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Thread: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

  1. #26
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous camgirl View Post
    I am confused by these comments of NOT lying to them, Oh you are hiding something from them.. keeping things a secret.
    Almost every single man I have EVER met (and I have been dating for 12 straight years with virtually NOshort term relationships (only 2) and 0 long term relationships. Has lied, deceived or cheated.. WTF?? Men NEVER EVER reveal all of themselves.. even if you think they are?? they are NOT.. they are always keeping skeletons in their closet.. that is how they play you and they do NOT get played.. it's the sad sad truth but this is the reality.. There is NO reason at all for you not to hide things from them other than a MAN's double standard that you are doing that..that's their game.. they don't like it when you play THEIR game on them.. Not that this is a game?? but why give someone total honesty and open ness when they are not doing that for you!
    Wow - I'm sorry to hear that you have had such rotten luck with men!! But surely, that isn't a reason to sink to the level of some guys that lie, deceive or cheat??

    I would think that being on the receiving end of being treated badly and lied to would make you even LESS likely to lie or hide things about yourself, because you know how crappy it feels and that it is NOT the way to sustain a healthy, positive relationship....

    I don't "play the game". I treat people the way that I expect to be treated, and am open and honest about how I feel.

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Well?? yes i have had over 20+ years with this with men... the way I see it! If you are paying your own bills, LIve in your own house etc etc, Why put yourself through that pain staking torture to let a man rip you apart for what you do for a living. 9 time out of 10 the relationship isn't going to work out anyway. I mean if you can call it that after a few days, weeks, or months. From now on, it's none of their business unless we are getting married, living together or he is paying all or half the bills. I mean REALLY?? You owe your entire future to who? what is the point. Unless there is a permanent commitment there, YOu don't need to tell him anything at all. NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS...LOL
    omg i cannot even tell you how many painful talks i have had with men about my work because i wanted to be honest and open. and those guys turned out to be crappy anyways,.. I could have saved myself the trouble of the crying, degradation and humiliation of it all.. Seriously now... You'll see if you stay in this business long enough what it is like. I envy those girls who have great relationships with guys or who are married and still in this business.. they are very lucky and the very few.
    I am just saying! why open yourself up to a can of worms if the relationship is probably going no where anyway?


    Quote Originally Posted by ManyRoses View Post
    Wow - I'm sorry to hear that you have had such rotten luck with men!! But surely, that isn't a reason to sink to the level of some guys that lie, deceive or cheat??

    I would think that being on the receiving end of being treated badly and lied to would make you even LESS likely to lie or hide things about yourself, because you know how crappy it feels and that it is NOT the way to sustain a healthy, positive relationship....

    I don't "play the game". I treat people the way that I expect to be treated, and am open and honest about how I feel.

    There is a great saying:

    If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    oh here is another reason not to tell that I wanted to bring up. Sometimes guys will want to have sex with you for one reason only. YOUR JOB.. especially if you have ever done porn like I have. So they can say YEP i did her!! for their own ego boost. Do you really want to go through that for your own sake of telling the truth. To know that a guy played you just to have sex?? Because you are famous for it?? All the while you think he is a great guy and really is into you?? Men do that to any woman anyway. Why give them another reason to hurt you! And if the guy doesn't like your job when you finally do tell him? he is an incompassionate douchebag who CANT handle reality.. and not even worth your heart , mind, body soul or your bank account..

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    In response to "all men lie etc."...people in general lie. There are few people you can actually trust. Even family can turn on you. That said, men do get played, too.

    A guy friend told me that he found out his previous live-in girlfriend actually was already engaged to someone else at the time. He was just a fling.

    Now, he's a very attractive guy, sweet heart, nice car, good job, will spoil you, has great charisma/personality AND he's non judgemental, yet he was played. If he wanted a girlfriend, I'd totally snatch him up lol.

    You don't always see it, but guys get hurt, too.

