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Thread: Dating...Huge Age Gap

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    Default Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Ok so how do you all feel about young women in their twenties dating older men in their early to mid forties? It doesn't seem like they would have much in common and the younger women would be taken advantage of. Do you think its possible for a older man to really want a serious relationship with a woman that much younger?

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I would say a difference of around 20 years is the max (so 25 dating a 45). This goes for both genders btw. Also, the younger gender may or may not be taken advantage of. It all depends on the life experiences/intentions/disposition of either party. There are 15 year olds who are wiser than 40 year olds only because they have had extraordinary life experiences that matured them to a level beyond that of your average adult, though this in itself is not the norm. Most of the time the old take advantage of the young.
    Yes, it is definitely possible that an older man would want something serious with a younger woman. Again, it all depends on what his circumstances are in his life.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I regularly date women who are fifteen to twenty years younger than me but I'm in my mid 50's and stick with women in their mid to late 30's. I think the likelihood of this sort of thing working out increases as both parties mature.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaCM View Post
    Ok so how do you all feel about young women in their twenties dating older men in their early to mid forties? It doesn't seem like they would have much in common and the younger women would be taken advantage of. Do you think its possible for a older man to really want a serious relationship with a woman that much younger?
    Honestly no. That is too much of a big age gap and too big to really have anything in common. However I look at it differently when it just happens to men who intentionally seek out much younger. To me when I see men intentionally seek much younger (like I see on online sites) I assume he has serious mental issues that he doesn't want to be with a woman his age. Likewise when men in their 60's approach me online or in person it makes me want to throw up. In reality I would have little in common with a man old enough to be my dad. This is another story when two people meet and there is an age gap and they make it work. However, rarely have I see large age gaps work. Years ago in my 20's I tended to date much older men (mid 30's and up)and there was a reason they dated younger and that's because they were controlling and had serious insecurities. Of course there are the rich men who date younger but that's because they have the money and can date young.

    Once people get older though the age gaps seem to work better.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I once dated a guy 24y older than me... I was 24 when we met and so he was literally twice my age. We were together for about 5 years, and age wasnt ever an issue for us. Then again, at 24 I had gone through a lot of life experiences and I wasnt anything like others my age at that point.

    Now, my ex..he cheated on me and dated a girl who was 24 and he was 36. Even though their age gap was a lot less than the one I had with my other bf, it was a huge problem for them. She still lived at home, had no concept of what it was like to have any responsibility or be an adult...she was still a kid on all levels. He constantly complained and found a lot of things about her annoying, but he liked to much the idea he was dating a hot young chick.

    So all in all, Id say it depends on the people involved.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    yeah depends. A couple years ago I dated someone twice my age (my professor). It was cool but the novelty wore off, and I just didn't see it working out in the long run. He was very set in his ways and I felt I had to "mold" myself to make things work, so I got over it.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by JessicaCM View Post
    Ok so how do you all feel about young women in their twenties dating older men in their early to mid forties? It doesn't seem like they would have much in common and the younger women would be taken advantage of. Do you think its possible for a older man to really want a serious relationship with a woman that much younger?
    I’m curious why you would think the younger woman would be the one taken advantage of.

    Wouldn’t it be equally possible that she’s taking advantage of the older man? Status, social contacts, life experience, advice, assistance, money…? It seems unlikely that Vladimir Doronin, the Russian billionaire, is “taking advantage” of Naomi Campbell, although I suppose it’s possible.

    Anyway, relationships with large age gaps that work out usually mean that the two actually do share a great deal in common. My girlfriend, for example is 24, multilingual, a ballet/modern dancer, concert violinist, honors English graduate and (now) a wicked connoisseur of single-malt scotches and Bordeaux wines.

    We have almost identical taste in music – we swap iPod playlists – and most other areas of popular culture, like films, theatre and TV.

    I think you’ll find that people who’ve been in happy relationships with large age gaps are the most likely to think that “age is just a number,” because to them, it is.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I kind of agree with All Good Things in the sense that I don't think just one party is more suspect than the other in such a situation. I think it's pretty common for older men to be attracted to younger women. Often, women are attracted to men who are providers. If they're both getting what they want, then why is one more devious than the other?

    In a "best case scenario," this younger woman has already greatly matured for her age and is ready for a relationship that perhaps nobody closer to her age has been able to offer. I'm 22 and have been attracted to men 10-20 years my senior. I often find males who are closer to my age to still be very boyish, which irks me. My 21-year-old German girlfriend has issues connecting to boys her age--notice I can't really even call them "men" her age--because she has spent years in foreign countries while they're still partying it up on the same block every weekend.

