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Last edited by Laurisa; 10-24-2012 at 07:23 PM.
If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.




Your man needs to care for these cats. Suggest he change cat litters to something that is corn based, that will help with the vac. I have had my Dyson for 3 yrs and I own 2 dogs (collies so they shed heaps) and a shorthair cat. The motor works just fine and is not wearing out at all. Also corn based litters are not as smelly.




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Last edited by Laurisa; 10-24-2012 at 07:24 PM.
If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.




Personally if my man told me to get rid of my pets I would probably get rid of him first.
That said if this man of yours isn't responsible enough to take care of his cats then one has to wonder what else he's not going to be responsible for further down the line.




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Last edited by Laurisa; 10-24-2012 at 07:24 PM.
If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.
Wow, what a nightmare; so sorry.
It's troubling that your fiancé has done so little to fix a problem that infuriates you and appears to be destroying your condo. If he were your boyfriend, it would just be disrespectful, but he's your fiancé, and that makes it much worse.
I lost track of the different ways you said that you hate the cats. It's ok, because they hate you back. You've "stolen" the affection of the man who rescued them, feeds them and cares for them.
It also seems that you and your fiancé have radically different definitions of "clean." Cats aside, you will want to find agreement on that one long before you get anywhere near married.
One possible solution on the cats: If you or your fiancé has friends, colleagues, former vet workers, etc. who could take the cats temporarily -- or semi-permanently -- while you work out the issues, that's one possibility.
I don't see peaceful coexistence between you and these cats anywhere in the immediate future. By your description it sounds like living with pissed-off, rabid wolverines who've eaten all the Ex-Lax and are just thrilled to share the results with you.
ETA after reading your post above: There is no logical discussion on the subject of the cats. It seems unlikely that any argument about costs, damage, cleaning, rugs, feces, deposits (both kinds), etc. will end in anything other than anger and silence.
The cats are an emotional bond for him. Perhaps if you tried to find a solution for the cats where they were still in his life in some way, but living elsewhere (as I discussed above), that might work. You might also want to appeal to the honor of that bond for him, and suggest that solving this problem will go a long way toward find resolution on far greater issues, such as those that may arise in the future concerning your son.





I would end a relationship before I got rid of my pets, but with that said, from what you have described I would have a hard time living with those ill behaved animals (and I have 3 cats one of which was feral and has tamed up nicely).
He is being irresponsible. I'm wondering if this is going to be an ongoing problem with other things as well.
Laurisa,
my cats did the same thing to my box spring. I actually think it's kind of funny how they hide in there... They also destroyed about 2500 worth of furniture before I got them declawed. Yeah. Fun!
There is NOTHING a cat with claws will not tear to shreds. They're just small tigers. Just to let you know, your concerns about the cats trashing your home, entirely valid.
I was scared to get them declawed because there is a lot of bad press around it but the next day they were running around like 2 little nuts all happy again.
Also your fiance needs to solve this litter problem!!! I scoop the litter everyday! If he can't put it in the garbage in your garage he can find a nearby apt complex w a dumpster or something. But this shouldn't be your problem. You already have a son!!!
Also I have to brush my cats every day. Really that only helps w the fur but at least it's something. It also helps them not throw up as much bc they don't get as many hairballs from grooming. Really I don't understand why he hasn't done this already.
I just can't imagine letting someone else take care of my cats, that is my responsibility.
I wish I had a viable solution but just wanted to let you know I feel your pain. I love my cats & all but they are lil' terrors. They've stained the rug too w/ vomit. I think when I buy my house, hardwood floors. Best wishes.