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous camgirl View Post
    Well?? yes i have had over 20+ years with this with men... the way I see it! If you are paying your own bills, LIve in your own house etc etc, Why put yourself through that pain staking torture to let a man rip you apart for what you do for a living. 9 time out of 10 the relationship isn't going to work out anyway. I mean if you can call it that after a few days, weeks, or months. From now on, it's none of their business unless we are getting married, living together or he is paying all or half the bills. I mean REALLY?? You owe your entire future to who? what is the point. Unless there is a permanent commitment there, YOu don't need to tell him anything at all. NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS...LOL
    omg i cannot even tell you how many painful talks i have had with men about my work because i wanted to be honest and open. and those guys turned out to be crappy anyways,.. I could have saved myself the trouble of the crying, degradation and humiliation of it all.. Seriously now... You'll see if you stay in this business long enough what it is like. I envy those girls who have great relationships with guys or who are married and still in this business.. they are very lucky and the very few.
    I am just saying! why open yourself up to a can of worms if the relationship is probably going no where anyway?
    Hmmm... I am confused about your history - in your first post, you said that you had been dating for 12 years, but in this one, you said 20? It doesn't really have a huge impact on your opinions or their validity, but I am a little confused by that.

    Anyway...

    I don't think that it is "painstaking torture" to tell someone what I do right off the bat. (and OP - I really hope that this doesn't make you any more nervous than you already are!!!) When I am asked "so what do you do for living?" I say that I work online, and when pushed, I say some variation of "well, I used to be a stripper, but now I do that online - its kind of like phone sex, but on skype". The most common reaction that I have had has been one of curiosity, some shrugs, and one or two morons who start harping on about it, or make a big deal of it. If a guy starts attacking me or acting inappropriately, then I tell them that obviously they need a little time to digest that, and if they want to call me, they can. Then I leave. It isn't torture at all - specifically BECAUSE I am telling them right away, so I have no emotional investment in them or in their opinion. On a first date, I don't know a guy from a hole in the ground - why on earth would I care what they think of me??? And no one has ever done anything that I would consider "ripping me apart". Not even close.

    And I definitely don't think that "9 times out of 10 it isn't going to work". Good lord that is negative!! Many relationships don't work out, but I feel like you have to go into each one with the attitude that this one WILL - if you start something assuming that it is going to fail, well, it'll probably fail. But I have worked hard to cultivate my positive attitude, and I know it isn't always the norm.

    As for "owing your future" to someone - I absolutely never said that you "owe" anyone anything! But to me, why start a relationship if you are not intending to have a future with that person? Or at least hoping you could have one? I don't "owe" a guy a future, but if I KNOW that there is not a future to the relationship, and not even a possibility of a future with someone, why would I waste my time? The way that you create a "permanent commitment" is by opening up your life, and seeing if it matches theirs, if there is a fit between you. If you refuse to open up to someone, they will never commit to you - I certainly would never commit to someone who refused to tell me about themselves, or be the slightest bit vulnerable with me. I may date someone who is slow to open up (in fact, I PREFER to, because I am slow to trust) but I wouldn't commit to someone who never opens up at all.

    I'm sorry that you have cried and felt degraded by crappy guys - your feelings here are actually making me feel even stronger about telling people from the get-go. I would hate to get to a point where a guy could make me cry with his opinion before telling him about such a large part of my life as my work.

    And as for guys that will fuck you just for the bragging rights (oh, peeler-pounders, what hollow little dbags you are!) yup, they exist. But I find them pretty transparent, most of the time, and they guys who have just wanted me to be able to say they fucked a stripper/porn star don't stick around, or give me the respect that I require before I sleep with someone. And if a guy is going to continue to date me, treat me well, live up to his promises and introduce me to his friends just for the sake of a fuck, I'm going to allow him that! But I've never come accross it.

    I would just like to say one more thing: I find your statement that "You'll see if you stay in this business long enough what it is like" to be fairly patronising - not sure if you meant it that way, but it didn't come across well at all to me. I have been in "this business" for the better part of a decade, and that's pretty much my entire adult life! I have worked in all different areas of the business (except for studio porn and escorting) to different degrees, and I have worked in the industry in multiple countries. I have also dated and maintained relationships throughout that time, culminating in the happy, loving relationship that I am in now, and that is going to become a marriage in the next year or so. I may not be as much of a veteran as some of the women who have been doing this for 20 or even 30 years, but I'm sure as shit not some newb who has no idea how this world works.
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by ManyRoses View Post
    Hmmm... I am confused about your history - in your first post, you said that you had been dating for 12 years, but in this one, you said 20? It doesn't really have a huge impact on your opinions or their validity, but I am a little confused by that.

    Anyway...

