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Thread: how to deal with...?

  1. #1
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    Default how to deal with...?

    Hiya,

    I have been camming for a few months now and have quite a few regulars. I had one guy that started coming in on private chat for up to 4 hours at a time, most of it just talking dirty! He started coming in more and more and asking me about meeting..(which i state on my profile i dont do) i told him no and gave my reasons etc. Anyway he started getting a little creepy..he sent me this big long email saying he was deleting his account and id never get to talk to him again unless i contacted him..(he gave his number) as he didnt want to pay for our relationship as that was wrong?!! I just ignored him.. anyway he came back this week asking about meeting again and saying i was "his girl"...i brushed it off as i don want to be rude to him and said i cant at the moment..ive since recieved emails saying im full of shit and i talk glib?!..

    What is the best way to deal with ppl like this?.. and have you had anyone similar..

    xx

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Vanessa_Paws's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Wait- can you clairfy? I'm still sleepy. You said you can't what at the moment? Be his girl or meet up? The answer should be NO. to both of those. You don't really have to offer an explanation, ever, but especially since he's not spending any money on you anymore.

    I think his lines of fantasy and reality are starting to blur. Also you said he's not spending any money on you because he "feels that it's wrong". As soon as you hear that you know thats when those lines cross.

    Bottom line: He's harassing you and not paying. AND it seems like he thinks you're in a relationship(aka not gonna spend any more $$). I would stop all contact and block him.
    Last edited by Vanessa_Paws; 06-09-2012 at 11:00 AM.

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    I would ban him right now.

    Sounds like he's going to cause some major issues for you in the future. If he's already threatening you (I won't pay you anymore if you don't call me), then this could get VERY serious. Basically, he's trying to get your phone number.

    AND he's already stated that he's NOT going to pay you anymore (won't pay for your relationship because it's wrong).

    Unfortunately, lots of regulars/whales stop paying once they realize that they will NEVER meet you. The fantasy is completely over for them at that point, and there's no point in dealing with their insanity.

    BAN HIM NOW and be grateful that you made so much money from him before he went apeshit on you. You should screencap any conversations and save any e-mails in case he tries to get you in trouble on your site.

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    well i have point blank said no to meeting him all along..but he has been pestering and saying think about it at least and i said i cant think about at the moment, as i worry about sounding to rude as stupid as that sounds!

    he has spent a lot of money on me which he seems to think allows him to speak to me like this.. i think your right about the whole fanasy / reality thing..he said to me that we have chemistry and he can we would be good together?! My partner says im not rude enough to alot of the guys, and should just tell them to poke it!

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    thanks for your replies..i thought he was getting a tad weird but wasnt sure if that was to be expected and just get on wih it kind of thing!

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    You should NOT be worried about sounding rude at this point. I know it's hard. You have build up a thick skin and learn how to be a bitch sometimes.

    He is being completely disrespectful to you. You told him no and he's completely ignoring your wishes. He's trying to FORCE you into something which is extremely aggressive, possessive and dangerous.

    Please, be grateful for the money you have made from him, and ban him without any further contact.

    If he hadn't already threatened you, and if he hadn't already told you he won't spend more on you, I'd say try to work it out. But at this point, it's very clear exactly what he's done.

    He came to you with the INTENTION of meeting up with you one day. He honestly believed that you would agree to it if he spent enough money on you. And now he feels that you're not holding up your end of the bargain by meeting him. I understand that you told him no from the start, but that doesn't matter at all. It's not what you TOLD him, it's what he BELIEVED that matters.

    He will not pay you again, and he will cause more and more trouble for you. I would cut your ties and thank the universe that you made some money from him while it lasted.

    And you're right, this is fairly common. Lots of guys come to camsites looking for a date/escort/relationship/wife/girlfriend/fuckbuddy. Some girls choose to entertain that fantasy for the guys, and they must accept the consequences of that choice (guys getting mad for all the lies, etc.), but you have chosen NOT to entertain his fantasy. It's a normal part of camming and you'll develop your own way of dealing with it. But take it from someone who has been doing this a while... he sounds dangerous.

