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Thread: Did you tell people ?

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    Member HarleyQ's Avatar
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    Default Did you tell people ?

    Friends, Parents, Siblings, Ex Husbands that you were dancing ?

    Right now, i know exactly who i could tell, i know who'd flip out and who'd probably have a heart attack. All these people are also people who will not pay my bills.

    Part of the reason i haven't started is because i don't want to have to tell people how I'm supporting myself if I'm in school and not working. Also, i don't want any of the guys i grew up with walking into a club and seeing me drop it like it''s hot, i also don't want any friends or family of my ex seeing me, part of me thinks it'll bring up custody issues and another part feels like if i start stripping he and i will never get back together (kills me to admit that).

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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    For me I didn't really care what people think. But I understand where you're coming from. I also moved around a bit so I didn't dance around people I grew with. People will always judge you but in the end do you really care what they think?

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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    Definitely consider VERY carefully who you think you can trust with your dancing secret. In my life I've told 3 people I considered to be best friends, and one ex that I was still very close to. Every single one of them was lovely and supportive to my face, and then as months went by I discovered they'd be gossiping and bitching about it behind my back. It's usually not a matter of them being open-minded or not, but more about them being jealous that you are making a lot of money out of being hot and seductive. Jealousy can beat out anything when it comes to some women.


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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    I told my best friend who is a guy (fave regular), my two closest female cousins, male acquaintance who came to see me once(who brought a friend I knew from the following person), and ex/baby daddy.

    Best dude friend didn't say a peep to anyone.

    Cousins, I think have been way to embarrassed to mention it again.

    Ex/baby daddy told a mutual friend of ours who was the son of one of my moms friends. Cue to 2 months of me dancing and, at a family friends wedding, mom invites me outside with her for a smoke and asks if I'm stripping. Point blank. Baby daddy told! I denied. Said I was cocktailing and he is full of shit ,which she knows.

    I'm tempted to tell my new coworkers at my day job bc we are pretty close and if I keep defending dancers in conversations they're gonna find out eventually.

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    Member HarleyQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    ^^ I have a habit of defending dancers now that gets me all kinds of looks from my coworkers, the people i've told i what wanna do at all say "uh no, it's not that serious" (me being broke) or "wtf would you degrade yourself like that, money is not that important" (says the person making nearly 2 1/2 times what i make and only pays like $30 bucks more in rent) and "what would your daughter think, what kind of example are you setting".

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    There are pros and cons to sharing your dancing secret with people. Pros: you really gain a sense of who your "real" friends and family are. This can be very painful and jarring at first, espescially when you are faced with hurtful reactions from people you thought really cared about you and were either really close friends, or family members who are supposed to love and support you "unconditionally". You will learn that there are "conditions" attached to many of your relationships which sucks...but you also get to see which of your relationships have no "conditions"...no "strings" attached, and this is a very positive experience learning who will stand by you no matter what. Another pro is that you won't feel like you are "hiding". Being in the closet I think breeds a huge sense of guilt. Cons are that you will have to deal with people saying mean and negative things about you. If the secret gets out to the wrong people it can have really negative concequences on important aspects of your life like your career or in your case, the custody of your child.

    I think it is necessary to have a support system that you can confide in people close to you about your experiences as a dancer, but keep the circle small enough to be manageable. Do not bother telling people you know will have a ridiculously bad reaction as this will only hurt you.

    If you really think dancing will affect the custody of your child...and I'd look into that if I were you...seek the advice of your lawyer and maybe see if you can find examples of custody cases in your state where the mother was in a similar situation, involved in sex work so you can get an idea of how the case might play out for you. I am no expert, but stripping is a legal profession, and the upside is that you'll be able to demonstrate financial capability of taking care of your child. I think a lot will depend on the individual judge though. If you know who the judge for your case is going to be you can always look into that person and try to find out how liberal-minded they are and then make the decision. Is waiting until after custody of your kid is determined to start dancing an option?

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    Member HarleyQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    ^^ We share custody but her residential address is my home and support is paid to me.

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    Veteran Member Su Su's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    My mum, sister, partner. Mainly.

    Besides my mum, my sister and partner had secretly told some of their friends and that has not been pleasing.

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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    I told my dad, he was not cool with it, but accepting. (The money thing helped.) My mom found out and was super mad/upset. Though not as mad as she was when I told her I was going to college and not going to marry some boy she thought was "perfect husband material." I told my brother. He was a little weirded out especially since he and some of his buddies wanted to go to the strip clubs. He definitely avoided the clubs where I worked. My uncle (dad's brother) is a big strip club junkie, so I figured I better tell him before he found out by walking in on me stripping. He was cool. I guess he figured that he couldn't say much since he was a big SCJ. Of course, I told my apartment mates. They had to know why I was coming and going at late hours. They were cool. One girl decided to take up dancing too.

    Z

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    Veteran Member Su Su's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did you tell people ?

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    I told a couple friends and then they told the world. I'm really irritated. If I could go back in time I would tell my BF and NOBODY else.
    I know right? Some people just can't mind their own business!

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