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Thread: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Duh My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Well, my parents separated about a year ago. My dad was really upset and almost suicidal afterwards for months.

    Lately he's been in a better mood and he's been telling me about this girl that he met through okcupid. My dad lives in New York. The girl lives in Romania. I told my dad that it's probably a scam. He replied that everyone keeps telling him that but they talk everyday so he knows that it's not a robot. I told him that of course it isn't a robot, it's probably some guy in an internet cafe overseas trying to get some money out of him. He assured me that no money was involved so I said "alright, well as long as this is a genuine thing then great."

    Over the weekend my dad said that he wanted to talk to me so I went to his house and he told me that the girl is coming there in 10 days. I was surprised. I asked him how that was possible. He went into this big schpeel about how it's really expensive to call from Romania to America and how she's been trying to get her Visa and all that she has to do now is take a medical exam and then she's good to come over here. He said that she's flying into an airport by my house and that he was going to bring her over to meet me after he picks her up at the airport. I asked him if they had spoken on the phone yet. He said no. He also told me that he just changed his phone plan to include international calling. I told him that it's really fishy that they haven't talked on the phone yet. He said he thought so too but he was happy. Then he went on Google Earth and was showing me the town that she's from in Romania. The town is actually a beautiful city right on the ocean. Then he showed me this house in Spain that is supposedly where she's at now with her mother for the Visa.

    I thought it was weird that the girl would give out her mother's address. I also thought it was weird how into Google Earth my dad was. I asked if the girl looks at my dad's town on Google Earth too. My dad said she doesn't have a computer. So, she has an okcupid, she responds to emails, she lives in a beautiful city in the Mediterranean but doesn't own a computer. Oh and the pictures that she has on her okcupid were nice. She was dressed nice and in places that looked like she could afford a computer. Oh, she's also never sent my dad a picture aside from the ones she has on okcupid because she "doesn't" have a camera. Mind you, my dad's sent her tons of pics of himself, he's sent her tonsss of emails, and he's basically poured his heart out to this person.

    Later on, he told me (probably by mistake) that he bought her breakfast a couple of times. My immediate reaction was "omg" *rolled eyes* and I asked him how he could have possibly bought her breakfast when she lives across the globe. He told me that he sent her money orders.

    He tried justifying it by saying that he used to gamble and now he doesn't do that so it's okay. I asked him how he'll react if he goes to the airport to pick her up and she isn't there. He said that either way he would be happy because at least that means he can get over my mom. He also compared what he's doing with therapy because he could pay a shrink to get the same results. However, at the end of our convo he said "but she really likes me.." so I know that his heart is really in this.

    My brother who is really pissed off by all of this says that my dad (for the first time in his life or at least the first time in my 21 year long life) is finally making money. He makes like $1000 a week now and has absolutely nothing to show for it. He doesn't even have anything in his fridge to drink. My bro said that my dad is paying for all of this girls Visa stuff. Supposedly the girl is going to pay for her own plane ticket over here but she'll probably say she has half and ask my dad for the other half and I need to stop that before it happens.

    So, what can I do? Or should I butt out because my dad is happy? I mean, he's happy for the time being but I don't want him to drive his truck off a bridge when he's driving home from the airport alone. I've already tried telling him in plain English that this is a scam. My brother showed him the forums on okcupid that talk about scams and my dad read through the stories. And if he knows it's a scam and doesn't care then should I not care either? Any advice will be appreciated.



    ******************************ETA***************** ****************


    Sent my father the link to that support forum last night. He said he appreciates my concern but is aware that it might be a scam and if she doesn't come in 12 days then she doesn't come and he'll be happy either way cause this experience showed him that he can like another woman other than my mom. He didn't go into details about how much money he gave her but he compared it to $400 he blew on roulette so I'm guessing it was around that amount. This scam can't financially ruin my father because he's already done that himself. He's already in debt. He doesn't have any credit cards or any savings to draw funds from so he's just sending this girl cash that he has on hand. Sure, he could do something responsible with his money but my dad has never been the type to do that and he's stubborn so telling him that is a waste of breath. Anywho, he was really optimistic (not too much about the girl, just about his life) and was talking about quitting smoking and my father has been a pack a day smoker for 36 years. Unless he's just saying all of that to appease me, then this scam artist has motivated my dad to want to do things that my family has never been able to persuade him to. If in 13 days he's still on this, then I'll continue worrying about it but for the time being I've done pretty much all that I can and I've spoken my peace with him. Thank you gals and guys for all the input.
    Last edited by LexyNYC; 04-11-2012 at 10:58 AM. Reason: Update

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Do you know this girl's username? Perhaps you can search Google to see if she's using the same handle elsewhere or if anything has been written about her to have something to show your father. It definitely sounds like he's being scammed out of some money.

