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    Default Social Outcast?

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    Last edited by AnonSexWorker; 05-01-2013 at 03:11 PM.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Plenty of people have social anxiety so you're not alone. It's very hard to deal with anxiety especially outside of your comfort zone but it seems you can travel without this issue. The question is what is the cause (particularly with females) of people not wanting to be your friend? Have you sought out an opinion? Also why do you feel the need to fit in rather than meeting people who enjoy you for you? It's hard for people to see you as a fun and cool person if you're always trying to fit it.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I'm going to WMC on Thursday, I'll hang out with you
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I know how you feel. I've had one or two friends at a time on and off, but I always ended up giving excuses to not hang out because of my social anxiety. I had a ton of friends in my first of year of High School, then my anxiety got the best of me, and I stopped hanging out with people. I remember being really lonely, but even when a girl would invite me to go to her house or to go to the mall, I would usually just give an excuse to not go. I was really well-liked at my High School, and I'm still really well-liked by most people, but being a loner has always been something I've chosen. Luckily, I'm with a really great guy and I'm perfectly happy just being with him.

    I used to work with a girl that went to my High School, and she was like "so-and-so said that they kept asking you to eat lunch with them, and they thought that you thought that you were too good for them." I spent my lunch just walking around outside in 20 below zero weather because I was afraid of crowds, not because I was "too good" for everyone else.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with going to Miami by yourself. Heck, I totally would. Not to Miami, but I'd take a trip by myself if I had to. Who cares if they don't want to go with you? You're probably too cool for them anyway.

    Anyways, I didn't mean to talk about myself so much. I've talked to a lot of girls on this site, and many of them are outcasts. You're not alone.
    Last edited by sammii; 03-19-2012 at 12:51 AM.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Dont worry, many people have social aniexty. I have it and been dealing it with it for about 5 years. I've been on pills for it and without them, I am off them and noticing an increase but yoga and meditating and being in a postive outlook helped me a lot! Creat a postive feel for yourself, surraround yourself with things that make you happy, and if something doesnt make the best of it and try not to be down.

    Im sure you can go on the trip no problem and meet people. Why those females dont like you is something you need to ask yourself, is it a couple thing, are the only single one, are imposing or they think you are interferring with their SOs, they could be jealous or dont know how to handle an attractive single female around them. There are groups, clubs you can join and meet people. Mainly keep yourself in a postive outlook, stand straight, smile, be open with people and your body lanuage.

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    Im sorry youre going through this. My social anxiety at one point was so bad I couldnt leave my house and had NO friends. I messed up an entire semester because of it. Ive come a long way since then, now I wonder, what the hell?! I am a fabulous person and a fantastic friend I am surely worth getting to know! I realized, great friends take TIME to develop, so dont be discouraged because you dont have a pack of besties around you. A couple weeks ago I was feeling lonely, I realized the "friends" I have are not really friends and just a buncha low-lifes. Im working on surrounding myself with better people and *sigh* that also takes time. Im gonna be a loner til then, but I have faith because like I said, I know Im great. So, have faith!! You said you think youre fun and cool, exude that confidence and maybe some new friends will be attracted to your energy. Once you draw them in then theyll see more of what makes you awesome! Hope it helps.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I'll be your friend. Hi
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I don't have social anxiety but I have problems. For instance no one ever calls me or invites me to anything. When I do see them they are like, "Hey, I haven't seen you in so long, where have you been?" But for instance.. I noticed that on Saturday the neighbors were having a big party and no one invited me. Later on I will see them and they will be like, "Gee, where have you been, we never see you?" Ever since I was little all of the friends I have had, it was like none of them ever called me or approached me. I have always been the one approaching others and the consequence of it is I feel inferior all the time, I feel unattractive. Whenever someone doesn't call me or return a message I just toss it on the, "No one likes me" pile as confirmation that I suck. I don't know how to change this, it's a curse that I am sure I will die with.

    I have spent my entire life lonely.

