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Thread: People telling you you have issues

  1. #1
    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default People telling you you have issues

    I am tired of being made to believe I am the unstable crazy girl.... My ex boyfriend always playing the know it all Dr. Phil role, Psycho analyzing how I ever got into stripping, pointing out how I punish myself and subconsciously sabotage relationships..... And then today on the phone with my step dad, him telling me how I need to leave his wife, my mother, alone because I am a toxic person who only brings drama.... I see them maybe twice a year and they know nothing about my life or problems..... I said something mean to my mom the other day, which I feel horrible about, so I called to apologize. Is it just me or does it seem like its so much easier for people to mentally throw us all into a crazy box, exagerrate our drama/issues/egocentric ism and just write it off as such, all because of stripping? I'm like, damn, I've brought zero drama to my family, in fact I go out of my way not to bother them with anything, yet he made me feel like some unwanted toxic parasite. I've called him maybe once this year. And my ex boyfriend, it was almost as if my stripper past was how he justified any conflict we have, and I know that's what he reminds himself of when he thinks back on our breakup, and it gives him cognitive dissonance. Like, she's the unstable emotional stripper, it couldn't have been anything I did. I honestly feel like I'm going crazy. I don't feel psychotic or totally unstable, but the more people point it out to me, I'm starting to question myself. Has anyone else dealt with this?
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Yeah I use to have an ex that called me crazy while being an abusive dick. As for step dads, a lot of step dads are shit and because your not there daughter they don't understand the dynamic between child Ans parent.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    What was the reason you and your ex broke up? If you don't mind me asking? Sounds like he never was completely comfortable with your stripping and seems like he was using it as an excuse to get back at you. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me. Stripping also tends at times to be stressful on relationships (since I've dealt with it before I know how that can go). As far as your step dad goes, have you guys ever gotten along. Seems like you have normal problems like the rest of the world and nothing too crazy ;-)
    Last edited by silk55; 05-30-2012 at 11:22 AM.
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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    I don't think that you're toxic in the sense that you're bad/evil/psychotic; but I do think that you might be a little toxic in the sense that you've been emotionally poisoned for so long now. And just like when toxins build up in the body, and get flushed out, so too are these emotional toxins being flushed or pissed out on the people around you. Like what happened with your mother; but you showed remorse, you apologized, because you care. You are a good person. If you really were some crazy, psychotic bitch, then you would have said what you said, and said some more, and some more, and some more. Without any remorse at all.

    I really don't know you, I only know of you. From what I've seen over the last year or so, it does appear that you've been going through a lot of shit, and may have some issues. Some may be stripper related, others are probably just from where you are at in your life. You will get through them though.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Idk, but it sounds like the guys that you are dealing with are a little on the over-sensitive side. Maybe this is what happens when we start raising a generation of men to be sensitive drama queens, but there it is.

    JD, IMHO you simply have a strong personality. Now we could try to psychoanalyze the reasons for this until the cows come home, but what's the point? You are who you are and that is not likely to change. If your ex couldn't handle it, then he needed to hike up his skirt and move along to someone more docile.

    I learned a long time ago that I cannot please everybody and the ones who don't like me can go fuck themselves.

    Anyway, just my

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Can i just say thank you for posing this qnd the responses here ?! I too really need these words

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Dumb insecure people like to throw name calling into the mix, or make it about a certain label rather than discussing the problem and how both sides are contributing (because it's really rare that only one person is the source of the entire problem.) And Dr. Phil is a douche, so it's not surprising someone who acts like him is too.

    As far as the parents--it might be less the problem that you call only once or twice a year, and more the fact that you actually aren't in their lives more. That's why you're so easy to cut out, and it's easy for them to say that you're better to have out of their lives because you don't really put yourselves in their lives.

    It sucks about your family. I can identify.

    But you have good people in your life, right? The family that you form as an adult, and I mean that in terms of the close friends you collect, are often a big improvement for a lot of people over their families they grew up with.

    I guess the best I can say is look at ways in which you can improve yourself in your relations, but after awhile of thinking about that, you need to move on. Otherwise you're just going to keep looking at yourself and your actions through a microscope and that could freeze anyone and prevent the act of actually living your life and improving.
    Ungoogle yourself:


