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Thread: How do you choose your friends?

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    Default How do you choose your friends?

    As the title states, how do you choose your friends? People with similar interests? Good looking people? Ugly people? Weird people? Please elaborate.

    As for myself, I am open to anyone of any creed but I require the following characteristics/traits:

    1. Kind

    2. Smart (as smart as me if not smarter)

    3. Honest

    I made this thread because lately I feel that my quality of friends is in question. I have some friends that are nice as hell but dumb as a bag of rocks. I have others who can carry a stimulating conversation on a vast array of topics ranging from lucid dreaming to astral projection to medical advancements to automotive technology to pop culture and everything in between. Also I have one particular friend that is nice but close minded and not very attractive (she is female, teapot status aka short and stout). Looks is subjective I know but I have some mean friends who have made comments like "Take that thing down before it reproduces." Also I put her mugshot on one of those rate my photo websites (with her consent) and reception was not good. The times I have hung out with her I would notice an attractive female and feel that she is a major cock block since probably the general public assumes were together aka a couple. What I am getting at is I am thinking of ditching my dumb/unattractive friends and keeping the ones who can enlighten me. Basically the ones that bring "intellectual assets" to the table. As for the female friend with a hefty build, I am thinking of dropping her because she is close minded and her personality is dry as the Sahara dessert. Shes nice as I mentioned but gosh damn when I hang out with her I feel at times I am talking to a friggin marshmallow in a dress and not learning anything. They say time is money, and with her I am losing both. (we tend to eat whenever we meet, and shes not very open to my suggestions...I can only eat so much American fare)

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    hahaha!! Hey lady, You have a very interesting post here, I agree people who are closed minded sometimes can just be very UN stimulating and generally boring to hang with alll the time. I have a friend that is smart, pretty attractive and fun, but she just keeps going on and on sometimes about the same drama, I feel like maybe she isnt the best kind of friend to have cuz we will leave her droning topic of latest drama and she will drag me right back there....like didnt we just drop that dumb crap you were filling my head with while I hoped the convo was over. haha! I have some friends that used to be hot, and now since having a kid got fat, insecure and unfun, not to be a bitch but I did drop a few of those. they were Hooties with me back a few years ago- size zero hot chicks, but now when we go out shes a drag, tell me how jealous they are of my size 4 jeans, get over it hunny or work out I dont want to talk about how hot you used to be. I am also cleaning friend-house around my life. I choose the ones who love me, are interesting and dont just sit around talking about other people allllllll day long and the latests he said she said! Good luck chick, I also love me some "informer" friends who know about stuff like meditation, yoga, all the crap our gov doesnt want us to know about ie Aspartame in "diet" stuff, turns to formaldehyde in the body.... good thing the FDA says its SAFE. LOL!!!! or Flouride in the Drinking water...it kills our teeth, and eats them away.... thanks dentists. Alright Im done.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I don't really have any friends. I'm severely introverted (though I can put on the extroverted hat when I need to--a skill I learned from stripping). And on top of that, I don't tend to get along with women very well. I have a couple of male friends I see occasionally, but having male friends is always complicated since there's really no such thing as a "just friends" relationship with them.

    There are men and women I get along really well with, but I just have no urge to hang out with them. It's weird.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    ^I'm with charlie. I am extremely introverted and don't really have friends anymore. I text one of my girlfriends and see her once every few months, but she's going through a weird stage of trying to one-up me in every aspect of life. Plus, she doesn't really know much about me anymore. I had two close male friends, but they said some misogynistic things about sex workers that made me distance myself. They don't know about my employment history, so it wasn't meant as insult to me, but despite their oblivion, it was hateful.

    I mostly just spend time working or with my SO. My other relationships just weren't fulfilling anymore.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    ^ Yuuup. Good to know that I'm not alone.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I try to find friends who are open-minded, otherwise I can't really open up to anyone. I'm wiccan and also a stripper, so that puts me at a disadvantage with very close minded people, ya' know?

    Otherwise I try to find friends I have stuff in common with, like similar interests, or kids around the same age, or same hobbies, etc
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I dont really choose my friends, so much as it just develops into that with certain people. That being said though, I have *very* few friends. I know a lot of people I can meet up for drinks or catch them while out and hang out for a bit, but if I needed someone to talk to, or wanted to go out and do something, they arent the people I would call on just like Im not the first person who would come to their mind.

