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Thread: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

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    Member carmelarose1989's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    Hey girlies...I was just wondering...how do you deal with criticisms from close family or friends about dancing? If I tell a close friend about dancing their usual reaction is: Girl-"Oh, how could you let yourself be exploited like that? That's so disgusting. You should be ashamed, I'm worried about you, how could you sink this low etc etc" Boy-"Really?" (looks really uncomfortable and later tells everyone what a "slut" I am or that I'm "trashy" etc. Has anyone else experienced this???

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    I dont tell anyone, only a few people know and thats it. They judged as it being "cool, slutty, just for fun" but when they got to know me better they dont even relate dancing to me at all.

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    Veteran Member Tiabambina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    Pfft usually I just stop being friends with them.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    I have only told 3 very close friends and it took me a while to share this info. Though if I thought they would react like that I would never have told them. They were supportive and after I answered some of their questions they were only MORE supportive. Im sorry this happened to ya I would feel terrible if my best friend had said that. Maybe try and talk to them, explain why this is okay for you and tell them that you told them because you needed support and thought they wouldnt judge you, hopefully they can understand. Some people will never understand though :/ Like, I could never tell my family, theres no understanding it there!

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    If they're saying things like that, they are not friends, let alone "close friends." Close friends 1) would know you well enough to know that simply switching jobs doesn't make you a different person from the one they knew, and 2) would definitely not go around saying nasty things about you to other people. Dump these "friends."
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Veteran Member britchick85's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    Lucky for me i dont choose to be friends with narrow minded idiots.I understand if they are worried about you because the industry can be portrayed negatively in the media.But then to slag you off behind your back...ditch these haters..they are not friends.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    I don't broadcast what I do to some of my friends/family. but those that I have told, have been cool with it, like ''whatever, no big deal''.

    my advice: let the haters hate

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    I don't think anyone should surround themselves with people like that. I'm sure if they would do that about a job they were already talking behind your back much earlier than when you told them you danced. All my close friends and immediate family members with the exception of my mother and step-father were nothing but supportive. I have found in life that if someone would be against a friend dancing it's not someone I should continue talking to because it's something I enjoy.

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    Veteran Member azaleanola's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    Nobody who hates women that much deserves your friendship.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    Carmela, I think you should reevaluate who you think of as a friend.
    I have had dear friends tell me they do think that are way worse than strip, like waaaaay worse, by which I mean either just really weird, immoral, dangerous, or illegal, and I would never dream of saying something shaming to someone who is confiding in me.
    Really I'm always very flattered when someone chooses to confide in me something personal, and your "friends" should feel the same way, and not try to make you feel small.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    just because you were friends with someone doesn't mean you have to STAY friends with them. Fuck that!
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    It's kind of just a side effect of dancing that your friends may change--I could tell which of my friends would have a bad reaction to me dancing, and I've never actually come out and told them for that reason. I've also drifted from them though in the 2 years since I started dancing because I felt I couldn't have an open honest relationship with them. I have a hard enough time keeping up my all my friendships with people who genuinely care about me, don't judge me, and, are in fact very supportive of my decision to dance, so it came to a point where I just decided that people like that don't need to be in my life anyway. This job can stress you mentally sometimes and having friends or family that shame you because of it are going to deteriorate your mental state even faster. When my family found out I danced and it was "shame shame SHAME on you!" The trauma of that experience put me into a depression for over a year. It is seriously NOT worth it to even tell people that are going to react this way, it's only going to affect YOU negatively, they're just going to chill up there on their tower of morality and continue to shoot lightning bolts of SHAME at you for the remainder of your relationship. Don't give them the ammunition in the future.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    IMO, people who don't work in the sex industry just don't understand it. Don't you remember before you started dancing? Maybe your perception on stripping wasn't THAT bad, but I'm sure it didn't look like that pretty of a picture.

    Just ignore the close minded douche bags, they don't know the half of what really goes on in the club.



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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    When i first told my BFF i was gonna start dancing she was disgusted beyond belief, after a while she sorta got used to the idea, but could never really handle it, she's no longer my BFF, or even my F...My sister dances too so im lucky as she knows what it can be like, my non-dancing friends for the most part accept it as part of me now and love it (most of them will come into my club and gaze in wonder etc!)

    The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    There are a very small number of people who know I dance. My husband, my best friends, my parents, and a couple of other people. I don't tell anyone because I know what their reaction is going to be. It's got this ridiculous stigma attached. It's really difficult lying and hiding, and I hate it. But it's a necessity. I asked the above people's opinion on how they felt about it before I started, because I genuinely cared about their thoughts and feelings. That's they key sweetie, only speak to people about what you do who you know are going to be supportive and not care. Tell the others you waitress, or do something else. It's worth the secrecy to not have to deal with a thousand people's thoughts and feelings about something that you made a well thought out choice to do.
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    Default Re: Dealing w/criticism from close friends

    That's how you weed out the true friends from the fakes. People judge others more harshly than they would themselves because they have access to their inner emotions and only the actions of others.

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