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Thread: i'm worried for my little brother.

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default i'm worried for my little brother.

    my mom and another mom were exchanging stories about my brother and her son. the another moms son has asperger's syndrom and my mom now thinks my brother has it also. he's smart, sweet, sensitive 9yo, but he's geeky, nerdy kid. he gets along with the kids in his class, but he does not like to participate in physical activities because he is not as coordinated as the other kids and he feels left out. the kids that he grew up him treat him well and understand him, but other kids can be cruel and rude and he can't always stand up for himself. i don't know what to do. i want to protect him. i love him more than anything in the world, but i don't want him to be labeled with something that people don't understand and will treat him differently. my mom says she's going to get him evaluated. i just don't know what to do.

    this is from the mayo clinic website:

    Asperger's syndrome symptoms include:

    • Engaging in one-sided, long-winded conversations, without noticing if the listener is listening or trying to change the subject (Yes)
    • Displaying unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures (No)
    • Showing an intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects, such as baseball statistics, train schedules, weather or snakes (Yes)
    • Appearing not to understand, empathize with or be sensitive to others' feelings (No)
    • Having a hard time "reading" other people or understanding humor (No)
    • Speaking in a voice that is monotonous, rigid or unusually fast (No)
    • Moving clumsily, with poor coordination (Yes)

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    Veteran Member _natasha's Avatar
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    Default

    He sounds like a normal, if slightly geeky 9 year old to me...

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Sounds like me when I was a kid... Awkward, geeky, at times tried to hard to fit in (crazy talkative) I was obessed with anything psychological and the paranormal (still am lol), and other times just keeping to myself to save myself the embarrassment of people listening to me talk about my obesseion (hide in a corner with a book..usually about creepy ghost stories... for hours)

    Back in my day, I was just weird. Nothing clinical and I grew up fine...well, Im still wierd lol but its just my personality.

    Kiddo is a lot more outgoing and "cool" than I ever dreamt I could be...yet she does a lot of the same things I did (her thing is all things manga). Its just being a kid and coming into your own.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    ^^^ Yup.

    My best friend has Aspergers, and she has every single one of those things checked and double checked. I think he's just growing into himself, and maybe shy and introverted. He'll come into his own in his own time


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    God/dess sammii's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    First off, I can relate a bit. My sister is close to your brothers age, and I worry that kids are going to make fun of her, not for the same reason but for a similar reason. She's not geeky at all, but she's very loud and immature for her age. I don't think she has anything wrong with her, she was just a late bloomer, like me.

    I was a very strange, geeky kid (which people find hard to believe, but it's true). I was a complete Harry Potter nerd, and I preferred reading to anything social. I was a very, very cute 5 and 6 year old, but an ugly/awkward 9 and 10 year old. As geeky as I was, I still had friends. What I know about Aspergers is people who have it aren't born knowing the "social rules" like everyone does, but people with Aspergers are also considered to be really intelligent. I've also known kids who were very geeky in Elementary/Middle School, then became "cool" in High School. He will learn to stand up for himself. I remember in Middle School, I would just let kids walk all over me, and I was the complete opposite in High School.

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by sammii View Post
    ...but people with Aspergers are also considered to be really intelligent....
    he is very intelligent. we have conversations about things we see on the discovery channel, science channel and animal planet. we play xbox and we talk about aliens other planets and space travel. i love spending time with him.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Oh Sammii....luckyyy! lol I didnt get "cool" until I was about 24. Up til then, I was the girl "with a great personality" and people would tell me how smart I was. And if I tried to dress or look sexy, I would get "awe! you look so cuute!" as if Im playing dress up. *sigh!*

    And I still have my moments even at 35... and forget glasses...when I wear those its all over. I think though the only real difference between 35 year old me and 20 year old me is I have a lot more confidence, I walk and carry myself differently...I was so awkward and not used to myself, and so afraid of how people would percieve me before, and now I just dont care. Im still goofy, nerdy with a quirky sense of humour, but instead of feeling self conscious, trying too hard, or hiding in a corner, I just be me, and Im not as concerned with people who might tease me about it, and those who do, tease me with love lol
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Is he uncoordinated because of a physical problem?