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbellex View Post
    well i have point blank said no to meeting him all along..but he has been pestering and saying think about it at least and i said i cant think about at the moment, as i worry about sounding to rude as stupid as that sounds!

    he has spent a lot of money on me which he seems to think allows him to speak to me like this.. i think your right about the whole fanasy / reality thing..he said to me that we have chemistry and he can we would be good together?! My partner says im not rude enough to alot of the guys, and should just tell them to poke it!
    I know what you mean. I somtimes feel like I don't wanna be ~rude~ to guy who have dropped big bucks on me. But sometimes, its necessary. And in your case, it is *very*. You don't even have to be rude. Banning isn't rude. Do it without a word. Just do as Cam_Model_Jess said, screencap the convos, and save them.

    Then ban him.

    Remember, our mental health comes first, lol. He isn't going to pay you anymore, so why bother put up with his crazy little world? Hell, even those who do pay well, when they do get a little off their rocker, its sometimes not worth it.

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cam_Model_Jess View Post
    You should NOT be worried about sounding rude at this point. I know it's hard. You have build up a thick skin and learn how to be a bitch sometimes.

    He is being completely disrespectful to you. You told him no and he's completely ignoring your wishes. He's trying to FORCE you into something which is extremely aggressive, possessive and dangerous.

    Please, be grateful for the money you have made from him, and ban him without any further contact.

    If he hadn't already threatened you, and if he hadn't already told you he won't spend more on you, I'd say try to work it out. But at this point, it's very clear exactly what he's done.

    He came to you with the INTENTION of meeting up with you one day. He honestly believed that you would agree to it if he spent enough money on you. And now he feels that you're not holding up your end of the bargain by meeting him. I understand that you told him no from the start, but that doesn't matter at all. It's not what you TOLD him, it's what he BELIEVED that matters.

    He will not pay you again, and he will cause more and more trouble for you. I would cut your ties and thank the universe that you made some money from him while it lasted.

    And you're right, this is fairly common. Lots of guys come to camsites looking for a date/escort/relationship/wife/girlfriend/fuckbuddy. Some girls choose to entertain that fantasy for the guys, and they must accept the consequences of that choice (guys getting mad for all the lies, etc.), but you have chosen NOT to entertain his fantasy. It's a normal part of camming and you'll develop your own way of dealing with it. But take it from someone who has been doing this a while... he sounds dangerous.
    Yes alot of the things he has said just are not right, he also tried to trick me when he had "deleted his account" by making one under a different name and coming in and asking me to meet etc, i suppose to try and catch me out!..the answer is still going to be no whoever you pretend to be!

    Thanks for the advice ladies x

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    no no no no no no no.
    never ban money..
    NEVER!!
    just pretend u dont understand what hes talking about..
    next time he asks about meeting.. keep saying " u can't right now", but u might "soon"

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbellex View Post
    ..the answer is still going to be no whoever you pretend to be!
    the answer should always be YES in the fantasy land....

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    I will never answer an e-mail from a viewer. If he wants to talk to me he can pay me. Period.

    If he wants to meet me I don't ever give him a direct answer, I only mirror, "Oh you want to meet me? Really?" followed by a laugh and continue doing whatever it is I do to keep the chat/show moving. This isn't personal. This is a business.

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    Senior Member KillKeely's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    i always say no. i believe in being upfront and i say that to each custy that im honest and dont want them to feel misled
    with that said, i respect every camgirls own decision of whether to play that field or not

    also i love cvarga`s reply about mirroring^^ which i may try to use now and reserve my flat no for persisting dinks

    for your specific guy, i would ban. >.> that would be way annoying especially if they should've gotten the point by now.
    these guys CAN become obsessive, when it meshes fantasy/reality blah. its like playing with fire, dangerousss. yup.
    the chances of anything really happening? low. but a chance is still a chance and better safe then sorry.

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    Featured Member goreantx's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    take pimp's money, string them along, let them figure out that you aren't anyone's bitch. I've exploited so many pimps stripping and camming.... mmm makes me smile
    Yes, I'm real.

  22. #14
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbellex View Post
    ..he sent me this big long email saying he was deleting his account and id never get to talk to him again unless i contacted him..(he gave his number) as he didnt want to pay for our relationship as that was wrong?!!
    HE'S the one who is wrong here. Your relationship is ABOUT pay. About him paying to enjoy your company. If you would personally enjoy talking with him (and I'm assuming having cyber sex with him) even if he wasn't paying you, then by all means keep in touch with him. If you wouldn't, it's simply a business transaction, though it may be pleasurable and you may genuinely enjoy the time you spend with him.

