Okay, as some of you may know, I am in the midst of trying to lose some weight, and if you know that, then you also know I keep falling off the wagon and not taking it as seriously as I should. Now I dont consider myself huge or anything, just much prefer how I looked 20-30lbs ago and could wear anything I want without worrying how my butt looks in it lol.
Well, okay I can sometimes get really down on myself cause of what I weigh, but after years of cam and guys telling me how hot I am, and now escorting and guys telling me how hot I am...I just got an email that has me thinking, holy crap Im in denial here! And then I just saw that thread here about fat people who dont know they are fat and kind of in freak out mode here.
Okay, Im 5'10", 175, 36-29-44, and for the most part fit into a size M dress, or a S (4-6) size top, L(8-10) size bottoms. I liked my body better when I was in a size 4 jeans since my bottom half matched my top half..which barely changes no matter how much weight I gain or lose. I try to take photos for escorting once a month..I was slacking but just took and put up new photos yesterday. A guy who I saw a couple of months ago and I have stayed in contact, he was visiting on business and planning out another date. He has always gushed over how great I looked how happy he was when I walked in the door, still says hes smiling, blah blah blah. With us planning another date, he realized he never did write me a review, and decided to.
So I wake up to this email, and he says to me how he hopes I like the review, and gave me a warning I guess, that he felt he should mention it that I do look bigger than I do in my pics, that I look very slender in them, but in person guesses Im closer to 175-180. Then he said that he figures that most guys wouldnt know what those numbers mean and get the wrong idea so he didnt put what he thought I weighed in there, but just felt he should mention, Im bigger and have a more muscular body than it looks like from my pics, but that its really was sexy, I have great proportions and it was a pleasant surprise when he saw me.
I know he threw in a couple compliments, and I know for sure he was happy with how I looked and all excited to see me again etc, but jesus, all I can think about is bigger, muscular..bigger!! and having a guy put that 175-180 number at me, I could have died. Its hard enough trying to feel and be feminine at this height and frame, but now I feel like a huge freaking beast or something.
Anyway, I guess Im just venting. Freaking out and venting. Im going to try not to let this shake me or my confidence level with going on dates, but yeah...I have to lose this weight and get back down at least to a 6. I dont want me and big put in the same sentence anymore...hate that, hate that.



Reply With Quote
And yeah, when I look at myself and how I look in clothes I look fine, not daaaymn! fine just...fine. LoL It only really hits me when I have the perfect outfit to wear somewhere, and then I remember that was perfect 20lbs ago, but now its borderline hoochie mama. 


Bookmarks