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Thread: I feel HORRIBLE!

  1. #1
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default I feel HORRIBLE!

    Okay, as some of you may know, I am in the midst of trying to lose some weight, and if you know that, then you also know I keep falling off the wagon and not taking it as seriously as I should. Now I dont consider myself huge or anything, just much prefer how I looked 20-30lbs ago and could wear anything I want without worrying how my butt looks in it lol.

    Well, okay I can sometimes get really down on myself cause of what I weigh, but after years of cam and guys telling me how hot I am, and now escorting and guys telling me how hot I am...I just got an email that has me thinking, holy crap Im in denial here! And then I just saw that thread here about fat people who dont know they are fat and kind of in freak out mode here.

    Okay, Im 5'10", 175, 36-29-44, and for the most part fit into a size M dress, or a S (4-6) size top, L(8-10) size bottoms. I liked my body better when I was in a size 4 jeans since my bottom half matched my top half..which barely changes no matter how much weight I gain or lose. I try to take photos for escorting once a month..I was slacking but just took and put up new photos yesterday. A guy who I saw a couple of months ago and I have stayed in contact, he was visiting on business and planning out another date. He has always gushed over how great I looked how happy he was when I walked in the door, still says hes smiling, blah blah blah. With us planning another date, he realized he never did write me a review, and decided to.

    So I wake up to this email, and he says to me how he hopes I like the review, and gave me a warning I guess, that he felt he should mention it that I do look bigger than I do in my pics, that I look very slender in them, but in person guesses Im closer to 175-180. Then he said that he figures that most guys wouldnt know what those numbers mean and get the wrong idea so he didnt put what he thought I weighed in there, but just felt he should mention, Im bigger and have a more muscular body than it looks like from my pics, but that its really was sexy, I have great proportions and it was a pleasant surprise when he saw me.

    I know he threw in a couple compliments, and I know for sure he was happy with how I looked and all excited to see me again etc, but jesus, all I can think about is bigger, muscular..bigger!! and having a guy put that 175-180 number at me, I could have died. Its hard enough trying to feel and be feminine at this height and frame, but now I feel like a huge freaking beast or something.

    Anyway, I guess Im just venting. Freaking out and venting. Im going to try not to let this shake me or my confidence level with going on dates, but yeah...I have to lose this weight and get back down at least to a 6. I dont want me and big put in the same sentence anymore...hate that, hate that.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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  3. #2
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    Thanks so much...I checked out mynetdiary and it looks really interesting, Im going to sign up and really check into it. And yeah, Im going to get more active in the weight loss group here too. I have to keep motivated. It really does suck eh? Trying to be in this business when you dont feel at the top, or even near the top of where you want to be physically can be really trying...

    I just got another email from him, since the review isnt public yet he sent it to me... He says a lot of really great glowing things about me, but the weight thing just has me on the floor. Basically that my photos are representative of how I look, but because Im so well proportioned, they do not indicate my size, and then goes on to say *shes a big girl* at 5'10" around 165-170lbs. FML. And then he told me that he only wanted to mention that because I was bigger in person than he expected from photos, and was surprised to see the *statuesque giant* that walked into his room, but kept wanting to emphasize I look sexy and said cause hes a triathlete and health and fitness is his life, weight is something he can be really critical and very picky about, but he doesnt think Im close to being overweight at all, everything looks just right, just that I am bigger in person than I appear to be in my pics.

    But god...Big girl? Statueque giant! Im falling apart here... And thing is, I KNOW he does not mean any of that in a negative way or trying to be mean or anything, hes totally happy has always been a sweetheart towards me, but yeah, I feel like this big huge beast right now.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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  5. #3
    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    It's okay!!! Don't worry you will lose the weight and obviously it isn't a hindrance since he keeps coming back!

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    Haha yeah true... Well, Im going to work on getting to a point where Im so happy with what I see that nobody can tell me anything...that if someone does have something to say about my body I can cock my head to the side and say wtf are you talking about, Im fyne as hell! LoL *sigh*
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    At least he said you look sexy! I'm glad he warned you-- but he was probably pointing out to the stupid spinner-hunters that you're not a spinner.

    I saw your pictures-- I get what you're saying, but from what you've previously written, I thought you'd carry your weight a lot less well. Not to enable you-- just saying, don't demonize your current body. Work for better, but you're still pretty hot.
    Ungoogle yourself:


    Also, now offering phone sexins!

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  11. #6
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    I really appreciate that And yeah, when I look at myself and how I look in clothes I look fine, not daaaymn! fine just...fine. LoL It only really hits me when I have the perfect outfit to wear somewhere, and then I remember that was perfect 20lbs ago, but now its borderline hoochie mama.

    I wish I had a pic of myself when I looked what I think was my best.... I may have one, if I find it Ill start a new thread in the weightloss group, an "I am my own inspiration" pic thread maybe lol
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Featured Member Rina's Avatar
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    Default Re: I feel HORRIBLE!

    I am in the same boat myself I had a 40lb weight gain last year and being 5'1that is not good. Thank god for good cam angles, but it for sure effect the way I see myself and that does effect my work. I'm working on it though. Don't be too hard on yourself, respect where your body is and move forward, you can do this.
    "You want to fuck with eagles you have to learn to fly"- Heathers
    Quote Originally Posted by Graceface View Post
    ho ho ho ho merry banmas!!!!

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