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Thread: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

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    Default First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Okay, I'm not even going to lie - I broke several first date rules. I'm very new to the dating scene, and...yeah, no excuse. Anyhow.

    So guy and I went out on first date this past Fri. We ended up staying in my car and talking for several hours after the bar closed. He did not try to make a move on me, at all. He said he had fun, and we hugged goodbye. I texted him right when I got home, saying that I had a fun time with him, then I put a smiley face next to the msg.

    About 4 hours later, he texted me saying that he hope that I got home safe, he had a fun time too, and that he "hoped we could do it again sometime."

    Well, he hasn't made an effort to schedule another date. My guess is that if he wanted to, he would've done it by now, as it's been almost 5 days since the first date. Maybe not, though. As I said, I'm new to this.

    If I should just write it off as "he's not interested," my question is - Why would he even go out of his way to say that he hoped we could do it again? He could've easily just written that he hoped that I got home safe, and that he had a fun time with me, too.

    #veryconfused

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    You could miss out on something good if you just assume he isn't interested. You already waited five days... Maybe he is shy? Try texting him and asking him if he is free for dinner/drinks/lunch/etc...

    I'm more of the type to ask a guy out rather than wait on him. Guys love confidence

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    I totally disagree, sorry but "the penis does the picking" IMO. Have you checked out the "Men love bitches book" thread? It would be well worth your time to read that book or the sequel "Why men marry bitches".

    You already seem to know the 'rules' but perhaps you just need a confirmation of the reasons behind the philosophy. read it.
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    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Yeah, I guess it depends on if you want to be the one leading the direction of the relationship, or if you want to be courted. Its true that some guys are shy and need/prefer a woman who will grab the reigns and make things happen, but I dont want a guy like that.

    I like being courted, and I like being with a guy who will want to spend time with me and go out of his way to see me... Most times, if a guy is really interested, before he even lets me leave our first date, he's asking me out again for our next date. Other times, they will contact me the next day and ask me out again...but if its been more than that, I figure he wasnt all that interested and leave it at that.

    What "first date" rules did you break? How your date went might explain why he hasnt contacted you...did you burb and talk about your ex and what you want to name your future children? But seriously...howd the date itself go?
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    That's what I figure - that if he's really interested, he'll go out of his way to ask me out again. I mean, he initiated things the first time, so I doubt he's that shy. Granted, it was online, and all...FB chat, but I mean, he could still text.

    Oh dear. Well, this is embarrassing, but since you asked, here goes:

    First of all, we meet at a place where you can drink/play games. I order a dirty martini, and he orders bud light bottle. He gulps down like 3 beers, before I finish my martini, so I'm thinking "okay...dude likes to drink, cool." He then asks me if I have ever heard of a shot called liquid cocaine, and asks if I want to do one, to which I answer "yes." I stick with water, from then on, but I still have another shot of liquid cocaine w/him, as well as a shot of jack. Once I start drinking, I need to keep it up, or I'll get really tired. So...his last drink is the jack, but then I have like 3 more shots of jack...without him. I know, I know lol. He doesn't seem to mind, at the time, and he even asks when I start getting tipsy, because for some reason, I'm holding it together really well for drinking that amount, while he is walking into things, and his bar stool is wobbling lmao. Okay, so he wasn't as bad as that sounds, but still. The point is is that he was showing it way more than me.

    So, we play games, then the bar closes. I tell him that I won't be able to drive home, and I'm going to hang in my car so that I can sober up. He wants to hang out with me, so I say that's fine, which I shouldn't have (should have just let a good date end). For the record, he did not try to make a move with me in the car...or at all, for that matter. Anyhow, we talk for several hours in the car, but then I have to pee. I have to pee all of the time, anyhow, but when I drink...wow. So...here comes another mistake. Me, being the classy person I am, pee in the woods....he does, too, but you know standards are different. The first date...I pee in the woods!!! WOW

    That is how the date went. And I truly thought things were good, esp after his text, where he did NOT have to say he hoped we could hang out again. All he had to say (if anything) was that he hoped I got home safe, and that he had a fun time...