    I don't think that it is "painstaking torture" to tell someone what I do right off the bat. (and OP - I really hope that this doesn't make you any more nervous than you already are!!!) When I am asked "so what do you do for living?" I say that I work online, and when pushed, I say some variation of "well, I used to be a stripper, but now I do that online - its kind of like phone sex, but on skype". The most common reaction that I have had has been one of curiosity, some shrugs, and one or two morons who start harping on about it, or make a big deal of it. If a guy starts attacking me or acting inappropriately, then I tell them that obviously they need a little time to digest that, and if they want to call me, they can. Then I leave. It isn't torture at all - specifically BECAUSE I am telling them right away, so I have no emotional investment in them or in their opinion. On a first date, I don't know a guy from a hole in the ground - why on earth would I care what they think of me??? And no one has ever done anything that I would consider "ripping me apart". Not even close.

    And I definitely don't think that "9 times out of 10 it isn't going to work". Good lord that is negative!! Many relationships don't work out, but I feel like you have to go into each one with the attitude that this one WILL - if you start something assuming that it is going to fail, well, it'll probably fail. But I have worked hard to cultivate my positive attitude, and I know it isn't always the norm.

    As for "owing your future" to someone - I absolutely never said that you "owe" anyone anything! But to me, why start a relationship if you are not intending to have a future with that person? Or at least hoping you could have one? I don't "owe" a guy a future, but if I KNOW that there is not a future to the relationship, and not even a possibility of a future with someone, why would I waste my time? The way that you create a "permanent commitment" is by opening up your life, and seeing if it matches theirs, if there is a fit between you. If you refuse to open up to someone, they will never commit to you - I certainly would never commit to someone who refused to tell me about themselves, or be the slightest bit vulnerable with me. I may date someone who is slow to open up (in fact, I PREFER to, because I am slow to trust) but I wouldn't commit to someone who never opens up at all.

    I'm sorry that you have cried and felt degraded by crappy guys - your feelings here are actually making me feel even stronger about telling people from the get-go. I would hate to get to a point where a guy could make me cry with his opinion before telling him about such a large part of my life as my work.

    And as for guys that will fuck you just for the bragging rights (oh, peeler-pounders, what hollow little dbags you are!) yup, they exist. But I find them pretty transparent, most of the time, and they guys who have just wanted me to be able to say they fucked a stripper/porn star don't stick around, or give me the respect that I require before I sleep with someone. And if a guy is going to continue to date me, treat me well, live up to his promises and introduce me to his friends just for the sake of a fuck, I'm going to allow him that! But I've never come accross it.

    I would just like to say one more thing: I find your statement that "You'll see if you stay in this business long enough what it is like" to be fairly patronising - not sure if you meant it that way, but it didn't come across well at all to me. I have been in "this business" for the better part of a decade, and that's pretty much my entire adult life! I have worked in all different areas of the business (except for studio porn and escorting) to different degrees, and I have worked in the industry in multiple countries. I have also dated and maintained relationships throughout that time, culminating in the happy, loving relationship that I am in now, and that is going to become a marriage in the next year or so. I may not be as much of a veteran as some of the women who have been doing this for 20 or even 30 years, but I'm sure as shit not some newb who has no idea how this world works.
    You know i only added your quote so people do not get confused for the sake of conversation.. In no way is it directed only towards you but you seem to be taking it that way!

    First of all, I don't need to explain myself.. but I am about 10 yrs older than you.. I had an adult life before this... 10 yrs with my children's father.. I only got into this business when I was 30. So I know what a main stream adult life is and this kind of life. I had friends and relationships before the adult industry. Most all the people I know have normal jobs. I don't know anyone who doesn't. They don't understand anything. I have lost lots of friendships to because I was once in a regular normal job and then I am not. I find it VERY difficult and lonely that you may not feel. Sometimes I wish I could just rewind what I did and continue with an insurance career, would have been ALOT Easier and alot more money and no ridicule and secret lives. But I am on to other things and I cannot change the last 10 yrs of my life I have done this. I can only move forward and use this job as a platform to ways I really want to make money!
    Don't get upset but seems to me from what you said this is all you know. So you don't know what else is there or the way others treat you.. YOu only know this.. Please don't get offended by that.

    So for math's sake.. so it is not confusing .. the last 12 yrs i have spent single.. prior to that I had 10 yrs of long term relationship.. oK?> so that is 20+ yrs.. were those any good? NOPE! I hope that clears it all up for ya!

