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Thread: Questions From a signifigant other

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    Default Questions From a signifigant other

    My girlfriend of five years has made the decision to start webcamming. I have allways supported her and the decisions she makes, weather I agree with them or not. we have very open and good communication. Or so I believe. after doing it for some time she seems to enjoy it, and I have fun watching her etc. I am here to ask from others experiences, what should I watch out for? as I continue to support her in this matter I cannot help but feel conflicted. She tells me it is all an "act" and that there are no feelings or emotions involved. my biggest fear is that we will grow apart or someone will impress her enough to steal her away. ( yes i do know unlikely but still a fear)
    mostly I am concerned that it gets to me that others are able to direct her actions for a price, I also fear that my experiences with her will be cheapened or she will think less of my compliments, gestures and gifts of grattitude because so many others do the same. I notice that she wants to just "cuddle more", and seems to not be interested in the sex a s much or at least initiating it with me, even though our sex life has increased. She says she does not cum on cam, and acctually doesn't even get aroused. to me that statement seems far fetched. Is it?

    I love her dearly
    i would like advice on how can I continue to stand out to her as the man she loves? How can I continue to support her? How can I be myself with her without the lurking notion of my own inadequacy? These are questions that I do pose to her. I would like other peoples experiences.

    I don't like competition and starting to feel like I compete for her time. What should I tell myself when she is working? Is it strictly buisness? does she take more enjoyment out of it than she leads me to belive? What are the possibilities that she decides to take the job to the next level? If she wants to meet someone from outside of work what should I do? and what do any of you think the acctuall likelyness of her doing that is?


    any hoot these ar just some of the questions a newb has for now. I am sure more will arrise. thanks

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    I cant tell you how to be yourself, or how not to feel inadequate. But I can say that it is just a job, and if she tells you that its all an act and she isnt aroused, then having trust and beliving her would be a great step towards being supportive. Cause I can tell you, it is just a job...like with any other where you play a role and do what you have to do to get paid. You dont have to do anything to stand apart from the guys on cam, because its a completely different thing...what she has with you is real, she has nothing with these guys at all.

    My ex expressed a lot of the stuff you are talking about with me, and I was totally baffled...like why would I be impressed with a guy who has to pay to see a girl naked and be tempted to be in the same room with him? Defies my logic, there was no competition or comparison between him and these guys at all.
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    To be with a woman in the adult industry you have to be very secure with yourself, know your girl & have trust in your relationship. There is nothing wrong with cuddling either because keep in mind she doesn't want to do that with the guys paying her & it's a sign of sercurity in your relationship. Believe her when she says it's just a job because she's not doing it for free & in time like any job she will start to complain about it. I have never dated a cam girl but I was married to & have dated women in the adult industry & I never got into their work but always asked how their night was & if they wanted to share I was there but if not we talk about real things. Best of luck to you & just support, have your own life & money & it may workout.
    Last edited by unbeleavable; 04-13-2012 at 08:43 PM.

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Oh I am definatley the bread winner, and make a comfortable living to support the both of us. She really feels a need to contribute and wants to contribute at my pay scale. I tell her that is not necessary but for her own piece of mind I guess it is. So I support her the best I can. I am comfortable and secure within myself, however tis is very new territory to me. And with all things new, pretty scary so I have learned not to trust my first emotions and talk with other people with like kind experiences. So that I may make informed decisions, where my actions represent my intentions. So that I do not create wreckage in my life or others.

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Neither of us said anything about who is the breadwinner or whether you can support the two of you...so dont feel defensive and you dont have to explain yourself there. We were just addressing your question and pointing it out that this is a job, nothing more, nothing less, and so the fears you expressed are really nothing to worry about. It does take a guy who is secure within himself and the relationship, and who does trust the woman he is with to be able to handle her being in this industry. As long as you have that and willing to support her, then all is well.
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    Oh I am definatley the bread winner, and make a comfortable living to support the both of us. She really feels a need to contribute and wants to contribute at my pay scale. I tell her that is not necessary but for her own piece of mind I guess it is. So I support her the best I can. I am comfortable and secure within myself, however tis is very new territory to me. And with all things new, pretty scary so I have learned not to trust my first emotions and talk with other people with like kind experiences. So that I may make informed decisions, where my actions represent my intentions. So that I do not create wreckage in my life or others.
    When I said support I meant emotionally not financially, she going to hear & see some fucked up stuff, it's not all roses & gentlemen.

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I don't like competition and starting to feel like I compete for her time. What should I tell myself when she is working? Is it strictly buisness? does she take more enjoyment out of it than she leads me to belive? What are the possibilities that she decides to take the job to the next level? If she wants to meet someone from outside of work what should I do? and what do any of you think the acctuall likelyness of her doing that is?
    Dude, Really? Do you understand anything at all about what caming is and how it works? Your GF is in a room with a computer and a camera-somewhere in the world. There are guys watching her in their rooms with a computer and, maybe, a camera-somewhere else in the world. Now, the world is a BIG place. No one is going to know where she is unless she tells them. Got it? While it's true that some guys will try and push that boundary and try to meet a camgirl it's rare and, again, it's only going to happen if she lets it. The laws of probability are against it.