    Anyway, in a "worst case scenario" the younger woman is just a twenty-something-year-old piece of ass to some creep, in which case, *shrug.* That's gross, but I'm still not sure anyone's being taken advantage of. 20+ is old enough to make informed decisions.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    If two ppl appreciate each other as human beings(instead of being just a hot piece of ass or a human ATM) & have GOOD serious intentions with one another, then great. It can work. It's all about intentions. People can't help who they fall for.

    I do think younger ppl should enjoy single life until they feel ready for a serious relationship, instead of just jumping into anything bc of infatuation. I knew at 24-25, I was ready to settle when the timing was right.

    I love guys a little older than me, for maturity and experience. I don't want a guy to firgure out his shit while he is with me.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I don't think I could be attracted to someone that much older than me. I'm 21, I don't think I would be able to date someone in their 30s or older right now. Most of my friends are older, like 25-30, although my boyfriend is only 22.

    My if I was older, like in my 30s, I'd be able to date someone more significantly older. :p
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    It all depends on the people involved, their motivation and their maturity.

    When I was younger I used to think a big age different would never work. I've been in a relationship with a man 17 years younger than me for years now and it's damn good. (We have had our ups and downs like any other couple but it's been the best by FAR of any other relationship I've had).


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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I think the most sensible way to look at this is on a percentage basis rather than an age difference in terms of years. The age difference becomes less of a percentage and less of an issue as time goes by. A maximum difference of about 25% seems to make sense, at least to me. A situation with a guy seriously dating a woman more than 25% his junior is questionable (mathematically speaking, this is the same as a woman dating a man more than a third older than her). A 30 with a 20, a 40 with a 30, a 50 with a 40, an 80 with a 70.....As you can see, that 10 yr difference seems less significant the older the parties are.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    A 30 with a 20, a 40 with a 30, a 50 with a 40, an 80 with a 70.....As you can see, that 10 yr difference seems less significant the older the parties are.
    Huh? While you are really good at math Bem your formula only addresses the least important aspect of the issue at hand-relationships! Compatibility and maturity-two intangibles-have much more to do with the success or failure of a relationship than the chronological age difference between the parties involved. Every woman I've dated since I split with my ex has been more mature than she was even though they have all been about fifteen years younger than I am and my ex was only two years my junior...
    Last edited by yoda57us; 04-19-2012 at 08:17 PM.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Great perspectives. Yeah it does seem like the younger person has to mold themselves more. It just seems like it would be really hard to get on the same page with that huge age gape.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Most of the people I've dated have been much older than me. When I was a senior in college I dated a professor, and my last two boyfriends were 43 and 47 (I'm 25) . The 47yr old had kids, one of which was starting at my university the semester after I graduated from it, so that was a bit weird. But I've never had trouble with having things in common or anything. I've always felt older than I am though.


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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Huh? While you are really good at math Bem your formula only addresses the least important aspect of the issue at hand-relationships! Compatibility and maturity-two intangibles-have much more to do with the success or failure of a relationship than the chronological age difference between the parties involved. Every woman I've dated since I split with my ex has been more mature than she was even though they have all been about fifteen years younger than I am and my ex was only two years my junior...
    Then shouldn't you be criticizing the thread in general? I merely responded to the OP's question by saying that a certain age difference has less impact when the people in question are older. I didn't weigh in on compatibility and maturity because those were not issues she addressed. You are also sort of making my point for me. The age difference between you and the younger women you've dated would have been more of an issue when you both were younger. A woman pushing 40 would probably have less of an issue with dating a guy in his mid 50's than a woman in her late teens would have with dating a guy in his 30's. As for me, I generally date women 10 to 15 years younger than me, in their mid-30's. 10 yrs ago our age difference would have been a bigger issue and 20 years ago they could have been students in my classes, so things do change as the people get older.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by innes View Post
    I don't think I could be attracted to someone that much older than me. I'm 21, I don't think I would be able to date someone in their 30s or older right now. Most of my friends are older, like 25-30, although my boyfriend is only 22.

    My if I was older, like in my 30s, I'd be able to date someone more significantly older. :p
    A big bank account can make me attracted to them REAL quick
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    Then shouldn't you be criticizing the thread in general?
    LOL, No, I don't see why I would. I have no issue with the thread.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I think I may copy and paste my view from another thread that was similar. But I'll do my best with what's on my mind now.

    Basically I've date older men before but I always felt like an "old soul" anyways, however these older men may have had the age but they were in my view childish in many other ways. Once I started looking at them closely I realized exactly why they couldn't date women of their own age. They seemed like losers and It made sense why a woman of their age wouldn't give them the time of day. In other words they couldn't measure up. I also started thinking well why date the guy that's older, cheaper and is looking to use me for his sexual outlet. Best stick with men my age and go through the bumps life will throw our way.