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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    yeah i do have issues, my wallet is so thick that it cant fit in my pocket.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Thnx for posting this. I come from a very small family and have recently been disowned by mother and stepfather. My aunt whom I've been close to and considered more of a mom to me has now sided with them. They're devout Christians yet very judgey and hypocritical. Anyways, I won't go in to detail bc I could go on and on, it's been quite painful until recently after I have done some "soul searching" I wouldn't chose to have such toxic people in my life if I had a choice and since they can't except me as a divorced, single mom, stripper= crazy in their eyes, and want to label me and constantly bring me down then screw that I don't care if they're blood I am glad to see them go. Just meet new, positive ppl but be careful who u let in. And rmbr u are NOT a bad person!! I have learned this now after years of low self esteem-they've been the crazy ones all along.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I am tired of being made to believe I am the unstable crazy girl.... My ex boyfriend always playing the know it all Dr. Phil role, Psycho analyzing how I ever got into stripping, pointing out how I punish myself and subconsciously sabotage relationships..... And then today on the phone with my step dad, him telling me how I need to leave his wife, my mother, alone because I am a toxic person who only brings drama.... I see them maybe twice a year and they know nothing about my life or problems..... I said something mean to my mom the other day, which I feel horrible about, so I called to apologize. Is it just me or does it seem like its so much easier for people to mentally throw us all into a crazy box, exagerrate our drama/issues/egocentric ism and just write it off as such, all because of stripping? I'm like, damn, I've brought zero drama to my family, in fact I go out of my way not to bother them with anything, yet he made me feel like some unwanted toxic parasite. I've called him maybe once this year. And my ex boyfriend, it was almost as if my stripper past was how he justified any conflict we have, and I know that's what he reminds himself of when he thinks back on our breakup, and it gives him cognitive dissonance. Like, she's the unstable emotional stripper, it couldn't have been anything I did. I honestly feel like I'm going crazy. I don't feel psychotic or totally unstable, but the more people point it out to me, I'm starting to question myself. Has anyone else dealt with this?
    eh...I don't know. I've seen you throw bitch fits on here before (because I almost replied to one before I saw that you later owned up to it).

    Which is what you might want to do, if everyone is saying that to you. The greater the number of people saying that to you, the lower the likelihood of them being merely delusional...

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 04:40 AM.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    I have moved on from the ex, well, 99%, I still occasionally think about him. It's hard, he is the most gorgeous guy I've ever dated and has a huge dick. I intentionally burned that bridge because I knew that was the only way to end things with him. Our relationship was the same cycle over and over..... I love you, then it would evolve into I love you, but you're too whorish, you're too provocative, something is wrong with you to be this way, blah blah blah, then, I can't be with you, I need to move on and start a family, and you are not the type of girl to marry..... then we wouldn't talk for a couple months or so, and he would come back, I miss you, I love you, I thought about you everyday, I realized I love you, blah blah blah. So this last "break up", I showed him what an American psycho ex girlfriend acts like..... he definitely won't be contacting me again.

    With my stepdad, and the rest of my family, I just have to accept it for what it is I guess..... it's like, my sister wrecks my dad's car and gets so many tickets her license is now suspended, but nobody says shit because she's a doctor. If I get in an accident, or anything like that, my family is just like "here we go again, more drama from JD..." All my mistakes and fuck ups are all amplified because of my past and the stereotype how my family sees me.

    I don't know, I guess I need to have a more solid positive view of myself and not let people I care about make me feel like I'm a completely fucked up damaged head case. Perception is reality. The more I get told I have issues, the more it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I straight up asked my last two shrinks if I have bipolar disorder or borderline personality, or any major emotional/personality disorder, and they always tell me no that I'm normal. It's much harder to let things people say to you roll off your back when it's people you care about.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Why don't you write a letter to your mum telling her what's going through your head.
    I find it keeps things clearer for me- I freeze and forget what has been said (literally seconds later) if I am in the middle of emotional conflict.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

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    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by LibraSnake View Post
    eh...I don't know. I've seen you throw bitch fits on here before (because I almost replied to one before I saw that you later owned up to it).

    Which is what you might want to do, if everyone is saying that to you. The greater the number of people saying that to you, the lower the likelihood of them being merely delusional...
    Yeah, but what I realized is that the people saying this to me are the people who know my past and history. People I've met more recently in my life that don't know shit about my stripping, ex boyfriend in prison, DWI, etc. etc. past don't say these things to me. By the way, thanks Mediocrity for introducing me to your friend in H town, I've now made friends with her whole group, they invite me out every other day, really cool people!

