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Thread: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

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    Default Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've posted here; I've been taking a break from dancing (6 mos) and I finally, after catching myself thinking about dancing more often, doing some prepping through these helpful forums, and the encouragement of my boyfriend, decided to return last night to dance. I was pretty nervous, but I would just chalk that up to being a "re-newbie" and my tendency for anxiety.
    I set these boundaries for me before I got in the club tonight, and will tweak them as I get back into the swing of things: 1. Not getting fully "nude" (topless club) on the floor 2. no touching on the floor unless they buy 3+ dances consecutively, and then only my thighs, hips, and perhaps a caress of the ass if they are generous. 3. remove myself from situations where I feel my integrity is being compromised. I was hoping the "less is more method" would help me land some VIPs, but I did not get any VIPs tonight. I did however, have one guy spend $160 on me just in lapdances on the floor so I can't complain. Another guy told me that I was a "tease" in a good way (is that possible?) so I believe I was applying myself correctly.

    My biggest problem has always been crowds. If there are too many club patrons, I tend to shy away and not do what I know I should do, which is talk to EVERYONE or at least, 80-90% of the room (more chance for a yes, right?); however, for tonight I decided to take it easy, apply myself but don't force it. I didn't do great but I also didn't come home empty-handed, I made $203 after house fees ($95) on a 6 hour shift working from 2AM to 8AM (after 5-6am the club is near empty...not that that's a valid excuse not to make money!) on a Wednesday night without going on stage (please don't laugh at me =/). I know I am worth much more and I can do better than this!

    My boyfriend picks me up from the club in the morning, and after some small talk about my night, he proceeds to "critique" the way I work. Turns out he had dropped by some time during the night and watched me do my thang. First he said I'm "moving kind slow" in there, meaning I didn't look very gung-ho about getting dances and I was talking too much with staff. At the time I was talking to some managers, I had already done my rounds on the floor and was taking a break. I don't want to be the girl on the cell-phone and the locker room is boring so I decided to chat it up with them for a bit. Then he said I needed to "work the floor more/flirt more", I should sit in the customer's laps while I talk to them and "entice them", and also "throw my titties in their face". Then he adds, "also when you grind, you look like you're twitching."
    I can take constructive criticism well, I've being doing it all my life. I also tend to be irrational which is why I am making this post because I would like your point of view, ladies. Is it wrong of me to be slightly offended though?

    Tonight I had armed myself with the help of the "psychological well-being thread", especially the point to leave my work at the club and setting boundaries. It's just a job and I am more than my job (you ladies are platform-heeled saviors!). I was ready to apply this since I made these mistakes during my first attempt at dancing and it ruined me. BUT IT IS SO HARD NOT TO GO OVER EVERY LITTLE THING I DID TONIGHT BECAUSE OF HIS "ADVICE" AND I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP.

    Of course, I would appreciate comments on whether he was being appropriate and I am just being a little bitch which I can be sometimes especially after busting my ass in plastic heels I haven't worn in 6 months at ungodly hours in extreme hunger...or is my gut-feeling right that it wasn't very nice of him to tell me how to do my job? I know he was trying to be helpful and I can appreciate that. Other than that just one last question:

    Does the lap-sitting thing really make a difference? I don't do it or rarely do it because I find it uncomfortable, but definitely will if it get me dances/VIP/$$$. I tend to either sit next to them or across from them but scoot in close and stroke their thighs/arms, rub their back, and caress the backs of their necks. I think that's enough contact where lap-sitting shouldn't be needed. I also do eye-contact, lots of conversation, laughing, smiling, and snuggling up close to the crook of the neck and shoulder if I can't hear them well over the music.

    Apologies for the lengthy post and thank you for taking your time out to read this.

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    Veteran Member Amareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    I get nervous when the club is packed as well. Just gotta suck it up and try to do a quick but attentive hustle on everyone, don't let them see you're in a rush to get on to the next person or anxious about big groups, just keep smiling. I think for your first shift back in 6 months it's fine to take it slow at first to get back into the swing of it, as long as you're aware you'll need to step up your game soon.