    Also the older the guy is generally the less likely you'll have a future with him. He's not looking for anything long term unless it's generally you nodding in agreement with everything he says, admiring him having his own place and/or car, and consistent sex. He'll find a few young women that want to make it on their own steam and push the "halfsies" game on them. Making sure they are responsible blah blah bs so of course he can get sex and half his bills paid.

    Now take all that away and he will have no use for you. If he's been married or has kids , you will not be able to enjoy these things as a new experience with him because he's been there done that. The most a young women can generally look forward to is being a long time roommate with benefits. He'll call you gf but you're really just a gloried roommate with sperm receptacle privileges that does dishes on Thursdays and makes a mean lasagna on Monday's.

    If he does marry you then at this point if you're 25 and he's say 45 he's trying to lock you down before he gets too old. Just think when he's 50 you'll be 30. When you're 40 he'll be fucking 60. He's no fool. He's been enjoying his youth and now he's run out of time. Best thing to do is take yours away. That way if he dies early , you'll be stuck bringing up his kids.

    Advice: Make sure your name is on the Life Insurance Policy.
    Advice 2: Don't have unprotected sex.
    Advice 3: Don't have his babies out of wedlock.
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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Also throughout the age gap relationship you'll be trying to prove how much of adult you are meanwhile he'll be proving how soon diapers will be on the shopping list.....for him! To make matters worse because you're fucking him, in his new found youth (stolen from you of course) he'll think that every 25year old wants his old ass too. It's a vicious cycle.

    I say stick with a 5-10 gap max. Anything older and you're going into a DEAD END relationship.
    Many older men are attracted to a woman's youth but more importantly the fact that she's not smart enough to see him coming. She can have all the book smarts in the world but that generally doesn't keep her away from the old man that has EXPERIENCE. He's been fucking women before your mother and father even fucked to have your ass. Stay away. I know alot of women feel like " I can handle it". This is no big deal. "I'm beyond my years mentally". You will be used up and spit out like an old gizz filled condom.

    Women in the sex industry are probably more vulnerable to this. Of course people your age can't relate to you especially with what you do. You come into contact with men that are old enough to be considered grandparents but they pay to be seduced, teased, converse, fucked by you. So you get used to them being in your circle of connections because generally you're around them daily anyways right? Wrong. They will chip and chip away at you until there is nothing left. I've seen it way too many times. That same young woman ages those that entire 20 year gap to where she looks like she's actually his age.

    But he understands me! He should, you're probably his 95th lay, maybe his 28th gf. He's been around long enough he should be able to understand you. More like he notices you're 1/5 like Angela, 1/3 like Gena, 1/8 like Sara, 1/4 like Corine... yes you remind him of someone or many women in his past.

    As being the "old soul" I always enjoyed being complimented by older men on how much "older" I seemed. This of course was all the bullshit my young ears needed to hear. Dumb! These guys are old and will run circles of bullshit around young women. Once you figure it out it will not go over so well.

    I'm not going even get into sexual problems as men age and the use of the blue pill. Not saying all have these problems but most do. Yet at the same time even with his sexual problems , he'll probably be out there looking for another 25year old to bang. If he talks about how great his is at oral just know that his dick probably doesn't work anymore and he's learned to use his tongue rather well. If you're going to be dealing with a life of oral sex then you probably should be sleeping with women.

    My personal favorite is when an older guy tells you something and then it mysterious turns around and some how it was your idea all along. Like I said they can run circles around you and patience is something they have in spades.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    Basically I've date older men before but I always felt like an "old soul" anyways, however these older men may have had the age but they were in my view childish in many other ways. Once I started looking at them closely I realized exactly why they couldn't date women of their own age. They seemed like losers and It made sense why a woman of their age wouldn't give them the time of day.
    ^
    yes...IN GENERAL, I always question not just the younger woman who would date an older man.....but also what kind of mid 40s+ man would have a serious relationship with a mid 20s or younger woman. It seems to me that it is usually someone who:

    - needs to control the woman in relationship, and more experienced women his age wouldnt put up with that shit

    - only finds young girls attractive, his tastes havent evolved as he gets older, meaning he will probably looking for the next 23 yr old when his girl reaches 30. It seems relationships with him would be pretty superficial, pretty much just based on appearance.

    - he uses the fact that he can date younger women as a badge of honor. (I put my dad in this category...in his 50s he married a 20 year old, younger than his youngest daughter....creepy. After that 5 yr marriage predictably ended, he lived with a 25 yr old. He paraded them around like everyone should be impressed.....but we just felt sorry for him, kind of pathetic. He finally grew up in his late 60s and recently married a upper 50s lady and they have a real relationship and he hasnt been this happy since he was married to my mom.)

