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Thread: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

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    Default Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I'm used to paying for my half of the date. Scenerio usually goes like...check comes, I pick it up, and I put down my portion plus tip. I'm starting to think i've been stupid, and should really let the guy take care of it. I have this problem, though, where I feel like I will be judged as a gold digger (makes no sense; I know). Perhaps it's me just trying to overcompenate, knowing what I do for a job (try to get as much $ as possible from guys), even though the guys usually don't know what I do (yet).

    I think my last straw was when I purposely put down more $ to tip way extra to the bartender, and he proceeded to TAKE BACK (once he realized the total amt put down) some of what he put down. I was like...wtf, in my head, but I didn't feel comfortable saying something aloud.

    Please put some sense in me and tell me that guys usually are expected to pay. Also, I never ask a guy out, as I always wait for him to ask me (so he initiates the date).

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Guys should pay for the first 3 dates at the very least. After that, guys should pay for any date that they invite you on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Of course the guy pays. He asked you out. It's his responsibility. In my world, they pay if I make the suggestion as well. And most guys generally are ok with it. But if you pick up the check the second it comes, then of course he's going to let you pay. Why wouldn't he? That's money he can use towards another date with another girl. Lol. But seriously I know some people will say you can go dutch, equal rights yada yada yada but I haven't paid for a date in years and no one has ever judged me because of it. No one has not invited me on a 3rd,4th or 5th date because of it. Let them spoil you.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned in saying that a guy should be paying for all of the dates...unless you tell him prior to the date that it is 'your treat'.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Agreed with the guy paying. Now, I am a modern woman who makes money but feel if a guy likes me and asks me out he should pay. I have gone out with guys who expected me to pay for myself and in a few cases pay for them (declined)but I never went out again with them. This told me they were cheap men who would expect me to pay for most of our dates, as this is my experience. I was talking to one guy I was interested in meeting from an online site until he told me he doesn't pay for dates and most women pay for him. That turned me off to him.

    The only exception to me is when I first meet them from an online dating site. Since most of these guys I will never see again I will pick up my part of the tab. However in these cases I don't do expensive dinners anyway, but even so most guys have paid for my soda. I don't know how I would feel about going out with a guy again who didn't pay for my soda first time but that has never happened. The guys who didn't pay for me weren't guys I'd date again anyway so them not paying didn't bother me.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I would say the guy should always pay for the date. Only exception to paying might be if the lady knows he might be struggling a bit financially and she suggests upgrading the date or the time together. He suggests concert tickets because he can get row 50 at a decent price. She wants.....front rows to make the evening better. I see nothing wrong with her saying she would pick up the price of her ticket to make the evening better or would cover drinks after the show. Or if he suggests Applebees and the lady wants the new expensive restaurant that opened.......suggest it and help out by taking care of the tip.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I used to pay for dates, or put money towards them, or pay when I asked them out-- and that did nothing for me.
    I wish that I'd had a strict "they pay" policy from teen years on up.

    However, it is nice to offer to pay for the popcorn, or offer to cover the tip after the first couple of dates.
    When you are in a solid relationship, then you can start paying half the time.
    Ungoogle yourself:


    Also, now offering phone sexins!

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I have no problem paying for the tip or the popcorn and will do that. Also, I'm talking the first few dates where I expect them to pay for most of it and I got this from my mother. She always told me that when a guy likes you he will pay and if he just wants fun he will expect you to pay. I have to agree because many of the guys who expected me to pay were not looking for relationships. After the first few dates I like to treat as well.

    This brings up though the guy's financial standards. If he's broke because he's been laid off, I will mention a free or cheap date. I have gone on picnics for dates and there is a nice state park by me that has boating, horseback riding, etc. I am not a gold digger and would rather spend time with a guy I like whether he's broke or not if I like him. Other reasons he could be broke might depend on whether I date him in the first place, not because I will expect more, but if he's broke in the beginning for reasons that won't change, then it will bother me knowing that there won't be times when he spoils me (or I spoil him).

