Thank you all for the advice and support. Would not know how to deal with this without my SW family.
-LX




Thank you all for the advice and support. Would not know how to deal with this without my SW family.
-LX
Last edited by Lady Xplicit18; 03-12-2012 at 11:11 PM.
"Strippers are like pet tigers. They are nice to look at but they are not for everyone."





Wow. Soo wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry you went through this bullshitThis bouncer sounds like an abusive prick. If he has a gf or wife, I bet he throws her around too. I can't believe the fucking cops did NOTHING! Self defense? Really? More like, you're a stripper and we don't give a fuck. Grrrr... There's no way I'd want to go back to that club. Bouncers are there to protect you and I don't see this asshole protecting you or helping you if things were to get out of hand with a customer in the future. In fact, he'd probably help the dude. The only answer/advice I can give is to find a new club. I can only see things getting worse from here on out.




Please quit that club. You were physically battered and not defended. This is horrible. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.
"SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)
"Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."





I agree that the bouncer could have handled it differently. But to be fair, there is plenty of blame to go around here. There is no doubt that he was a major league prick, but you were the one who escalated matters by getting physical. In fact, once you did that you gave away your control and he could have done a lot worse to you than he did and probably still claimed self defense. I am not judging, just pointing out the reality here.
Idk if your boyfriend is just talking or if he's serious, but if he does go after the bouncer then shit is gonna' get bad in a hurry. And frankly you've put your boyfriend in a bad position by: (1) getting physical with the bouncer in the first place; and (2) laying all of this shit on your BF after you did. How did you think your BF was going to respond? What choice are you giving him right now other than to retaliate? IMHO the only way you will calm your BF down now is to accept some blame and tell him that you were the one who fucked up by attacking the bouncer in the first place and that the guy was just getting you off of him. And you need to make your BF believe it, even if you don't.
Again, I am not defending the bouncer and what he did was horrible. Now, though, the question that remains is whether you want any more drama coming from this. I also agree with others who say that if you are having these issues then it may be time to seek out another club.
Anyway, just myand good luck!





To the first part: there is such a thing as having a reasonable and proportionate response. Her grabbing the shirt and pushing a 6'4" dude is no where near life threatening. So he couldn't have "done worse and claimed self defense" because it would have been seen as assault. Self defense just means you do as much as you have to to defend yourself but no more.
To the second part: the boyfriend and only the boyfriend is responsible for his own actions. He absolutely has a choice to obey the law and avoid making it harder for her to go back to the club if she wants to. He's better off dealing with his frustration another way like helping her find a new club.
I think you'll be much safer out of that place, doll.![]()
“What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE





You mentioned he was abusive in the past why didn't you go to management when he pushed you before now? While I have been lucky with bouncers unfortunately too many clubs don't check their background before hiring. This guy was out of line attacking but I would recommend finding another job. Going by his attitude next time he will beat the shit out of you.
Kaia, I am not surprised the cops said that because I had a situation years ago where I hit my then friend's boyfriend after he hit me and I was the one arrested because the cops believed he was too drunk to hit me (that and they were misogynist assholes). Cops often think of strippers as little more than whores and they don't do much for prostitutes that get beat up either.
Not only is it unacceptable that the bouncer is behaving that way with you, you also have to be concerned about him not doing his job. If you ended up in a bad situation where a customer was assaulting you, could you rely on this bouncer coming to your aid? No. That means that at the very least you should only work shifts that this bouncer won't be working, and at the most you should find another club. It's good that the manager believes your side, but the fact that he's not getting rid of the bouncer shows that he'd rather risk the safety of his dancers than go through the trouble of replacing this guy. I don't care if it's a dive or not, that's unacceptable. The bouncer fucking stole from you AND physically assaulted you, and it's HIS job to keep CUSTOMERS from doing that. How can you ever count on safety at this club as long as this bouncer is there?





deleted.
Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 05:12 AM.




Whether he is on steroids or not this is COMPLETELY unacceptable. My SO is 6,4 about 250 lbs, a body builder and full of steroids and he would never dream of laying his hands on me, all of the bouncers i know are on steroids and would never physically assault a dancer. He is supposed to be there to keep you safe, not bully, abuse, extort money from you and harm you and i am so sorry this happened to you!
If you can, move clubs as fast as possible and i would press charges; keep it very quiet and make sure the police are aware that there is CCTV footage of the incident. It would have been self defence on his part if you came at him, from behind, while he was asleep carrying a baseball bat, from what you describe whether you flipped or not, he did not use reasonable force to restrain you, he bullied you, stole money from a customer and then you, and then hurt you. If he has decided he as you said "does not like you" and he will obviously go out of his way to make your work environment unpleasant and scary, it is not worth it to you to stay in the club, who is to say that he wont do something like this again, and if he is a bit mentally unstable, doing something like following you home etc. You do not deserve this kind of treatment!
xxx
''I love fake boobs''
''They're not fake! I grew them myself!''



