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Thread: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Dizzy Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    so for a bit of backstory, 2yrs ago i moved out for the first time with my best friend and it was amazing i loved living with her for 6 months [but our landlord was a dickhead so we had to split and she ended up moving in with her bf afterwards.] , i was dancing, she would bring home awesome friends who knew how to party AND keep quiet and we basically did whatever we fuckin pleased whenever we wanted.

    and when it was over i was soo keen to move out again. so much i didnt really care that i didnt know the next girl who was an acquintance very well but moved in a month later anyway which ended up being the worst 6 months of my life and i was completely destroyed emotionally, mentally, everything. [more on that here http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...mate-is-a-c*nt ]

    so since then i hightailed it back home and i have been living here for a year. so i recently quit university to establish a fashion label with a close friend. obviously we been talking about moving in together at some point coz we bounce great ideas off each other, get heaps of work done. we stay over at each others houses a lot and shes a dancer too so we suit each other and have similar habits and personalities. the problem is i was looking at houses for us today online and i just got this feeling of being completely terrified of living out of home again. i love my mum, get along with her great, live in a big clean house near the beach with my brothers, always food ready etc.

    but i feel like now im 22, finished school and setting up my own business i should have nothing to worry about. theres 5-6 clubs i can work at, pretty much make average money with occasional great and shit nights.... but i keep thinking about housemate number two and always coming to my mums crying and all kinds of distressed and broke [though i was doing fulltime study at the time]. plus my brother is 16 i really should let him have his own room and i should be an adult and not be a shut in loser who lives in their parents basement till 40 and sits on facebook all day.

    heeelp how do i get over this??
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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    You're only 22. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

    You sound like you have an ideal roommate. You're close friends and share similar interesting/work. One way to confront yourself is simple knowing or asking what your roommate expects out of your partnership. Establish rules and expectations before moving in such as when people can come over, noise, cleaning, yada yada yada Basically a general feel.

    People who have bad experiences tend to focus on negatives before trying again. Use your room as a scape goat for problems and if possible stay at your parents house once and a while (Like 2-3 days) and just being around your family.

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    i know i guess ill have to keep thinking about happytimes with housemate #1 coz when i think moving out i think crowds of bitchy gay guys laughing at me behind my back, blaring loud music at 4am with semi-naked people singing along to it and communicating via writing notes because cant stand the other person enough for a 2 min conversation. im just glad i had housemante #1 otherwise i would never move out again.... all my friends my age live out of home and i guess if my unemployed muso ex and current crush who is the same can hold down a room so can i right?
    AAHHH
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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    Haha everyone probably has bad roommate experiences. My was with someone I've known since I was 1 years old. He's been a nerd type all his life and I'm a rebellious type. Anyways we used to get into a lot trouble (He never got arrest but I did haha) and do massive amounts of drugs together in our teens. We stopped talking cause I moved for a fresh start. Years later we talk again and decide to move in together, which I pay for the deposit and furniture. Everything was fine for the first few months because he worked a lot and I train full time and was going to school. Rent was a bit high so we had another buddy live on our couch for cheap.

    Anyways the problem lies here. My friend on the couch and I are a lot like. We do our own thing and don't bug or judge anyone doing theirs. We both pulled girls. He smokes weed. We drink. My other roommate, after being a hardcore druggie became a hardcore born again. Which isn't a problem however he one day decides that girls can not sleep over anymore. I'm not just talking for sex reason, but girls, even friends can't sleep over (We lived in a big party area so a lot of our friends would stay the night so they didn't have to drink and drive) He also decides to put Prop 8 signs (The ban on gay marriages in California) in our windows which neither the other roommate and me support (I dont give a shit who wants to get married). There's a lot more to this one but simple put, he also tricked both me and my other roommate (Separately) into going to Church group meeting for 18-25 year old where people try convincing you that you're going to hell if you don't become a Christian...I'm not joking.

    There is a lot more, I mean a lot but it sucked because we never judged his lifestyle and always supported him but he could never stop judging us. We all decided it wasn't working so he moved after his lease was up.

