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Thread: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

  1. #1
    Veteran Member pink_bunny's Avatar
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    Default obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    this might belong in life support, but.. do any of you who cam have ocd? I find it hard to go on because I focus on imperfect things of my house or body. For example I would think

    I'm looking to fat today, can't look sexy like this. Have to work out all day, or if i do workout will make me all red sweaty for the cam- gross.
    and therefore won't make money. or, the room is way to messy to cam, feels clastrophobic, or Im ashamed to show my threadbare, shabby house on the net. bad skin or hair day, etc.
    and the list goes on. Somehow at work ( I dance too) I can and do make money but I feel supported by the structure. I feel disappointed at how very seldom I even make it online. I don't feel that I am lazy, I think about going on cam, wonder about money to be made, etc. But I get overwhelmed by small stupid things such as weight/hair, the house looking spotless before I log on.
    My ocd used to manifest in eating disorders and trichtillomania? don't know if i spelled it right. I've tried to relax more, eat normally, and drink occasionaly most recently. I feel it coming back and getting out of hand. well this is my current reality, is there anyone out there who has this strange disorder who also works as a camgirl? This really is a unique problem as you have to set your own hours, etc you can sabotage yourself easily.
    Last edited by pink_bunny; 04-23-2012 at 08:21 AM.

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  3. #2
    God/dess sexysusie's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I was diagnosed with ocd as well but i am able most of the time to keep it in check (at least i like to think so). Mine is very odd and manifests in touching things/ objects over and over, like tapping them. Sometimes I find myself doing it when on cam in the middle of a show, i'll have to stop whatever i'm doing and tap, or just mildly tap whatever i'm touching at the time (dildo, whip etc). Usually when camming though i am focused enough on something other than my own thoughts so usually able to function normally. I find fast dance music really helps me, as does a glass of wine beforehand! lol. There is a wonderful site called stuckinadoorway which i've found really helpful over the years. Check it out x

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    Member ROCKAPOTIMUS's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I have many ocd's and anxiety problems. I hate it when I make an uneven amount, if I'm about to log out and It's uneven I get really stressed and try to get someone to tip so its even. I cannot go on cam right after I've eaten or I feel terrible. I've just gotten rid of my twitching ocd, very glad because it was super embarrassing when people who look of at me and ask if I was okay.Lol The one thing that I'm really embarrassed about is my finger biting... its been over a year and I haven't been able to stop. My fingers look so mangled that I try to hide them from other people. I also have to be tricky On cam....which is hard when I'm doing a close up finger cum show.. I know I need to stop. Someday, I hope to so I can go get my nails done and not look at my hands in disgust.

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    Senior Member Audrina Parks's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    My OCD was greatly lessened by daily meditation. If you can find a good meditation disk, it will really help.

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  9. #5
    Veteran Member pink_bunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    i am kind of scared of meds... what kind are you taking, audrina ?

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    Featured Member Incantatious's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I suffered for many years with BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). It's basically like OCD but specifically regarding appearance / very bad body-image, the belief that you are "deformed" or hideous / compulsions (like obsessively applying makeup, picking your skin, checking the mirror (or ANY reflective surface like windows, etc), attempting to hide "flaws" with clothing, cosmetics, etc).

    I was on and off meds for years, but without therapy they were useless. I had meds which reacted badly with me, meds which helped my mood, and meds which made me hyper.. But I would only EVER advise meds if they are used in conjunction with therapy. If you strike lucky and get the right meds for you, they can help improve your mood, but the reality of it is that meds can be a minefield of nasty reactions, increased depression or even horrible nausea, amongst a smorgasbord of other pain-in-the-arse things.

    I'm now completely recovered without the use of meds. The kind of therapy advised for BDD is usually actually the same therapy advised for those with OCD: it's called CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). CBT aims to tackle your problems at the root, as opposed to meds being much more surface or short-term solution for the underlying problems.

    I cannot praise CBT highly enough for how it has improved my life. There isn't a bat's chance in hell that being a camgirl was anywhere near on the cards for me some years ago and I can't imagine how my life would be right now without CBT.

    If you can, find yourself a local CBT therapist qualified for treating those with OCD, and get started from there. It requires a hefty amount of work, soul-searching and unfolding troublesome past events which lead to your obsessions which can feel gruelling. I had to undertake tasks in which I deliberately put myself into situations where I felt I needed makeup, or check my appearance, to go without - like socialising with a bunch of friends whilst I wore no makeup; or stepping outside after I'd just washed my hair...

    They do it in baby steps though, I assure you! They didn't throw me in at the deep end by getting me to do that kind of stuff straight away (there was no way of getting me to leave the house without my makeup on at first). Though, eventually I got so high on the feeling of strength and empowerment that I once danced like a loon outside with my boyfriend (he was, I think, pretty weirded out!) on the way to the shops in the rain as my mascara ran down my face! (This will sound even chessier: I cannot even explain how awesome it felt!)

    They will get you to do some things that will make you feel uncomfortable, really challenging your compulsions, but you will get the satisfaction of utterly pwning your obsessions in the ass.




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    God/dess Cam_Model_Jess's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    Quote Originally Posted by pink_bunny View Post
    i am kind of scared of meds... what kind are you taking, audrina ?
    She wrote "meditation" not "medication." However, I'm scared of meditation, so maybe you actually meant that

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    Veteran Member Crustyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I have food OCD, and germ-phobia stuff, so yeah... It's awful for my work. I freak out every time some guy wants to go from ass to pussy (I never do this), or when someone wants me to lick my fingers (yuck, never). If he gets mad, oh well... I constantly sanitize between shows. Always wash up afterwards. I'm so scared of infection, cause seriously that shit seriously hurts!!! My food phobia has to do with eating a certain way, can't be around other foods or else I won't eat (sometimes I starve for days cause I think about it so much). Yeah, I'm kind of strange. I know that I need help and it's stupid but, whatever. I can't afford therapy.