    Assuming he doesn't have any physical disability, maybe you guys should put him in a physical activity.. like karate. Karate is great for kids (I did Tang Soo Do from ages 8-12). It will make him way more coordinated through time. Karate classes for kids his age are also a lot about building confidence, making friends, and becoming disciplined. Also, not that it will turn him violent, but maybe knowing some self defense moves will make him more willing to stand up to people picking on him.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Ooh I knew I was forgetting something. With uncoordination, remember that especialy around age 9/10 the body is growing at a rapid rate, up through about 16 or 18 I think when it slows down a bit and everything sort of evens out. But body parts dont all grow at the same rate, its an awkward phase.

    I shot up super tall, very fast, my feet were the first thing to grow. I was already a size 10 shoe when I was in the 6th grade, and shot up to 5'10" by the time I was in 8th grade. I tripped and fell over everything...and sometimes just thin air. My moms friend used to joke that she will have to move all her furniture to the walls whenever I come over so that I dont faceplant into her glass table one day. I wasnt even allowed to use glass cups or handle anything fragile, cause I dropped everything. That was my life for years....and then all of a sudden, it just stopped. My body just balanced out.

    Kiddo hasnt had that problem so far...I tease her to hurry up and get to her awkward stage so that I can give her advice, not that I actually have any But yeah, shes 15 now and nothing close to what I went through. I guess its just more prevailant in some people than others. And I notice it in kids all the time, where just the way they stand or the way they walk, its all done so awkwardly...or always tripping up, dropping things, etc. That was me 100%. Seems more like puberty than a serious medical condition.

    ETA: Im not downplaying that there are medical conditions and things to look out for at all... more that, I guess Im sounding "old" here with my thinking of..back in my day! But its true...back in my day, its hard being a kid, going through all the changes, stuff happens, and you grow out of it and your body and mind develops. And now, it seems like every possible thing that a kid does is scrutinized, has a clinical name to it, needs to be treated and medicated and etc...
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by LexyNYC View Post
    Is he uncoordinated because of a physical problem?
    he doesn't have a physical problem, he's just uncoordinated. my mom has tried getting him into something like karate or little league baseball, but he doesn't want to join. he prefers to do things by himself. he loves swimming and i can tell he's getting better coordinated. he's doing forward flips while floating on the water.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    My son has autism, they are re-evaluating him and might switch the diagnosis to Aspergers because he functions so high and he is only 26 months old.

    With that being said autism is a spectrum disorder and it's best if the child is evaluated by a developmental psychiatrist who can make the determination based on the criteria in the DSM. Ask your Mother to schedule an appointment for a developmental evaluation, there is hope with therapy but given his age time is of the essence for critically needed intervention if he is indeed on the spectrum.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Veteran Member LexyNYC's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elektra Luxx View Post
    he doesn't have a physical problem, he's just uncoordinated. my mom has tried getting him into something like karate or little league baseball, but he doesn't want to join. he prefers to do things by himself. he loves swimming and i can tell he's getting better coordinated. he's doing forward flips while floating on the water.
    Oh great. In a little while he'll be as graceful as a gazelle.

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    ...Ask your Mother to schedule an appointment for a developmental evaluation, there is hope with therapy but given his age time is of the essence for critically needed intervention if he is indeed on the spectrum.
    i believe my mom is working on that.

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    thanks to everyone for replying.

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Elektra
    I want to wish you all the best.
    Asperger's is on the autistic spectrum. It would be highly unlikely though not impossible for someone to be diagnosed as late as 9.
    Just from what you described... possibly nothing. The thing with being obsessed with learning about certain subjects reminded me of a friend of mine who had ADD (he became quite successful) although I was quite the same way myself.
    Obviously I can't possibly know, just wanted to wish you well & throw my ideas out there.

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    i found this on webMD. i think this fits my brother better:

    What are the symptoms?
    Children with sensory integration dysfunction cannot properly process sensory stimulation from the outside world. Your child may:

    Either be in constant motion or fatigue easily or go back and forth between the two. (no)
    Withdraw when touched. (no)
    Refuse to eat certain foods because of how the foods feel when chewed. (yes)
    Be oversensitive to odors. (yes)
    Be hypersensitive to certain fabrics and only wear clothes that are soft or that they find pleasing. (yes)
    Dislike getting his or her hands dirty. (yes)
    Be uncomfortable with some movements, such as swinging, sliding, or going down ramps or other inclines. Your young child may have trouble learning to climb, go down stairs, or ride an escalator. (no)
    Have difficulty calming himself or herself after exercise or after becoming upset. (yes)
    Jump, swing, and spin excessively. (no)
    Appear clumsy, trip easily, or have poor balance. (yes)
    Have odd posture. (no)
    Have difficulty handling small objects such as buttons or snaps. (yes)
    Be overly sensitive to sound. Vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers, hair dryers, leaf blowers, or sirens may be upsetting. (no)
    Lack creativity and variety in play. For instance, your child may play with the same toys in the same manner over and over or prefer only to watch TV or videos. (yes)

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    My brother has Aspergers. It's not the end of the world. He's just a person with Aspergers. He's happy and pretty oblivious to it, TBH.