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Ehhh.. Like I mentioned earlier, every guy Ive ever been with cheated on me. 4 long term relationships, lasting 2yrs, 5yrs, 5yrs, and 3yrs for a total of 15 years out of my 19 years of dating, with the other 4 years filled with first/last dates, and the past 10 years of that in the adult industry.

    I just refuse to be bitter though...cause then Ill never meet anyone. I already know that the right guy is not going to judge me for what Ive done, how Ive lived my life, who I am and love and respect me regardless. If I have been able to do it for someone I love, I know its not far-fetched that someone out there will be able to do that for me too. But right now Im not so much concerned with finding him as I am with getting my life in order. When the time is right it'll happen. But I cant love any man, and no man can love me, if I hate men. Im pretty sure thats certainly not a good basis for a healthy relationship.
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous camgirl View Post
    You know i only added your quote so people do not get confused for the sake of conversation.. In no way is it directed only towards you but you seem to be taking it that way!

    First of all, I don't need to explain myself.. but I am about 10 yrs older than you.. I had an adult life before this... 10 yrs with my children's father.. I only got into this business when I was 30. So I know what a main stream adult life is and this kind...
    Don't get upset but seems to me from what you said this is all you know. So you don't know what else is there or the way others treat you.. YOu only know this.. Please don't get offended by that.
    Ah. Thanks for the explanation - I tend to assume that when people quote me, they are talking to me directly. So I will not take your comments personally if they were not intended that way. I've said once before, I wish that people could go back to using the word "one" instead of "you" without sounding ridiculously pretentious...or the french tu/vous - it would help clarify so much if we had a way to differentiate between "you personally" and "you generally". Tangent over.

    And no, this isn't all I know. I have been doing this my entire adult life, yes. But I have also always worked at least one other job (usually two) and have studied at university as well as taking an online degree. I have traveled every continent except Antarctica. This is most definitely NOT all I know. I'm not overly offended, per se, as I can see how you might think that, given that I have done this for a long time, but I do feel the need to point out that age is not a determining factor in what someone knows, or the experiences that they have. I have friends who are 20years older than me who have half the life experience that I have.
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Ehhh.. Like I mentioned earlier, every guy Ive ever been with cheated on me. 4 long term relationships, lasting 2yrs, 5yrs, 5yrs, and 3yrs for a total of 15 years out of my 19 years of dating, with the other 4 years filled with first/last dates, and the past 10 years of that in the adult industry.

    I just refuse to be bitter though...cause then Ill never meet anyone. I already know that the right guy is not going to judge me for what Ive done, how Ive lived my life, who I am and love and respect me regardless. If I have been able to do it for someone I love, I know its not far-fetched that someone out there will be able to do that for me too. But right now Im not so much concerned with finding him as I am with getting my life in order. When the time is right it'll happen. But I cant love any man, and no man can love me, if I hate men. Im pretty sure thats certainly not a good basis for a healthy relationship.
    For some reason, I have no thanks button for your post! So....THANKS! This sounds just about perfect, to me.
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Thank you all for the advice!

    My friend came over for dinner tonight, and I spent our time together quietly analyzing how close we were, and whether I should say anything. There's a significant "friend" vibe radiating off him. (Unnecessary relationship info but) he doesn't come on to me at all/breaks away from a kiss first/isn't particularly "romantic" with me like I would want a boyfriend to be.

    During a conversation, I ended up in a roundabout, subtle way, asking him how he would feel about dating someone, and then finding out she was a stripper. He absolutely looked at me and said, "I have no idea...really no idea how I would feel about that. That sounds like a sitcom plot."

    I shut up after that. I've come to the conclusion that we're not as "bf/gf" as I thought we were, although we enjoy being mutually beneficial to each other when it comes to food, company, laughs, and shoulder massages. If things progress and he finds himself wanting to take things further/commit with me, I'll rethink things. But I'm definitely not planning to move in with him. I feel deep down like we're really good friends at the moment, and until I see a change, I'm doing this about my job


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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Bottom line: If a guy likes you, he won't care. If he doesn't like you or his own values get in the way, he isn't worth it. So you should tell him upfront IMO.

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by moonjade6 View Post
    Thank you all for the advice!

    My friend came over for dinner tonight, and I spent our time together quietly analyzing how close we were, and whether I should say anything. There's a significant "friend" vibe radiating off him. (Unnecessary relationship info but) he doesn't come on to me at all/breaks away from a kiss first/isn't particularly "romantic" with me like I would want a boyfriend to be.