    The people I consider friends have seen me at my best, they have seen me at my worst, they have been there for me when stuff went wrong, when anything is going on in their lives whether great or bad news Im always one of the first people they call, they always think of me and invite me out to stuff, have made sure Ive never had to be alone for the holidays, all have great senses of humour, intellectual, thoughtful, generous, kind, we get along really well, annoy each other equally lol but are able to totally be ourselves and speak our mind, and we respect each other. I just know that we'll always be a part of each others lives no matter what...the few people I consider friends (less than 10) Ive known for 5-24 years...that sort of relationship developed over time....

    Even when I was a little kid, the idea of asking "will you be my friend" escaped me... I always said no. I wasnt trying to be mean, I just think you cant ask someone to be a friend..either they are or theyre not. Of course, that also might be why I only had one friend from preschool through 4th grade, til I moved...and then didnt make a new friend until I was in 7th grade... Im not social at all, its a challenge to get me to leave my house or return a phone call or email, and for the most part I really dont like most people I meet, so its hilarious that I have any friends at all really.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    ^Hahaha, I remember one girl always asked me to play with her in kindergarten. I never wanted to, so she said, "I'm going to tell on you for never playing with me!" I didn't get how that was a punishable offense, thought she was crazy, and sat on the swing alone for the rest of recess. I think that exchange summarizes most of my experiences with people trying to bully their ways into my life...

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    We modify/upgrade our cars and homes, so why not ourselves? I could have picked up a set of Volk/BBS wheels for my ride but decided to get my snozzer enhanced instead. In a perfect world Id have both and then some but since I aint chief lots of dough I gotta prioritize my scrilla.

    I came off on the wrong foot in my initial post....guess my resentment towards my female friend has turned me snootsy and cruel towards her. Yes shes nice but we have had some issues. Anyways what I am getting at which I meant to convey is maybe I should only try to befriend smart/intelligent people. Nothing against the slow learners but I feel as if the slow heads are bringing me down...while the smart/enlightend people can only bring me up. I am pretty well rounded and find more often than not I am teaching my friends something new and then some everytime we meet but I dont always learn something from them. My time is money, knowledge is power. Put two and two together and you can murk two birds with one stone yadda mean.

    I admit I am selfish.

    Im working on self improvement inside and out.

    As for friends, its about quality not quantity so thats why I am very selective.

    I am not without fault as previously mentioned (I am a human after all) but who I choose to befriend is exactly that.

    We all have a choice.

    Everyone is self absorbed in some way, but some more so than others.
    Last edited by BlackSheEp3; 05-27-2012 at 03:53 AM.

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    WWW Re: How do you choose your friends?

    Its a really great question actually and reading though I could relate to much being said , when you really break it down and anaylise what do you look for in a friend ?? Its extremely difficult . I have some long term common denominators , that I think will probably be around till " Death " ..But they both have incredible faults , and really drive me Crazy , and I couldn't hang around with them all the time ..So far they friends ? I kind of think they are something different .
    I have people I mix withat work that I really really like , we may go out occassionally ..Are they friends ? Well , maybe , But Im not sure . I have people that Iv'e known for years at the Golf Club , and know them though sport ..But are they friends ? once again Im not really sure . Its actually really really difficult when all is broken down , Im really not sure .
    Most people at some point have really let me down badly ..even those closest , so you tend to have a " reserved " outlook . Recently another guy , who I had known for quite a long time and admired from a distance , we caught up again ..I admired what he had done in business , plus what appeared to be the perfect family , and after catching up for over a Couple of years ( I've known him for 20 years ) , he turned around and ripped me off ! I seriously just couldn't ( or wouldn't ) believe this was how it was , the money hurt , but the emotional / trust breach was Soul destroying .

    Its a good topic and I congratulate you on the question ..But after reading though I dont think Im much different to Charlie61 , I also ..quite honestly cant see how that would change .
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    Aww man. I suck at finding friends. I thought that going back to stripping I would at least find some girls to be cool with. They're either too young, too old, or just not amicable with me at all. Then, when I actually get associates that could lead to the possibility of friendship, I never have time for them. A lot of people in my life have came and went fast. Like, I had no time to make the decision if I wanted them in my life of not. It leaves me nostalgic at times - wondering where they are and what they're doing now. I plan on changing this by going out more to places where the people there I have at least one thing in common with, for example, hip hop shows at quaint bars, pole classes, and maybe even the gym. I look for common interests, positive personalities, those who are open-minded, & common life events.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I'm pretty much a loner too.
    All my friend are online lol

    When I was dancing, the girls who I would chit chat with though had to be girls I could party with and have a good time with.

    I love people who are open minded, fun, and easy going and laid back.

    I've kinda become a shut in though and I am the jealous type. I've always wanted just ONE close girl friend, but it's like everyone already has their group of friends...I dunno..it's weird.

