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  1. #1
    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Deleted thanks

    Deleted thanks
    Last edited by Kisca; 05-27-2012 at 10:23 PM.

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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    From most of your posts about this guy, he doesn't sound like a keeper. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the impression I get almost every time you post something about him. He seems whiny and selfish. If that's an incorrect impression, then maybe you two need to sit down and really talk things out, because your post just now has multiple examples of issues that, if both people are fully committed to the relationship, could have been completely avoided with proper communication. I can't sleep, so I'm going to be more specific:

    Problem 1: He went to a game for 9 hours when you've both said you don't have enough time together; exacerbated by him then leaving again to "go with the boys."
    Problem 2: In reaction, you feel slighted and leave too. But did you tell him before the second departure that you wanted to spend time with him, or even that you just didn't want him to leave again?
    Problem 3: You didn't keep him posted on when you were returning. He probably took the lateness as you being passive aggressive. So now you're both pissed and not talking about it.
    Problem 4: He's blatantly passive aggressive with the vague answer about the bar.
    Problem 5: I doubt you just assumed he didn't want to go out. I think it's more likely that you still felt like he was being an inattentive dick, so you decided you could go out and have fun without him just as he did to you.
    Problem 6: He tries to turn the negligence onto you by saying you're the one who is out and doesn't care, while he's the one waiting all alone with a woe is me I didn't go out with my friends for a third time today just for you story.
    Problem 7: "Ok have fun" was probably interpreted as passive aggression too. Maybe it was?
    Problem 8: He's choosing to deal with being upset with you in the same way you chose to deal with being upset with him: showing the other person that you can leave whenever you damn well please. Except he's going a bit further by breaking the rule... though is getting in at 4 when you're fighting really any better?

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    he is lying. he was not waiting for you saturday night, he only pretended to be upset to take the attention away from his suspicious activity. he did something strange that night because he kept asking you when you will be home. not only that, even after you told him what youre doing, he still continues to find out where you are- probably because he doesn't want to run into you because he is doing something wrong.

    and if he really cared for the relationship, why the fuck isnt he home at 4am and not answering. who does that after bitching about the other person not caring??

    i also think hes lying about the girls game too. he had no intention on going, i think he had an arrangement with someone and that arrangement didnt happen on time. who are these boys? do you know them?

    i think the signs are obvious. he is cheating. men are so dumb when they lie because it is obvious. i would dump his ass before he dumps you.

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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 04:46 AM.

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    Veteran Member Davey17's Avatar
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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    Quote Originally Posted by Kisca View Post
    I'm seeing odd behavior in my boyfriend more lately. This is how it all started, he had a game Today and then wanted to watch the girls team after to support it, instead of it being 6 hrs it was 9. Luckily, he didn't stay for the girls game and came home at 3pm. Then at 4 he wanted to go w the boys for an hr. I was already in a pissy mood since he wanted to watch the girls Game but now wants to see the boys. I always Complain that we have no time together and he goes off and does this. So I told him I'm seeing my parents that are an hour away. So he calls at 6 asks me when I'll Be home and I said 8 BUT not 100%.

    By the time I was done w my parents it was 9, and he called and asked when I'll be home i said 11. I asked if he wanted to go to a bar later he said "we"ll see maybe" ok I thought it was a no since he drank w his friends and at Home. So at 10 30 I messaged him to say I'm going out with my gf that I havn't seen in ages. He got mad and said he was waiting for me all Saturday to go out after he came home from his friends and they asked him and I to go out to a bar since I was away he decided to wait for me BUT didn't mention anything at all till the last phone Call (10:30).

    He got all mad said I didn't care for the relationship at all and that he waits for me and puts me first and I don't. So he said he's going to a club and I said ok have fun (nicely). At 1am he asks me Where I am, I was at a bar and told him. Asked Him the same thing and he never answered. I came home at 4am since I hung out at my friends place and didn't msg Him after. I came home and he isn't here nor answering his phone. I'm literally sick of this crap because I dont think i was wrong here.... ? Isn't it his fault? He literally broke my trust as we agreed no stay overs w/o each other and he broke it. I was writing this on my phone, sorry for the grammar.

    Kisca ... If you want my opinion , I dont think its that Bad . Your boyfriend overeacted at the end no doubt , and he shouldn't have stayed out ..But reading your analysis , you both just got your wires crossed and now you are Angry at one another . Sounds Cornie ..but as its now documented go though the points together , without getting angry ..and simply talk to each other .

    I would not however just assume that hes acting with Suspicious manner . Its really just a case of taking a Step back and discussing the issues involved ..Set up the meeting , and take your Notes . Remember , men dont read so much into issues the way you guys do .

    Good luck Kisca .
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    It sounds to me like the 2 of you were just tit for tatting each other escalating the situation. He took it one step farther than you did and now your mad. Rather than focus on him not coming home I think you need to focus on the core of your relationship if there is one. If he would rather be at a girls (softball?) game then with you, and you would rather drive an hour to your parents and than go out with a GF so that you were not actually availible to meet him than you two may be better off separate.

    It sounds like it was a very long day, he may have just had too much to drink and crashed on someones couch. that doesn't make it right, but its less wong than trying to drive home impaired or if he was with someone else.

    Im not really understanding why you didn't go to the girls game to be with him instead of going an hour away. Im not saying that you should always have to follow him around doing whatever he wants, but perhaps if you had gone to the game the day may have turned out better. If you were not welcome there, than its a larger problem with the relationship and its time to move on. Im not trying to be harsh, just trying to look at it from a broader perspective than the actual events of one day.

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    Default Re: So my boyfriend didn't come home at night

    I agree that he's probably not cheating, but that y'all really need to talk it out and come to some sort of agreement about what to do in disagreements. A great rule to (try to) keep is that you both agree to not say or do anything purely to hurt the other. If you can identify that that is a motive, then you need to take a few minutes to yourself and then try to communicate in a more levelheaded way. It's difficult, but is a way to remind each other that even if you're annoyed right now, you still ultimately have your love, relationship, and future prioritized above a small fight.

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