My ex had a long-haired cat with behavior problems, that shed everywhere, coughed up nasty hairballs, and bit and scratched me. Part of the problem was that he didn't take care of her, which sounds like your boyfriend -- dirty litterbox, fur everywhere, etc. The apartment he was living in was also very small, and I think she felt too cooped up. But she was SO hard to deal with, and I actually moved in with him for a couple weeks with my cat, then had to move back out to my old roommates' apartment because his cat was bullying my cat, and it was complete chaos. He refused to get rid of her, and we broke up anyway, so whatevs.
Dunno if you said this already, but are they allowed to go outside? If they're indoor cats, you should try letting them out for a while and see if their behavior improves. I know sometimes that's not possible though, depending on where you live.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that he's not taking proper care of these animals if they have such poor behavior. They are unhappy and restless, which is causing them to be destructive and lash out. He needs to either A. Start taking better care of them or B. Find them a home where they will be properly cared for. Plenty of people have pets with behavior issues and they just deal with it because they don't know better or don't care. But if it's making his fiance miserable, he needs to seriously think about it. It's not fair to you OR the animals. Sounds like everyone's unhappy but him.
If I were you, I'd have a serious sit-down conversation with him about how bad the situation is with the cats, and start making ads online and screening potential new owners. Maybe you can find a nice home for them that he would feel good about, and maybe only one cat would have to go. OR if it's that important to him, he can keep the cats, start taking much better care of them, and see if it is possible to continue living with them.
I'm sorry you are going through this, and I can relate because my fiance and I fight about the same EXACT thing except that our positions are reversed. Fortunately for us we have reached a compromise and my cats now live outdoors (except in bad weather or when they are being "supervised" inside). Unfortunately, this is something that has the makings of a major division between you two. I think there are two types of people in this world. People who think of their cats as "pets" and people who consider their cats as part of the family. You sound like you are the former and he is the latter. So, to be blunt, he's not going to get rid of the cats. At least, I seriously doubt it. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you both can work this out.





This would drive me batshit. Is there any way you can designate them to one area of the house? Maybe start closing the bedroom door so they can't get in there any more? Maybe if/when you move to a new place, get one with a screened in large porch and keep them outside?
Your fiance does need to start caring for them better. Also- try Rescue Remedy, it's a natural sedative: See if that fixes their little red wagons.




What also would bother me is the fact that he got the cats in the first place, yet knows he has to be away for work often.Originally Posted by All Good Things
Did you see the condition of the place he was living in prior to letting him move in with you? Was it clean and up to par before he moved in? Because if it was neat and clean, why does he feel you should be the one doing all the cleaning up after the cats now?
That sounds like a really awful situation
I have no tolerance for destructive animals, or rather for owners who don't deal with the problem. Cats do not need to destroy things by nature, I have personally never had a destructive cat, I would guess that it speaks to some issues they have either from the past or their situation. Also seeing as he is your fiance he really should care that it is effecting you this much. I wouldn't tell a boyfriend to get rid of pets but if someone wanted to keep them in my house and was someone who wanted to spend their life with me, they had better be prepared to take care of them and keep them in line, or they gotta go.
I have ideas of what I would do if it were me and my boyfriend, but they may not work for everyone. I don't think ultimatums will work out great for either of you, so that should probably be a last resort.
You could make an itemized list of all the problems (the litterbox, cost, destructiveness etc) and sit your fiance and go over it with him. Give a time frame, say a month or two, and tell him that you both (him primarily) need to find a constructive way to deal with these problems within that time. If he isn't willing / can't do it, you can always tell him he is an unfit owner, which depending on him may go over better than just saying get rid of the little buggers.
Alternatively, you could show him your first post (edited to spare his feelings if you so desire) and tell him that this is the impact they are having and you just can't deal with it. People should care about their pets, but if he cares about his cats more than you that's probably not a good thing..
Just my two cents, good luck!



I'm also an animal lover and ask potential boyfriends about their feelings about cats in the early stages of dating. I couldn't stay with someone with an adverse opinion.
Like your boyfriend, I rescued several feral cats and even with alot of effort there are still problems. I applaud his compassion but they need more attention. Is he willing to put in the effort needed? If not then maybe he should locate them a more loving home.
What about keeping the relationship but living separate?