OMG! that is AWFUL!!! i've worked in this industry for years and that behavior is beyond me! yes, you need to work somewhere else. sheesh, seems like you'd need to be a ninja to work there!
what about the custy in this situation? did he witness this? first off the bouncer demanded $ from him that the custy did not owe- if anything, that would have worked in your favor esp regarding police. the police are more likely to believe you if a custy feels the same way and chimes in. this club won't stay in business if that's how they treat their good customers. what a bunch of idiots.
Ohh wow this is just fucked up!! Sorry I would have called an additional police car. Maybe one officer that wasn't been paid off. He needs to have charges pressed and do it now! Fucking fat guy doing that? I would have the police request to see the video of the incident. I mean why weren't they taken up there to determine who was at fault in the first place? A man putting his hands on a woman is bad enough but a fat ass big guy trying to rob you, throwing money in your face out of anger and then assaulting you?
Yes, exactly.
There is never any excuse for a grown man to grab a woman by the throat. Never, ever ever. No matter what the circumstances, no matter who "started it" or escalated it or who was even in the right.
This is something boys are (properly) taught when they are very young -- at an age when it makes no sense to them that girls seven years older and twice their size can smack the crap out of them and if they even touch the girl, then they are going to get beaten senseless with a belt or a yardstick or a flyswatter (your natural instinct to block the flyswatter with your arm is a mistake you only make once).
This even includes the Latina girls who in school would suddenly lunge at each other, biting, scratching and ripping each other's hair out as they crashed across desks.
Never, ever.
If you internalize this as a young boy, it will simply never occur to you to do it.
Quick story: My first girlfriend out of college had major physical anger management issues, and a bad habit of beating up her younger brother and punching entirely innocent people. When we would have verbal fights, every once in a while they would escalate to her trying to punch me in the face. I would sort of instinctively grab her wrists as she was throwing each punch, then hold both wrists at an angle and down, apart, just slightly, while trying to calmly talk her down from her out-of-the-blue rage. This always worked, unless I started laughing -- not at her, but at the absurdity of the situation.
There is always a purely defensive alternative when being attacked, and grabbing a woman by the throat is light-years from being even remotely acceptable.
And yes, of course, she should switch clubs. The bouncer wasn't the only moron who was way out of line. The manager is a straight up enabler and the entire environment is a recipe for disaster.
Keep in mind that if she brings the police into this again, she is the one that may be charged with assault. Its on tape that she initially assaulted the bouncer. Her best case scenario is that the cops dont charge anyone(which is what already happened) The next best scenario for her is that they are both arrested and charged. The third scenario is they only arrest and charge her. There is no way under the above mentioned circumstances that they will only charge him.
Same thing with the management....they have grounds to fire both of them.
My advice would be to not push this issue any further, have no contact with the bouncer, & look for a new club if possible.





I am so sorry this happened to you, so wrong. I don't know what to say, but I hope you can get out of there too.
my heart goes out to you, plz look for a new club cuz ur safety is way more important. i would never work for a club that i didn't feel safe at. ur custies will find ya and follow ya anywhere.





There is no more truth to this statement than there is to all the bullshit we hear about the reasons why women work in the clubs.
That being said, this guy was out of line even if he was provoked by the OP getting a little physical. The only reason the cops didn't give him any shit about it, was that the OP is a dancer, probably--they are notorious for having no sympathy whatsoever in these cases.
You need to get out of there ASAP. And I understand your boyfriend's reaction, but he is likely to get hurt AND arrested if he goes after that guy.
You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
George Clinton
______________________________________
I'm so sorry this happened to you I think perhaps you should find a new club since your manager hasn't done anything about this man, which is pathetic...
Best of luck to you girl
TIME TO GO TO COURT! You have witnesses??? Or cameras?? You have a police report. If I were you I would call an attorney and ask for advice, I am so pissed and I only read the title of this post. I wouldn't let him get away!! Hell no!!!!!!!!!!!!