    Feeling worthless. Finally as a stripper I got noticed and appreciated though it is never a very healthy experience but it's the best I have. Also I have terrible trust issues. People who are into me scare me and I always assume that a friend will turn into an enemy or rather a friend is an enemy in disguise, looking for an opportunity. And guys just want to have sex with me so they can chalk me off their list and move on to the next girl. Welcome to my world.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Making friends (and then keeping them) is a fucking wild card. Especially when you don't have the "LETS PARTY!!" mentality. That's what I've learned.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    You know I struggled massively with friends especially girls when I was younger and then one day I thought fuck it. If I instigate gatherings, lunches, ask for their number, take control... Then they come to me. You are prob just beautiful hence intimidating. Then because that makes you shy, maybe you are quiet and girls think ur stuck up. Just be yourself and be confident and eventually you'll meet a sweet babe like you and it will snow ball from there. Think of girl friendships as harder than sexual ones. People need love and attention even in platonic relationships

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I don't have social anxiety (I'm actually really outgoing and can strike up a conversation) but I consider myself to be a social outcast. I think it is partly because I have a child and am still young, whereas my peers are focusing on parties, part time jobs, and hooking up. I go to college full time, but I also work in the adult industry, don't go to parties, stay out of trouble, live in an expensive condo, pay my bills, and raise a child--that doesn't leave much common ground for my friends and I.

    I like older people (25+) because they tend to me on the same page as me (live on their own, have kids/want kids soon/working full time) but I also think we lack common ground because I can't go to bars yet (under 21), I'm still in school, my son has special needs, and I don't have much free time. It always seems like older people don't want to hang out and I think it's because they want to go out and drink.

    I've been to plenty of bars in the US and Canada (and worked in them) so I find drinking to be boring. Sure, I like going to a pub and playing pool over a few drinks but the cost of drinks is outrageous, and you run a huge risk of getting a DUI if you don't pay a lot in cab fare. Also, a lot of the better bars are in shady areas around here so I don't like going down there and getting wasted.

    I just think there are better ways to spend $100, like going out with my son during the week four times and having food.

    So I don't really have any friends but I think it's just a stage in my life. Once I start working a vanilla job I'll meet new people who share a job interest with me which will hopefully bring more social contacts. The friends I do have live at home, get high a lot, get wasted a lot, are always broke, aren't in school, never can hold down a job--I'd be miserable like that. I'm happy living modestly with my family, they are my friends.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Quote Originally Posted by lifetravelergirl View Post
    I don't have social anxiety but I have problems. For instance no one ever calls me or invites me to anything. When I do see them they are like, "Hey, I haven't seen you in so long, where have you been?" But for instance.. I noticed that on Saturday the neighbors were having a big party and no one invited me. Later on I will see them and they will be like, "Gee, where have you been, we never see you?" Ever since I was little all of the friends I have had, it was like none of them ever called me or approached me. I have always been the one approaching others and the consequence of it is I feel inferior all the time, I feel unattractive. Whenever someone doesn't call me or return a message I just toss it on the, "No one likes me" pile as confirmation that I suck.
    I can relate to this, but honestly, what I think it is is that people nowadays are just so selfish and self-centered. They think nothing of not wasting their "precious time" by returning a call. Or thinking to themselves that they'll text you back as long as nothing "better" comes along and then just.... "oh whoops, I forgot, sorry." I feel like that's just how the majority of people are nowadays. They're so wrapped up in themselves that they just don't feel any sort of guilt in not getting back to people - they don't comprehend that anyone besides them has lives and plans and can't wait around forever to hear about their schedule. They never bother to contact anyone, and then try to get all butt-hurt with you for not contacting them. They might make one phone call to plan something, and then get all indignant that "they do all the work in this friendship" and throw little fits where they refuse to do the initiating anymore, and just... yeah. People are selfish, scattered, non-committal, and feel like any effort they make needs to be reciprocated fully otherwise they throw a fit and ignore you. I've had many many friends like this in the past, and once I decided that I couldn't handle their self-centered neediness anymore, they weeded themselves out. Yeah, I don't have a lot of friends anymore... but... who needs friends like that? So yeah, I get lonely, but at least the few people I have get back to me in a timely manner and don't play stupid games. People who do that... why bother worrying about them? It's not that they don't like you. They just love themselves to the point where they are the only ones who matter in their world.
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 03-20-2012 at 12:45 PM.
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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Quote Originally Posted by lifetravelergirl View Post
    I don't have social anxiety but I have problems. For instance no one ever calls me or invites me to anything. When I do see them they are like, "Hey, I haven't seen you in so long, where have you been?" But for instance.. I noticed that on Saturday the neighbors were having a big party and no one invited me. Later on I will see them and they will be like, "Gee, where have you been, we never see you?" Ever since I was little all of the friends I have had, it was like none of them ever called me or approached me. I have always been the one approaching others and the consequence of it is I feel inferior all the time, I feel unattractive. Whenever someone doesn't call me or return a message I just toss it on the, "No one likes me" pile as confirmation that I suck. I don't know how to change this, it's a curse that I am sure I will die with.

    I have spent my entire life lonely.