    While she is working, your GF is on her computer with a bunch of guys watching her on their computers. She is teasing them and taking her clothes off while they watch and ask her to do things like play with her tits, finger her vagina or stick things in her ass. This may be a turn-on to the guys watching and "directing" but it's just money being payed by the minute to the girls working. For the cam girl it's all about getting guys into their private rooms and keeping them there for as long as possible. It's not a sexual encounter as much as a business transaction.

    It's already been said here but I will say it again. Being the SO of a sex worker, any sex worker, is not easy. It's hard for you to believe that the woman who turns you on and has sex with you because you turn her on can also act-out sexually in front of total strangers for money. Guess what? They can! it's all about compartmentalization and separating emotions from actions-women are much better at it than men are. If they were not the sex industry would not exist. Escorts, dancers, porn stars and cam girls all share one skill-the ability to act like they are enjoying themselves when in fact they are enjoying making money. When you and your GF have sex it is, presumably, because you are both in the mood. Women who charge for sex, or for acting sexually, don't have that luxury. They have to work when they need money so it's not about being "in the mood" it's about acting like you are.

    Lastly, I will say this. Get over your one-man pitty party and start worrying about being there for your GF cause, let me tell you, NO job in the sex industry is easy money. A cam girl may not be in the same room with her customer but you'd be surprised at the negative effect that a bunch of pervert douche bags can have on a woman's psyche when she spends hours, days and weeks being told to take "this off", "take that off", "bend over", "play with your asshole", "gag on your 12" dildo" or "spread your pussy lips" by guys who promise to take you into private AFTER you do that stuff only to have them bail out of your room when you put your foot down and say no. Dude, your part is easy. Get over it and start supporting her and NEVER forget that her job is the hard part..
    Last edited by yoda57us; 04-14-2012 at 10:00 AM.
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    ...NO job in the sex industry is easy money. A cam girl may not be in the same room with her customer but you'd be surprised at the negative effect that a bunch of pervert douche bags can have on a woman's psyche when she spends hours, days and weeks being told to take "this off", "take that off", "bend over", "play with your asshole", "gag on your 12" dildo" or "spread your pussy lips" by guys who promise to take you into private AFTER you do that stuff only to have them bail out of your room when you put your foot down and say no. Dude, your part is easy. Get over it and start supporting her and NEVER forget that her job is the hard part..
    Very wise words! Twelve years in the stripping business definitely showed me the truth of this--and it's very similar in the webcam world as well.

    However the one thing the OP mentioned that is actually of some potential concern? I have learned about both industries--all the endless compliments and babbling idiots sucking up to the dancers/webcam models can and will have an effect on a whole lot of them.

    They are only human, after all. Hearing endless praise all night from hundreds and thousands of men automatically cheapens praise from all other men--even the SO. Unless he starts getting a little more creative about it. Because most of the praise they get from a lot of these idiots in the clubs (especially if they are drunk) and in the chat rooms (where they are desperate) is just so much bullshit.

    Is she especially beautiful tonight? There will be a reason or reasons why. Maybe her hair is done a little differently or her makeup. Maybe that dress naturally compliments her eyes. Becoming more perceptive and imaginative will go a long way towards making what the SO says to the woman much more meaningful to her than all the vapid asskissing from the customers.
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    The fact that you interpreted 'support' as financial instead of uhh everything else support represents is a bit concerning. Guys are going to give her money, probably a lot of money, and I dont mean she'll have a lot of guys giving her small amounts that collectively equals a lot (although likely as well) but she'll probably be the ATF favorite for a few whales (aka guys who will give her a lot).

    If that in of itself freaks you out - well, there you have it, but itll happen. Guys who make more than you will pay her their money for her attention... and she will give it to them.

    Forget the emotional will she be #1 to me stuff (lol dude, 50% of what she'll hear on cam, depending on the site, will be this whole thread - http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...e-heard-on-cam - some sites itll be like 75% of the time)... that isnt, Ive been in the sex industry for awhile and the customers I feel the least connection to are camming customers. Not because there is inherently any issue with them as customers but a good chunk of the time we dont even see them . That and as yoda said - we are probably in different timezones and the likelihood she'll be in the same vicinity as them is very low unless she is: wellknown, heavily pirated, goes to conventions, has unique traits, etc.

    Her boundaries are an issue - but also your understanding of the sex industry is way more important. Your imagination is going to paint this whole empire of deceit and men wooing her -- when really you should just camp out in "Camming Connection" for a few hours every week . Guys will ask her regularly if she is in a relationship, have you two discussed this? How about phone sex? Clips? Websites? Twitter? Exchanging photos? Does she have online support systems or is just going about this alone? I mean camming isnt always just flipping on a cam.