Exactly. But don't expect that fact to resonate in here while this "The bastard - go after him!" tirade is underway.
There is no doubt that he got rough with her, but I do have to say that there is no easy way to restrain someone who is flipping out (I speak from experience unfortunately). First, it is almost impossible to hold on to someone's wrists when they are trying to break free and, even if you can manage it, she is still close enough to knee, kick and even bite you. By grabbing her by the neck he was able to keep her from using her other body parts as weapons. There is a reason why most bouncers take very unruly customers out from behind in arm or head holds. I'm not saying that he couldn't have been more gentle about it, but to think that she couldn't have injured him just because of the size difference is just not the case. The eyes are very vulnerable to scratching, the testicles to knees and full on kicks, and almost everyplace else to bites if she is really losing her mind.
And to make matters worse, now that the assailant has managed to avoid an assault charge, her boyfriend is planning to take one for the team by becoming an assailant himself.
Now again I am in no way defending the asswipe. It sounds like he found every way possible to make her life miserable. But there were a shitload of better ways to handle this besides losing control and handing over her power to the bouncer by assaulting him first. And to compound the already bad judgement used here, it sounds like the drama is about to escalate even further.
I agree that she just needs to walk away and I hope that she does everything she can to get her boyfriend to do the same.
Last edited by rickdugan; 03-13-2012 at 06:58 AM.





i hope you didn't take this personally. i didn't mean you at all. but my experience with male staff has been steroid abuse, weird hangups on women that they are trying to work out by working in a titt bar, attempts to live some kind of pimp lifestyle...that's why i said i hate that i'm getting used to stories like this. i've seen dancers get choked out and thrown out of clubs by mgmt like it was just some normal thing. i think i posted in another thread that all dancers should be appreciative when they have useful bouncers and respectful mgmt because they are the exception and not the rule.
there is a bouncer in my area who habitually goes into roid rage and that's EXACTLY what this story sounds like to me.
op, i'm sorry this man hurt you.





Maybe I've been lucky but most bouncers I've worked with have been amazing. Some of them have been tattooed bikers (which is probably why they couldn't find another job)but they were all respectful. Others had other jobs, like my ex who was also a firefighter. Now with regards to management I would agree with you, most have been in the job either to make as much money as possible (nothing wrong with this)or to date/sleep with dancers.




Honestly, and i know im going slightly off topic here, but roid rage is often blamed when men who take steroids have anger issues. I have met many steorid users (and a lot of steroid abusers, and by abusers i mean men who take a LOT of steroids) Its all relative, and i dont think steroids can be used as an reason for some mental bastard who beats women to use as a reasoning for it. Whether the person in question takes steroids or not, he probably has a lot of under lying anger issues. Steroids dont necessarily change the personality or the coping ability of an individual, he was probably fucked up waaay before he started taking steroids, and now he's just big enough to take out his anger on people without others being able to handle him physically. Again, sorry to go so off subject but i always want to for want of a better phrase, placate the idea that steroids are the problem. The problem is that some men (who take steroids) are fucked up, bullies and cant handle their anger, they are the exception to the rule, i know a LOT of steroid abusers who are big soft teddy bears and would never harm a woman no matter what. //End thread jack.
''I love fake boobs''
''They're not fake! I grew them myself!''





Oh it's OK. I've seen some weird bouncers/managers/DJs that were definitely in it for all the wrong reasons, trust me! But then I've also seen some weird dancers who were in it for all the wrong reasons. Actually more crazy/weird dancers than crazy/weird male staff--but of course that is because there are so many more of them.
Getting back to the topic, any dancer thinking of threatening legal action against the owners/employees of a local club should investigate what kind of clout they have with local law enforcement. There could be evidence in her favor, but if the club is tied into the legal system via payoffs/political connections, etc.--as is so often the case--it won't matter. Pressing charges could backfire--especially if there is also evidence against her as well. And if the club is connected with the 'really wrong' kind of people, it could be a very bad idea.
I'm all for justice. But sad to say that in many cities and counties in the USA, a dancer getting justice out of the legal system is unlikely, and the attempt could just get her into trouble. Proceed with caution...
You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
Friedrich Nietzsche
Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
George Clinton
______________________________________





Fantastic points. I used to work in NYC clubs that had questionable backing from questionable associates. In those clubs it would be far better to walk away than try to sue or press charges. If by some miracle I was able to without getting a limb broken I certainly wouldn't have a job. So perhaps you can put a thought in the manager and/or owner's head about this guy stealing from customers and really the club. If you present it as looking out for the organization he may be more open to it. Right now he doesn't give a rat's ass about the girls but appealing to his selfishness might get action.
“What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE
Bookmarks