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Thread: Men who touch without paying

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    Veteran Member AriahsPariah's Avatar
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    Default Men who touch without paying

    Lately I've been coming across men who start putting their hands on me as soon as I walk up to them and introduce myself. I usually back away and guide their hands off me. It's becoming really irritating especially when they sneak a pat on my ass as I walk away. How do you handle men like this?

    Last night was somewhat traumatic for me. I went to a club that I work at every now and then..about once every other month. I came up to this guy at the bar, chatted for a couple minutes, asked him for a dance which he declined. He tipped me two dollars which he slipped into my bra. His finger brushed against my nipple and he peeked into my bra when he felt my nipple ring. This asshole tapped me on the ass and I tried to let it go. A couple minutes later I asked him if he wanted a dance since he started being handsy but he just rolled his eyes at me. I took his ashtray with his cigar ashes in it and threw it at him and told him not to fucking touch me again. Right after, the fucker hit me in the back of my shoulder! I was frozen in shock that I didn't know what to do or say. He ended up walking out and the manager had a talk with him. What's worse, besides him hitting me of course, is that he is a regular at my home club!

    I'm about to start carrying pepper spray in my bag. Who the fuck do these assholes think they are? How did you handle similar situations? I don't know if I should go back to the club he's a regular at.
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    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    UUUGhhh I hate that shit. I don't have a lot of advice... I have problems like this at one of the clubs I work at. Guys will swipe your pussy while on stage, it's even happened to me just walking through the club. I've learned to constantly be on guard and try to pull away before they can touch, but it's not always possible.
    When I walk up to a guy who starts touching like that right away I am extra vigilant about what he is doing and will usually just try to close a sale right away. But honestly I don't even really like dancing for these guys since they are so much trouble, and they usually say no anyways.
    What I like to do, that makes me feel less powerless, is to ask for/demand a tip. When they ask why I tell them because they did XYZ. Even if it's only a couple bucks, just the fact of calling them out on it makes me feel better than just holding my anger inside. I've also just acted really shocked/appalled and made a big deal about it, but at least with the tip thing you might get some money out of it. If they refuse to tip threaten to get a bouncer.

    If you go back to the home club, I would just ignore his ass. Unless you think it'll upset you to see him again, then maybe go somewhere else if you can.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    i second the pepper spray idea. ive seen too many girls get assaulted by cunts like the guy in your story.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Definitely try and get a tip/fine from them if they're too quick and sneaky for you to dodge. Be very assertive when you demand it, not at all cutesy, and if they complain, politely tell them that you'd rather not have to involve security in the matter as they're not only breaking club rules but also assaulting you.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    I'm really sorry that happened to you. What a pathetic man that he needed to get "back" at you like that. Seriously... hitting a woman when she didn't hit him in the first place? Even if you DID hit him in the first place. He probably feels so pathetic and powerless in his life that the only way for him to feel better about himself is by taking control of every situation. You making him feel less than / weaker than he likes to be made him so angry that he felt the need to hit you? That's the kind of man who beats his wife and rapes people.
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Wow that's fucked up- but the reason I try not to do anything physical to these knobheads as you don't know how they'll react.

    I call them out- turn very serious/angry (but controlled) and just ask them flat out what they think they're doing/ Why do they think it's ok to touch people like that. Then tell them they can't do that/it's assault, whatever, and suggest they keep their hands to themselves. Then demand a tip or get security, whatever's appropriate at the time.

