together through several different stages/passages/decades of life (where attitudes/behaviours have become deeply ingrained)- which means that there's still time to work on creating a new dynamic between the two of you.
    If you love the man, don't threaten divorce or pack your bags, simply sit him down and explain that from now on you two need to work on becoming equal partners in your relationship. Make a personal decision to not allow your guy to hold total control over your life, and see what he does with that decision. He may find this unacceptable, in which case he's making the decision to not work with you in creating a relationship that works well for both of you. Then at least you'll know where you stand before committing the rest of your life to a man who infantilizes you. Respectful relationships require alot of talking, finding acceptable compromises between two individuals who often hold very disparate positions on any given issue. Unilaterally making decisions for you is the opposite of respect. If he's not willing to work with you to find a solution that works well for both of you, he's showing you that he feels his needs/desires take precedence over your own. That is not love, that's possession.
    This really isn't about phone sex, this is about a man who feels he holds a position of authority over you in approving or 'banning' your choices. That's.....just so wrong, on so many levels, I truly hope you see that.
    This says it all!

    If it's not about this it will be about something else. Serious problem there.

    I truly hope you two can work it out, but it's not looking good.


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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    My partner did not cope with my dancing when we first got together, i was in fairness, ready to give it up for a while, so i did, but then he suggested 18 months later that i should go back to it. The money has been invaluable to us as a pair but he does still struggle with me being a dancer on occasion. Just my personal opinion (cause i know whole hearedly just how hard it can be to be the partner of a sex worker) but if he is telling you he is prepared to kick you out of your own home if you dont (essentially) obey him, then what else will come up in the future that he wont give you "permission" to do, see your male friends? wear low cut tops? What else will he decide to ban you from doing on a whim? If he decided tomorrow to kick you out for some minor infraction on his rules and you hadnt been working and had no savings to fall back on, how would you support yourself? Ive been with a control freak and as much as i loved him, it was a nightmare, i was always on pins and needles, it was lovely at first, but then first, the dancing had to stop, then it was camming, then it was going out after 11pm, then it was going out AT ALL, no male friends, only certain female friends were "allowed". I know this sounds extreme but control freaks wear you down until eventually you cannot make a decision without consulting them first because you know if you dont, then you will have made the "wrong choice"

    You cannot live by someone elses rules and there needs to be give and take on both sides. If you wernt happy with his job (no matter what it may be) would he just quit? If you are setting up your own buisness (well done on this btw) and hope to just delegate in the future, then he needs to accept now that you cant just go from nothing to steady running buisness in a few weeks, it takes time, and you will have to be involved with the actual phone sex side of it until you get sorted.

    You cannot be at the mercy of a man who changes his mind when something doesnt suit him, his mood cannot effect your livelihood or income. You need to talk about this seriously with him, in a way which doesnt end up in an argument, you need to see where he is setting his stall out, what he expects from you and what you expect from him for now and for the future.

    To use a quote which ive seen on here, but my friend used to say to me all the time "Money cant buy happiness, but poverty cant buy anything, love doesnt put food on the table or a roof over your head."

    xxx
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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Your original response of telling him to fuck off and telling him you will keep doing it whether he wants you to or not was perfect, you should stick with that. Be gentle, but firm.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 05:08 AM.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Hey ladies,

    Thanks so much for your responses, a lot of them lined up with my own views and feelings. I have talked to DH and we both decided that I will continue to run my business and do my calls from my business until I can hire others. A lot of his issues are basked in his insecurities, and the fact that a lot of my time was with the custys and not him. He also didn't like the fact that while I was working for dispatch it was for pennies and I was working more instead of making my worth. Whatever that means. Thank you again ladies.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    For some reason i assumed she had been doing it all along, i guess that is not spelled out in the OP actually.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Sorry if I wasn't clear. I haven't been doing it all along. We talked first and he agreed.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    wOW. I was with my boyfriend 4 years and found out he was an asshole. Yep I was very close to marrying him. I'm sorry but you're silly if you think 2 years together and 7 months married is a long time. You probably don't even know that man well yet.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovelyme View Post
    wOW. I was with my boyfriend 4 years and found out he was an asshole. Yep I was very close to marrying him. I'm sorry but you're silly if you think 2 years together and 7 months married is a long time. You probably don't even know that man well yet.
    I dont think the OP was saying that it is a long time, i think she was saying that she's married, and she's not planning on getting divorced due to this issue which has not been resolved. You can know someone a lifetime and not be aware of all their little follies, but the point is that she IS married to him and doesnt want to get divorced whether its a long time or not. x
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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Quote Originally Posted by GlitterBexie View Post
    I dont think the OP was saying that it is a long time, i think she was saying that she's married, and she's not planning on getting divorced due to this issue which has not been resolved. You can know someone a lifetime and not be aware of all their little follies, but the point is that she IS married to him and doesnt want to get divorced whether its a long time or not. x
    Thank you for clarifying. I never once said I was married for 2 years and 7 months either, nor did I say I "knew" my husband. it takes a lifetime to really know someone, and even then you may not know them. Many people take their personal stuff to the grave without their partners ever knowing. The point is I'm learning about my husband every day. We have our ups and downs, but I'm happy and I've far from being silly. It also would'nt have taken me 4 years to realize I was a girlfriend of an asshole either, now that's silly.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Wait phone sex? I've seen guys get upset over stripping, cam modeling and escorting mainly because it's nudity that's been shared with others and in some cases it's much more than that . But phone sex? You were honest and he was fine with it from the beginning and now he's telling you to stop? It's your job and you shouldn't give up your job for his emotional bullshit. Does he make enough to pay for all the bills and keep you in a comfortable place financially? If not then he can kiss your ass. I understand he's your husband but he's not your father. He agreed and it's been working out financially for both of you. I feel jealousy and intimidation from him strongly. He probably never expected you to do so well at this side business financially. I say it may be time to start getting some separate accounts and locking some money away.