    Does she only cam when youre around? Do you always watch? Unless she cams for like one hour every other day - that gets really tiring, trust me. Unless she is a serious exhibitionist, cut it out and give her space to earn. If you dont trust her boundaries or her making money on her own freaks you out, that is a whole other kind of conversation... because that is a systemic issue that really has zero to do with the camming industry specifically.

    btw support camgirls usually need from the SOs often are:
    -Competing or warped sleep schedules
    -When is relationship time and when is work time
    -Burn out emotional support
    -Weird shit emotional support (it sounds like she's never been in the sex industry before, so unless she or you have a lot of fetishes or is reallllly into porn... guys who have taboo or unexpected sexual interests often specifically seek out sex workers, specifically camgirls bc of the anonymity it provides. Most guys dont ask a girl to sit on balloons and yodel while wearing a strap on on the first date)
    -Not immediately wanting sex when her shift is over bc listening turned you on (cannot. emphasize. this. enough. I think guys who are newly dating camgirls get really excited the first few weeks then the novelty rapidly dies out, trust me)
    -Help with household chores (lol Im projecting here but idgaf)
    -For their partners to recognize it is a 'job'. She isnt just getting online giggling and DJing her clit, she's working.
    -Having a story you both agree on for people who dont know she cams. It is a safety and comfort issue for her, so dont blab about it to others without checking in first.

    Be aware that a bunch of camming sites will advertise her profile and picture on adult dating websites. There is some pending lawsuits about sites doing this (thank fucking god) but for now a bunch of mainstream sites get their traffic this way. So, if that will freak you out (Ive been on one before... well one Ive seen), it comes with the territory for most major websites.

    But believe it or not, many customers dont even want that fantasy (bless them), but the tradeoff may not be something youll be jazzed about either. She is going to see gamut of guys who have a myriad of reasons to pay to see her --- it isnt just the ones who want her attention, some just want to see bouncing pussy and the fact that she is who is she is as a person is irrelevant.

    What Im getting at is dont just focus on guys falling for her and her possibly falling back. Consider the stigma of sex work in general. Many people have stigmas about people in the sex industry that creep up out of nowhere because most of us are socialized to have them. Many people dont even bother to question or deal with this stigma either - I think as a society we're encouraged to have them. So the WORST person for a camgirl to have to deal with this stigma from is their loved one. The job is already socially isolating (like, literally), having a judgey member of your household cant be fun. So consider this: your girlfriend is now a porn star. If that is something you never expected would happen and you cant deal with that - deal with that now, because resentment kills most relationships.

    Also wanted to address you making enough to support you both: depending on how much she works, she may become financially independent from you... not just for peace of mind, but she'll (depending on her work ethic and also sites she's on and her savviness) be independent. I dont know the dynamic you two have, but that can shift a relationship's tone pretty quickly also. Itll be odd especially the first few months since many have a jump in earnings based on being new to a site - so if she's never been moneyed before you, well, expect a change. Personally Id expect it to be a positive one, but if youre already concerned about being in competition and have stressed your own earnings --- you two should really discuss this?

    Just have a conversation together, seriously. Plus read Camming Connection. There are no posts (NONE) about camgirls wondering when they can leave their homelives and run off with a customer. Zero. If you find one, from a poster who is not a troll, Ill give you my next paycheck. There are guys Im friendly with and who Im excited to see pop into my room, but no one Id upend my life for - ever.

    ....And there are a handful of customers Ive seen for 2yrs straight almost every week. So, unless her boundaries are the makings of a terrible Lifetime Movie, itll be fine.
    Last edited by roast; 04-14-2012 at 11:37 AM.





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    Is she especially beautiful tonight? There will be a reason or reasons why. Maybe her hair is done a little differently or her makeup. Maybe that dress naturally compliments her eyes. Becoming more perceptive and imaginative will go a long way towards making what the SO says to the woman much more meaningful to her than all the vapid asskissing from the customers.

    This is brilliant.

    It isn't because we're vain assholes but it is just a dulled impact of conditioning.

    This is kind of a joking issue I have in my relationship, didn't realize there was a pretty obvious solution - well said.





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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    ^^^Part of my job--the way I see it anyway--is to be a coach. I try to make the girls feel as confident as I can, without falling into the deadly trap of looking like the Horndog DJ lol.

    That means--if I am trying to pump them up to go onstage when they are feeling shitty about it--I've got to be as real and effective in my encouragement as possible. Because telling them 'You are so hot!' over and over again will fall flat on its face. Also comes in handy when the girl isn't 'Your Type', but you know damned well she is a bunch if other guys' Type, and she needs to be reminded of it, to go get that cash.

    Also I've had dancer SOs for a dozen years, lol. You learn to be a little more perceptive and imaginative if you want to keep them happy.
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    I don't understand some of you guys, I truly don't. First off, the fact that you found it necessary to assert yourself as the bread winner is troubling. Is it a problem if you all of a sudden aren't? I make considerably more money than my bf on a reg basis. It improves our lives together. Who cares who makes more? That doesn't make me better, or him somehow inadequate.