    Keep in mind that I am speaking in generalities, and I'm sure there are exceptions. And I'm not talking about flings or FWB situations....

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    ^
    yes...IN GENERAL, I always question not just the younger woman who would date an older man.....but also what kind of mid 40s+ man would have a serious relationship with a mid 20s or younger woman. It seems to me that it is usually someone who:

    - needs to control the woman in relationship, and more experienced women his age wouldnt put up with that shit

    - only finds young girls attractive, his tastes havent evolved as he gets older, meaning he will probably looking for the next 23 yr old when his girl reaches 30. It seems relationships with him would be pretty superficial, pretty much just based on appearance.

    - he uses the fact that he can date younger women as a badge of honor. (I put my dad in this category...in his 50s he married a 20 year old, younger than his youngest daughter....creepy. After that 5 yr marriage predictably ended, he lived with a 25 yr old. He paraded them around like everyone should be impressed.....but we just felt sorry for him, kind of pathetic. He finally grew up in his late 60s and recently married a upper 50s lady and they have a real relationship and he hasnt been this happy since he was married to my mom.)

    Keep in mind that I am speaking in generalities, and I'm sure there are exceptions. And I'm not talking about flings or FWB situations....
    Thank you and Thank you! Well put!!! It's just a badge of honor! lol That's so right. I found myself at breakfast with an old guy ( as his date) and an older fucking guy and his young date. I just sat there dying to leave but not wanting to be rude and move. It was boring as fuck. I kept saying to myself wtf am I doing here? This guy seems like a total dud. Ohh yippeee pancakes! lol Didn't take me much lol . Had to give me something sweet like a pedophile giving out lollipops. It did creep me out but I managed to feel creeped out after my pancakes went down.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    ^
    yes...IN GENERAL, I always question not just the younger woman who would date an older man.....

    I know from how I felt initially that they made me feel important in a weird way. Like I some how arrived to adulthood because they treated me like an equal. I remember I went out of my way to hide my youth at 19. I even tried to dress older so as not to have my age be so obvious. Lol But I realized that there was just something wrong with them. One guy looked great for his age. He lied to my family about how old he was but it came out he was over 40. However he would make these weird childish jokes and laugh hysterically with shit I couldn't find funny. It irked me. Then the overly pushy shit with sex. Then one day his facial hair grew in and that's the last time I saw him. Guy fucking scared me because at that point his age was all over his face and I realized he was just an old washed up loser looking to use some young dumb girl. I remember he was interested in us moving in together and started the whole we can split the rent. That's when I though wait what? So I'm going to be trapped up with the over the hill guy that lied about his age, doesn't have shit to show for his age and I'm going to be working to pay half his bills and fuck him too? HA! I remember I bumped into him again and he was trying hard to get me in bed. I told him I was celibate. lol He stopped calling. I heard later that he settled down and married his old gf (his age) that was supposedly an on and off again relationship.


    He contacted me a few months back to "hang out". Really so you just want to casually hang out at my place being all married? What was this guy thinking? Ohh he probably thought I'm still young which automatically = being dumb. To make matters worse he said something about how he was pushed into being married. Wait what? lol I was like yeah you're married It wouldn't be respectful to meet me unless I spoke to your wife and she was cool with it. He stopped calling again. Ha! I feel sorry for the woman that married him.


    I remember he used to tell me these fucked up stories about how he took girls to get abortions and the fucked up shit they would show in the waiting room. Sounds like quite the charmer eh? I would consider him the classy classic over the hill douchebag. He was actually pretty cool besides some of those weird stories, pushing for sex and his desire to use young women for whatever they would allow. The celibacy line worked in my favor big time. Can't get what isn't available.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    Cherry & Lemi, bring up good points too. It is def about intentions.

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    Default Re: Dating...Huge Age Gap

    I am in my early 40´s and my GF is 25. this is the first time that I am dating some one that is younger then me, in my past and my GF have always been either older or same age as me. Personally I never thought I would fall in love some one who was that much younger then me!, I used to make fun of some of my friend before because they were dating some one who so more then 10 years younger then them. I was very surprised when I started dating my current GF and never really though it would get this serious, but we have so much in conmen, and i don’t feel that we as much of age difference, the only time I feel the difference in the age is when she tell me something she used to do when she was a kid or when she was just becoming a teenager, as I often remember how old I was when she was that age, like beeing in my second marriage..heheh.

    I don’t think that the age has always something to say, but yes sometimes guys do like to date so one who is much younger then them self to make them feel powerful and strong, because they are insecure, but not all the time.

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