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Thread: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    I know this is completely random and insane, but I am convinced my boyfriend is going to die any minute, and I have horrible anxiety over it.

    I suppose the downside of finding a person who love and want to spend your life with, is having to deal with the thought that one day you won't be able to be with them.

    Recently my best friend passed very suddenly (he just collapsed one day and was dead...completely healthy, no problems, etc). While that was terrible, what was worse was watching his wife try to live after that. She became completely incoherent, stopped eating, wouldn't speak, and had to be hospitalized. I can't even imagine the grief she must have felt, and it has scared the shit out of me, because I would be lost without my boyfriend.

    I remember at my friend's funeral, watching his wife scream next to coffin, and ever since, I've been terrified that that will one day be me.

    It's really crazy. Every time my boyfriend comes home even an hour late (his work load varies, so some days he has to stay late), I panic and assume he's dead. I text him randomly to make sure he's okay, and if he doesn't answer with 20 minutes, I start crying and imagining all of these horrible scenarios where he died. I am so scared something will happen to him.

    Does anyone else go through this? Or am I just freakin nuts?

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    Member HarleyQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    You aren't nuts. You should talk to your BF about how you're feeling.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    In contrast to dancingdiva, I don't think you should see a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist's job is to diagnose patients and prescribe drugs. Drugs aren't going to change the fact that you have to learn to cope with this. What you witnessed was traumatic and you're having issues with anxiety--totally understandable. But anti-anxiety meds are highly addictive and often come with some shitty side-effects. I think a good psychologist could help you much more than xanax could right now, because he/she will help you to talk out and understand your feelings. As a side note, if you do think you want medication, psychologists are allowed to prescribe anti-depressants in some states, though Idk about yours.

    You're not alone or nuts though. I've gone through it and I still lapse into that sort of thinking sometimes.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    I think you need to see someone possibly a shrink to have someone to talk to and grieve over the lost of your friend. You don't want to put the burden on your boyfriend for how your feeling by calling him alot and things like that. Or if you can't find or afford a shrink find someone else to talk to I know some churches if your religious give coumseling for free. Good luck hun

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    Very, very sorry to hear about your friend. Intrusive thoughts is a symptom of anxiety. Clearly, losing someone so close to you is devastating and will stir up these kinds of feelings.

    Like JenniferCostillo said, therapy is an option. I am a huge advocate of it myself and it really helps sometimes to let everything out to a non-involved third party.

    Best of luck

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    deleted.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 06-17-2012 at 04:39 AM.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    Oh man Med, I had no idea. That had to have been terrible.

    You are right in that it puts things in perspective. Little habits that used to annoy me (like leaving dishes out, stupid stuff), no longer aggravate me. I'm just happy he's here.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    I went through that after my brother died. Granted, I was younger so I probably didn't understand as much as I could have now. But I would hide under desks at random moments and just cry and scream, and thought that his death was a punishment of sorts toward me. And the fact that I kept hearing the threats his killer made toward me after he had already died, just fueled the fire. Mine didn't manifest like yours though. Mine manifested in me cutting off just about my entire family minus very distant (as in far away) family. Even to this day, and more and more as time goes on. Its better that way. But even to this day, I'm still paranoid that someone will kill me.

    I could see how a fear of someone close to you dying could manifest from your experience though. Its just how your mind processes your friends sudden passing... like on an unconscious level. Your mind thinks "well it happened without warning to so-and-so so it will probably happen again to someone else!" In reality, what are the odds that it would happen to TWO people you're close with? That makes it even more statistically unlikely.

    My advice is to find a therapist you like that you can talk to... not for a diagnosis, but just to talk. Don't get one that tries to heavily analyze you unless you like that. I had a horrible therapist that was obsessed with playing board games with me and then randomly throwing in questions like I wouldn't notice or something. Then he had me draw him pictures of my thoughts or whatever I wanted. One time I messed up my drawing and I threw it away and started over, and he grabbed it from the trash, uncrumbled it, and was like YOU CAN MAKE THAT INTO A BEAAAAAAUTIFUL PICTURE! and started drawing all over it. Ummm cool but I just wanted to start over? Anyway, there are a lot of weirdweirds, so it may take awhile to find a therapist you like.

    My second piece of advice is to just be more appreciative of life. Not that you aren't already. But a death of someone close to you tends to... have you appreciate the smaller things in life... the simple things... and people... for the rest of your life. So its kind of a blessing in disguise. At least this was my experience.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    I go through these same feelings with my husband, my mom and my daughter. I will lie awake and have panic attacks just thinking about the inevitable day that my husband and/or mom are going to die. I'm hoping my daughter outlives me but shit happens sometimes I think a big part of my problem is that I don't know if I believe in God. I have no faith or any proof that there's more to come after this life or that we go to a better place.
    Sometimes I think it'd be better if the world did end and we all died together thus sparing everyone the heartache..

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    ^My mother had anxiety related to the uncertainty about God and the certainty of death when I was younger, and probably now too. I became atheistic at 6. When I eventually told her, she said something along the lines of, "Well, do you not care about seeing your brother, your sister, and me when you die? Because God won't let you be with us if you say you don't believe in him. So if you love us and don't want to be alone when you die, you need to believe in God." She has also voiced a lot of thoughts during natural disasters that she'd rather us stay in them (rather than leaving for hurricanes, for example) because if she dies, she wants to know her family is dead too, and a natural disaster is an easy excuse. People go through shit like this all the time, unfortunately. But I think mediocrity hit the nail on the head with her post. It's very scary to be so acutely aware of mortality, but the best response you can make is to actively cherish every second because, in my opinion, it's all you have.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    I can sort of relate to this. I have depression, and when I don't take my medication I think about death all the time. I think about the inevitability of it, I think about my own death, I think about what it would be like to know you are going to die, I think about how people die from out of nowhere and never see it coming, I think about my parents dying, my sisters dying, and I worry about my boyfriend dying and being left alone. I think everyone has thoughts like these once in a while, but I become overly preoccupied with it.

    It sounds to me like you are having a reaction to the loss of your close friend. I feel like this is probably pretty normal, unless it keeps persisting and you keep having serious anxiety over it. If that is the case, you may want to talk with a psychologist or some kind of counselor.

    I've haven't lost anyone close to me, so I don't think I can offer much advice there. But I know for depression there are things you can do like exercise that help get your mind in a better place, maybe you might benefit from trying something like that.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    http://www.tomshelpcenter.com/EBooks...t%20Living.pdf

    ^^ladies, please read. i have irrational fears and thoughts too and this e book really helped me.

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    Default Re: Terrified my boyfriend will die?

    The loss of a loved one has hit quite hard and you are still suffering because of it. I would definitely seek help so that you can learn to live again without this fear. Good luck!
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