this might belong in life support, but.. do any of you who cam have ocd? I find it hard to go on because I focus on imperfect things of my house or body. For example I would think
I'm looking to fat today, can't look sexy like this. Have to work out all day, or if i do workout will make me all red sweaty for the cam- gross.
and therefore won't make money. or, the room is way to messy to cam, feels clastrophobic, or Im ashamed to show my threadbare, shabby house on the net. bad skin or hair day, etc.
and the list goes on. Somehow at work ( I dance too) I can and do make money but I feel supported by the structure. I feel disappointed at how very seldom I even make it online. I don't feel that I am lazy, I think about going on cam, wonder about money to be made, etc. But I get overwhelmed by small stupid things such as weight/hair, the house looking spotless before I log on.
My ocd used to manifest in eating disorders and trichtillomania? don't know if i spelled it right. I've tried to relax more, eat normally, and drink occasionaly most recently. I feel it coming back and getting out of hand. well this is my current reality, is there anyone out there who has this strange disorder who also works as a camgirl? This really is a unique problem as you have to set your own hours, etc you can sabotage yourself easily.



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It requires a hefty amount of work, soul-searching and unfolding troublesome past events which lead to your obsessions which can feel gruelling. I had to undertake tasks in which I deliberately put myself into situations where I felt I needed makeup, or check my appearance, to go without - like socialising with a bunch of friends whilst I wore no makeup; or stepping outside after I'd just washed my hair...
(This will sound even chessier: I cannot even explain how awesome it felt!) 


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