Wow. I have four cats but they're indoor/outdoor so they don't tear crap up and we don't have litter boxes.
Maybe he could allow them to do the same? Seeing how he doesn't have the time to keep up with the cleaning.
I can't stand having a dirty house so I'd go crazy as well.
But at the same time, animals can be messy. Destructive isn't a word I'd usually describe cats though. I have four and not one of them messes with anything.
I'd leave my fiance before I'd give up any of my pets. I'm just far too attached to them. Especially my dog. She's the only thing that makes me feel better when I'm depressed so I'm going to warn you that the conversation with him about the cats should be as sensitive but firm as possible.
I'd probably end up leaving him if I was in the same position. I am not very tolerant about being left with someone else's responsibilities and he has a job so I don't see why he can't afford a stinking litter box... Even with debts and whatnot... He doesn't even pay you rent or help out financially... At the very least he could clean the damn litter box.
The fact that he can't take care of a cat (the most independent of all pets) then I'd be concerned. How is he going to be with any future children? Will he hand the baby over to you every time it has a load in it's diaper? You work, he works. You're not the maid and you're not the sugarmama. He needs to cough out the money for the security deposit. He could dip out at any time (God forbid) and leave you with the damage. That's unfair.
I'd try letting them be outdoor cats. They sound like they are bored (that's where the destructive side comes out).





Your fiancé is a deadbeat and a parasite, and his cats are a pain in the neck. Tell him to move out NOW, and take the cats with him.




Why is he living with you?
Sounds like he and that cats need their own place.
I went back to read and he can't afford to support himself-- so he's mooching off of you.
He needs to find his own living arrangement. He can go room with someone else, or
if he's a soldier, they should have on base options for him.
This is not your problem.
Oh, and he should pay you back for the damage before he goes.
If this was a good relationship, he would have already worked out a payment arrangement for the damage his shit-head cats have done.
Ungoogle yourself:
Also, now offering phone sexins!
I would agree that he shouldn't be living with you while he's treating you so badly, which is what he's doing if he's allowing the cats to destroy your home like that. In the future when you guys live together (you're engaged so that's obviously on the horizon) he should be paying for everything, not half of it. His cats are the ones doing the damage, therefore he should pay for all the furniture and all the security deposits etc.
I like the idea of confining them to one room too. If it were me, I'd herd them into one room the minute he left and keep them in there and just not tell him, but that's hardly a long-term solution. If you guys are going to be together for the rest of your lives, you really need a permanent solution. Have you thought about how crazy these cats might towards a baby if you guys had kids together. With the excessive clawing and the hissing, they sound like they could be dangerous to small children. My cat is a clawer/hisser but he's not half as bad as what those cats sound like, and I know eve at his level I'll have to keep an eye on him at all times if I have kids. I know it's a huge deal to ask the guy to choose between you and his cats, but this isn't just going on a few dates - you're getting married and spending the rest of your lives together. It says a lot to me about his commitment when he'd pick the cats over you, especially when they genuinely are nightmare kitties.




I seem to recall reading a thread from last year where someone who had a young child ended up dumping a cat at a shelter because it was apparently shedding/too smelly/tearing stuff up. I don't think it was you Laurisa that started that thread, but what I do recall about that thread is that it was a very heated discussion because the owner dumped the animal at the local pound.
Cats are living creatures and should not just be dumped at a local pound where they may be killed or, god forbid, forced to live out a life in a cage. So I hope you are not considering that. If anything he should be asking friends/family if they can take in the animals OR placing a "to good home" type ad. If he got these cats while he was working in the military, I would say that it's very inconsiderate for him to get them in the first place.
It may take a while to re-home the cats, but trust me this is a lot more responsible then just taking them to the pound and having them kill the cats in a gas chamber. And yes, there are many places that still use the gas chamber even though they may tell you other wise. The following video is very graphic, so be warned.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kp9L10A-FNg
If you have to place a "to good home" ad I highly recommend you check out the new owners and not just ask for an adoption fee. Last year, when I was looking for a new cat for my mother, I got in to some very interesting arguments with people on kijiji and craigslist after I placed ads looking for a pet for my mom. I wanted a cat who was UTD on shots and spayed, but I let everyone know I was not at all willing to pay "adoption fee" to a private owner instead I was wanting the people to check me out and call my references. I refuse to pay a former owner reimbursement for their spaying/neutering the animal or medical costs as I feel this is their responsibility when the pet was theirs. If anything these people should be paying me to take their pet, but that's just my opinion. BUT I see nothing wrong with a rescue (an actual registered business/non for profit) asking for adoption fees as that money goes back to the greater good, not lining someone's pocket for their bad decision. Anyhow I got all types of people calling me trash, etc and I never got a cat from those ads. I basically gave up and told them all "oh well I guess another pet dies in the pound because everyone on here seems to be more interested in the cash instead of the well being of a pet". I ended up getting a barn cat for my mother, which I heard of through a friend of mine who has horses. He spayed the cat and got her shots and gave her to us for free. The cat is a very social cat and my friend did not want to see her living in a cold barn all winter. Most of the cats at the barn were ferral and had no issues living in a semi-heated barn over the winter. But Nikki on the other hand is very people friendly and loves attention so she works out better as a house cat.
Anyhow my point is, seeing as the cats are fixed and have shots, I don't see you having any issues re-homing them provided you have their best interests at heart.