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by Raider View Post
    I see nothing wrong with her saying she would pick up the price of her ticket to make the evening better or would cover drinks after the show. Or if he suggests Applebees and the lady wants the new expensive restaurant that opened.......suggest it and help out by taking care of the tip.
    Applebees? Really? Do guys actually take women there on dates? I mean as legit dates, not for middle-of-the-night goofball crazy-munchies, where Applebees can be pretty awesome.

    I mean no disrepect in terms of financial means at all. At the most broke-ass point in my life, I would have never even considered taking a date to someplace like Applebees. Perhaps it's just me, but it seems disrespectful. I can cook a fantastic meal and choose a great wine, if money is a major object, or even put together an awesome picnic.

    In terms of acceptable protocol, gentlemen pay for everything at all times when out on a date with a lady. Always, everywhere and zero exceptions. This is not so much "old-fashioned," as a form of graciousness, and it suggests a certain generosity of spirit.

    The definition of a gentleman is that he makes you feel better about yourself when you're in his presence. It's about you, not him.

    The man paying also gives the gentleman wide discretion on date venues, as he alone pays for the better restaurants, higher-end clubs, etc.

    All social conventions aside, what evens out date spending are the costs that a lady incurs in preparing for dates, most of which do not even occur to men -- pedis, manis, facials, hair, shoes/dress, cosmetics that collectively cost enought to feed a family of five, etc.

    The only social expectation for guys is that they show up reasonably on time, sober and with their pants on and not backwards.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    And I would hope those guys would at least shower and shave before a date. Yep, gone out with guys who didn't.

    I wonder if this depends on a guy's income level? I have noticed when I've dated wealthier men they take me to nicer places, while poorer guys can't. I've had guys take me out for lobster several times.

    And yes guys take dates to Applebees but I can top that, I've had guys take me to McDonalds and Chuck E Cheese. These guys had kids and had to bring the kids along and these were all they could afford, followed by a budget movie. After this I stopped dating dads for this and other reasons.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    ^ It's not about the money. Being a gentleman is about class and respect and discretion. If he can't afford a restaurant that thrills a lady, then he should choose other dates that will thrill her. That will require more originality and effort and time than simply plopping down at an Applebees.

    Hiding crappy dates behind purported financial distress is a prime sign that you are out with the wrong guy.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    True, which is why I avoid certain types of men because I am not going to those places on dates again.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    Applebees? Really? Do guys actually take women there on dates? I mean as legit dates, not for middle-of-the-night goofball crazy-munchies, where Applebees can be pretty awesome.

    I mean no disrepect in terms of financial means at all. At the most broke-ass point in my life, I would have never even considered taking a date to someplace like Applebees. Perhaps it's just me, but it seems disrespectful. I can cook a fantastic meal and choose a great wine, if money is a major object, or even put together an awesome picnic.
    I knew when I typed it that I would take heat from someone about it. No problem...... Merely chose as an example and figured it was someplace that was better known than something that was local for me. Keep in mind not all ladies would be comfortable in a first date scenario to accept a home cooked meal and an evening ''in''.

    It was more about the concept of a more expensive date with the upgrade suggested by the lady than it was about the specific examples.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I think it's always nice to OFFER to pay half, but when he says he will take care of it, stop protesting and let him.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    . Also, I never ask a guy out, as I always wait for him to ask me (so he initiates the date).
    He pays then.

    No paragraph responses needed.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I expect a man who I am dating to always pay. Now if we're in a serious relationship, that's different. I'll pay at times bc I want to.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Asker pays. This has always been my rule, no matter the sex of the person I'm out with. If it was their idea to go out, they're picking up the tab. Alternatively, when I invite someone to hang out, the cost is on me. I had a woman take me out for my birthday once and have me pay for it. It was like yeah...thanks for the "gift".

