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Thread: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever...

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever...

    Talked it out.
    Last edited by Aslinn; 04-19-2012 at 10:41 PM.

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    hit print and tape that to his forehead.
    Ungoogle yourself:


    Also, now offering phone sexins!

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by FiendishGyrator View Post
    hit print and tape that to his forehead.
    This made me feel better lmao.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    http://www.chron.com/news/houston-te...as-3492866.php

    It seems this is the kind of thing people ought to discuss before they get married.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    http://www.chron.com/news/houston-te...as-3492866.php

    It seems this is the kind of thing people ought to discuss before they get married.
    That story is perfect because we live in Texas. Also discuss what? The working thing, because we did that is why I was so shocked we had planned previously that after school I would be working, he just recently changed his mind I guess without informing me of why.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Yes discuss working.

    I think I read somewhere people working in the drug trafficking industry anticipate being killed before long and tend to live for the moment.

    Are you in the valley?

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    I wouldn't expect them to think they would live long, Idk why he thought that might be a good idea to do "odd jobs" for someone who claimed to have ties to any mafia. He is a security guard and was talking about going into the police force about a month ago which makes it even more of an obvious "duh" of a stupid idea.

    And no I'm in San Antonio, You know internet high five for that article because he also proposed doing boarder patrol which I freaked out about and he hasn't mentioned since but that is another reason he shouldn't do that.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    At one time back in the 30’s to 40’s for about 10 years the Border Patrol was involved in one gunfight a week. The way things are going the ‘good old days’ may be coming back.

    If he wants to go into law enforcement, he should stay squeaky clean. Look at the mess the secret service has gotten into. Everyone is going to be watched more closely now.
    Last edited by slowpoke; 04-20-2012 at 06:57 AM.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Thats exactly what I told him creepy.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Good Luck!

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    Good Luck!
    Thank-you very much I appreciate it!

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    The dangerous work aside the fact that he wants you never to work sounds like the beginning of a controlling situation. It's one thing to stay at home with a baby, quite another never to work again. Personally I think I could be persuaded to stay at home with a baby as long as my husband had a good job and I wasn't working, or working parttime or even working at home, but not once the child is in school (of course since I don't have kids and work at home this is a moot point). There's just so many bad things with never working again, like if he left you or he died or you decided to leave him. I have friends who have been stay at home moms for many years and once they decided to go back to work they had to start over and at much lower pay.

    Now regarding him working those jobs, that gives me bad vibes and wondering why he's thinking that. Could be he's just messing with you but if he's serious I think there is more to it. Is he in severe financial trouble?

    Honestly I would have a talk with him and tell him you don't want him to work those jobs and that you plan to work once the child is in school. You are not his slave and have free will. If he still gives you a hard time I would seriously consider staying with someone like your mom for a few days to make him realize you are serious.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    The dangerous work aside the fact that he wants you never to work sounds like the beginning of a controlling situation. It's one thing to stay at home with a baby, quite another never to work again. Personally I think I could be persuaded to stay at home with a baby as long as my husband had a good job and I wasn't working, or working parttime or even working at home, but not once the child is in school (of course since I don't have kids and work at home this is a moot point). There's just so many bad things with never working again, like if he left you or he died or you decided to leave him. I have friends who have been stay at home moms for many years and once they decided to go back to work they had to start over and at much lower pay.

    Now regarding him working those jobs, that gives me bad vibes and wondering why he's thinking that. Could be he's just messing with you but if he's serious I think there is more to it. Is he in severe financial trouble?

    Honestly I would have a talk with him and tell him you don't want him to work those jobs and that you plan to work once the child is in school. You are not his slave and have free will. If he still gives you a hard time I would seriously consider staying with someone like your mom for a few days to make him realize you are serious.
    I think he's freaking out about the baby, now that I am calmed down and trying to imagine any ques he could have sent me during our relationship and looking back at past instances I think he equates me working with his failure to provide. I know if I mention us being a lacking in funds or my budget plans for the next year he gets really quiet and introverted for a few days so my idea may not be far off. He's never exhibited controlling behavior before I mean after all this time I would think he would show some sign before now, I mean the worst thing I could think of that he was being controlling about before now was about having our kid in daycare while I was in school but I think that stems from him only having memories of his younger siblings which his mom home schooled. Any ways I think he may be having some mental crisis he doesn't want to talk about because he feels like he needs to give me everything I could possibly want as soon as possible and I have expressed worries about ending up like my parents and never spending time with there kids. Idk maybe I sent him some mixed messages I know sometimes we say things to each other and we can't figure out what the other one is really trying to say. I think having a sit down talk with him would be a good idea. I think I have to stress the fact that I actually want to work for me not because I feel like he can't provide for us.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Yes many men get really weird about the whole providing thing. I have dated men who who expected to be the provider even if I worked. I think it's a male thing, even the most liberated men expect to be providers. Of course not all can and others actually like that the wife also works too. But yes a sit down talk is needed here because things need to be discussed. Did you discuss what you would do in this situation if you had kids before you married? I ask because right now I am in the beginning stages of seeing where I am going with several guys and this topic has actually come up with a couple of them right away.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    No we didn't discuss that scenario because it was a mute point. We both don't believe in having children out of wedlock, don't get me wrong we know it happens to people but religiously we didn't believe in having children unless we were married. I can honestly say I can't imagine dealing with any problems that come up between us if we weren't married. When we first found out I was pregnant we did agree that I would stay at home until she went to school and that was our compromise because he believed in homeschooling but my heart wasn't in that. I have mentioned us having more children later and I think his idea of later is in two years while mine is like ten so that could be another miscommunication on my part.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aslinn View Post
    No we didn't discuss that scenario because it was a mute point. We both don't believe in having children out of wedlock, don't get me wrong we know it happens to people but religiously we didn't believe in having children unless we were married. I can honestly say I can't imagine dealing with any problems that come up between us if we weren't married. When we first found out I was pregnant we did agree that I would stay at home until she went to school and that was our compromise because he believed in homeschooling but my heart wasn't in that. I have mentioned us having more children later and I think his idea of later is in two years while mine is like ten so that could be another miscommunication on my part.
    I realized I worded it wrong, lol. I meant about discussing having kids in marriage but talking about it before marriage. I think it's important to discuss the issue of kids once one is considering having them so there's no misunderstandings.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Okay be more specific on your situation, I get confused on your threads when you ask about stuff for some reason lol. We did discuss kids when we were dating and we did have a plan for what we would do when we had children but there is only so far you can plan ahead and a lot of those ideas go out the window with circumstances.

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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    I think it's very important to ask those things upfront while dating because while things can change, the basic ideas usually stays the same. I have a male friend who was very specific on marrying a virgin who would never work again so he asked this early on. Better to lay it down before the relationship gets further down because it can cause confusion and a lot of anger when people aren't on the same page.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Husband just dropped the grand proclamation that he doesn't want me work,ever.

    Oh okay I see what your saying! I thought you meant something different for some reason. Yes we did discuss this when we were dating stuff like that doesn't change so much but our views on children were a little more lax before we had children.

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