    I've never worked in Vegas but I don't think it's necessary to sit on a guys lap and shove my tits in his face to get dance - IMO that should be saved for during a dance. I will do it occasionally but only for certain guys, I find that a lot of men take you sitting on their lap like that as an invitation to grope your ass and it's an awkward position to defend yourself in. Not to mention some guys might not like this approach (pretty sure I remember a few blues on here a while back saying that). The amount of contact you described seems like enough, I'll sit next to them and throw my legs over theirs to kind of give the same feel as sitting on their lap without them actually getting a free show or ass groping opportunities.

    Maybe practice your lapdances and grinding on your bf at home? Though if my bf came into my work without telling me and told me later how to do my job properly he would NOT be getting free lapdances - or anything else - for a while. You have every right to be upset with him, at the end of the day he has no idea what it's like doing our job, if my guy told me I needed to sit on laps and put my tits in strangers faces for free he'd be getting some serious lecturing.

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    Veteran Member Warped's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    If any of my partners had done something like that I would be ending the relationship. Its YOUR job, do it YOUR way and only do what makes you comfortable.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Tell your boyfriend I said he should concentrate on making money himself, rather than telling you how to do it. I have heard so many men say things like, "If I was a stripper I would be taking ALL the money!" and stuff like that. No matter how much they presume to know how the job is done they have absolutely no clue whatsoever and never will. We make it look easy, but we all know that is the farthest from the truth.

    From what you described you seem to know how to do your job just fine. You know you need to work the floor and flirt with customers. You know how to manage your time all by yourself. You don't need someone prodding you along. He's being less than useless with his "critique."

    If you are willing to try sitting on customers' laps then try it and see if it makes a difference. If you are uncomfortable with it there is no reason for you to do it.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Remember, you made $300, which is about $50/hour. Sounds like your club has pretty damn high house fees, which is unfortunate but not your fault. Is your SO making more than $50/hour at his job?

    While $200 takehome may not sound like much, as long as you're having fun and feeling confident, that's still very good money. Take care of yourself. The more I overanalyzed the job, the more tedious it became for me. So I'd encourage you to have as much fun as possible while also making money and saving it. That's the best way to avoid burnout in this industry.

    He should also know that pushing yourself to make more could result in less money for you because of psychological strain. You might start making $600/night, which may mean you only have the emotional energy to work a quarter of the nights you'd usually work. $600/night looks more impressive, but it can do more damage depending on your situation.

    Keep your mind open to constructive criticism, but his advice sounds ridiculous and controlling to me. Ew.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    I feel that your bf is looking like a pimp right now. I would have a talk with him. I would tell him never to give me unsolicited advice about work. I would tell him to be supportive by listening and encouraging. Things like saying, "I'm sure you'll make even more next time, honey!" That's more helpful then his way of handling things.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Amareth - Thank you for your response! I couldn't agree more with many points you stated...I even told him I feel that me sitting in a customer's lap = borderline free lap dance or inevitable groping. One thing I DEFINITELY need to work on is not looking anxious or rushed when I do start hopping around more. I know I can start looking flighty or distracted if I don't keep myself in check. Definitely no lap dances for boyfriend right now I'd rather videotape myself lap dancing a teddy bear! Time to dive into hustle hut!

    Warped - Thank you for your input! Glad that you wouldn't put up with that nonsense. Now I don't feel so bad about being so upset.

    Jekka - Hahaha! I like that response Seriously, he should don a wig, skirt, and some heels and go ahead and get "all the money" since he's so into my job
    Thank you for your kind words, it is good to hear from a fellow dancer that I am on the right track...I definitely don't need any prodding. I am not a mule.