    We are all still good friends. Just can't live with each other. That's why having interests or likes is important plus knowing what you both expect before moving in

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    oh man thats messed up.
    yeah i admit with roomie #2 i didnt really know her that well, ive just seen her out a few times and we seemed to get along doing shots at the bar and partying... didnt know that was her actual personality with an added dash of psycho.
    i think we just gonna lay some house rules down flat to refer to later coz living and working together were bound to get on each others nerves
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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    I have no problem with independence, but I also think it's fine to live with your parents if they want you to. I guess I'm also really close to my parents and consider them friends, and I realize not everyone is like that though. I'm thinking about moving in a couple years maybe, but right now I actually live with my dad for a few reasons. One of the major ones being that he is sick and might not live very long, but there are obviously other reasons involved too. Other than he's messy I really enjoy living with him during childhood and even now. I know this is not the common reaction, but I honestly don't look down on people who live with their parentls UNLESS they are just bad (adult)children using and abusing their parents lol then that is no good. Oh and this is all assuming I don't get kicked out of my dad's place for just ordering a stripper pole, but he's just going to have to get over it!!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lysondra
    I had previously stuck the bananas and cucumber in my cooter, yes.

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    You can always visit home a lot. Invite your family over.
    I've been living away from my parents since I was 17, I enjoy visiting them from time to time but I don't like living with them.

    Sounds like you have a pretty good deal, go for it. Can you find a place still somewhat near your family?
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    omgosh- live with your mom for as long as she will let you. you're only 22! if she doesn't want you out i would stay!

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    i dont wanna stay at home forever. i feel like by quitting school i took the decision to become a responsible adult and im not gonna be motivated doing my own business if im at home... its a different mind set... and the place isnt big enough for me to set up a small office or something.
    plus my mums house is 2hrs away from the city and my club so thats heaps of travel time and cab money right there... i want a place in / near the city
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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    In this ecomony I would seriously stay where you are at now. Save money and buy a propertry, renting is so useless. If you are comfortable, then stay until you have money saved up. you will have to move out at a certain point. I moved at out at 18, and almost 21 and been renting since, its such a money grabber, its so difficult too esp when your in school. I can always move back in with my parents but for personal reasons I dont - as they will find out what I do. Anyway if your starting your own business or want to, SAVE UP. It doesnt hurt to save up at all.

    Even though that girl may seem great, there are many factors that could go wrong while you two are living together. If you are comfortable, save money and move out on your own, its so much easier, within 2 years im sure you'd want to and have plently of savings. Plus have the respect of your mother, it is her house so if she doesnt want your friends coming in crying be aware... have some rules. All im saying is, if your comfortable, why change now?

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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    we look at a really nice studio today its only 120$ each per week we might take it. i wanna take the label thing seriously and its hard to design in a non design environment
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    Default Re: Irrational fear of moving out of home again SIGH

    ^You were just very, very unlucky (MANY ppl have had room mates from hell-it's sometimes part of being a student/sharehouses, sadly). But, this time you will be moving in with a reliable, kind person, who is also dancer (understands your job/lifestyle), and someone who you actually know and who (unless she has changed a lot in a month lol) would respect your sleeping shedule/privacy etc (unlike the previous girl). A studio (or atleast a small one), while it's cheap, isn't big enough for two ppl to live in for a long period of time (often, even for a couple) IMO. It's natural to feel anxious when you are making major changes in different aspects of your life, so don't beat yourself up over the way you are feeling. Living at home can help you save money, make you feel safe and comfortable etc-so of course you don't want to give that up! And, the fact that you enjoy living with your family and actually get along very well with them/are close to them would make it harder. You are only human after all, and it's also natural to miss ppl-it doesn't make you immature or not ready for change. But, think of it this way-atleast your family is in the same state as you and you can always go and visit whenever and whenever you like (even if it is only just to raid the fridge lol jks). Plus, you can ALWAYS stay with your family if you ever want or need to, or if things don't go as planned. At the end of the day, you are making a very important and positive choice for your future.You are moving on to the next exciting chapter of your life, and it helps to look at moving out as another step towards your future goals !

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