    And you know, I was harping on how stupid I was for breaking all of the rules on this first date, but I thought about it, and it's been a pattern. Usually when I have a first date, we go to the bar, stay up late hours talking, drink a lot. This is the first time I've peed in the woods on a first date, but still....they always want to see me again, except for this one, I guess.

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    Veteran Member _natasha's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Always let him do the chasing at first. If he's interested, men know the 'rules' as well as we do.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Maybe he was feeling you out with the drinking thing...I dont know. Now, I like to drink lol But on a first date, I slow my roll. One mixed drink or one glass of wine at dinner.. Thats about it. I like to keep a clear head and know exactly who Im dealing with..its one thing if I already know someone and we're totally comfortable with him, but alcohol clouds judgement...can make a frog seem like a total prince, and I dont wanna be under any delusions. lol

    Also, for a first date hrm...I would say that a bar isnt the best place...if Im looking at a guy as a hook up yeah, but if I have any real interest in him, if its not a dinner date then Ill think he has no real interest in me. Ive dated from online, and almost always we agree to meet up for a drink first. But when things go well, they will always ask me if I would like to go have dinner...if they end our date at drinks, then its done with.

    And yeah, no matter how great a time Im having with a guy, I try to end the date after 3 or 4 hours tops. Ive got places to go, things to do, yadda yadda lol Honestly though, no matter how great a time Im having, I just want to go home after awhile. So its not a tactic so much as just how I am. But cutting the date off like that does tend to lead to them pinning me down for date 2.

    Anywayz...to be honest, I wouldnt even stress too much over this date or the guy, cause if thats his best behavior and how he wanted to impress you, by getting you shots all nite and getting inebriated, then remember, it only goes downhill from there. And also, even though he instigated it, he's probably thinking the same thing about you. So Id call it a wash... Maybe he will call at some point, but after so long, you can pretty much gaurantee its not so much that hes eager about you, than that other plans fell through so hes just checking in to see if youre available. And being the backup plan noooo fun. I should know...Ive fallen into that trap and it sucks!!
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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    If I should just write it off as "he's not interested," my question is - Why would he even go out of his way to say that he hoped we could do it again? He could've easily just written that he hoped that I got home safe, and that he had a fun time with me, too.
    The reason is that it's polite. It ends the date on a very positive note.

    He said he "Hoped we could do it again sometime." "Hoped" and "sometime." That's what guys say when they want to be upbeat at the end of a date, but don't want to be the guy who texts "I'll call you" and then never will.

    I'm not saying he'll never call, just that he never actually said he would.

    Anyway, are you looking to hook-up on these dates exclusively, or possibly something more serious? The reason I ask is that you've set the bar rather low for the guy. OK, you've actually set the bar on the floor. All the guy has to do is show up at a bar (not even dinner), buy you a bunch of shots (not even a bottle of wine), wait in your car (not sure he even has one) while you pee in the bushes (hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, nothing wrong with that) and then decide whether he wants to hit on you.

    This is sort of the Loser Guy Dream Date.

    If all you are looking for is to hook-up, then I'm sure this will work very well, and nothing wrong with that. If you're expecting anything more, though, it may make better sense to raise the bar a bit and see if that produces a better crop of guys for you to choose from.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    I recently had a date from online where the guy said the same exact thing. He even took my phone number, but a few days later emailed me to say he was just being polite and that he was going to keep looking. I knew though that he wasn't interested because it never takes 5 days for them to call, they usually call within a day or two after a date.

    Maybe it's me but for a first date from online I don't do the whole drinking alcoholic drinks or a dinner but rather an afternoon meet with soda. Drinking on a first date can lead to many terrible issues, including rape.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    It is so weird when I'm the optimistic voice in the virtual room.

    Ugh...rules. All the rules seemed designed to cloud communication and make things unclear, thus causing you to wonder what's going on, so you buy another damn rules book.

