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Thread: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

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    Sad need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    hi guys,

    i know i havent posted much on this board, but i need support from some fellow girls! my boyfriend who i had been living with for 3 years up and left me last week with no warning. we had the perfect relationship, or so i thought, but his heart just wasnt in it anymore. i have no friends or family and it is so difficult going through this alone.

    im so angry at myself because i had become so dependent on the relationship. i quit stripping for him (the only job that i have ever enjoyed) and gained 40lb. now i have no source of income, and no backup while i lose the weight i gained while i was with him.

    i know in a couple of months it will be okay - im sure there is someone out there that will love me again, im just disappointed that i couldnt see it coming. and upset that i let myself get to a weight that i am not happy with.

    is there anyone that has gone / is going through the same thing?

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    Veteran Member miamia4me's Avatar
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    I never allowed myself to be that dependant on a man, but I have quit stripping for a man. I got an office job and he had an issue with that too just for wearing tight pants to work and sitting next to guys! Live and learn and do not ever let a man take away your financial freedom. Please!

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    Default Re: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    thank you so much for your reply - i know i will never make the same mistake again. its just heartbreaking that i had to learn the hard way. at the end of the day, i guess this is a big wake up call for me, but getting there is so difficult. is there anyone else that has had the same thing happen?

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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    So sorry this happened to you. I havent been through anything like this before but Ive done it to someone and it was over 8 years ago and I still feel horrible about it. Your BF is a coward, like I was. You dont want to be with someone who isnt committed to the relationship anyway. I hope you are able to get on your feet asap and what he did doesnt have lasting issues in how you deal with relationships.

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    wow, that's really awful! I can't imagine what that must feel like. As far as loosing the weight, well, if you're working your tailbone off and eating healthy spaced out meals throughout the day, you can loose some weight, and then just dress to hide whatever flaws you think the remainder of your weight has given you-- waist cinchers, thigh highs, etcetera. There's a few really good threads on here.

    Also, keep in mind, that though you might be 40 pounds higher than you used to be, you might still be able to work in a club, either a dive, or a lower end blue-collar club. It's no slam on your body. Depending on the manager you might even get hired at a high end one. So give yourself a real hard look in the mirror and imagine what would happen if you piled on the makeup, did your crazy sexy makeup, cinched up your middle, had a push up bra on, thigh highs to cover the cellulite, and some kick ass stripper shoes to stick out your T&A. You might surprise yourself.

    Just don't go seeking validation from guys too quickly. That's where sometimes, entering into the swing of things with a vengeance club-wise when you have a broken heart can make you do things you regret. It took me years to forgive myself for the 2 times I crossed my personal boundaries in a club (which were less than a lot of extras girls but pretty bad for a "clean" dancer) and it was all because I wanted someone to crazy want me like my ex didn't.
    Ungoogle yourself:


    Also, now offering phone sexins!

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    I just want to say a huge kudos that you can even be so level-headed in your post about your situation. I was emotionally dependent on my ex, we were together almost 3yrs when he left and I went into depression and was completely useless to myself for almost a year. I really wish that I had your forth sight to drive on, I would have been *a lot* better off if I had your frame of mind! It took me too long to realize that anyone who would walk away, just like that, wasnt worth my tears.

    I agree with still trying to get back into stripping regardless of your weight gain. We are our own worst critic, and there is sure to be somewhere that will hire you. And once youre more active, dancing, and watching what you eat you'll be able to lose that weight and be back on track.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: need some support - boyfriend left with no warning - need to get back to 'old' me

    wow - thanks guys - i never realised how much better it would make me feel just to put my feelings out there. and your replies have been so supportive! BlkSharpie - i think you put it the right way when you said emotionally dependent - that pretty much sums up how i am. i just can't afford to let the sadness get to me like it has been, because at the end of the day i only have myself to rely on. i think i need to lather myself in fake tan, get my nails and hair done and pretty myself up in makeup - just feel better about my looks in general and go club searching.

    also thank you FiendishGyrator for the warning about coming back into the industry after a break up. i have always been a very clean dancer and will probably have to work that extra bit harder not to cross any of my boundaries.

    i really appreciate all of your responses - i feel so much better about my situation knowing that im not alone

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