    He's a regular client of yours whose time has come to an end. Truth be told, this is what happens with most regulars. They stick around for a few months, falling more and more in love with you, then realizing how much they've spent on you. They want to take it to the next level and they get sticker shock. They press for more, rightly or wrongly. The relationship ends because he's no longer willing to do what had made the relationship completely worth it to you and you've never been willing to do what would make the relationship worth it for him.

    It's over. Tell him you're sorry but that isn't and never was an option. Tell him you thought that he realized that what you offer is fantasy and that's all it was when the two of you spoke about meeting up, the *fantasy* of meeting up. You're sorry he misunderstood it and you think that if he's looking for a deeper connection with someone he should move on and find that elsewhere. Otherwise he can continue to enjoy the fantasy with you, right here in your cam room. Period. Leave no room for negotiation and block him if he presses the issue. I tell you from personal experience it'll just get ugly and agonize you if you are soft spoken or let it go on. Treat him respectfully but firmly.

    ETA, another option. If you *would* meet him IRL and *would* have sex with him in a mercenary kind of manner you can always press for pay there, too. That is, if you wouldn't actually be interested in dating him. A classic SB/OTC stripper move is, "Oh I'd love to come meet you but travel is so expensive and I wouldn't be able to work like I normally would that day. I'd need to make at least what I make on cam every day [quote him something about double what you make on cam every day]"


    I

    Quote Originally Posted by Renton View Post
    Him: we could meet... im 5ft 9 sexy italian with a 8 inch love stick...imagine playing with me... how would you do it
    Me: I would cut off your dick and feed it to the pigs

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by IsobelWren View Post
    HE'S the one who is wrong here. Your relationship is ABOUT pay. About him paying to enjoy your company. If you would personally enjoy talking with him (and I'm assuming having cyber sex with him) even if he wasn't paying you, then by all means keep in touch with him. If you wouldn't, it's simply a business transaction, though it may be pleasurable and you may genuinely enjoy the time you spend with him.

    He's a regular client of yours whose time has come to an end. Truth be told, this is what happens with most regulars. They stick around for a few months, falling more and more in love with you, then realizing how much they've spent on you. They want to take it to the next level and they get sticker shock. They press for more, rightly or wrongly. The relationship ends because he's no longer willing to do what had made the relationship completely worth it to you and you've never been willing to do what would make the relationship worth it for him.

    It's over. Tell him you're sorry but that isn't and never was an option. Tell him you thought that he realized that what you offer is fantasy and that's all it was when the two of you spoke about meeting up, the *fantasy* of meeting up. You're sorry he misunderstood it and you think that if he's looking for a deeper connection with someone he should move on and find that elsewhere. Otherwise he can continue to enjoy the fantasy with you, right here in your cam room. Period. Leave no room for negotiation and block him if he presses the issue. I tell you from personal experience it'll just get ugly and agonize you if you are soft spoken or let it go on. Treat him respectfully but firmly.

    This. Yes.

    The thing of it is, I'll never understand what man thinks he isn't "paying" for his relationship whether it be an adult entertainer or something more personal. That his role IMHO. He is the provider, I am the tender of hearth and home. But also what the hell are men thinking when they come to a pay per view site where women are clearly being paid to show their.. oh wait, I get it. If we the performers set the tone (and bend over in free chat on command) then that's the tone men will follow. It's all free and we're on cam because it is our place on earth to show ourselves in an unrealistically sexual setting because that's what women do. The rest are just frigid and suffering psychological blocks.

    It's like the guys who log into free chat and tell you to stand up. You say sure, tip/pay/log in and he says fuck you. WTF moment. Did he REALLY think we were just sitting there waiting for him to log in and give us the command? Really?

    I don't believe we have to remind these guys this is only a fantasy. When they enter "free porn" into the search box or whatever term they use to locate us I'm pretty sure the word wife wasn't his first instinct.

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Yep. I just googled "find a wife" and Streamate didn't come up as a result. "Find a girlfriend" didn't work either. "Find an escort" - nope, not the right search term there either.

  26. #17
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Interesting thread!

    When they stop paying I normally would start ignoring and then eventually ban if they didn't come to paid chat or if they became too annoying, but a few responses here make me think maybe I'm too hasty. I figured his expiration date had come, but maybe not?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fridays View Post
    no no no no no no no.
    never ban money..
    NEVER!!
    just pretend u dont understand what hes talking about..
    next time he asks about meeting.. keep saying " u can't right now", but u might "soon"
    He already said he doesn't want to pay though.