    Charlie61 - Appreciate you sharing your experience and wisdom cultivated from it. And yes, exactly why I ended up taking a very long break because the first time around, I overdid it, averaging 500+ a night (but I also worked earlier and longer, usually around 4PM to 12AM-2AM). I met a lot of assholes along the way, took my work home with me and let it get to my head and I burnt out bad. This time, I am taking it at a comfortable pace and have a zero-tolerance policy for jerks, even if that means I won't make as much (at first!). House fees are very ridiculous in Vegas. To answer your question, he is not making no where near $50/hr.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    apologies for the lumped up responses, looks like I missed you, Optimist! I agree that listening and being encouraging would refresh me and fill me with the positive energy I need for a job that can sometimes be so toxic. But it's not exactly his style of "support and encouragement"...obviously, I'm sure I don't have to paint the picture of how he prefers to "help". He is a darling, just not very refined, you know, the type to give it to ya straight, whether you want to hear it or not.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    From what I read on this board, a consistent $200/shift in Vegas is very respectable money these days.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    That's sad!! I really hope that's not true

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    I would personally freak out if my partner started telling me how to do my job... He's not my pimp. It's totally rude and disrespectful. I actually have a friend in a similar situation at the moment and I find it totally inappropriate and so does my husband. You know what works best for you at the end of the day we are different and only you know what you can handle and what you are comfortable with. I'd be telling bouncers who he is so he can't come in when your working. I also kinda find it weird girls who tell their guys how much they made. We share money but that money still goes in my account and if he asks I just say I'd did "good", "average", "shit" etc. he knows our bills get paid so he trusts I have it all under control. I dont ask questions about his account either.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Jessie_tinydancer thanks for your input! Yes, with all this feedback I can see how this is bothering me as much as it is...I'm glad I'm not being irrational. He has this attitude towards me like I'm so lucky I'm a chick and can have a cool ass job that makes "easy" money, and I hate that! Because of my fretting ways, I only got 4 hours of sleep and since I had no physical preparation coming back into dancing (aka I am out of shape), my legs are a tad sore today and my feet are a bit swollen, so I decided I'll rest up and get ready for battle tomorrow. I really am taking it slowww....lol. But he doesn't understand why I am tired!! I wasn't just sitting around the house all day today either eating bon bons and watching soaps (nothing wrong with that, really). Haha, now I feel like I'm just on here venting about boyfriend problems. Please excuse me

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    let me guess...your boyfriend doesnt work.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Ah yes, everyone always knows exactly how to do the job that they've never done.... You know, male strippers exist... if he thinks it's such "easy money," he can go try it out himself. I had a roommate like that once - talking all the time about how if he was a girl, he'd capitalize on it so hard, I don't even appreciate what I've got, he has to come up with "business ventures" to make tons of money because he wasn't blessed as a female who could just use her hot body, blah blah blah... Of course, this guy would scarf down 1000 calorie meals and only shower once a week. He wasn't "fat" or even necessarily disgusting most of the time - he was actually attractive aside from an ever increasing belly and the end-of-the-week greasy hair and B.O. And he had no problem picking up ladies. If he took better care of himself and actually groomed, he'd be super hot and could totally be a male stripper or escort and point that flirting energy toward money-making ventures instead of drunk chicks at parties. Oh, but why do that when you can just use the excuse that you weren't born with a vajay so you wouldn't make as much money - but you totally would put in that effort and make that money IF you were a woman... mmmhmmm... I always wanted to tell him that even if he was a girl, he'd probably have the same dietary and hygiene habits and would never be hired to do what I do.

    Alright, enough about him - your bf sounds like a creeper pimp. Like someone else said, maybe he should be focusing on making his own money instead of spying on you so he can critique the way YOU work. Either he cares way too much about how much money YOU'RE making because he wants that money for his own personal shit, or he's a control-freak father figure who has to check up to make sure you're doing everything 100% the way he thinks you should. Either way, he doesn't know shit about the job. He's looking at it from what he would want as a customer - which is probably the most bang for his buck. If a stripper sat in his lap and shoved her tits in his face, let me guess. He MIGHT give her a dollar and send her away (or say he's "out of money, but I'll get you next time" ) He has no clue what it means to entice customers into an actual sale because they want more because you didn't give it all away already. He also has no idea how draining it is to flirt with every stranger in your eyesight for 6-8 hours straight or how to give a lapdance. So if you need to rest, he can stfu. If he thinks you look weird when you lapdance, challenge him to give a fucking lapdance and grind on a stranger's cock - which I'll bet he's never done.