    Second, why would it be far fetched for her to NOT get turned on? How many shows a day does she do? For how many different guys? What exactly should she find arousing? These guys are PAYING for her time & attention. Nothing more, nothing less, and of course price dictates her behaviour. Exactly what is your fear about this? Are you worried that's somehow going to translate into some other aspect? With camming there is very little room to take anything to the "next level" as you put it. She sits in her room, working, they sit in their room watching, and never the twain shall meet. These guys can be ANYWHERE. Drop this as a concern.

    Third, you've been with this woman 5 years and you act as though you've no faith in her nor any knowledge about her. You're worth so little (or think so little of her) that you're afraid she's gonna run off with someone else the minute the price is right? Which means you want to know how to continue to be the man she loves? Umm, what??? You ARE her man. She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be regardless of her job. Why is it any more likely she'll "meet" someone in this job than any other? We don't look at customers like that camming or stripping. I don't get what's so hard to understand about this. What makes you think anyone she talks to will somehow be better than you?

    Seriously, the problem you're having is a lack of confidence, in yourself, your woman and your relationship. Now, either you reel that in, and fast, or you will lose her, but it won't be to someone she cammed with, it'll be because of you and the fact that you honestly didn't support her (and I'm not talking financially).
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    You sound like a pretty caring and supportive guy to me. At least you are thinking of these questions and fears instead of just pushing her away by shutting it down. Like everyone has said... it really is just a job. After almost 5 years of dancing and meeting thousands of men (in person).. less than 3 have ever stood out to me as someone I was attracted to in some way. Ive been married the whole time Ive danced. The most important thing which has already been mentioned is just listening to her, hugging her, being patient and kind. She will see fucked up shit. Every girl is different but sometimes I truly feel like there is not a single man in this world that doesn't "want" something from me. I feel used sometimes and just sick of always giving. Its important to me that my husband treats me with respect and kindness and makes me feel like Im important beyond my body and sexuality. We do become immune to compliments and because we receive so many compliments we also become hypersensitive to insults. I would worry more about her well-being than your own insecurities. If you look after her in that way... you'll stay number one.

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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    I think its super-cool you're taking the time to learn and post. Please forgive me if I seem harsh, you really do seem like you're looking for answers. This is just my (blunt) $0.02.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    My girlfriend of five years has made the decision to start webcamming. I have allways supported her and the decisions she makes, weather I agree with them or not. we have very open and good communication. Or so I believe.
    Very cool, but why the doubt? After 5 years...

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    after doing it for some time she seems to enjoy it, and I have fun watching her etc.
    Why are you watching her? I'm sure its novel for the first little bit but most women claim to make more money when they're not being watched. Not because they're not trustworthy or they're going to do something you'd be uncomfortable with but because focusing on clients leads to more satisfactory exchanges and therefore more repeats. (Its always weirded me out that guys can regularly enjoy/get turned on watching their partners do something that they know is unequivocally faked, but to each their own.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I am here to ask from others experiences, what should I watch out for?
    Your insecurity, her mental health.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    as I continue to support her in this matter I cannot help but feel conflicted. She tells me it is all an "act" and that there are no feelings or emotions involved. my biggest fear is that we will grow apart or someone will impress her enough to steal her away. ( yes i do know unlikely but still a fear)
    Not unlikely, virtually impossible. Seriously. The problem with insecurity is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy: you're scared of losing her and that fear pushes people apart. Then one thinks one's fears are reasonable or justified when in actuality there was insufficient trust and security in the relationship for it to work anyways.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    mostly I am concerned that it gets to me that others are able to direct her actions for a price
    If you work and are not self-employed in an industry where you are in extremely high demand, your actions are directed for a price as well. (You might be cheaper than her price even.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I also fear that my experiences with her will be cheapened or she will think less of my compliments, gestures and gifts of grattitude because so many others do the same.
    I think generic compliments - you're hot, you're pretty, you look nice - are cheap to begin with, as are easy gifts and gestures. The best is that you know her as her, not her camming identity, so your compliments, gestures and gifts are tailored to how you feel and what she will enjoy. Cheap compliments make genuine compliments more valuable, not less.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I notice that she wants to just "cuddle more", and seems to not be interested in the sex a s much or at least initiating it with me, even though our sex life has increased. She says she does not cum on cam, and acctually doesn't even get aroused. to me that statement seems far fetched. Is it?
    Its not far-fetched; its true for the vast, vast majority of camgirls. She's been putting things inside of her, outside of her, flirting and dealing with potentially rude men all day - can you blame her for wanting physical attention that is not surrounding her sexuality?