    Feeling worthless. Finally as a stripper I got noticed and appreciated though it is never a very healthy experience but it's the best I have. Also I have terrible trust issues. People who are into me scare me and I always assume that a friend will turn into an enemy or rather a friend is an enemy in disguise, looking for an opportunity. And guys just want to have sex with me so they can chalk me off their list and move on to the next girl. Welcome to my world.
    This is me.

    Op:
    I'm your new friend. Hi!. Can't go to miami this time, but come on up for a visit sometime!

    Seriously. We've all been there. Few people in this business aren't outcasts. If we were normal, it would be no fun

    Besides, being strange IS normal, for most people I know.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    The things is, most flamboyantly bitchy/awful females have tons of girlfriends, or at least tons of females who want to hang out with her and kiss her ass/engage in bitchy activities together. So, imo, the only legit reason as to why a socially acceptable (nice, attractive, etc--forgive my half-assed narrowness) female is ostracized by other females is a mixture of jealousy and intimidation. Almost every female I know has some sort of jealousy or comparison issue with other females, even if she tries to not act on it. Like, even though I think many of my female acquaintances and I are comparably attractive, if a guy tries to compliment me by saying I look like Liv Tyler, I get all sorts of pissy. "So, what, I'm almost as pretty as Liv Tyler, but because she's in movies she's better than I am and it's a compliment to even be compared to her? FUCK YOU!" Crazy? Maybe, but that's how it is. My point is that all these other women are probably comparing themselves to you (and every other female on the planet) and have a little bit of jealousy. Normally, that would just mean they'd best friend the shit out of you, because bitches be crazy and whatnot. However, because you have anxiety (I do too--you're not alone, at all), you probably come off as being aloof to anyone who has half a reason to interpret your actions in a negative light. Aloofness to an insecure person equates you thinking you're better than everyone, which means all of those women want to get together and make you feel that you are below them.

    Characterizing this sort of shit as "high school behavior" just gives too much hope to victims of it, because I don't think the hive mentality/cattiness/pure cruelty that so many groups of women are glued together by has ever ended in high school. As an introvert, dealing with the effects of this pattern might be easier for me than others. Or rather, less difficult, since there's nothing "easy" about it for anyone, really. I only have one female friend that I sort of trust, but we don't see each other often. I have a close relationship with my boyfriend and spend my time investing in myself--hobbies, money, etc. I think you ought to reassess your priorities first, then perhaps you'll realize that going to Miami and being around a bunch of assholes isn't something you really wanted to do in the first place.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Not alone at all. Sounds similar to what I've experienced in my life. One time, I had a male friend invite me to a party and then tell me I couldn't go because it was at so-and-so's house and I may "attract too much attention from the other males" there. :/ I didn't blame him. I'm not a confrontational type so missing out on some woman who should know better getting in my face because the guy she's casually fucking looked at me didn't sound like a loss at all.

    I don't have any friends either, but I recently became ok with that after I sat and thought about the nature of things for awhile.

    As far as social anxiety, I find that exposure is really the best way to approach lessening its severity. A month ago, I couldn't talk on the phone w/o having a near mental breakdown (psychological scar from waaaaaaaaaay back in my formative years). Now I have to do it for a job and while I still hate phones with a burning passion and dread having to take a call, I can at least get through the transaction somewhat sane. Baby steps. Have you heard of Meet-Up.com? They have social groups for all kinds of people who meet up maybe bi-weekly just to hang out doing whatever the designated group topic is. I'd give that a try.

    Also going to echo TuesdayMarie's post about priorities and also about being "aloof". Story of my fucking life. I can't even begin to count all of the negative experiences I've have in relation to someone misinterpreting my introversion as me being smug.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Also, maybe try to read books like How To Win Friends And Influence people, if you are lacking with social skills? If its REALLY bad, you could have something like Social Anxiety Disorder or Aspergers so look into those as well (but don't freak out if you have a lot of the symptoms, just look at how those are treated).

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    This is a good social anxiety forum..I'd focus on the triumph section to help you out

    http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I've always had social anxiety/shyness growing up. I once went through a whole semester without talking to anyone in school. I had never been invited to parties until I was in my twenties. I usually have just one close friend during any particular period of my life. In other words, I am a loner.

    As I get older, I am no longer as shy as I used to be. However, I still find myself preferring to be alone than being with a group of people. When I feel lonely, I prefer 1-on-1 interaction with just one person. So, the point I am trying to make is that it's not my social anxiety/shyness that's making me a social outcast. It's my personality. I am an introvert.

