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Thread: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thanks SW'ers!
    Last edited by missykrissy; 04-27-2012 at 01:52 PM.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 04:58 AM.

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thank you mediocrity. I am quite a "fan" of yours, your advice means a lot to me, you always give good advice.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Med gave you the best advice, you need to run away while you can. This relationship is bad news bears.

    And Med, I'm also a fan. <3



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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thank you 4ever I also love reading your posts.
    I'm so embarrassed to admit I was hoping to find some kinda advice on how to win him back and hope him overcome his personal demons... *covering face with hands*
    the whole reason I'm even posting here is if my sisters and my bestie knew I was even *thinking* such thoughts I would be in major trouble, so talking to them about this is out of the question. And I swore to my sisters I would keep him call blocked, and I can't break a promise to them on that.
    I think it's time to redirect my energy into some fun exercise and books or movies or anything not guy-delusional.
    Thanks so much guys.
    All other opinions welcome.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    ...what is there to love about this guy? i would be so turned off- do you even know what he is like sober?

    this is nothing but trouble- you did the right thing by cutting him off the first time. save yourself, his problems will become yours.

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thanks JoJo.
    In all honesty I think I have spent more time with him drunk than sober. It's disgusting. I just need to stay strong and keep away from him. If having the police in my home wasn't enough of a wake up call I don't know what else will be.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    You nailed it exactly - you are in love with the fantasy of what he could be - all of his potential - but the reality is that he is an addict and he will always be one - whether he actively uses or not he is an addict - all you have is what he is today - don't even consider a relationship with him until he has one year of sobriety under him and is actively working a program - you may consider attending alanon for some support in whatever decision you make - good luck and stay safe

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thank you nikki
    I have a history of falling in love w the fantasy of a man *sigh* not good

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Listen to mediocrity, she speaks wisdom.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Been in this situation, except we had been childhood friends. I still have nightmares about him; I still feel senseless guilt; I still wonder how I could have been so stupid to end up in some of the situations he brought upon me. Hoping for him to change will only bring you more pain. I know a girl who married the man she loved despite his addiction. They have two children. Every few months to a year, the cycle begins again, often out of nowhere. He'll go missing with the car and has ended up in custody with the car totaled more than once. He cannot be trusted with money and has drained their accounts several times. It is a cycle of abuse and pain and more selfishness than any relationship can take. Yes, you are in love with who you think this guy could be, not who he was or perhaps ever will be. The sooner you come to terms with the fact that, despite what you feel, you do not know the person under all of the drugs and alcohol, the sooner you'll be able to heal.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thank you Trem & Tuesday.
    Tuesday I am sorry to hear you have been in a similar situation. The beating yourself up part is the worst, I need to stop that.
    I agree that hope, in these situations, is BAD and needs to be snuffed out. That is my concern for myself. I'm still hopeful. Like in your friends situation, I'm sure he can maintain sobriety for some period of time, especially if he feels threatened with the loss of the relationship.... but that's not what I want. It sucks to have to feel like some sort of nanny when you really want a full relationship. In my brain I know it's time to move on... so that's good.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    snipsnip.
    Last edited by tuesdaymarie; 04-22-2012 at 09:28 AM. Reason: personal shit, yo.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    I agree with it that you are in love with his potential, not what he is. My ex didnt have drug and alcohol problems, but a whole other set that completly destoyed what we did have. I held onto the fantasy that he would snap out of it and we would marry and things would be wonderful again...for 2 and a half painful years after our breakup. Im usually a very level headed person, I have no idea what it is about him, my brother in law even asked me about a year ago, what kind of hold does this man have on you? While trying to convice me to stop waiting for him...

    In these past 2 and a half years, I could have met someone else who doesnt just have potential to be a great partner, but actually is one. I wasted years on a fantasy instead of moving on with my life. I really, really would hate to see that happen to anyone else. Im sorry I dont have more/better advice, but a lot of what others have advised rings true (and helped me out too...cause Im still trying to work him out of my system and out of my life)
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    I don't mean this as an offence to anyone who has ever had a drug problem, but I truly believe drug addicts are not even people. I mean they are just a zombie... they've totally lost sight of anything that matters and who they really are. They will steal, lie, cheat, do anything to get their drug or hide it from you. Ive seen good people turn into complete monsters and its not them. You really don't know who this guy is because even he doesnt know is what Im trying to say. You really don't need that kind of an anchor dragging you down. His "potential" will always be stifled due to his addiction even if he does become clean because in reality he will face this battle his whole life. Im not saying addicts or recovered addicts are not worth loving but in this case you can definitely do better.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    Thank you all so much.
    The more I think about it the more I think I don't really love him anyway. I've lost respect for him. I could never really look at him like a man again, more like a baby nursing off me.
    Jessie I agree with you. Drug addicts are some type of zombie. How sad.
    I had a great night at work so I'm feeling better. It's time for me to get back up.
    The thing is, I knew from the start there were bad things there, but I disregarded my own intuition. So I know from now on, I just need to listen to my own intuition.

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    Default Re: Alcoholic/Drug Addict Ex. I'm still in love. Please help

    snip.
    Last edited by Smurfette; 05-31-2012 at 08:02 PM.

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