    During a conversation, I ended up in a roundabout, subtle way, asking him how he would feel about dating someone, and then finding out she was a stripper. He absolutely looked at me and said, "I have no idea...really no idea how I would feel about that. That sounds like a sitcom plot."

    I shut up after that. I've come to the conclusion that we're not as "bf/gf" as I thought we were, although we enjoy being mutually beneficial to each other when it comes to food, company, laughs, and shoulder massages. If things progress and he finds himself wanting to take things further/commit with me, I'll rethink things. But I'm definitely not planning to move in with him. I feel deep down like we're really good friends at the moment, and until I see a change, I'm doing this about my job
    I'm so happy that tonight went well for you (or sounds like it did!), and that you have made a decision on how to handle this for now. I'm also really glad that your...hints....didn't end in him launching into a tirade about the evils of the industry - sounds like a pretty decent reaction, actually! A lot of guys honestly don't know how they would deal with it, and he sounds like he gave you an honest response.

    Enjoy your friendship - I hope that it continues to be a positive relationship in your life! (and that you get your living situation sorted out soon!)
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    I'm so happy that tonight went well for you (or sounds like it did!), and that you have made a decision on how to handle this for now. I'm also really glad that your...hints....didn't end in him launching into a tirade about the evils of the industry - sounds like a pretty decent reaction, actually! A lot of guys honestly don't know how they would deal with it, and he sounds like he gave you an honest response.

    Enjoy your friendship - I hope that it continues to be a positive relationship in your life! (and that you get your living situation sorted out soon!)
    Thanks! I'm just going to wait and see--there's every possibility that what we have could turn out to be a really great friendship, in which case it would be unnecessary to spill the beans about my real job.


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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by TracyBlade View Post
    From day 1. If they don't like it they can go fuck themselves.
    This-- why get emotionally involved with someone only to find out they want nothing to do with you because of your job.

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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    I started camming after I got married so this has never been an issue for me but I agree with Tracy. Everyone who cares about me is going to love me with or without my job and if they don't I don't want to be around them.

    The one except for me is family. I know they would still love me but I also know they'd rather be left in the dark about certain parts of my life.

  25. #41
    Senior Member moonjade6's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Just an update about what happened...I finally told him last night. I woke up yesterday morning and it all hit me--if I waited until later down the line to tell him, he would see that whole time in between as me being really good at keeping an important secret for a long time...not a trustworthy attribute in a SO.

    So basically, what most of the commenters said

    Anyway, I told him, and he thanked me for my honesty and told me that it didn't change a thing. I was kind of on the fence if I believed that or not because for the rest of the night he was kind of quiet and had his arms crossed while we were watching TV on the couch.

    But then, right before he was about to leave, he turned to me and said, "So am I correct in saying that with the job you have, you leave each show/session feeling 'sexually charged'? At least sometimes? Please don't be embarrassed about it, but I think that this is part of the reason your libido is so high."

    (We've been going out about a month, and haven't had sex yet, which is verrry unusual for me, but he likes to take things slow and I've respected that.)

    Well, this opened up a whole new conversation about when sex is going to happen between us, and when he left I felt satisfied that he had taken my needs into account. So ironically, camming might have gotten me closer to getting laid! Buahahaha


  26. #42
    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Wait , wait and wait some more. So right now he's a platonic friend and you two are not dating and no sex then? Maybe you should keep him in the friend only space. I feel he may be better there.

    His biggest mistake was : "So am I correct in saying that with the job you have, you leave each show/session feeling 'sexually charged'? At least sometimes? Please don't be embarrassed about it, but I think that this is part of the reason your libido is so high."

    ^ See this is where he's taking you in the wrong light. He's now viewing you as a sexual object not the person he saw before he found out. Let him wait some more because I wouldn't want a guy to desire fucking me just because he knows what I do for a living. That's all wrong. He was showing restraint and respect and now what? That's going out the window?

    Please tell him how it's "just a job" and leave it at that. Put who you are as far away from your job as possible if you want this man to be the same person he always was from the beginning. If you told him you were in computers would he think about having sex sooner? Nope . He would still take things slow as what many women wish men would do. He's rare and sounds like he's trying to be a good guy. Let him.