It seems like you don't want to ditch the relationship so I think you should keep working to find a solution.
In response to another poster: I wouldn't call someone a deadbeat that is employed and generally good, except for his cats. He is your fiance and I am guessing it means something to you-so throwing around the idea of breaking up with him because of his cats may be hurtful.
He rescued these cats and I find that very admirable. The fact that he neglects in taking care of them is the big issue and one that should be addressed without throwing around the thought of break up so fast.
Since they have their claws, you might want to consider letting them out during the day. It will get lots of their energy out and they wont feel neglected during the day when your fiance is gone. The cats also wont really need the litter box much after that either because they will go outside. If you have issues with fleas/ticks you can treat them so they wont invade your condo.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.




Delete
Last edited by Laurisa; 10-24-2012 at 07:24 PM.
If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.




Delete
Last edited by Laurisa; 10-24-2012 at 07:25 PM.
If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.




Something that might help with the litter issue: places like Petco sell plastic mats with raised edges that you can put under the boxes to help collect the litter from their paws as they exit. I have carpet and two cats (one is a Bengal kitten, so he's hyper as fuck too), and I completely understand the litter issue. It's fucking gross. If I didn't love my cats, I could see how their mess wouldn't be worth it. Also, you may want to consider getting another litter box. The recommendation is 1.5 boxes/cat. I have two cats and two boxes and I still change them out daily to keep the mess/smell contained. If the box is too dirty, many cats will refuse to use it. Also, it can stress a cat out to have a dirty litter box, which could worsen the vomiting issue. Another stress source could be the new environment... maybe with more time, it'll lessen. My older cat used to have a major vomiting and hairball problem. It was disgusting. Once I moved out of my childhood home and into a quiet apartment where she wasn't chased by dogs all the time, she stopped vomiting and has only had one hairball since January. As other members have said, brushing the hairy one will help a lot. My older cat sheds like crazy. It's the worst I've ever seen, and I've played with a lot of cats. Brushing her daily for like five minutes helps make it manageable--this should totally be his job though.
Another idea: if you get the tubs of litter instead of the bags, then you can clean the litter boxes and put the waste in a plastic grocery bag, then put the bags into the empty litter tub and just toss the contents of the tub into the trash when pick-up comes. I keep mine on our balcony and it completely contains the smell.





Does your fiance ever groom his cats? Maybe if your cat that sheds, got his fur clipped and brushed, it would reduce the shedding and vomiting. Has he ever gotten the cat's claws clipped? I think PetSmart offers these services. I saw this product for covering a cat's claws, so it can't scratch.
http://www.softpaws.com/
I don't know how effective it is.
^^ Yup I was going to suggest grooming too, if he isn't able to then maybe once a month you could drop Sloane off at Petsmart and get her brushed and maybe have her fur trimmer or something. They sell this thing called The Furminator or something, basically its a grooming brush but it takes off the undercoat they shed. So the cat still looks the same but the amount of fur is takes off is unreal. They also make a product called Feliway which comes in a plug-in diffuser, and also a spray, and its an artificial version of the scent cats smell when they rub their faces on things to feel safe - humans can't smell it but to cats its basically "happy smell". It has rave reviews all over the internet and we used it when my roommate's cat kept peeing in the house and it was the only thing that got her to stop. I used it for my cat when I moved out of state and he was calm the whole journey whereas he's normally a nightmare. Maybe that could help with their craziness too?
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