    I've only really had this happen a few times while dancing, a lot more in regular bars- but men just don't get called out on it so they're a bit dumbstruck when women do this.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Quote Originally Posted by shanna dior View Post
    Definitely try and get a tip/fine from them if they're too quick and sneaky for you to dodge. Be very assertive when you demand it, not at all cutesy, and if they complain, politely tell them that you'd rather not have to involve security in the matter as they're not only breaking club rules but also assaulting you.
    This. Don't be all cute about it. DEMAND is the operative word. Stand up to these fuckers.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Men who sneak those touches risk running into my fist. While I don't recommend that, DO NOT let this shit just go. Demand they pay you, or get a bouncer to throw them the fuck out. They have NO RIGHT to touch you.
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    OMG I totally get what you guys are going through, but then again, all of us will come across these assholes!
    I merely sit down and have a chat, and they'll sneak their hand under the table to give my leg a stroke, like FUCK OFF!!
    I just move my leg away slowly and pretend nothing happened though... But I really should be saying something!!!

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    just tell a bouncer, don't risk your physical health in a confrontation. It's suck and is unfair but what's done is done, remember it's like they stole $30 from you - not worth some psycho knocking your expensive teeth out, getting a fracture or them potentially following you after work and... etc

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Id get them bounced with zero warning
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Wow, that is a really shitty situation.

    Don't let that ignorant little bastard push you out of your own club. If you are uncomfortable while he is there, make sure to steer clear of him and let a bouncer/manager know that he assaulted you before.

    If a guy ever pushes my comfort zone, like rubbing my legs or ribs, ESPECIALLY when I first sit down, I won't even try to sell a dance. I'll talk to him for a minute and then say I have to go to the bathroom or something so I can leave. A girl I work with will say hilariously ridiculous stuff, like 'Oh, I think I just got my period. Excuse me.' or "Oh god I have to take a shit" or something gross like that. lol. They usually won't bother her again.

    As far as the groping goes I'm kind of quiet and I don't usually speak up when I should. I just don't understand how they think it's okay to grope someone they don't know?? If they did that to me OTC it would be a slap across the face, so I give them one chance. If they do it again, I get up and leave and ignore them. And as far as I'm concerned that guy won't have a single girl talk to him for the rest of the night.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    yeah, this is wh i dreadedd going into work at rhino. i couldn't believe how much on the floor contact was the NORM. we're talking "let me so that ass and titties and hold them for a second and maybe i'll get a table dance". unbelievable.

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    Featured Member *Jade*Love's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Oh hell no. If a guy tries to feel me up while I'm standing or sitting next him, it's pretty much guaranteed a dance isn't going to happen. I can't help but to step back, twist my body out of the way, stiffen up..it makes my skin crawl. They can tell I'm not cool with it. It's pretty hard to pretend to be interested in someone when your body language screams "Get the hell away from me". So I usually just don't even ask. But I do make sure they feel like complete loser before I walk away.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    I had a friend that would say, very loudly, "THANK YOU! You just made me $20 dollars!" And demand the money as a fine. If they complained she'd have them bounced.

    I put up with it way too much too, and I hate it. I just don't like looking unfriendly or unhappy in front of the rest of the customers. I just stiffen up and get away from them as fast as I can.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    If a guy touched my pussy when I walked by I wouldn't demand a tip, I'd start hollering for security and demand that he was kicked out RIGHT THEN. Even at horrible clubs, when managers get involved and I say "if you don't kick them out NOW, then I'm leaving NOW" then always side with me and show him the door.