    I took the online version of the Myers Briggs test and found out my personality type. It really helped me understand why I am the way I am. The important thing about the personality types is that no one type is better than another. They all have their own strengths and weaknesses. The goal is to take advantage your strengths and try to improve upon your weaknesses. So to the OP, try to learn more about yourself and your personality and stop worrying about fitting in.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    Sometimes you've just got to put yourself out there a bit. Do the inviting ( such as posting here , there are lots of hot womenz here ).
    If average looking girls don't want to be your buddy, seek out hotter friends haha.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    ^Lol Carmen

    I agree that the girls who don't want to hang out with you probably just aren't... your type, to put it nicely.

    I've had this problem my whole life. I used to get nervous around people, trying to think of the perfect thing to say, and I would just draw blanks and then think that everyone must think I'm boring. Eventually I fixed that problem but I'm still introverted, and I've realized lately that I really just don't like most people individually, and that's probably why I couldn't think of anything to say to them.

    Guys have always liked me, but not girls, and it made me feel like the only thing I had to offer to anyone was my looks. For that reason, I also have an initial distrust of people. I've realized lately that the reason that most girls don't like me is probably for the reasons mentioned above, such as seeming aloof and intimidating, and difficult to manipulate. Take it as a compliment when some insecure butthead doesn't want to hang out with you.

    If I lived in New York I'd totally hang out with you. Let me know if you're ever in Texas =]

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I feel your pain. I am/was the same way.

    I had no friends, it felt.

    I found my first problems:
    # 1 - I need to invite people to do stuff with me. If I'm going to something cool, I need to be incredibly open with inviting people to come with me so they know I like them and want them around.
    # 2 - I have to put in the work. Put in the work by calling every now and then or texting or messaging. A phone call means A LOT these days. If someone is not responding after giving it a few tries, DROP THEM. Which sucks, especially when you feel like you have NO friends, but you need to create "space" for someone who actually cares.

    I did a lot of self-work to fully love and accept myself so I feel more secure to be myself with others.
    Also, the type of people you're around definitely matters. I hang out with many different groups -- I act differently in all of them because I find the "vibe" is different. I have a different comfort level with different types of people. So it could be you just don't feel most comfortable with the TYPE of people you are around.

    I don't have an uber full social calendar, but I think that is mostly because I still live with my parents which is embarassing for me and they are incredibly conservative. Its hard to handle life with them, so filling my social calendar is not high on my list, but I am satisfied for now...

    Also, do you have any OLD friends you can reconnect with? I found that its good to keep in contact with them. Also, they will retell stories of when you were younger and tell you about things they loved about you. When I was younger, I thought I was such a loser, but people tell me there are aspects of me they really loved, but just never expressed it or said anything about it. It gave me more confidence to be myself And I found that these traits naturally developed in me anyway as I was doing my self-work.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I'm the same way. I've never been able to fit in with groups for some reason, especially in high school. Part of it is that I never approach people first, I never stick around in the same room with them if I don't need to be there and if they're not initiating/maintaining conversation, and I never invite people to do things. I don't even call or text them first.

    I figure that if they wanted to befriend me, they'd approach me - otherwise, I feel like I'd be intruding on them.

    All my friends are male - I have almost no female friends at all.

    Anyway, that's one thing I genuinely loved about massage - they're all guys, and they all pursue ME. And they genuinely enjoyed my company, and I felt like I could be myself. Many of them are still my close friends to this day - platonic friends, since I have a boyfriend.

    Idk. If you're escorting or doing massage, it's a great way to do the socializing that humans are typically inclined to do. Most of the men are happy as a peach to be there with you, particularly the regulars. It's up to you if you want to continue the friendship or even the arrangement - it'd probably be harder if you worked for an agency or something, because you don't want to be known as a client stealer.

    And this may not work for people who need a more exclusive connection or a very frequent connection, but if you just want to socialize with whomever, I've found it a great outlet.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I feel like this at times too.

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I feel the same as most of yall. Im dealing with it now... my depression and anxiety stops me from doing anthing. Ive been wanting to dance for soo long and prepared but its so hard to just get out. I often feel embarassed that I cant just "get over it". Theres so much I want to do its fustrating :/ like I just hada meeting at my old club and was told to come in to start working. I was all excited to start then the day came and I freaked myself out..ugghh

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    Default Re: Social Outcast?

    I feel the same as most of yall. Im dealing with it now... my depression and anxiety stops me from doing anthing. Ive been wanting to dance for soo long and prepared but its so hard to just get out. I often feel embarassed that I cant just "get over it". Theres so much I want to do its fustrating :/ like I just hada meeting at my old club and was told to come in to start working. I was all excited to start then the day came and I freaked myself out..ugghh

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