    Don't worry about your brother. Help him, coach him through life and he'll be fine.

    And those diagnostic criteria are always super vague and subjective. If I went through some of those checklists I'd have Aspie's too; but I don't. The only way to know for sure is to take him to a professional over the course of several weeks and get him officially diagnosed. No need in worrying preemptively. It'll do you no good. Your brother might just be a nerdy little kid with some quirky idiosyncrasies.

    Just wanted to add: Mah bro was Autistic as a kid, and 'grew out of it' as he got older. It is a spectrum thing, and everyone falls and matures to a different place on the line.



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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    I agree with 4ever, a lot of the autism diagnosis process is subjective. This is because the physician has to actually observe these behaviors or go off of what the parents tell them to make the diagnosis. Most of psychology is subjective anyway, so that's no news to anyone.

    With effective therapy a large number of children on the autistic spectrum (PDD-NOS, autism, Asperger's) will not meet the criteria after 5-6 years. Effective therapy CAN be done at home even if the 'experts' tell you it can't be done. Consider the cost of a week's worth of therapy...about $1,000 for 25 hours. If you took just one week's worth of professional therapy and invested that $1,000 in books, online materials, and educational tools at home you would see A LOT of progress. I work with my son every day just going off of what I've read online and taught myself. YouTube is a great way to watch therapy and learn how it's done properly. You can work with your brother every day and whether he is actually on the spectrum or not it will be educational and fun for him if done properly.

    www.autismspeaks.org has a lot of resources.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    My little brother has Down's and autistic tendencies. I was a very socially awkward child and it has been suggested more than a couple of times that I could be an aspie. Basically, I was tested for excessive intelligence when I was eight or nine and was labeled "gifted." I think that if I had been tested for disorders, I would have been officially put on the autism spectrum instead. Like the above posters are saying, diagnosis is largely subjective. Regardless, for many people, being on the autism spectrum isn't something that needs worry or fixing. Regardless of whether he's an aspie or just an awkward kid, he's going to grow up and get shit from people. It's part of the deal. A diagnosis won't shield him or make him worse, from my experience. The best you can do, imo, is recognize that he's a kid who has his own needs just like any other kid does. You can't protect him from anything, but respecting him will help him to respect himself.
    Last edited by tuesdaymarie; 04-25-2012 at 10:59 AM.

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    Member Demonia's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Seriously, sounds like a normal kid to me... He may need to find a sport that he enjoys a lot. Or some other area where he can shine.

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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    ........
    ETA: Im not downplaying that there are medical conditions and things to look out for at all... more that, I guess Im sounding "old" here with my thinking of..back in my day! But its true...back in my day, its hard being a kid, going through all the changes, stuff happens, and you grow out of it and your body and mind develops. And now, it seems like every possible thing that a kid does is scrutinized, has a clinical name to it, needs to be treated and medicated and etc...
    The psychopath test (book) has a chapter devoted to the advent of self-diagnosis relative to the publishing of a psychiatry guide which listed 'all' mental illness. When the book was released more copies were sold to the average American than to psychiatrists. How much of mental illness is just the human brain coping, learning, and developing?
    With a big sister who so clearly cares about him it probably wont matter if he is a little nutty (like the rest of us).
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    I don't think you should worry too much. Is your mom hypochondriac? My mom is and caused me to be too. When I read those symptoms my youngest brother has all of them and he is 19! It sounds like you guys just really care about him and he's maybe a little shy and introverted. If you are really worried a test is the best solution to put your minds at ease.

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Nah, just a big nerd. If you're really worried about him, buy him a Fleshlight for his fourteenth birthday. Dear God is he going to need it.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    Nah, just a big nerd. If you're really worried about him, buy him a Fleshlight for his fourteenth birthday. Dear God is he going to need it.
    from the the things i posted, what makes you think he's going to need a Fleshlight?

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    Default Re: i'm worried for my little brother.

    ^ Yeah, I don't get it either?! Maybe it's some kind of masturbation reference- Do Aspergers have a higher sex drive than average? What do you mean Lestat1?
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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