    Quote Originally Posted by goreantx View Post
    take pimp's money, string them along, let them figure out that you aren't anyone's bitch. I've exploited so many pimps stripping and camming.... mmm makes me smile
    How do you suggest converting him back to paying though? I have so many of these types who hang out in free chat and annoy the hell out of me. I hate it when regs turn into chatroom freeloaders.


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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    I hate it when regs turn into chatroom freeloaders.
    OMG preach!! It drives me crazy! "I wish I could tip you but I'm broke right now" is fine every once in a while but it gets old. If you can't tip, shut up and get out!

    But I'm way too nice too...until they piss me off. Then I just ban them

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    I am usually the same as you OP// i get this A LOT, and always feel guilty.

    However, when they get to this point i think fuck it, they deserve to be fleeced if they're too stupid/ selfish/ ignorant/ arrogant to think i'm actually ever going to meet them for real when we BOTH know this is purely fantasy! Do it, fleece him, milk him dry till he gets bored and moves on to someone else

    Quote Originally Posted by Fridays View Post
    no no no no no no no.
    never ban money..
    NEVER!!
    just pretend u dont understand what hes talking about..
    next time he asks about meeting.. keep saying " u can't right now", but u might "soon"

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by sexysusie View Post
    I am usually the same as you OP// i get this A LOT, and always feel guilty.

    However, when they get to this point i think fuck it, they deserve to be fleeced if they're too stupid/ selfish/ ignorant/ arrogant to think i'm actually ever going to meet them for real when we BOTH know this is purely fantasy! Do it, fleece him, milk him dry till he gets bored and moves on to someone else
    I would love to if they would do anything other than sit their ass in my free chat and beg to meet.

    What do you do to get them paying again?


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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    I would love to if they would do anything other than sit their ass in my free chat and beg to meet.

    What do you do to get them paying again?
    Nothing. I never pander to guys, ever. They always come back. Saying they're going to stop paying is just an empty threat (emotional manipulation) and they're back within a week, begging and proclaiming their undying love. Fortunately i don't do freechat very often, but when i do and a guy like this is there i just outright ignore him, he still comes back into paid, probably because he can't stand to be ignored lol

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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    Hi.

    Just an update on weird guy....he came back after emailing me a load of abuse !!Came in private it like nothing had been said, and said "im leaving this site" (for the 2nd time!) and he needs to waste his last credits on me LOL....

    Im sure he will be back again in a few days!

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  36. #23
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    I usually calmly call the bluff when they threaten to stop paying. They will either come back as a paying customer or not. Some you win, some you lose.

    Either way, make sure you are protecting yourself by using a proxy, etc if you feel threatened. Don't take the chance, it's not worth it!

    All regulars are the same, though. Everywhere. They have a shelf life and you can only string them along for so long...

  37. #24
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    FUCK YOU AND DIE BITCH! HA! That's what goes through my head when some loser fucker gives me an ultimatum. This the classic prepaying for pussy syndrome. He's pay alot of money and then he starts thinking " This bitch is mine!". Wrong you just paid for my attention and shows. Now you want me to give it to you for free? Go get bent. This isn't the first time he's tried it and it will not be the last. You're not the only model he sees right? So fuck him. I usually tell guys that ask up front I will not meet. Saves me time and aggravation when it gets to this point. I despise guys putting me on the spot to meet them or to call them. It's such an uncomfortable moment in camming that I really do fucking hate them. On most cam sites you can't call someone without getting in some form of trouble unless phone is built into the site. So to me it's screams death to my business if it's something that's really against the rules. Because of this I get so pissed off because I really do see that this person wants to snuff me out. If it's a site that I can do phone then I make them pay for it . If they refuse to then I tell them " I guess the conversation isn't that important then". This isn't mail order cam model , they have that shit wrong. I know I hate being mean to good vanilla regs but when I think deeply about it all I see is a selfish asshole that didn't pay me for a show but felt the money he paid was a gift , that the show in his mind was free. See if they really felt they paid for a show or service they wouldn't expect anything extra. It's the idea that you WANTED TO PLAY WITH THEM FOR FREE , the money was a gift , that makes them think YOU STILL OWE THEM SOMETHING.

    another term for it "BUYERS REMORSE". If they could chargeback that money they would.

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  39. #25
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    Default Re: how to deal with...?

    One guy tried that on me the I can't do this I'm leaving. I told the guy stay the fuck out of my room as nicely as I could. He turned out to be my highest spender but his same issue came back around later. Basically I told him to go to a dating site since he's so desperate for a date.

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