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    Featured Member Spinnerette's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Oh yeah, that's definitely a scam. One of the oldest in the book. I would say that his current happiness is not worth the devastation he'll feel after he finally admits to himself that he's being had. Since you've already tried showing him actual accounts of the same thing happening to others and explaining flat-out that he's being taken for a ride, I don't know how else to get through to him. It's going to suck for him to have to eek it out and find out the hard way though.

    There was some talk in CC of how you can now drag and drop a picture in google images and come up with all occurrences of that picture on the web. Maybe you can try that with some of the profile photos the girl has if you know her OKCupid username and show him where else those photos come up (like on a stock site or on some unsuspecting girl's facebook page).

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    I just re-read your post.



    Your dad already saw the posts in the okcupid forums? And he is still in denial? Oh my....


    He's setting himself up for major disappointment. My advice is to keep pushing at it. You are his child, you have his best interest at heart, you know your way around the interwebz, and you know a scam when you see one. If it quacks like a duck, and walks like a duck.... it's a fucking dating site scam!!!

    Have you considered setting him up for some speed dating or singles mixers where he can meet real people?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Unfortunately I don't know her username. I saw her pictures though and she is the one that contacted my dad on okcupid so I was thinking about making a fake account on there and hopefully she would write to me if I had a profile similar to my fathers and then I could show him our email exchanges buttt I would feel crappy crushing my dads little fantasy world like that.

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    I have tried to set him up with real people. My dad has impossibly high standards though. He really thinks he's God's gift to women.. or maybe that's a front and he is afraid of meeting new people. I can't tell which of those two things it is.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    I think that scanning her pic online is a very good idea... All you have to do is open two windows, one with her picture, one with google images, and just drag and drop the pic into the search box. Crushing his fantasy may be hard, but if this person takes him for everything he has and disappears that would be even more devastating for him.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    ^^ Oooh I like that idea! Gotta find her pics first though. :/

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    I think that scanning her pic online is a very good idea... All you have to do is open two windows, one with her picture, one with google images, and just drag and drop the pic into the search box. Crushing his fantasy may be hard, but if this person takes him for everything he has and disappears that would be even more devastating for him.
    Didnt know about that. Here is another tool.

    http://www.tineye.com/

    Perhaps if the original poster would post the data she has some of the tech savvy could locate more.

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    I don't have much info.

    She says she's Spanish living in Romania. She's 33. Name is unique, something along the lines of Lucheda (Just spelled that phonically as I remember hearing it). No kids, divorced. Works and gets paid once a month. I've seen two pictures of her. One is of her in a dress next to a fancy Christmas tree, the other is of her in a white tank top in a bar/dimly lit restaurant.

    I'm perusing Okcupid right now for her profile.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    honestly, i think your dad might have to learn on his own. you already warned him, along with others time and time again and unfortunatly, the only way for him to learn is the hard way.

    your dads heart is in this and whens someones heart is into something- no one can tell them anything otherwise despite all of the evidence.

    hopefully it doesnt have to come to this but it seems that way. maybe this lesson will toughen him up a bit.


    scanning the girls pic is great idea.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    http://consumerist.com/2008/11/woman...mail-scam.html

    hope you werent offended by my opinion but i just read this article and there's a part where it says "Despite warning from family and friends for over two years that it was a scam, she was obsessed with getting the jackpot..."

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    ^^ I'm not offended in the slightest. I want to hear everyones take on this because I'm on the fence. I know he needs to learn on his own and one way or another he will but I also don't want to sit back and just watch this all unfold. I feel like I'm watching a car parked on the train tracks as a trains approaching.

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Idk if anybody else knows someone that's in a similar situation but if so I found these two websites that are basically support groups for people that have been scammed online.

    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/romancescams/

    http://www.scamvictimsunited.com/php...hp?f=21&t=1706

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    While its true he has to learn, I just would have a *really* hard time letting anyone I care about crash and burn...especially considering, its not just a matter of hes dating someone who doesnt seem right for him, but that hes "dating" a scammers whose goal is his money and if you leave it be, will clean him out and leave him with more than just a broken heart, but also in a really bad financial situation.

    I read so much about people whose parents got pulled into the nigerian scam, one in particular a woman who freaked out when her mother asked to borrow like $20k, and she coudlnt understand why cause her mother wouldnt need that much money, and should have had enough to live on. Come to find out, she got some email that she won this some odd million dollar lottery, and she had to send in all this money for lawyers fees and processing fees, and she had cleaned out her own bank account and savings, and was trying to convince her daughter that if she gave her that money, the winnings would take care of all the kids and grandkids etc. The woman could not for the life of her convince her mom that it was a scam...and in her post she was desperately trying to find out if there was anything she could do to get her moms money back, but I doubt that ever happenend.