    He said he hoped you could do it again sometime. Did you text back "me too"? If not, he could be thinking that was your polite way to brush him off.

    Contact him. If he's not interested, at least you know and you can stop thinking about him and move on to the next guy. Or, you might get a second date with him.
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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    I respectfully disagree Lestat, Men like to pursue when they are interested, it's fun. Some rules (also known as standards of behaviour) are a means of enhancing clear communication.
    If the women is interested she will have given signs throughout the date for the man to pick up on (even if only instinctually). If the man isn't confident enough in himself and/or keen enough in the woman to chase ie.call back to arrange another date (regardless of his certainty she is interested) then- no thanks.

    BlkSharpie and AGT have both been clear that this man didn't pull out the stops in an effort to impress you. A bar for the first date? I mean a drink before you go to the restaurant as KellyD does is cool, but are you at your best when you drink all night? I know I'm not. Is this guy so unconfident as to need alcohol to communicate? Is he not worried about whether you will be impressed/enjoy the venue? Is it something more sinister, get you drunk to loosen you up?

    There is something to be said for dating several men at the same time so as not to get 'hooked' on one man. It can help you keep your wits about you. Until one of them asks for an exclusive relationship then why not? Maximise your chances of meeting the right man by not limiting yourself to 'one person at a time' dating. If I've been seeing 3 guys over the course of a month and on one of my dates Mr A reveals something about himself (like he's married but she doesn't sleep with him they don't talk blah blah blah) then I'm still in the process of learning about the other 2 men (and another slot opened up for a new man he he). On another note, having a fuck buddy to help with the urges is great but, when we have sex with someone our brain releases Oxytocin, convincing us that we are falling in love. Not very helpful when you need your head on your shoulders.

    I don't care what people think about having rules when you are dating- I think women are by nature permissive of poor behaviour out of misguided empathy. I think setting higher standards for what you expect from others from the begining will attract quality men into your life.
    I'm not saying you wont have to wade through some turds before you date some worthwhile gents, its a lot like asking for lapdances in that respect; how many 'nos' till you reach a 'yes'....

    Men don't get as emotionally involved as early as we do- there is a level of reserve to be maintained particularly in the begining which will help sort the wheat from the chaff.
    Last edited by Flickdreams; 05-17-2012 at 05:15 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Quote Originally Posted by Flickdreams View Post
    I respectfully disagree Lestat, Men like to pursue when they are interested, it's fun. Some rules (also known as standards of behaviour) are a means of enhancing clear communication.
    If the women is interested she will have given signs throughout the date for the man to pick up on (even if only instinctually). If the man isn't confident enough in himself and/or keen enough in the woman to chase ie.call back to arrange another date (regardless of his certainty she is interested) then- no thanks.

    BlkSharpie and AGT have both been clear that this man didn't pull out the stops in an effort to impress you. A bar for the first date? I mean a drink before you go to the restaurant as KellyD does is cool, but are you at your best when you drink all night? I know I'm not. Is this guy so unconfident as to need alcohol to communicate? Is he not worried about whether you will be impressed/enjoy the venue? Is it something more sinister, get you drunk to loosen you up?

    There is something to be said for dating several men at the same time so as not to get 'hooked' on one man. It can help you keep your wits about you. Unless one of them wants an exclusive relationship then why not?

    I don't care what people think about having rules when you are dating- I think women are by nature permissive of poor behaviour out of misguided empathy. I think setting higher standards for what you expect from others from the begining will attract quality men into your life.
    I'm not saying you wont have to wade through some turds before you date some worthwhile gents, its a lot like asking for lapdances in that respect; how many 'nos' till you reach a 'yes'....

    Men don't get as emotionally involved as early as we do- there is a level of reserve to be maintained particularly in the begining which will help sort the wheat from the chaff.
    100% agree with this... Men always make an effort to impress if they are into you! It's all a bit 'look what a good hunter gatherer I am'. I'm not saying every man does this, but the ones that have actually been into me have always made a conscious effort to take me somewhere nice.

