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Thread: Regular seriously surprised me!

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Regular seriously surprised me!

    I have a super sweet regular customer; he's a blast to spend time with ITC, he will come in whenever I call and also gives me money when I don't feel like working. My knee gives me trouble sometimes and one night I couldn't work, so he gave me $500 to help me out...we also see each other OTC on occasion. To be honest, I was hoping to turn this into a sugar daddy/baby relationship. He isn't always a high spender; he's military and younger than I am, but he's always more than happy to take me out and spoil me. Also, he has a little bit of a jealousy issue, so if he comes in, he takes me into VIP so he can have me to himself.

    Well...

    Last night, he asked me to meet him OTC so he could give me something. We had dinner and took a walk....he told me about splitting with his ex before he moved here. He said they planned on marrying, until she cheated on him and he left her. He's extremely bitter and jaded, thus his jealousy issue. He told me about how happy he is to meet such a beautiful woman, (aka me) that he can't wait to settle down, etc....and then he pulled out a gorgeous $2500 diamond ring. O.O

    I've received smaller gifts, like mini shopping sprees and cash to get my tooth cut out, but nothing like this. And now I'm wondering if I should even accept it. He didn't put it in the form of a proposal, but I'm sure that's how it is in his mind. I see it as a gift.

    If I have to cut him off, which I will eventually, would I have to give back the ring? It's not calling off an engagement, but it's technically an engagement ring. I wouldn't want to go through the hassle of court....to be honest, i'd just want to sell it, but I don't know if I can under rightful ownership. If court sees it as an engagement, it's still his ring. If it's a gift, then it's obviously mine, right?
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Depends on the state you're in. Look up Florida's laws regarding the issue. It should come up.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    The only thing I'm seeing regarding who keeps the engagement ring refers to a legit engagement...which I suppose makes sense, since it's an unusual circumstance.

    In the case of a typical couple splitting, I would have to give him back the ring, regardless of why we broke up and blah blah blah.

    But does that really apply to gifts? Florida state law says it's a conditional gift and is a symbol of a future event, aka marriage, and until we go through said event, it's not my property. BUT, we never planned on getting married in the first place.
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    I realize my opinion will represent the overwhelming minority here, but here goes: this guy has been kind to you, from what you describe; so if you think he sees giving you this ring as a proposal, then I think it's erring on the side of being shitty to accept it knowing that you have no personal interest in him.


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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Yeeeaah, I kinda thought about that too. And then I pushed it to the back of my mind, because if I didn't take advantage of my customers, i'd be homeless.

    I will, at this point, acknowledge the new level of douche I'm achieving by accepting an engagement ring with no engagement, whether he has deeper intentions or not.

    That said, my main concern is simply weighing out the trouble of potential legal issues vs. The profit of accepting the jewelry.
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    Featured Member *Jade*Love's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Just be careful.... I personally wouldn't accept the ring because of the circumstances of the situation - he's single, has jealousy and insecurity issues from his past relationship, men do crazy shit when they're jealous or their ego gets bruised. Does he know a lot about you besides just your phone number? If you cut ties with him later and he gets pissed about the ring who knows if he would try to stalk you or 'get even' for playing with his heart.

    I know I sound paranoid, but I burned one of my regulars a long time ago and he went on a rampage that turned out to be one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life. You don't really know what this guy is capable of or how just how crazy he really is, so be safe.

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    I agree with tuesdaymarie.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    I disagree with TuesdayMarie simply because the vast number of men I have met in strip clubs who claimed to be interested in a relationship were only interested in the 'fantasy' relationship in their minds. To them you will always have perfect hair, listen on edge to every word they say. You are playing a part and selling a fantasy. If you were to actually marry this guy you wouldn't be able to maintain his fantasy and it would go to Hell fast. I know there are probably exceptions to the rule but exceptions aren't the rule.

    And he is probably only showing you his good side too. You are a stripper, he is a customer. It may seem harsh but that's how it works. If you are going to go for the guilt trip why not feel guilty about all those private dances guys only bought because you seduced them. Strip clubs are about a mutually beneficial arrangement that only works inside the club.