  27. #43
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    When I started camming I told my boyfriend, and saw if he was okay with it. I didn't tell him to the extent of what I do, but I told him I would be naked online. We were living with family at the time and we both decided we needed the money to get farther in life. Well I'm still camming and hes still with me. I am pregnant now also lol. But honestly just be honest with him, BUT ONLY IF YOU TRUST HIM!!! I don't really even trust my boyfriend at the moment completely because I'm scared he will tell my family if we ever separate. But it's a risk you have to take.

  28. #44
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    Wait , wait and wait some more. So right now he's a platonic friend and you two are not dating and no sex then? Maybe you should keep him in the friend only space. I feel he may be better there.

    His biggest mistake was : "So am I correct in saying that with the job you have, you leave each show/session feeling 'sexually charged'? At least sometimes? Please don't be embarrassed about it, but I think that this is part of the reason your libido is so high."

    ^ See this is where he's taking you in the wrong light. He's now viewing you as a sexual object not the person he saw before he found out. Let him wait some more because I wouldn't want a guy to desire fucking me just because he knows what I do for a living. That's all wrong. He was showing restraint and respect and now what? That's going out the window?

    Please tell him how it's "just a job" and leave it at that. Put who you are as far away from your job as possible if you want this man to be the same person he always was from the beginning. If you told him you were in computers would he think about having sex sooner? Nope . He would still take things slow as what many women wish men would do. He's rare and sounds like he's trying to be a good guy. Let him.
    I'm not sure that he is viewing her as a sexual object here - when I first made the switch from dancing to camming, my SO and I had LOTS of conversations about how it made me feel, how it might affect our relationship, our sex life, everything. He may just be trying to wrap his head around it, try to figure stuff out.

    He might be objectifying her, but I don't think that we can make that assumption just from one question that he asked, that is really a relatively common one, or at least a variation on that most common of questions "so are you actually getting off on it?".
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  30. #45
    Senior Member moonjade6's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    Wait , wait and wait some more. So right now he's a platonic friend and you two are not dating and no sex then? Maybe you should keep him in the friend only space. I feel he may be better there.

    His biggest mistake was : "So am I correct in saying that with the job you have, you leave each show/session feeling 'sexually charged'? At least sometimes? Please don't be embarrassed about it, but I think that this is part of the reason your libido is so high."

    ^ See this is where he's taking you in the wrong light. He's now viewing you as a sexual object not the person he saw before he found out. Let him wait some more because I wouldn't want a guy to desire fucking me just because he knows what I do for a living. That's all wrong. He was showing restraint and respect and now what? That's going out the window?

    Please tell him how it's "just a job" and leave it at that. Put who you are as far away from your job as possible if you want this man to be the same person he always was from the beginning. If you told him you were in computers would he think about having sex sooner? Nope . He would still take things slow as what many women wish men would do. He's rare and sounds like he's trying to be a good guy. Let him.
    No, we are more than friends, we're in the beginning stages of a relationship. Before we had that talk yesterday, we've been having conversations about "waiting", and even though he tells me all the time how he attractive he finds me, there are several factors in both of our lives that have kept us holding back this long. It's in his nature to get to know someone really well first, and I've respected his choice.

    To clarify, I'm glad this talk happened because when he comes over, I sometimes want to bring up the subject of sex with him but he's a little older/very tired from his physical labor job/likes my company but is clearly wiped out, and sex is clearly not on his mind at all. Revealing this to him got us talking more about what he likes and what I like, and what environment is the most pleasing for sex, etc. Basically, it was a talk we needed to have if we ever wanted to move to the next step physically.

    I feel like this is one of my first relationships in which both parties are fully mature and logical, and the change is really refreshing for me


  31. #46
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by ManyRoses View Post
    I'm not sure that he is viewing her as a sexual object here - when I first made the switch from dancing to camming, my SO and I had LOTS of conversations about how it made me feel, how it might affect our relationship, our sex life, everything. He may just be trying to wrap his head around it, try to figure stuff out.

    He might be objectifying her, but I don't think that we can make that assumption just from one question that he asked, that is really a relatively common one, or at least a variation on that most common of questions "so are you actually getting off on it?".
    Your situation is different. 1 you were a dancer and 2 you had a SO that you were already having sex with that knew you as a dancer before making the switch to cam 3 you're in an open relationship where you have sex with other people that you bring home. So in your case it's extremely different.

