I know this is completely random and insane, but I am convinced my boyfriend is going to die any minute, and I have horrible anxiety over it.
I suppose the downside of finding a person who love and want to spend your life with, is having to deal with the thought that one day you won't be able to be with them.
Recently my best friend passed very suddenly (he just collapsed one day and was dead...completely healthy, no problems, etc). While that was terrible, what was worse was watching his wife try to live after that. She became completely incoherent, stopped eating, wouldn't speak, and had to be hospitalized. I can't even imagine the grief she must have felt, and it has scared the shit out of me, because I would be lost without my boyfriend.
I remember at my friend's funeral, watching his wife scream next to coffin, and ever since, I've been terrified that that will one day be me.
It's really crazy. Every time my boyfriend comes home even an hour late (his work load varies, so some days he has to stay late), I panic and assume he's dead. I text him randomly to make sure he's okay, and if he doesn't answer with 20 minutes, I start crying and imagining all of these horrible scenarios where he died. I am so scared something will happen to him.
Does anyone else go through this? Or am I just freakin nuts?



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I think a big part of my problem is that I don't know if I believe in God. I have no faith or any proof that there's more to come after this life or that we go to a better place.

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