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I love her dearly
    So start trusting her like you love her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    i would like advice on how can I continue to stand out to her as the man she loves? How can I continue to support her? How can I be myself with her without the lurking notion of my own inadequacy? These are questions that I do pose to her. I would like other peoples experiences.
    Support takes trust and you don't trust her. Once you trust her the rest will fall into line.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    I don't like competition and starting to feel like I compete for her time.
    Just like you would with any other job. Jobs take up someone's time. If she worked at McDonalds with you feel like you were competing with Ronald?! Equally as stupid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    What should I tell myself when she is working? Is it strictly buisness? does she take more enjoyment out of it than she leads me to belive? What are the possibilities that she decides to take the job to the next level? If she wants to meet someone from outside of work what should I do? and what do any of you think the acctuall likelyness of her doing that is?




    any hoot these ar just some of the questions a newb has for now. I am sure more will arrise. thanks
    Okay, here's the harsh part: you're going to have to get over your insecurity, stat. If you do not get over it, start trusting and understand that it is really just a job she will either have to quit camming or quit you. If it were me I'd vote quit you; I have no time for boyish fears when I'm upfront, clear and straight-forward. My partner absolutely must trust me or the entire relationship falls apart (and I wouldn't consider it my fault or problem).

    This whole question is peppered with little comments that lead me to think that this might not be something you're ready to handle. "Or so I believe", "she tells me", "this statement sounds far-fetched", "does she get more enjoyment than she's leading me to believe", etc. If you believed her you wouldn't be here posting this question. Everything she is saying is totally plausible and at the risk of sounding rude your fears are really off-base. They're based on a) insecurity and b) distrust, AKA adult industry relationship killers.

    What should I tell myself when she is working - I hope she's having a good day. There's nothing else to say because there's no legit reason for your fears imo.
    Is it strictly business - if she wouldn't do it for free its business.
    What are the possibilities of taking it to the next level - Its very unlikely, there's a big difference between camming and escorting that people don't just cross willy-nilly.



    If you can relax and start trusting her you'll look back on this and laugh.

    TL; DR: OP doesn't trust his gf and is likely to be the cause if his relationship fears come to fruition.
    Last edited by beckatron; 04-15-2012 at 08:36 AM.
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    Default Re: Questions From a signifigant other

    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    My girlfriend of five years has made the decision to start webcamming.
    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    Oh I am definatley the bread winner, and make a comfortable living to support the both of us. She really feels a need to contribute and wants to contribute at my pay scale. I tell her that is not necessary but for her own piece of mind I guess it is. So I support her the best I can. I am comfortable and secure within myself, however tis is very new territory to me. And with all things new, pretty scary so I have learned not to trust my first emotions and talk with other people with like kind experiences. So that I may make informed decisions, where my actions represent my intentions. So that I do not create wreckage in my life or others.
    I was admittedly confused by these things.

    Why now, after 5 years together, with the the two of you living together and with you making good money, did she decide to do this? I say this not to imply that there is anything wrong with camming, which of course there is not, but only to point out that the decision to get naked online and perform for a room full of men, including some assholes, is not a small one to make. In all candor, her explanation that she just wants to contribute more sounds rather weak.

    Perhaps your income is not as significant as you might believe and she was feeling some financial pressures? Perhaps she felt the need to gain some financial independence? Are there relationship issues that need to be worked out, such as how or why you've been together for 5 years, are now living together, and her title is still GF instead of fiancee or wife?

    I'm not criticizing any of the decisions made here, but rather simply wondering if your communication channel with her is as strong as you might believe. IMHO, you have a lot to sit down and talk with her about, including not only all of the issues you are experiencing with her work and how you can best help her, but also in ensuring that you understand how things got to this point in the first place.

    Anyway, just my
    Last edited by rickdugan; 04-15-2012 at 10:02 AM. Reason: grammar

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    ^I agree with the overall idea of this (5yrs and no ring mehhh, I hear what you mean but marriage in of itself isnt romantic or financial security) - I asked my SO his opinion, and he didnt have much to say except it seemed like the OP is focused on the how of her financial independence instead of the why of her financial independence... and the fact that the OP didnt have much of an explanation for why after 5yrs is probably reflective of communication issues that a thread discussion won't answer. "Peace of mind" to build this into an adult entertainment career she's always wanted, to use it to get to a different career, to begin modeling, to pay for debts, to have her own money bc she's tired of being dependent, to write a book, what? "how does he not know more than a peace of mind after five years" Was his question - which makes sense.

    Worse him asking for reassurance she wont fall in love with cam customers or be more sexually satisfied by them further demonstrates he is focused on the wrong thing. He didnt mean anything evilll but he brought up what his questions were when I started camming and romantic or sexual attraction never ever came up. He offered that the OP probably didnt absorb her explanation for whatever reason (a problem) or maybe she feels insecure in the relationship for whatever reason, financially is what Im thinking but well, could be anything.