    I feel like these people just see the bad things I've done, and like I said before, they find their cognitive dissonance in just classifying me as an unstable stripper, any time anything goes wrong in my life and I ask for help (never money, just support) they're just like "Why do these things always happen to you, blah blah blah" speech. And on top of that, I feel like they don't acknowledge any of my accomplishments, like quitting smoking, going back to school, my insurance business, etc. It's just easier to point out the bad things and blame it on me stripping and/or my existing issues, whatever justifies what I've done, so that they can just conveniently write me off and feel okay about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by silk55 View Post
    What was the reason you and your ex broke up? If you don't mind me asking? Sounds like he never was completely comfortable with your stripping and seems like he was using it as an excuse to get back at you. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me. Stripping also tends at times to be stressful on relationships (since I've dealt with it before I know how that can go). As far as your step dad goes have you guys ever gotten along. Seems like you have normal problems like the rest of the world and nothing too crazy ;-)
    Why did we break up? It was one of those lukewarm, long, drawn out break ups. He was conflicted because on the one hand he would say he loves me, then he would say he hates that I stripped, etc., but honestly how can you say you love someone when you hate a part of him/her? He would constantly try to do the math, "If you have a been a dancer for 7 years, and you gave 10 guys lapdances every night, and worked 3 nights a week, that means X amount of guys have seen my girlfriend naked!" and he would just dwell and dwell on it, ask me specific questions about contact, the worst things I ever did, etc. He had a morbid fascination with my stripping that he indulged, but that only made him resent me on some level. He would say God is going to punish him for being with a whore, that he hated himself for loving me, etc. etc. He would always say things along the lines of wanting to "fix" me..... He wanted to rehabilitate or something, really he wanted to change me. Because even when I had completely quit dancing, it was always something else, I dress/act/talk too provocatively, and it's because of stripping. Really, it's his warped Israeli Jewish conservative perception of me. He made me feel like something was wrong with me, and I needed to delve within to find out the source of all these issues I have. You should read these three, four, five page emails he would send me. I thought the dude was writing his thesis statement for Psychology. WTF. I really started to believe that I was this completely fucked up head case, and even sought help. I realized though that nothing is wrong with me, my personality conflicts with his personal belief system and perception of what's good/bad and right/wrong. I think it's incredibly selfish to go back and forth with someone, I love you I hate you type shit, just because YOU don't know what you want. Anyways, I went crazy psycho on him, showed up at his house and caused a scene. I banged on his door and just started throwing all his personal business out there. I made him delete every naked photo and video of me. His neighbors were coming outside, that's how rowdy I was..... I embarrassed him pretty badly, then put dog shit under his car door handles later that night.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    Yeah, but what I realized is that the people saying this to me are the people who know my past and history. People I've met more recently in my life that don't know shit about my stripping, ex boyfriend in prison, DWI, etc. etc. past don't say these things to me. By the way, thanks Mediocrity for introducing me to your friend in H town, I've now made friends with her whole group, they invite me out every other day, really cool people!

    I feel like these people just see the bad things I've done, and like I said before, they find their cognitive dissonance in just classifying me as an unstable stripper, any time anything goes wrong in my life and I ask for help (never money, just support) they're just like "Why do these things always happen to you, blah blah blah" speech. And on top of that, I feel like they don't acknowledge any of my accomplishments, like quitting smoking, going back to school, my insurance business, etc. It's just easier to point out the bad things and blame it on me stripping and/or my existing issues, whatever justifies what I've done, so that they can just conveniently write me off and feel okay about it.
    Well, people do tend to focus on the negatives, it's true. Which is why it's often best to pretend your life is perfect, less ammo for people to use against you later.

    At least you have a shrink - she's safe to vent out to. I trust no one else, lol.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    JD-are you in Houston?? If u ever wanna pm me feel free. Sounds we r going through some similar things-I'm going through a bad break up with my physically and mentally abusive ex. And that's what I'd say ur ex was doing to you.

    It seems more than often there's got to be that "black sheep" in every family unfortunately. It makes everyone else feel better I guess.

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    I think I can file rape charges for what he did to my ass one night......... Ugh.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by Bennu View Post
    I don't think that you're toxic in the sense that you're bad/evil/psychotic; but I do think that you might be a little toxic in the sense that you've been emotionally poisoned for so long now. And just like when toxins build up in the body, and get flushed out, so too are these emotional toxins being flushed or pissed out on the people around you. Like what happened with your mother; but you showed remorse, you apologized, because you care. You are a good person. If you really were some crazy, psychotic bitch, then you would have said what you said, and said some more, and some more, and some more. Without any remorse at all.

    I really don't know you, I only know of you. From what I've seen over the last year or so, it does appear that you've been going through a lot of shit, and may have some issues. Some may be stripper related, others are probably just from where you are at in your life. You will get through them though.
    This exactly. Usually if more than one person is saying the same thing, it's true.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    I hate to be judgmental... Actually, no, I don't. He's conservative Israeli-Jewish. You are totally on the money by thinking he's just taking his own complexes out on you. If you stop and consider how many fucked up trains of thought have gone through this guy's head, you will probably laugh. Comparing it to one of my Catholic exes, this guy has probably grown up being taught that desire is dirty. So then he meets you and desires you, but that begins to unearth all of these fucked up hardwired beliefs that he probably can't even identify the source of. Toss that in with everything that religion says about women and it's interesting already. But add that to the fact that you're a stripper and seem to have a very unapologetic attitude about who you are and this guy is probably getting off on how tortured loving you makes him feel. I forget which comedian it was, but he's Jewish and he basically said that Jewish men are conditioned from birth to enjoy suffering at the hands of women. It's a huge generalization, sure, but I've seen it in countless men, especially those who were raised in a conservative religious family.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Ooh because I don't want to spend my entire life under you ? Mentally , physically and indefinitely. Of course you're crazy! How dare you tell this fucker no.