    I just really think its important to be proactive and make sure something that bad doesnt happen. Esp considering he went into such deep depression after your moms passing, and now his joy is coming from something so false, that doesnt exist, and hes sending her money already...he may well have it in his mind and heart to do whatever it takes to keep this joy going...but the sad part is that it will end, shes only going to stick around for as long as the money is coming. And then after that...he will be worse off than when he started. Better he be angry and sad, than completely devastated and broke.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Veteran Member _natasha's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    I'm actually doing my final year dissertation on the Nigerian Scams - these people are ruthless (whether Nigerian or not!).
    I don't have much practical advice for you - but I just want to say he's very lucky to have you looking out for him... Most people exploited like this don't.

    If 'she' tries to get him to travel, don't let him go, even if its just to Spain or Romania; it's a definite kidnap risk.


    I really hope it works out for you both!
    Last edited by _natasha; 04-10-2012 at 04:22 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by LexyNYC View Post
    Unfortunately I don't know her username. I saw her pictures though and she is the one that contacted my dad on okcupid so I was thinking about making a fake account on there and hopefully she would write to me if I had a profile similar to my fathers and then I could show him our email exchanges buttt I would feel crappy crushing my dads little fantasy world like that.
    Your dads little fantasy is going to be crushed either way, crushing it before he ruins himself financially is the best you can do for him. I don't think it's going to be easy though, he seems to have bought it hook line and sinker.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Have you done any internet searches on the address the person gave your dad? If the same address was used in a scam, maybe it was reported on the internet. When someone tried to scam me for a few thousand dollars, I did a search on the company phone number on the letter, and found reports of the scam.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    honestly, i think your dad might have to learn on his own. you already warned him, along with others time and time again and unfortunatly, the only way for him to learn is the hard way.

    your dads heart is in this and whens someones heart is into something- no one can tell them anything otherwise despite all of the evidence.

    hopefully it doesnt have to come to this but it seems that way. maybe this lesson will toughen him up a bit.
    100% this IMHO. He is a grown man who is probably going to need to make his own mistakes here. IMHO the best thing that you can do is be there for him when this thing falls apart.

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    That is a really common scam from Russia & Romania. They send the money for the plane ticket and never hear from "the girl" again. Its really common on sugar daddy sites as nearly all the sugar daddies I had told me it happened to them.

    Let him learn himself. You can't teach other people lessons, or they won't learn anything.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    Let him learn himself. You can't teach other people lessons, or they won't learn anything.
    How the heck are people working as teachers/professors then?!?!

    The only thing worse than heartbreak, having your expectations dashed, and horrendous disappointment is all of those things coupled with a financial loss! That is devastating.

    The dad is sending this "girl" breakfast money and can't even get a phone call? That is BS! If he is so into sending her $, he can send her $3 so she can make an international phone call. The "girl" lives in a country where the average salary is between $400-$600 per MONTH. She has no intention of spending a dime on a breakfast or a phone call.... it's a source of income for that person.... a few bucks goes a LOOOOOONG way in Romania... and we are all assuming that she's actually in Romania... for all we know she's based out of Timbuktu.

    As stubborn as fathers can be (trust me, I know...) Lexy needs to look out for her dad. I'd rather see my father committed on a 5150 ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5150_(I...chiatric_hold) ) than allow him to subsidize some sketchy-ass scam in who-the-heck-knows-where-land-ia.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    This scams don't just stop. Those guys never get to a point were they think "i have milked this guy enough, time to move on". It just doesn't work that way, once they have their hooks on someone they will bleed them dry. Your dad could not only lose everything he owns, but go into severe debt on top of it. Letting him learn on his own is about the worst possible thing you could do.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    Have you done any internet searches on the address the person gave your dad? If the same address was used in a scam, maybe it was reported on the internet. When someone tried to scam me for a few thousand dollars, I did a search on the company phone number on the letter, and found reports of the scam.
    I don't have the address. My dad does though. He's searched it a billion times, also searched the address of the girls mother in Spain. He even has the phone number to the gas station that is supposedly next to the girls mothers house. I don't think getting any of her info will help cause the person is a pro scammer, it's not hard to make up a new fake female persona. I searched every female page on okcupid from Romania and I didn't see her pic so the scammer probably started a new account to find another guy to do this to.

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    Default Re: My dad's infatuated with an online scam

    OMG this is such a scam. I really understand that you are worried, you should be! I think you need to sit down and really go over everything in detail with your dad and somehow open his eyes! Why doesn't he suggest to this "lady" that they speak on Skype? She (if she exists...) can go to an internet cafe, he can send her a few $ for that, what's the problem?! If she says no to it that's enough proof.

    I dont really understand if this person claims to be Spanish or Romanian? You wrote that she is Spanish living in Romania...then Romanian living in Spain...I am asking because if she would be a Spanish citizen she would not need a VISA to enter the US, she could fly in as a tourist without any problem. Where and how is he sending the money? What is the number to this gas station? That is real easy to check. I have lived in Spain for 8 years.

    Don't let your father send more money!

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