    Autonomy in general I support any woman in a relationship to do but there are risks to camming that sex workers in other industries wont touch (and vice versa, opportunities and challenges for any sector of the industry) - Ive been doing it for some time so for me the benefits outweigh the risks, but I agree, for most (well, especially if they have no prior history in the sex industry) it isnt a casual decision like opening a sellers account on eBay (well even then...)... and the way youre painting her explanation makes it seem very casual. You should probably give her more credit or as rick sad - communication isnt as open as you believe.... which is a relationship problem, like a systemic issue.

    Also wanted to add that if this is such a big issue for you now - jealousy and not believing her word has definitely already impacted your relationship in other ways... she may have had to reassure you over and over again before. That gets really old after awhile. You keep hinting you dont believe her - maybe she isnt making much of an effort to explain bc youre not behaving as if youre open to hearing her? Or maybe you keep asking the same questions over and over again and are becoming over involved so she is shutting down All of that has zero to do with the sex industry

    Basically OP you're focusing on the trees when there is a big forest you should be looking at. Or however that idiom goes.
    Last edited by roast; 04-15-2012 at 10:12 AM.





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    Rad, thank you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    You sound like a pretty caring and supportive guy to me. At least you are thinking of these questions and fears instead of just pushing her away by shutting it down. Like everyone has said... it really is just a job. After almost 5 years of dancing and meeting thousands of men (in person).. less than 3 have ever stood out to me as someone I was attracted to in some way. Ive been married the whole time Ive danced. The most important thing which has already been mentioned is just listening to her, hugging her, being patient and kind. She will see fucked up shit. Every girl is different but sometimes I truly feel like there is not a single man in this world that doesn't "want" something from me. I feel used sometimes and just sick of always giving. Its important to me that my husband treats me with respect and kindness and makes me feel like Im important beyond my body and sexuality. We do become immune to compliments and because we receive so many compliments we also become hypersensitive to insults. I would worry more about her well-being than your own insecurities. If you look after her in that way... you'll stay number one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    My girlfriend of five years has made the decision to start webcamming. I have allways supported her and the decisions she makes, weather I agree with them or not. we have very open and good communication. Or so I believe. after doing it for some time she seems to enjoy it, and I have fun watching her etc. I am here to ask from others experiences, what should I watch out for? as I continue to support her in this matter I cannot help but feel conflicted. She tells me it is all an "act" and that there are no feelings or emotions involved. my biggest fear is that we will grow apart or someone will impress her enough to steal her away. ( yes i do know unlikely but still a fear)
    mostly I am concerned that it gets to me that others are able to direct her actions for a price, I also fear that my experiences with her will be cheapened or she will think less of my compliments, gestures and gifts of grattitude because so many others do the same. I notice that she wants to just "cuddle more", and seems to not be interested in the sex a s much or at least initiating it with me, even though our sex life has increased. She says she does not cum on cam, and acctually doesn't even get aroused. to me that statement seems far fetched. Is it?

    I love her dearly
    i would like advice on how can I continue to stand out to her as the man she loves? How can I continue to support her? How can I be myself with her without the lurking notion of my own inadequacy? These are questions that I do pose to her. I would like other peoples experiences.

    I don't like competition and starting to feel like I compete for her time. What should I tell myself when she is working? Is it strictly buisness? does she take more enjoyment out of it than she leads me to belive? What are the possibilities that she decides to take the job to the next level? If she wants to meet someone from outside of work what should I do? and what do any of you think the acctuall likelyness of her doing that is?


    any hoot these ar just some of the questions a newb has for now. I am sure more will arrise. thanks
    Ex-dancer here.

    The dancers (or camgirls) on this site are going to tell her to dump you if you have any problems with her, because they have to tell themselves that money is more important than love. Some get really nasty about it, I think because they really can't see the SO's point of view.

    Your basic tradeoff is that you're getting a girlfriend who is very skilled sexually, but one who got that way by working in the adult industry. If all you care about is sex, shut up and enjoy the ride. If all you care about is love, leave.

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    WOW!!! some amazing responses here, Thank you all for your input. There is alot for me to reflect on.
    To clarify when I said support her weather I agree or not was a statement regarding emotional rather than financial. It wasn't until the suggestion was made for me to "Have my own life & money" that I felt a desire to clarify the financial contribution aspect of my post.

    I can definatley say that that I do not understand the buisness and I am not going to pretend I do. Like I said newb here, Hello, Me. that is why I have come here, to get some answers and gain a touch of knowledge from people who are in the industry.

    "Is she especially beautiful tonight? There will be a reason or reasons why. Maybe her hair is done a little differently or her makeup. Maybe that dress naturally compliments her eyes. Becoming more perceptive and imaginative will go a long way towards making what the SO says to the woman much more meaningful to her than all the vapid asskissing from the customers." ( I dig that and thank you for the advice)

    As far as other stuff goes, for some reason I came across as not trusting her, I am not sure if I should have worded things different, because what I asked was clearly taken out of context. Am I really that naive by not fully believing that there is no pleasure gained on behalf of the performer when masterbating etc. in front of others? I am going to trust the responses I have seen thus far and start to be a full believer. (issue settled)

    As far as the insecurity/ inadequacy, well hell yes. I must address my own insecurities, know what they are, how they effect me and the people about me, and how to overcome them. I must voice them and take the power they have away. From that I get to grow and put myself into a position to be of more benefit to others. Thank you for helping me to see more clear what some of them were.