    These types are just trying to crack at your self esteem because a woman knows who she is will kindly show him the door. I noticed he's an "ex" for good reason. Make him an ex phone contact, an ex facebook friend. EX him out of pictures. It actually can be quite fun with a light bubbly to go with your Exorcism.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    Quote Originally Posted by tuesdaymarie View Post
    I hate to be judgmental... Actually, no, I don't. He's conservative Israeli-Jewish. You are totally on the money by thinking he's just taking his own complexes out on you. If you stop and consider how many fucked up trains of thought have gone through this guy's head, you will probably laugh. Comparing it to one of my Catholic exes, this guy has probably grown up being taught that desire is dirty. So then he meets you and desires you, but that begins to unearth all of these fucked up hardwired beliefs that he probably can't even identify the source of. Toss that in with everything that religion says about women and it's interesting already. But add that to the fact that you're a stripper and seem to have a very unapologetic attitude about who you are and this guy is probably getting off on how tortured loving you makes him feel. I forget which comedian it was, but he's Jewish and he basically said that Jewish men are conditioned from birth to enjoy suffering at the hands of women. It's a huge generalization, sure, but I've seen it in countless men, especially those who were raised in a conservative religious family.
    Oooh you made some statements there! I don't get offended on the internet but I do get amused when people make lots of generalizations and then go on only acknowledge half of them as generalizations.

    To JD, I feel that family roles are often established early on and then are difficult to change. Parents and other family members seem to label certain family members as good or responsible and others as bad or unorganized. The most helpful thing you can do to change the way your family perceives you is not to keep things from them or establish total independence but to try to let them into your life so that they can see the kind of person you are on a day to day basis.

    My sister went to private school, sort of sent away to private school as the black sheep of the family and when she came back as a more mature and responsible person it took time of getting to know her before my parents would trust her or view her differently. That was five years ago and my parents still make judgements of her based on that past rebellious behavior.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    ^From my experience, saying something "amuses" you is a half-assed way of calling someone out for saying something you dislike/disagree with/etc but don't give enough damns to argue about. Regardless, I don't think that saying that religions, specifically those of the Judeo-Christian variety, teach fucked up views on desire and women is off-base at all. Sure, people can say they're Christians but don't believe in the whole women are property so pay her dad if you rape her Old Testament bullshit, but that just means they're flying a flag that they don't actually stand behind and taking comfort in a label because there's safety in numbers. Saying that he takes all of those fucked up teachings to heart is judgmental, sure, because I don't know the guy. Thus, I admitted I'm pulling my theory from my personal experiences with a man who had been raised in a conservative religious family that had put thousands of dollars into keeping him in a private school that taught him masturbation is sin and even thinking about sex is sin, etc. I didn't just pull this comparison out of nowhere. JD brought up the conservative Israeli-Jewish factor and said it was part of his issue. She also says he was hung up on how she could elicit desire in others, how she had revealed her body to other men, etc. Imo, that's a result of the culture he has grown up with and it reaches far beyond anything she should accept personal blame for. Perhaps I was more callous about it because I detest what religion does to people, but most major religions clearly feed the virgin-whore dichotomy and this guy obviously had issues getting over it.

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    Default Re: People telling you you have issues

    J.D.,

    I feel like we were cut from the same cloth. I am extremely sensitive and have been criticized by family and friends for the choices I have made in my life. If I truly care about someone and their opinion of me is that I am unstable, I tend to believe it. Their words echo in my head and it does become almost like a mantra of self defeat.

    When it comes to dancing, I go back and fourth with my own personal truth vs. what people think of me. It sucks! One minute, I'm confident in a decision and the next I'm questioning myself (you can see that illustrated in my post, "getting caught up..").

    I try very hard to tune out the opinions of friends/family (not all friends, and not all family, basically my mother and 2 friend who I hold dear). Currently I have been listening to Esther Hicks and also Wayne Dyer. Their insight is helpful.

    Relationships while dancing... I honestly, can not name ONE woman I've danced with that while stripping, had a good relationship. I know there are women on here that DO, and this is AWESOME. I'm not trying to be negative, but, its true! It is SO convienent for a man to date a dancer, and when she wants to bring up something wrong with HIM, he plays the stripper card. This can be so damaging to a sensitive woman!! Especially if she already has inner issues with the job anyway!!

    Anyways, I empathize 1000% with you and if you ever need to talk, drop me a PM.

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