    Keep the friggin ring until he asks for it back. Also it is easy for people who didn't receive something nice to tell you not to keep it. These customers only love you when you are "the perfect woman" i.e. a stripper. Don't go all soft on me now.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Farrah_Golden View Post
    I have a super sweet regular customer; he's a blast to spend time with ITC, he will come in whenever I call and also gives me money when I don't feel like working.
    Think about how amazing you are to him. You are giving him something valuable, something he is willing to pay for. If you were the girl next door and he saw you once and started littering your lawn with gifts that would be different.

    You have a job, you are fulfilling your job, you work very hard. You spend time getting ready for work, always look your best and you are the perfect date no matter what kind of guy you are sitting with. That's worth something. Save the guilt trips for the girl next door.

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    ^You know, I kept thinking about this after I posted earlier, and I started to consider that side... So many people don't want to live without some sort of conflict in their lives, or some sort of chase, something. Strippers are so stigmatized by society that I have to wonder whether any man who attempts to "propose" like this to a stripper he regularly sees actually expects or wants anything other than her to lead him on. Maybe I'm giving guys too much credit, but surely they can't go into clubs and actually think "Hey, I've got a chance at love tonight!" So by furthering the chase to this level, is he just playing into the fantasy more, or has he become so wrapped up in it that he can't separate it from reality anymore?

    It kind of reminds me of this time I went into a "haunted forest" for Halloween. My sister was freaking out and dragging me along at a breakneck speed. Well, one of the "executioners" ran after us a little too quickly and was telling us to stop. She kept trying to drag me, thinking it was part of the act, but still very much terrified. The guy finally caught up to us and said that we were moving too quickly through the forest and were going to catch up to the other group in front of us, so we needed to slow down so everyone could still have their "scared" time and enjoy. But how do you step out of this kind of fantasy between a dancer/regular without alienating or, if you care about it, hurting the regular?

    That might have been a threadjack. I am philosophically conflicted now. Carry on...

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Have the ring appraised, it might not even be worth anything O_o ...

    Rings are probably one of the most common gifts strippers receive. Most of them look like engagement rings because A. It fits with their fantasy or B. They are trying to go for your heart strings so they can play you like 3 dollar banjo.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    It's not the right thing to do, legal or not. You know he means it as an engagement or promise ring.
    Any other kind of gift, go for it! Get what you can ect. In this case it's just bad juju and will not be pretty when he wants it back.
    This is not an incredibly wealthy man who won't care if a couple grand goes down the drain. He's in the military!
    As quoted by Luckyone:
    I asked directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam and she lied to me.

    Methodus saved my life!

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    I'd be mostly worried about what this guy would do to me when he found out I was leading him on. Ex military with severe jealousy problems sounds like the worst kind of guy to fuck with, if you ask me


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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    he said to you that he wants to settle down, and then pulled out the ring. in his mind, it serves a promise

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    You know...I've been thinking about this type of scenario for years. I've always felt a little bad about playing with the hearts of men who clearly feel strongly for me.

    I believe the best career decision I ever made was to see customers as wallets and nothing more. Admittedly, I have grown attached to some as friends, but even that's a mistake. If I feel bad about accepting gifts, I'm going to feel bad about sweet talking men into the VIP room, with lines like, "you seem like such a nice guy! I just have to get to know you before I see you OTC."

    If we start to argue the ethics of stripping, this thread will be 100 pages long. Clearly, the "right" thing to do would be turning down the ring and telling him I've never been interested in him and I've been using him for his money this whole time. Oh, wait! Wouldn't that hurt his feelings? Duh, rejection fuckin blows. Pretty sure he'd be feeling kinda humiliated if he realized he tried to give a diamond ring to a stripper and got a big ol' fat "no."

    These men don't NEED us to lead them on. They create fantasies all on their own, with very little seduction required on our part. I remember an old reg of mine who admitted he'd been bragging to his family about his "wonderful, beautiful girlfriend." At first, I wanted to bring him back into reality but then I remembered something...

    That's what they're paying for. A lot of them want a fantasy girlfriend and trust me, the fantasy is always better than the reality. If he saw me with fucked up hair and no makeup, lounging in my PJs, it would be like a harsh reality check. "Oh, holy fuck, you mean you're not flawless???"

    I started deceiving him waaaaay before the ring incident. I mean, for fuck's sake, I have a whole second identity.

    Anyway...as for the ring appraisal, it's legit. Very high quality, nearly colorless diamond. I'm not even sure that i'd sell it....probably just keep it for a rainy day and consider it to be an investment.