    Also, I had a manager try to give me lip once about saying that, and I said "If you are not willing to remove someone who sexually assaulted me then I am leaving for tonight. If you try to stop me/bar me from coming back then I will file a police report and sue you for unsafe working conditions". The manager suddenly had a nice cup of shut the fuck up and the man was removed. You have to teach people how to treat you, dickface managers included.
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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Quote Originally Posted by sexyscarlet View Post
    As far as the groping goes I'm kind of quiet and I don't usually speak up when I should. I just don't understand how they think it's okay to grope someone they don't know??
    They think it's okay because when they do it, girls don't yell / cuss them out like they would outside of the club. Even calling them on their shit by being like "do I KNOW you??" is enough. I don't think that you can really say that you don't know why they act that way when you don't do anything about it in the club but would slap them otc. That's the answer right there, right?
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    I had a guy slap my ass twice during a dance. I stopped dancing and I went to see management and you know what they said? They told me that I had to be more polite about it. Fuckedup.com
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    I realise that means he paid.. But to holler in - I hate guys who think it's ok to make you sit on their lap and stroke you and then turn down a dance. I want to slap the fuckers silly. I now NEVER sit on a guys lap unless he's in VIP. The easiest way to stop guys getting handsy if they start is to literally hold their hands. When I worked in Ibiza my technique was to backhand the slimy bastards but it was making me quite angry, and look like a crazy stripper bitch.
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Quote Originally Posted by mariesgame View Post
    I had a guy slap my ass twice during a dance. I stopped dancing and I went to see management and you know what they said? They told me that I had to be more polite about it. Fuckedup.com
    Oh fuck that. Imagine if the guy did something worse. What would management do then? Management at your club sounds shitty to me, and I wouldn't feel safe working there if I knew management were taking the guys' sides.
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Im so sorry this happened to you.

    I dont sit on laps, as a rule, we are not allowed to as it could encourage customers to think they are getting more than we offer. Whenever they give us money, there is to be no contact other than hand to hand. I know its different in the UK but if i customer ever tried to give a girl cash in her thong or her bra he's be out the door no questions asked. It is against the rules to touch or proposition. In my club, this customer would have been removed and banned, and in all honesty the police would probably have been called.

    It is ridiculous for men to assume tha because they pay us to dance naked/spend time with them, they are entitled to touch, abuse or assault us. Whether he is a regular or not he should never ever lay his hands on you, as a regular he should be fully aware of the boundries and not try to push them!
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Quote Originally Posted by sierra. View Post
    UUUGhhh I hate that shit. I don't have a lot of advice... I have problems like this at one of the clubs I work at. Guys will swipe your pussy while on stage, it's even happened to me just walking through the club. I've learned to constantly be on guard and try to pull away before they can touch, but it's not always possible.
    When I walk up to a guy who starts touching like that right away I am extra vigilant about what he is doing and will usually just try to close a sale right away. But honestly I don't even really like dancing for these guys since they are so much trouble, and they usually say no anyways.
    What I like to do, that makes me feel less powerless, is to ask for/demand a tip. When they ask why I tell them because they did XYZ. Even if it's only a couple bucks, just the fact of calling them out on it makes me feel better than just holding my anger inside. I've also just acted really shocked/appalled and made a big deal about it, but at least with the tip thing you might get some money out of it. If they refuse to tip threaten to get a bouncer.

    If you go back to the home club, I would just ignore his ass. Unless you think it'll upset you to see him again, then maybe go somewhere else if you can.
    you're totally right! i'm way too nice to these assholes and i always try to keep a smile on my face when i'm dancing. they usually catch me off guard when i'm on stage and i don't want it to ruin my stage show so i just usually let it slide. i let too many things go. i need to start demanding a tip. at least it will make me feel better at the end of the night.
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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    They think it's okay because when they do it, girls don't yell / cuss them out like they would outside of the club. Even calling them on their shit by being like "do I KNOW you??" is enough. I don't think that you can really say that you don't know why they act that way when you don't do anything about it in the club but would slap them otc. That's the answer right there, right?
    I believe they know it's NOT ok but they are predators who clubs are too short sighted to throw out. They used to bounce people on the regular to keep teh bad apple from spreading rot. Now they are so desperate for every dime that they pimp out and endanger the girls and don't care about them. Some girls burn out or refuse to work like that and they get booted or switch clubs? So what, replace 'em.

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    I usually block them and then pop the question straight away - they usually act so disappointed when they can't cop a free feel When I'm walking through the club, I cover my crotch with the handbag. Always be guarded and remember when a guy says 'trust me' at the club - it means be extra vigilant!

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    Default Re: Men who touch without paying

    If a guy goes to feel on you, say, "are you ready for a dance?"
    If he ignores your question and tries to grab you again, say, "are you paying to touch me?"

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