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Thread: Give up dancing for SO?

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    Veteran Member Warped's Avatar
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    Default Give up dancing for SO?

    My SO of 8 years wants me to quit dancing by June (I have been in the industry 7.5 years). I am very good at what I do and love the freedom it gives me time wise and financially. I also am planning on going back to school and do not want to have to work long hours at a normal job. Would you give up dancing for a long term SO? Its so scary to think of being on my own, I have been with him since I was 18 :/ So torn at the moment...

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Quote Originally Posted by Warped View Post
    My SO of 8 years wants me to quit dancing by June (I have been in the industry 7.5 years). I am very good at what I do and love the freedom it gives me time wise and financially. I also am planning on going back to school and do not want to have to work long hours at a normal job. Would you give up dancing for a long term SO? Its so scary to think of being on my own, I have been with him since I was 18 :/ So torn at the moment...
    The popular view on this site is that men should take a backseat to money.

    Even when I was dancing I never really shared that view and it's one of the reasons I quit, though I waited until I had a better job lined up.

    It depends on whether or not you believe true love is indeed priceless. Most men worth keeping will have iissues with stripping.

    It's your call.

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    Veteran Member Jayde81's Avatar
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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Never give up what you love doing for a man. Dancers that love their jobs don't just do it for the money. If he truly wants to be with you, he should support you. You will be fine on your own if that's what you choose to do, if you are confident and strong enough to be a stripper, you will absolutely fine!

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    The popular view on this site is that men should take a backseat to money.

    Even when I was dancing I never really shared that view and it's one of the reasons I quit, though I waited until I had a better job lined up.

    It depends on whether or not you believe true love is indeed priceless. Most men worth keeping will have iissues with stripping.

    It's your call.
    Actually, I would say the popular view on this site is that men who choose to date strippers (or tell their girlfriends it's ok to strip) are stupid if they think they have any right to, later on down the line, complain about it and try to change their gf or take back their word - and also, that, yes, financial independence should come before a man because men may not be forever. And it's my personal view that most men worth keeping are the kind who do not suffer such jealousy from inferiority complexes and hold such nasty views on sex workers that they feel the need to tell their gf to quit a job that brings her freedom and happiness. But to each their own.

    OP, the main thing that concerns me is that in your post, you don't even mention how much you love your bf or any of the usual "he's such a great guy" stuff you generally see in posts like this. You mention how much you love your job and all the benefits it brings... but the only thing you say about your bf is how long you've been together and how scared you are to be on your own. Most people can't strip forever, but if you've been doing it for 7 and a half years and you still enjoy it, I think it would be silly to throw your happiness and financial security (especially if you're gonna be going back to school and accruing student debt) under the bus to appease someone else. You'll only end up resenting him for forcing you to do something you didn't actually want to do to, especially if it ends with you being in debt that you know you didn't have to be in. There are 2 kinds of strippers - the ones who get into it just because they have to, do it for as long as they need to, and then are more than happy to get out and leave it all behind them for a "normal" life... and then there are the ones who get into it and stay for an extended period of time because they have a different mindset that allows them to enjoy that lifestyle more than a "conventional" one... Doing it for as long as you have, and you don't sound burnt out, I'd say you fall into the second category, and I just believe you would be miserable trying to conform to a different lifestyle that you don't really feel is "you."

    Maybe it is worth giving up if you believe that this is the love of your life and you were planning on quitting soon anyway... But if the first thought that come to mind when you think of breaking up with someone is not "I love him so much" but "Being alone scares me," I would think long and hard about what keeps you in this relationship anyway.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    The popular view on this site is that men should take a backseat to money.

    Even when I was dancing I never really shared that view and it's one of the reasons I quit, though I waited until I had a better job lined up.

    It depends on whether or not you believe true love is indeed priceless. Most men worth keeping will have iissues with stripping.

    It's your call.

    It has nothing to do with picking dancing over men, it's about picking personal freedom and the ability to make your own choices over a man. Every single time a woman has said "it's either x or me" i have chosen x, not because whatever x might be is more important than a woman but because making my own choices and not dating someone who deals in ultimatums is. Yes, most men will have a problem with stripping, but not all.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    no. why give up what you love and good at for someone else. i know its your hubby and you love him n all but i am SOOO anti- giving up your liife for a man. plus you want to go back to school and dancing offers financial freedom and flexibility. dont do it.

    i cant say anymore than what has already been said.

    its so crazy, women have the power in this industry and only insecure men want to take that away from us. im not a feminist or anything but when men give us workers ultimatums like this, its because they want to gain all power to "feel like a man." i personally thrive off this industry and i love it. i would not dare give it up for someone else.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Is there a reason why he's telling you to quit, or did he just wake up one morning saved? I'm being a little facetious, but you state it like it's out the blue.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    First of all...what changed? For 7 plus years he loves a dancer, and now...what? Is he thinking marriage and somehow that (stupidly) changes eho you should be

    Secondly (I'm a man, a photographer/friend of dancers and a regular customer) NEVER give up your life/career/what's important to you for anyone other than your children. Even then, well that's my issue.