    One of the things that was not really answered was what I should watch out for? mabey i just didn't see it so please point it out again. should the question be vague let me clarify. What are some of the signs for me to notice that she may not be handling the job well? I have not seen a change, But i would rather be informed before hand instead of tryint to find answers before it is too late. Does that make sence? Me trying to be "Pro-Active". Are there any depression issues that are common that I should be aware of?

    To give a bit more of a background on us so that it may be feed for the fodder. (or however that term goes)
    we are engaged and getting married soon. just to clarify as it was a question that has come up from mulitple people. ( did not say earlier as I did not think it was prudent, apparently it was. )
    We live a D/S relationship in the kink world and own a dungeon/ playspace, for some reason we have been projected as a set of leaders in our local comunity. ( Why I don't know) yes it gets me too. I guess because we are willing to put ourselves out there and are willing to accept critisism and learn from it. we constantly communicate, communicate, communicate. communication is the single most important aspect of our lives. There is nothing that I hide from her, my fears, my insecurities, feelings etc. no matter how stupid they may sound. when i have a resentment we address it. and isn't a fear of growing apart prevelant in any loving relationship? Whe I say " I believe we have good communication I can only focus on my side and make sure that I am thorough, open and honest with her. If I do my part then the rest is good and no matter what happens I can walk away knowing I kept my side of the street clean and was honest with her. so yes I do believe, and that's not to be read into as an I am not shure.

    Her financial independence is something that has always been important to her. Of the five years we have been together she has only depended on me the last couple months. she wants me to retire early so that we can play more on our dungoen as dungeons do not make money nor do they support anyone working in them. they are a hobby not a means of financial security. So here it goes I don't mind working myself to the bone and bustin my hump to make sure she has a good life. I dont mind taking the hits for her. she feels the same way about me she doesn't mind seeing some fucked up shit and working hard to make sure i have a good life. we have discussed that and that is why I have supported my girlfriend/ fiance/ collard submissive, and future wife in the choice she has made, and that is why I am here so that I may Gain an expertice from individualls so that I may apply your experiences to my life in order to help her, and us through any trying times this situation may arrise. Cause i will tell you this wont be the toughest thing we have gone through we have both been through hell and back apart and together. as I am sure a majority of people here have too and could help with their insight.

    I really do appreciate the responses that I have gotten. I do hope to see more. I am sure there will be more questions to me. I will attempt to answer the best I can as long as the questions are constructive and not demeaning to either mine or my SO's nature.
    Oh and let me say this so that people dont misunderstand the dynamic of our relationship. Yes She Is "my Submissive" NO SHE IS NOT LESS THAN ME! or under me in any manner at al. She is a perfectly able, capable, intelegent woman, and one of the smartest if not THE smartest person that I know.
    thank you for your time

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    D/S and a dungeon?

    You're in it for the sex. Shut up and enjoy the ride.

    The women here will browbeat you over this mostly out of projected fear of losing the man they want to dancing. They want to have their cake and eat it too: i.e., get all the money that comes from the sex industry, without the hit to their reputation.

    As you're already doing fetish stuff, and in public no less, you have nothing to be complaining about. In fact, I wonder if you just came here to brag in the hopes some stupid dancer will think you're a stud based on your self-reporting.

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    ^errrrr? This makes no sense. Im in the swinging scene and Ive met several D/S and they are not "just in it for the sex".... ummm two people can love each other and have an alternative lifestyle.

    If anything the OP would be feeling especially odd now because this somewhat changes the D/S relationship. Also OP as a dancer who swings, if anything it makes me less sexual in my job because not much is taboo to me. So in instances where I have seen girls be sucked into the industry... Ive been thinking "yawn! been there done that". I personally feel having lived an alternative sex life makes me more prepared to handle the pressures of dancing. I can't really explain this properly at the moment but I hope that makes sense.

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  36. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guided monkey View Post
    Her financial independence is something that has always been important to her. Of the five years we have been together she has only depended on me the last couple months. she wants me to retire early so that we can play more on our dungoen as dungeons do not make money nor do they support anyone working in them. they are a hobby not a means of financial security. So here it goes I don't mind working myself to the bone and bustin my hump to make sure she has a good life. I dont mind taking the hits for her. she feels the same way about me she doesn't mind seeing some fucked up shit and working hard to make sure i have a good life. we have discussed that and that is why I have supported my girlfriend/ fiance/ collard submissive, and future wife in the choice she has made, and that is why I am here so that I may Gain an expertice from individualls so that I may apply your experiences to my life in order to help her, and us through any trying times this situation may arrise. Cause i will tell you this wont be the toughest thing we have gone through we have both been through hell and back apart and together. as I am sure a majority of people here have too and could help with their insight.
    Retire to play in your dungeon? If she is young enough to be camming, how old could YOU possibly be? How many hours of the day can one spend roleplaying before it becomes tiresome? This is yet another part of this story that makes no sense. Oh, and nice tap dancing on the engagement issue and the amount of time that you have supported her.