    At the end of the day, he's a creeper pimp/control freak who doesn't know shit about how to do your job. And you can tell him that if he really thinks he's so damn smart and it's so damn easy, to go apply to a gay strip club and show you how it's done. You also need to tell him to stay the hell out of your club when you're working.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Yikes. He came into the club, without telling you, so that he could creepily watch you?! Then critique you?! Hell to tha no. This makes my blood boil, because I have had boyfriends that assume what we do is easy money. There are aspects of this job that can be brutal, so don't tell me how easy it is to take my top off and be handed money, that is not the way it works. OK sometimes that is the way it works but usually, not so much.

    You try to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he is being "helpful" I hope that you're right and he is trying to help. Set him straight, if he wants to be "helpful" tell him what help you need (rides, a pep talk, whatever) because I highly doubt you need his help getting lap dances.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    It's a bias of perspective, too. There's an enormous difference between watching a soccer game on TV (when you have a bird's eye view of the entire field and can clearly see the players) and actually being the one on the field playing. Even if he were right about everything, that doesn't change the fact that doing the job is a billion times harder in practice than in theory.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Aurora_sunset - I've been contemplating telling the bouncers not to let him in but I feel kind of bad banning my boyfriend from a strip club. I really don't mind him coming in as long as I KNOW he's there (or when I am not there) and he's not going to be my coach/creeper pimp. The other side of that is I also don't work properly while he's around because I feel weird flirting and grinding on strangers while my boyfriend is in the vicinity, although I know and he knows it is just a job. He's already gotten the hint that he shouldn't be telling me what I should be doing if he's not in there dancing with me so hopefully he'll shut up and won't do this again. Also, I have playfully mentioned to him that he should be a male-stripper before during one of his "guys have it so hard" moments; I forgot how he reacted but obviously he didn't take up the suggestion-which I believe he totally should after he hits the gym for a month...he is getting what you call the "ever increasing belly". I feel that guys do have it harder in the physique category, all male-stripper have to be pretty chiseled or is it just Vegas? I know I am getting away with a little bit of a pooch but I am working on getting rid of that! Haha! Thank you for your response!

    Kat w - The reason I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and labeling his shenanigans as "trying to help" is because earlier during the night when it was really slow for me and I had retreated back to the locker room, I texted him saying I wasn't doing to well. He wrote back not to worry about it and to stay optimistic, which I read as a nice and encouraging pep talk. So when he pulls this bs out of his ass I was hoping it was just him trying to "help" again, but this time a little bit more...specifically? I know he could tell I wasn't completely happy about my totals that night (not that I am complaining, still great money!). I am not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure if I had a good night $500+ (in my mind) or was completely satisfied with my earnings no matter the amount, he might not have tried to give me his 2 cents. Appreciate your response!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Work the way you want to work. You're 'New' to stripping, from my experience things change all the time. You're new to that club. It always takes me a while, I don't earn high when I begin at a new club, get comfortable with it the way you know how to, first before you stress about pushing yourself more.

    How did your boyfriend say the things, was he being hostile, or did he sound as if he was trying to just be helpful and perhaps going the wrong way about it but not deliberately?

    Take advice, try your versions of the things he has said-extract the helpful bits and ignore the rest, advice from anybody at all that is. Are you 'friends' with any of the other girls, yet? I discuss hustle stuff with other girls in the club, ones who have been there longer than I, that helps me a lot.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Hi sugarmouse0707- He wasn't being hostile, another reason why I am thinking he was trying to be helpful but it just came out wrong. I definitely agree with taking people's advice with a grain of salt; everyone is different and processes experiences differently. I am not 'friends' with any of the girls yet, I made some small talk but nothing too in depth. I've done some advice digging from veterans before, and I realized, although their tips were excellent, they did not suit my hustle style. Perhaps one day when I am more comfortable with my style and can branch out, I will add their techniques to my repertoire. Thank you for your insightful comment!