    I made a choice at 21 to leave my life path for a woman, fought to keep us together for 20 yrs (when it wasn't right .... but I didn't know) and now at 42 I fear I can't do it anymore, but there's a 2 yr old that won't see daddy as much if we split. Making a stand before, any time 3+ yrs ago, would be better than now

    Enough rant

    If he's the love of your life and his reasons for stopping convince you he's right (not doing it to please him) then maybe...just maybe. But I'm 90% against that being true.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    We got engaged and all of the sudden he doesnt think it is respectable for his future wife to be a stripper. I moved out tonight. Thank you all so much for the support. Its so strange to be on my own and not have a list of things that need to be completed, I dont even know what to do with myself lol. He is a really great guy but I dont want to end up resenting him or losing my independence.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Sometimes when they're all you've known it can be hard to let go and take that leap into the unknown.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Wow !? Just like that ? I tend to hem and haw about these kinds of choices ( I feel ya because I'm trying to decide if it's my current guy or sex work ). It's too bad that men have problems with sex work, but it is what it is I guess.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 04:42 AM.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    He has all of the above characteristics... Like I said he is a great guy, I just dont want to be totally reliant on him. Also, stripping allows us to have a very good lifestyle and I dont want to be a "starving student" for the next three years....

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Wow, congrats OP. It's hard for me to make these kind of choices. Keep us posted.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Studying and not dancing is going to be hard. Doesnt he see how that money will not only reduce your stress levels but the flexibility of the job will allow you to commit much better to your studies? If you guys are getting married you want to start without massive debts. Is he willing to live like a starving student? What about transiting into other flexible work options like bikini waitressing or cam work? Its really a decision you should make together by discussing the pros and cons not just him deciding for you. You need to sit down and talk. After 8 years its worth it to come to a decision together.

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    Featured Member SuperJa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Oh hey, we just had a discussion thread about this not too long ago, few opinions you might find interesting: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...it+dancing+guy

    Leaving the industry should be YOUR decision. You are not your man's property, he can't tell you what to do. If he's giving you an ultimatum like that, things are going to get ugly later.

    Dancing is like the ultimate student job. You will never find another one with such flexible hours and good pay while you're in school.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Actually I read you've been married for 8 years and started have been dancing for 7.5 years. The question is why did you start dancing in the first place. Don't you think it's funny that you got married right after you started dancing? Now he's telling you to quit? I understand you love what you do and to me if a man met me before I started and didn't say anything back then, then his opinion of it now matter not. I'm not trying to be cold , I understand this is your husband, but most husbands don't want their wives dancing and if they can afford it will make sure they have ample funds to make sure she doesn't have to. If he couldn't do that 8 years ago for whatever reason it's a bit late to complain now after all this time. I say stay until you can't grab a pole any longer. If he plans to be with you forever as what marriage is supposed to be then he can wait until you hang up your shoes all your own. If you want to quit for school or take in less hours because you want to focus on your education then do it for that reason. Again he had no issues when you started dancing, he shouldn't really open his mouth now.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Like I said he is a great guy, I just dont want to be totally reliant on him. Also, stripping allows us to have a very good lifestyle and I dont want to be a "starving student" for the next three years....
    Congrats on asserting your independence ! If this guy is really as great as you say, he'll 'come around' to today's realities i.e. relationships must be between equal partners ( well, you can potentially make an exception for multi-millionaires ! )

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Update: OMG I am loving single life! No checking in, can work tons of hours and make tons of money, less expense, and best of all unlimited me time

    Thanks everyone for all your support!

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Really happy for you.

    My two cents is that if it never was discussed (you quitting) then it can't be demanded or reason for him to give you an ultimatum.

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    I am so relieved to see this thread. I just went back to dancing after almost a year away and it's been nothing but hell from my SO for days now. He threw a fit when I had to go to work yesterday ... I cried the whole way there and then put on a happy face and made over $200 in under an hour. I really don't know what to tell him; he admits jealousy is part of it but he also says I'm "not completely his" if I dance & it's not fair I "get" to go out & have guys touch me when he doesn't have girls touching him. I get that but I was a dancer when we met & to top it off, he owns a private dance company! I tried other avenues of making $$ and dancing is just way more lucrative. Like the OP, I want to go back to
    School and pay my way without debt. He basically told me going to school was a waste of time & I should get a normal job. Uhhh ok?? No normal job will match what I make dancing & especially without a degree ... Am I right or am I crazy?
    He has insinuated he would rather pay all my expenses than have me dance but there is no way in hell I'm going for that. I hate the idea of being taken care of financially - it represents a total lack of freedom to me; not to mention, the earning potential as a dancer is unlimited. Sharing one persons income is not!
    Anyways, how do you ladies deal with the somewhat inherent fact that dancing creates a double standard in relationships? As in, your SO has to deal with you "flirting" or getting touched by other men while they don't do those things with women?

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    Default Re: Give up dancing for SO?

    Ohh wait so you're not married. Why did I think that? For some reason I saw 8 years and assumed you two were married. Wow you dumped him! Way to go. Yeah when I read if you quit you would be a starving student and that your dancing creates a great life for you both that's when I realized he's been living off of you. Glad he's out of the picture. Now you and you alone can enjoy your hard earned work.

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