    If any of this is real, which I am starting to suspect is not the case, then...

    If you trust her, then keep doing so. And even if she did cum now and again from masturbating on cam, so what? It's not like any of these guys are touching her or even know where she is. But by acting like this, you are putting her in a position where she may feel inclined to lie to you, which sucks. Seriously, get over it already.

    Also, I'm not sure why you need a discussion board full of strangers to tell you what to look for with your GF/Fiancee/Collared Sub or whatever it is convenient for you to call her at the moment. If you've been with her that long, you should know if something is changing. Also, if your lines of communication are as strong as you say, then she should feel free to tell you what is happening with her. The only thing I would imagine would prevent her from communicating with you is if you start acting badly when she talks about her job, which is yet another reason to get over your insecurities.

    Btw, why was the discussion of your alt. lifestyle even relevant here? Idk, but it sounds to me like you are looking more for reaction than any real advice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Retire to play in your dungeon? If she is young enough to be camming, how old could YOU possibly be? How many hours of the day can one spend roleplaying before it becomes tiresome? This is yet another part of this story that makes no sense.
    Hey hey hey now, don't get down on us gamers! I play for hours every. single. chance. I get. For realz! And I'm old enough to have played D&D and still young enough to cam/dance!

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Btw, why was the discussion of your alt. lifestyle even relevant here? Idk, but it sounds to me like you are looking more for reaction than any real advice.
    It now makes considerably more sense though why he's pissed off she only wants to cuddle lately. Since clearly that's not why he's in the relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    D/S and a dungeon?

    You're in it for the sex. Shut up and enjoy the ride.

    The women here will browbeat you over this mostly out of projected fear of losing the man they want to dancing. They want to have their cake and eat it too: i.e., get all the money that comes from the sex industry, without the hit to their reputation.

    As you're already doing fetish stuff, and in public no less, you have nothing to be complaining about. In fact, I wonder if you just came here to brag in the hopes some stupid dancer will think you're a stud based on your self-reporting.
    None of the dancers here are stupid, I suggest you remove that word from your vocabulary from now on. Second, I'm not worried about losing my man to dancing, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Suggestion 2 would be to start thinking of us as independent women here and not whatever fucked up idea you have in your head. Third, what hit to reputation precisely? If anyone gave a fuck about reputation none of us would be in the sex industry at all. No one is having their cake and eating it too. Suggestion 3 would be to unlearn whatever it is you think you know about dancers and the industry, because clearly you're clueless.

    Anything else dearie?
    Last edited by JayATee; 04-16-2012 at 08:05 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    No one is having their cake and eating it too. Suggestion 3 would be to unlearn whatever it is you think you know about dancers and the industry, because clearly you're clueless.

    Anything else dearie?
    Guess the industry has changed since I quit.

    That stripper money is like a drug that convinces dancers that decent men don't avoid them, that money is more important than love, and that all that is required to bank doesn't make them different than regular women, i.e., the ones whose sexuality is reserved for one man.

    I now work under my real name. Do you?

    I don't get groped, insulted, harassed, or stalked at my job now. Do you?

    Stripping is like a cult. You can't reason with a cultie because they're going to be loyal to the cult.

    Any dancer who thinks the type of man worth marrying is one who wants a stripper for a wife is pretty delusional, or likes some pretty shitty men. Sure, the money is great, but to tell women who are considering dancing that it's all fun and games, peaches and cream, and won't destroy everything but your finances is just plain naive.

    Anything else, "dearie?"

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    There is this vegan forum I lurk in for recipes sometimes, this one guy comes in every so often to derail every thread about anything to discuss how he now eats ice cream and bacon, and how that is so fucking awesome. On a vegan site. You could go to any mainstream food site to say this and most will agree with you, but why bother? Guess it is a similar impulse, it is quite endearing. I must say.

    Hope some lurking genuine guy gets some info from this thread. Ill delude myself into thinking so. It is a bummer because this is the 3rd thread from the SO of a camgirl that went completely ridiculous very rapidly. I is becoming an increasingly mainstreamed industry with more and more media attention, signups from new models are constant - so Id expect questions not just from newbies but from SOs of newbies to come up... but alas. From another forum that obsessively reads Camming Connection fairly regularly (probably already quoted my text by now), it seems to be a growing fantasy among some to have a camgirl girlfriend - I guess an geek version of stripper-as-girlfriend. Given the stories from camgirls with SOs who seem largely supportive but indifferent: you all? Do better research into your characters.

    Or maybe the basic principles of writing? Consistency of your narrative is key to achieving a hot roleplay fantasy. Trust me. No no no really, trust me. ~pseudonym wink~





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