    If you have children you may want to open a trust account for them and start putting your money there for safe keeping. You can even open up a few Ira accounts and just below the limit for the current tax year and start putting money away there too. Make your children the sole beneficiaries of those Ira's in the event of your untimely death.

    This will not be the only time he will try to exert some sort of control. It will pop up again later in the marriage. The best plan is to save up money and hide it.

    There are ups and downs in all relationships but when someone starts attacking your source of income when they were ok with you working this way then they are systematically trying to close off all exits from you leaving them. For as time passes the thought of leaving them may become a pressing matter.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Bawww it's just phone sex. I bet it's mostly just amusing for you, huh? I think of how wallet-like my visions of strip club customers are and can only imagine how detached you feel from your phone customers. No useful input here, just... maybe he'll realize he's being silly?

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Quote Originally Posted by kortneykay View Post
    Yep. Oh yes he DID. I really don't know what to think right now. My husband gave me "permission" to do phone sex from home while he worked and slept. In all of this I wouldn't think he would actually post outside of my office and listen in on calls. He can't seem to separate reality from fantasy and says that when he hears me it breaks his heart. I'm not going to lie, several months ago he asked if I would stop because emotionally he couldn't take it. And upon doing this, I did say that if he wasn't comfortable with things, I would stop. Instead, I told him to go fuck himself and I was going to do it whether he liked it or not. Several times actually. Of course that backfired. I had been working dispatch and I have a few sites up that all ring to me at home. I've spent countless months, days and hours on promoting my websites and I used my dispatch company to help fund expenses for my sites as well as help with the bills. Not to mention hundreds of dollars for advertisement, backlinks, and web building. I would've kept going except it got to the point where he wanted to separate if I was going to continue. He tried kicking me out OUR house. Imagine that. He says he's okay with me training and managing the business but doesn't want me to take anymore calls so eventually I will have to hire girls. The issue with that is starting a business is a lot harder when you have to manage others. This means I have to buy an LLC, a do business as name, work with tax forms, payroll, and above all TRAFFIC and much more. I had been using myself and a guinea pig and using a backup service to take calls for me while I slept. Thing is, I have at least 50 characters and no one to play them and not that much traffic so hiring girls is out of the question for at least another year. I hate companies who throw up sites and have NO clue how to pay their girls. It's more than just posting on a top site hoping clients will click and buy. I could forward all of my calls to the affiliate I use as back up but guys will be calling to talk to a specific girl and she won't be available for a very long time. I know some people would suggest I divorce my husband but that's out of the question. That he's a control freak (which he can be at times) But, I can see his side of things, and he also works in very high extremes(government) so it would be less risk for me to do it. Apart of me wishes that I could be with someone who supported my work, just like I would support there's but sometimes the adult industry doesn't let that happen. We've only been married for 7 months and together almost 2 years so this isn't just a typical "well, he don't like what you do for a living, screw him" situation. I love my baby with all my heart, I just rather make money per minute than per hour. Also, because I've been working from home for so long, I wouldn't even know how to explain things in a vanilla job interview. It sickens me how much money I could be making while I sit on all these sites. They are direct dial, and the affiliate is mainly automatic dispatch. And my biggest fear is eventually hiring girls who just don't do it the way I can though I know I can train them. Any suggestions on what I should do? TIA!
    Just because he has a dick doesn't mean he gets to control your life or make the rules. Giving "permission"?!?! What are you, 12?!?!?!?!?! I say Fuck him...there are plenty of real men out there who are accepting of PSO's and Strippers...

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    OH ! Yuck. I haven't read the whole thread yet but I wanted to let you know I feel your pain. I do massages in lingerie ( without a hand job ) and my boyfriend has a huge problem with it so I know what you are going through. In fact ... I agreed to try out quitting doing them for a few weeks ( it's been 27 days to the day actually ). I'll come back to this thread. ;/

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Quote Originally Posted by HaydenBlue View Post
    Sorry but I think that is a bunch of bull.
    I disagree. I think it's one of the few posts of this type that is *not* bull. Hayden just understands the value of love cf can exceed the value of money. Her husband has a dealbreaker, just like she has hers. She's free to do phone sex, and he's free to divorce her, but she doesn't want that so she's being considerate of his feelings.

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    Default Re: My Husband Has Officially Banned Me From Doing Phone Sex:/

    Ok, so just as an update to my situation. He decided to stop "allowing" me to dance this weekend, on the basis that it "upset him, was dirty money, didnt like it anymore" i have left him, because basically i know this was (one of) the final straws, he will continue to decide to stop "allowing" me to do things (again) He didnt mind taking the money from me when i danced, i dont dobt he loves me and i love him but after everything we've been through if he cant love me and trust me while i am a dancer, he is never ging to love me properly. I know a lot of men struggle with their partners as dancers, but i refuse point blank to end up where i was this time last year (VERY ill) in order to make him happy, sacrificing my happiness and health and wellbeing will do me no good.
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