    She's in a brand new relationship with someone that has no part in an alternative lifestyle or dating someone in an adult setting what so ever. Plus if he's taking his time before being intimate I'm pretty sure he's not out there having sex with a bunch of other people. Again they are just starting out taking things slow and feeling things out. I say let them take their time and let him continue to be the respectful taking-things-slow type of guy.

    All we do here is make assumptions on what we think could be the issue. We wouldn't post if we didn't assume. My post was on my assumption as we all have ours. We'll see how things unfold but I think he's been respectful so far.

  32. #47
    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by moonjade6 View Post
    No, we are more than friends, we're in the beginning stages of a relationship. Before we had that talk yesterday, we've been having conversations about "waiting", and even though he tells me all the time how he attractive he finds me, there are several factors in both of our lives that have kept us holding back this long. It's in his nature to get to know someone really well first, and I've respected his choice.

    To clarify, I'm glad this talk happened because when he comes over, I sometimes want to bring up the subject of sex with him but he's a little older/very tired from his physical labor job/likes my company but is clearly wiped out, and sex is clearly not on his mind at all. Revealing this to him got us talking more about what he likes and what I like, and what environment is the most pleasing for sex, etc. Basically, it was a talk we needed to have if we ever wanted to move to the next step physically.

    I feel like this is one of my first relationships in which both parties are fully mature and logical, and the change is really refreshing for me
    I'm glad he sounds like a really respectful guy. A guy could be dying from dysentery and still manage to find someone to fuck. He's waiting and that's a good thing, he's in no rush which one would ASSUME that's he's looking for something real and serious. He sounds like a keeper.

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  34. #48
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    My problem with telling men upfront about my job is that they immediately think that I am fuckable. Even when I have told them that I was an online Domme. No mention of porn. Or I have told guys I was into BDSM (no mention of my job) they think I am fuckable. I can't win with upfront disclosure - so until I am semi-serious with someone again, then I will drop the "bomb" - because I am soooo tired of dealing with:

    "Send me your dirtiest picture." "Come over to my place." "So...your DTF yeah??" Or that they want to talk about my job non-stop.

    It feels like camming except I'm not getting paid!







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  36. #49
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by HaydenBlue View Post
    My problem with telling men upfront about my job is that they immediately think that I am fuckable. Even when I have told them that I was an online Domme. No mention of porn. Or I have told guys I was into BDSM (no mention of my job) they think I am fuckable. I can't win with upfront disclosure - so until I am semi-serious with someone again, then I will drop the "bomb" - because I am soooo tired of dealing with:

    "Send me your dirtiest picture." "Come over to my place." "So...your DTF yeah??" Or that they want to talk about my job non-stop.

    It feels like camming except I'm not getting paid!
    This is actually one of the reasons that I DO tell them up front. Most guys that react that way are ASSHOLES, and I'd rather know about the assholery up front so that I can make sure that I never see them again!!
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  38. #50
    God/dess anonymous camgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far into a relationship do you tell someone you're camming?

    And this is why I DONT tell men what I do.. I am NOT looking to get laid.. So now that's what he thinks about you.. fine if you like men to think of you as that and not a whole person... just a sex object.. but I don't .. I have been sex object since i hit puberty.. kinda done with all that.

    Quote Originally Posted by moonjade6 View Post
    Just an update about what happened...I finally told him last night. I woke up yesterday morning and it all hit me--if I waited until later down the line to tell him, he would see that whole time in between as me being really good at keeping an important secret for a long time...not a trustworthy attribute in a SO.

    So basically, what most of the commenters said

    Anyway, I told him, and he thanked me for my honesty and told me that it didn't change a thing. I was kind of on the fence if I believed that or not because for the rest of the night he was kind of quiet and had his arms crossed while we were watching TV on the couch.

    But then, right before he was about to leave, he turned to me and said, "So am I correct in saying that with the job you have, you leave each show/session feeling 'sexually charged'? At least sometimes? Please don't be embarrassed about it, but I think that this is part of the reason your libido is so high."

    (We've been going out about a month, and haven't had sex yet, which is verrry unusual for me, but he likes to take things slow and I've respected that.)

    Well, this opened up a whole new conversation about when sex is going to happen between us, and when he left I felt satisfied that he had taken my needs into account. So ironically, camming might have gotten me closer to getting laid! Buahahaha

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