    If he asks for it back, I'll probably cut my losses and sacrifice it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    who said it was a $2500 ring?

    this guy has been burned before, it is not a good idea to lead him on any further. plus he is already acting out by showing jealousy, imagine what he will act like when he finds out you have no intention of settling down with him especially after taking the ring? yeah, youre doing your job but you have been hanging out with him OTC and this guy is totally invested in you. this isnt a game to him. hes a military man, its not like he is making 6 figures, he is invested in you big time, both emotionally and financially.

    youre being blinded by the bling of the ring instead of looking at the big picture. i think you know pretty well that he meant this to be an engagement ring and youre already looking for an exit strategy.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Another point that comes to mind: who says he's gonna get burned by me? Every customer has an expiration date. When his rolls around, I could let him down gently and, if need be, give back the ring.

    I think we're all assuming this will end up with me crushing his fantasy, which isn't always the case.
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    ^^ If you're going to accept it, then what's the point in giving it back?

    Get with JD about this. She's familiar with these kinds of hustles.

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    Featured Member lifetravelergirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Farrah_Golden View Post
    These men don't NEED us to lead them on. They create fantasies all on their own,

    Bingo.


    It's easy to get sucked into feeling guilty. Just treat him with respect, be nice to him and let him keep his fantasy. He is a regular, regulars do stupid things and you aren't his momma. Besides, you give back the ring and you loose your regular and you deserve nice things for spending time with him OTC.
    Last edited by lifetravelergirl; 06-05-2012 at 01:36 AM.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    Does he know your real name? It's going to be hard for him to prove in court that him giving a diamond to Sparkles at the random sleazy strip club was a legitimate proposal.
    No, he doesn't know anything about me, other than the fine details of my stripper persona. I've thought about that too, but then I read that it's a second degree felony to sell fine jewelry under misrepresented identity and without rightful ownership.

    I have a few attorney friends who might be able to help me determine if and when I own this ring.
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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Also, I just re-read your reply and think I misinterpreted it.

    I have considered that he would have a really damn hard time taking me to court without my real name and also that he wouldn't have much luck convincing a judge that it was a legit proposal.

    At the end of the day, he just put a big ol' rock on a stripper's finger.
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    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    ^
    Add it to your personal property insurance coverage if you have it ( just in case !).
    It might be the ex's old ring ( I'm not sure if you'd care obviously ).
    This sounds kind of fun ( I miss sugaring !), but watch out for red flags ect. because you don't want to end up with a nut on your hands . He's just the right amount of nutty now ... you don't want a violent or threatening nut.

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    Do not keep this ring.

    What's the point? Are you trying to keep up a charade or you just want to wear a ring some dude gave you?

    Personally, military men I always treat with kid gloves and don't hold them in the same light as other men ITC. (unless they are assholes). I may cut $50 bucks off a VIP for them, actually listen when they talk, etc. This is probably cause I am from military family and have a lot of respect for them.

    Point being: Military dude is never gonna be a whale. If this guy was a CEO and had wife in another country (speaking from experience) and was trying to play you the way you're playing him- game on I say. But a genuine dude, no.

    But I still don't get it. Are you going to pawn it? Or you just want to wear a $2500 dollar ring? Or you want to fuck with this guys head? Cause bottom line, if you accept it, you're on another level w him now-- he may become super needy, demanding, jealous. Rings mean something! He could've got you a bracelet, ya know? Or paid a bill. Are you willing to take on all the crap that comes with it?

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    And when I mean crap, I mean: in his head he may think that since you accepted this ring, y'all two are exclusive ITC or he gets certain privileges. He may call more. Text more. Whine even.

    The reason I brought up CEO is cause men with real $$$$$ can get you a house. Fund your education. Do REAL shit for you instead of buy you a ring. Wtf does that do for you? Come to think of it, I'd return it and ask for him to pay a bill the equal sum.

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    Default Re: Regular seriously surprised me!

    I agree with so much life traveler said! I like how she thinks!

    However, I don't agree with keeping the ring once he wants it back and he will want it back. He didn't propose so find out his intentions the next few times he sees you.

    If you were to deny the ring now, his fantasy might be dead and he would stop being a regular. Don't stress yourself overthinking the whole thing either.
    Last edited by HEAD TURNER 2; 06-05-2012 at 07:12 PM.

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