    But it sounds like you've been dating some super cheapos. The dude really took money back when he saw what you tossed down? No pride. No pride at all.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I have to ask but am I the only one who has been asked out on a date then asked to pay for him? Yep this has happened a few times and I end up paying for me only then never seeing him again.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by Spinnerette View Post
    Asker pays.
    I have a lot of friends (of both genders) who use this rule. Or at least Dutch.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    I could never not pay for a date, regardless of who asks. But I'm an old fucker.lol

    I'm in a long distance relationship now and our dates have always included airline travel and hotels. It took my gf a while to accept the idea that I would willingly pay for all costs associated with us getting together.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I have to ask but am I the only one who has been asked out on a date then asked to pay for him? Yep this has happened a few times and I end up paying for me only then never seeing him again.
    No. Hell no. I would've gotten up and left him with the bill. LOL. OMG.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    No. Hell no. I would've gotten up and left him with the bill. LOL. OMG.
    The one time it was a bar so I paid for myself and walked in. Another time it was a restaurant and luckily got two bills so I was able to pay for myself. But yes I wish I had walked out and left him with the bill. This is why when I do online dating I do meetups first because I know several women who got stuck with the bill because either the guy left or claimed he forget his wallet. The funny thing is the guy I met at the bar was a friend of a friend and that was a pity date he was so ugly. He was broke, obese, bald, smelly and I told my friend I'd date him but midway through ended up leaving.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    The guy pays. Always. Even if it's two lesbians on a date. They have to find a guy and make him pay for them.

    If it's two gay men, then they both pay. I don't mean they split the bill, I mean they both pay full price. Where the extra money goes is anybody's guess.

    Also, Applebee's is quite possibly the worst chain restaurant in existence. Simply horrible.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    Especially if you're located near a big city, finding a romantic restaurant with decent food for under $30 including drinks shouldn't be hard. 20 minutes on Yelp should give a guy plenty of options.
    I agree. You live in one of the great world cities – there are hidden gems just everywhere. There are many cities like that in North America – New Orleans, Austin, Seattle and Toronto— to name just a few.

    Your SF story reminds me of a night I once spent at Masa’s. It’s nowhere near the $30, but spectacular in just so many other ways.



    But that’s a story for a different thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raider View Post
    I knew when I typed it that I would take heat from someone about it.
    I suppose my point is that a date should be seen as a kind of gift. As the giver, you take the time to reflect on what she likes or would be pleased with, then chose it, wrap it all up, put a bow on top and present it to her.

    If your gift is Applebee’s – and the poor woman has to be the one to not only think up a better date, but to actually pay for it, too – perhaps it’s time to rethink the approach altogether.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I have to ask but am I the only one who has been asked out on a date then asked to pay for him? Yep this has happened a few times and I end up paying for me only then never seeing him again.
    I’ve seen this before and it just amazes me.

    Sometimes the check will come and just sit there in between the two. Then the guy develops a sudden fascination with the ceiling, the floor, the other patrons and his own lap, and eventually feigns total blindness.

    I do understand the notion that “the inviter pays” and that’s best when you are just out of college and broke and find over time that informal sharing of the cost is sort of a nice way to cooperate. It can be sweet. I’m honestly just not wired that way, though. If I didn’t pay, I think my head would explode, and that would be incredibly rude.

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    Default Re: Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few

    Damn. I like Applebee's.

    I like a date where you can relax about the surroundings and focus on the conversation. Did I pick the right wine for this course? Did I just use the wrong fork? Conjac or Sherry for a cordial? These should not be items to bother with during dinner. The nuances of conversation are. This is the most important job interview ever. Potential Mate. Are feet pointed toward the door, did she toss her hair, did she look down and unfocused or left and away when asked if no longer seeing the ex? Leaning in as I talk or turned away? What has she asked me about? Myself or my possessions?

    Well dating and the little unwritten (and wholly regional) rules are still a muddled triangle. Even the most militant feminist still insists on being seated, that the Men stand when she arrives or departs, and that the Man pays.

    <-------------- backlash in 3-2-1.

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