Ladies, I am desperate for some feedback from this community. I have been dancing for the past two years. I met someone a few months after I moved to this city and started dancing. We have had a rocky relationship, very often going in circles about my choice of job. I have not always valued my job. Or myself, for that matter. In an effort to avoid contention in the relationship, I have put my needs last and very often chosen NOT to go to work. However, last fall, I made a decision to go back to school and complete my undergrad. I worked very hard during that timers pay off my debt to the school. This semester, I am a full-time student. I am afraid that I have totally wrecked my relationship.
From the start, I told him that I was a dancer. I never concealed my truth from him. I have, at times, considered quitting dancing for the sake of his happiness. Something always seemed to happen--we would break up, for instance--and I would inevitably find myself back in the clubs. I enjoy my work. I'm really good at it. I have no interest in working at McDonald's as he has suggested. No f- ing way! I have many personal goals, and am not afraid to pursue them...except that I feel like this relationship is getting in the way. I keep letting it get in the way. I have the opportunity to be a top earner in the club. I am making opportunities to become a certified yoga teacher this year. I intend to enroll again full-time this fall. I would like to do some sort of modeling. I will be volunteering this summer. I do not feel like I am in a bad or desperate place...except in this relationship.
I am struggling with making the decision to leave. For good. For ever. I am currently in therapy because of anxiety attacks, and my very chill counselor totally supports my job and career goals. I don't know how to give myself the okay to break away. All I want to do is fix it! If he would work with me, we could... But he is not. He is so caught up in my identity as a stripper that he will only see me as a fraud and a liar. I, for my part in this, told him that I needed at least 8 weeks until I looked for another job, until the end of the semester. And, with the help of the counselor, I am realizing that I do not want to quit. I want to buy my first house. I want to finish my degree. I want to be in charge of my life. And I am also terrified of being alone. Are there boyfriends out there that truly support YOU? How do I learn how to believe I deserve one? How do I fix things with the one I love, or does fixing things sometimes mean leaving?



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hehe i think i may be in love lol xx

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