    I'm still a FRIENDLY person, just not a very social person anymore. Everything I do is either alone or with my family now.
    I'm fine with that.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    I'm pretty much a loner too.
    All my friend are online lol

    When I was dancing, the girls who I would chit chat with though had to be girls I could party with and have a good time with.

    I love people who are open minded, fun, and easy going and laid back.

    I've kinda become a shut in though and I am the jealous type. I've always wanted just ONE close girl friend, but it's like everyone already has their group of friends...I dunno..it's weird.

    I'm still a FRIENDLY person, just not a very social person anymore. Everything I do is either alone or with my family now.
    I'm fine with that.
    I can relate. I have a few good friends as in literally 2 people. The rest are online/forum buddies and or acquaintances.

    I consider myself friendly enough, just not very social. I tend to keep to myself and I am fine with that.

    In the end, the only one you can depend on is yourself. (not entirely true but you know what I mean).

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Davey17 View Post
    Its a really great question actually and reading though I could relate to much being said , when you really break it down and anaylise what do you look for in a friend ?? Its extremely difficult . I have some long term common denominators , that I think will probably be around till " Death " ..But they both have incredible faults , and really drive me Crazy , and I couldn't hang around with them all the time ..So far they friends ? I kind of think they are something different .
    I have people I mix withat work that I really really like , we may go out occassionally ..Are they friends ? Well , maybe , But Im not sure . I have people that Iv'e known for years at the Golf Club , and know them though sport ..But are they friends ? once again Im not really sure . Its actually really really difficult when all is broken down , Im really not sure .
    Most people at some point have really let me down badly ..even those closest , so you tend to have a " reserved " outlook . Recently another guy , who I had known for quite a long time and admired from a distance , we caught up again ..I admired what he had done in business , plus what appeared to be the perfect family , and after catching up for over a Couple of years ( I've known him for 20 years ) , he turned around and ripped me off ! I seriously just couldn't ( or wouldn't ) believe this was how it was , the money hurt , but the emotional / trust breach was Soul destroying .

    Its a good topic and I congratulate you on the question ..But after reading though I dont think Im much different to Charlie61 , I also ..quite honestly cant see how that would change .
    thank you and thinking about it even more now...its a question that really makes you think aka food for thought.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I dont like my friends, lol. they're lazy, stuck up and probably wont see age 40 the way they party. that what seems to happens to most girls i make friends with in the club- probably because im shallow and only hang out with hot ones.

    but here is a list a qualities i wish i had in a friend-

    1. hard working. im tired of being the only one that can afford to go shopping or go on trips with my own money.

    2. common sense. im tired of my girls that live only for the moment. doesnt make sense that you made $4k this weekend and $0 by tuesday. wtf.

    3. attractive- i know, i know...shallow. but i want someone who has the same opportunities as me lol

    4. have your own shit- must have car, cell phone and place to live- cuz you aint staying with me!

    5. someone with major goals and dreams and reaching for them- because you will not be mooching off me when i become rich and famous lol

    those are my requirements to be my friend. the reason why i have this list is because i had bad experiences and im always the only responsible one.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    oh- and i must add #6- someone who takes are of their self- work out, eat well, etc etc...because it would be nice to have a friend that will live past 40.

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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I'm a loner too, My one close friend lives in miami and i havent seen her in about 3 yrs but we talk almost everyday. We can talk about anything but i dont have anyone i live close to to hang out with. Im really picky and i dont trust people and there motives. I don't like hott messes or irresponsible ppl or ones that are really superficial. I have my BF and he's kool and fun to be around glad i got him But i'd like a chik to go shopping and do lunch with! ^ and ya someone who takes care of themselves and does the basics lol I also like go getters and ppl who get things done..... Idk we can rub off on each other.... But as of now it's just me! good thing i really like my "me" time~ i've never had a problem being "alone"

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    Yeah I don't have a ton of friends. I need to "click" with someone if I'm going to be friends with them. Maybe that's why I have very few friends.
    All of my friends are fairly attractive and the ones I choose to hang out with are fairly smart as well. My boyfriend is very attractive and very smart.
    Obviously honesty and all that is important too.
    InnesX

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you choose your friends?

    I have people that I speak to regularly at work or online who are not people I would let come to my home or meet my son (more party friends) and people that I hang out with now and then. None of my friends have met my son more than a handful of times...as a matter of fact I believe only 3 of my friends have met my son (and one of them was just running in to grab something).

    As far as friends go I prefer that they are honest, reciprocate attempts to spend time together, have some form of income, their own place, and transportation. These things are things that I have and I think people who are broke and live at home are just not on the same page as me. I don't have many friends though.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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