    I still fall for the ones who don't... But keep a few on the go and usually one (even if you're not THAT into him) will remind you of how you should be treated.... And repeat until you find one who you are really into who treats you like a princess.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Quote Originally Posted by _natasha View Post
    But keep a few on the go and usually one (even if you're not THAT into him) will remind you of how you should be treated.... And repeat until you find one who you are really into who treats you like a princess.
    She said succcintly!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Just read this. Guy sounds more like he's looking for a fuck buddy. First date to a bar and he drinks 3 beers before you finish your first one , then moves into other drinks? As much as I'd like to think he was just comfortable, I'm feeling he wasn't doing that great of a job to impress. Plus first date and offering a date liquid cocaine? I'm surprised he actually went home and didn't ask to have you sleep over or if he could come over to your place.

    Maybe he thought if he gave you the liquid cocaine with all that alcohol with no food you would be the aggressor. Since that didn't happen maybe he just called it quits. Plus what is even liquid cocaine? Also this guy is a stranger right? He could have put anything in that liquid and you took it.

    I suggest passing on this one. Dinner and few drinks but a guy spending money on that much alcohol and giving you liquid cocaine on a first date? He sounded like he was trying to get the liquids to do the work for him. So he's lazily trying to get laid.

    I read the guy that took money back on that last date after you were kind enough to pay for half btw I wouldn't suggest paying for any dates in the future. If he's too broke to pay for your meal then he shouldn't be asking you out to dinner. This one sounds worse. I say move on to option #3

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    I agree women can easily get attached to one guy even if he's not even worth it. Always keep the "pair and a spare" in rotation so that way you never give any one guy too much of your energy. I say keep dating and see what else is out there.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm of the "you don't ask, you don't get" world. If you want to go out with him again, ask him. What's the worst that happens? He says no? You lose nothing. And it's been more than long enough on both ends where you won't come off as "chasing him" (which I agree is a no no).

    Just my .02.
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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    threadjack/ I've just started a new thread in the lounge, 'Basic requirements for a Real Man', lets get it rolling and make it required reading for all of us who are accepting less than the best. Please. I can't bear to read about these poor excuses for men and the women who love them
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    NEXT.
    The country has been looted.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    This sounds like the trashiest date ever. First date and he takes you to a bar and plies you with liquor? Sounds like a real winner.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    It is the oldest recipe in History.

    Would there really be eight billion people on the planet if this did not work?

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    The problem with the idea that men always like to pursue the women they want is that it's unfalsifiable.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    True...on the other hand...men never pursue a woman they dont want.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    IMO you've waited awhile. Unless he has a good reason for not calling he's probably not that interested.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Guys have always called within 2 days...

    I'd move on. He sounds like a twit.

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    Default Re: First Date - How Long to Wait for Guy to Ask for 2nd Date?

    Girls always seem to try to analyze words and say "well, why didn't they just say 'this' instead of implying 'that'?" yada yada, but the fact is people are cowards and want to come off as polite as possible. Sure he could have eliminated "hope to do it again sometime" to not lead you on, but like All Good Things said, he was probably just being polite. It took until I was 22 years old to finally click that just saying "no thanks" to a date request is better than saying shit like "oh, weeeeell, I'm not really dating right now." For some people, it never clicks that avoiding the niceties is actually better than confusing people.

    It doesn't matter what people say, it matters how they act. The fact that he didn't even text you back until 4 hours later makes me wonder if he spent that time just trying to come up with something polite but vague (which is what his message seemed to be) and trying not to seem too available. And if we're going to analyze words "let's do it again 'sometime'" seems about the lamest polite brush-off in the book. If he wanted to see you again, he would have contacted you to suggest something specific. I would either say he's not interested, or is keeping his options open, seeing how some other "prospects" turn out, and may pop back up in a couple weeks if nothing else pans out.
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    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 03-07-2008, 08:23 PM

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