    I used to have this weird face picking thing like Incantatious said. I had no idea that was BDD.

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    Featured Member Incantatious's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    Quote Originally Posted by Crustyz View Post
    I have food OCD, and germ-phobia stuff, so yeah... It's awful for my work. I freak out every time some guy wants to go from ass to pussy (I never do this), or when someone wants me to lick my fingers (yuck, never). If he gets mad, oh well... I constantly sanitize between shows. Always wash up afterwards. I'm so scared of infection, cause seriously that shit seriously hurts!!! My food phobia has to do with eating a certain way, can't be around other foods or else I won't eat (sometimes I starve for days cause I think about it so much). Yeah, I'm kind of strange. I know that I need help and it's stupid but, whatever. I can't afford therapy.

    I used to have this weird face picking thing like Incantatious said. I had no idea that was BDD.
    I sanitize between shows too, wash up when I finish shifts, and going from ass to pussy really can cause some nasty shit, so I don't think those are necessarily bad / unhealthy practises because those aim towards keeping you healthy.

    I'm not sure what the medical systems are like where you are, but in the UK I was able to get funding for my treatment. I didn't have to pay for any of it. That said, if I were working back then I don't think I'd have been able to get it. But yeah, if your compulsions really are driving you mad, it might be worth looking into funding if you can.




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    Featured Member Charlotteslut's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    A combination of meds AND therapy is what works for MOST people. This has been scientifically proven (no, I'm not going to hunt down the studies).

    This isn't something you are going to conquer all on your own, please get some kind of help. Things will likely get better

    I have different issues, but when I got on meds I was like WOW this is what being normal feels like T_T

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    Senior Member KillKeely's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I agree with most replies in this thread, the right mix of therapy and meds will help if done right and with the help of a professional.
    You're health is always most important.

    But on a side note, I have minor OCD after recovering from a long severe stretch
    and I've noticed a huge difference in having my own lil cam area, its set up with nice fabric in the back,
    some little knick-knacks to keep it personal, but still neat and nice!
    and also cam lighting can help a ton for your own confidence while going on cam and how you look.

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  21. #12
    Featured Member Incantatious's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlotteslut View Post
    A combination of meds AND therapy is what works for MOST people. This has been scientifically proven (no, I'm not going to hunt down the studies).
    Ahh definitely. I was highlighting my own experience because I think it's important to note that therapy without meds at least helped me. It was pretty much for people who really, really don't want to take meds, or those who have responded badly to meds in the past.




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    Senior Member Audrina Parks's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    In response to the question I am not on any medications. I just do the meditation and it has calmed me down over time better and better. However, I am sure medications are good as well and have helped alot of people.

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    Member ROCKAPOTIMUS's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    I'm very hesitant about meds. Doctors throw pills at people left in right. I had a friend who got depressed every once in a while, doctors threw some medication in her life and I swear she was a zombie. Apparently her doctor convinced that she is normal now shes on meds...uh no she's not. I do agree there are those who absolutely need meds, but I personal prefer a drug free solution. I wish I had money for therapy.

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    Veteran Member Crustyz's Avatar
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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    Quote Originally Posted by Incantatious View Post
    I sanitize between shows too, wash up when I finish shifts, and going from ass to pussy really can cause some nasty shit, so I don't think those are necessarily bad / unhealthy practises because those aim towards keeping you healthy.

    I'm not sure what the medical systems are like where you are, but in the UK I was able to get funding for my treatment. I didn't have to pay for any of it. That said, if I were working back then I don't think I'd have been able to get it. But yeah, if your compulsions really are driving you mad, it might be worth looking into funding if you can.
    It's not just that, but I literally think about infections like... all day. I get freaked out about touching down there every show, thinking I'm going to get an infection. I'm probably just one of those people that thinks I'm not normal or something, thinking I'm sick all the time. Heh...

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    Default Re: obsessive compulsive disorder messing with my camming

    Pink, Im not going to say all of us.. but. most of us experience some kind of "stage freight" . Maybe this is what the problem is instead of OCD?
    I experience this "stupid" lol stage freight myself.... I need to make sure I do this and that BEFORE I get on cam in hopes that I will do good or..Ill have a good time..

    FRom WIki:
    Causes of " stage freight"
    1.Considering the possibility of visible failure at a task, resulting in embarrassment.
    2.Feeling a need to do well to avoid failure.
    3.Feeling uncertain about whether one can do well. Uncertainty plays a major role in experiencing many forms of anxiety. It could be helpful to keep in mind that one cannot control others' reactions or judgements, but only one’s own performance.
    4.Focusing on behavior and appearance.

    An important component of performance anxiety is an acute awareness of one’s own behavior and/or appearance. When experiencing performance anxiety, one focuses one’s attention on the visible appearance of the performance. A possible way of reducing performance anxiety would be to increase one’s awareness of others, without considering them as judges. An attitude of service to others (focusing on helping or serving the audience, instead of oneself), can help one to shift out of performance anxiety (or any kind of social anxiety).

    ----------
    # 1 2 3 4... lol. those are my problems..
    and #4... we HAVE TO focus on appearance..and behavior..

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