    Ugh so just an update as well..
    tonight I asked him to give me a ride to the club again. I forgot how we ended up talking about the lap-sitting issue again, but all I remember was trying to convince him that custies can still "grope" my ass even when I am sitting on their laps. His argument of why I should sit in their laps is because 'they can't grope you' and it's easier to convince them to buy. I said they still can and he said, 'well then it's your job to guide their hands away'. In which I replied in an irritating manner, 'which is why I'd rather sit in a chair and be the one doing the touching!' I already went through this with him when he first brought it up the other day and now that he is doing it again-although I can't remember why we started about it again...so I might have brought it up =/ Anyhow, I ended up getting super frustrated and snidely made the comment about how he should go be a stripper since he knows so much about how to sell dances, and then telling him to not tell me how to do my job. These comments just lit a fuse. He got upset, said some mean things and I got overwhelmed, began to yell and promptly burst into tears. He gets very uncomfortable when I cry, so things get worse. He says I'm too emotional and I'm not focused or motivated enough to do well as a dancer, amongst other comments I don't even want to get into. I know myself, that although I was taking it easy, that I was still out their hustling for that $200. He refuses to see it that way and it's hurting me. I ended up not going in to work tonight although I wanted to because I was a mess and didn't think I would be able to pull off looking "happy" after all that crap.

    -sigh- Ladies, thanks for providing this space to vent and for the emotional support...it may seem like just posts of people's comments and opinions, but they really do help keep a girl's sanity.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    stay far away from this guy.


    Hes a F8cking creep.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Your bf has issues. Once again, he knows nothing about how to be a stripper or sell dances. And if he can't fathom the physics behind how a guy can grope your ass when you're sitting in his lap, I think he may be mentally fucktarded. "Well, it's your job to guide their hands away then." Right, because if you guide their hands away once, they don't try try try again... Why did he get so mad when you told him to show you up or shut up? Because he doesn't even have a job? Because you questioned his Unlimited Knowledge of Things He Has Never Actually Done? Because deep down he knows you're right and he could never handle doing what you do?

    Girl, at the end of the night, the bottom line is that no one truly knows how to do something they've never done themselves. No matter how amazing they think their logic is from an outside perspective, they have no idea everything that truly goes on and they will never get how it all really works. What sales company in the world hires someone who has never done sales to teach its salespeople good sales strategy? None, because that's fucking asinine. You don't teach about something you don't know shit about.

    My easy answer is that your bf is a know-it-all dick who is never going to be able to support you while you dance (maybe he's even trying to discourage you on purpose because he has issues with it?), and that I've dealt with a guy like that before, we always fought about everything, and I was SO immensely happy when I finally broke away from him. But, in reality, I know you're not just gonna up and leave your bf tomorrow over a couple fights like this, so I'll just say to ignore him from now on. Nothing he says on the subject should matter because you know he's just talking out of his ass. When you gives you his All Knowing Advice, keep staring out the window, nod and go "yeah, thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

    And I know you feel bad about "banning" him from the club, but coming to "check up" on you without your knowledge is seriously creepy and needs to end. If you don't want to set him off by telling him yourself, tell a bouncer that you trust and tip him well to keep your bf out of there if he shows up again. Have him give some line about how boyfriends aren't allowed in the club while their girlfriends are working. Most clubs have that rule anyway! If your bf gets pissy and asks you how they know, tell him that the bouncer has seen him drop you off and pick you up several times, and that's just club rules. This guy may be your bf but he is seriously fucking with your hustle and money by fucking with your mind. You need him far away from you when you're trying to work.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  35. #22
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Oh my god I forgot the mention last night he pulled the "I know what men like" line and I threw back at him, "oh so you know what they like, but if a dancer came up to you, sat in your lap and shoved her tits in your face you would pay for a dance?" and he got quiet. BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE WOULD NOT BUY A DANCE FROM HER. He doesn't buy dances, and he has admitted he's a "bang for his buck" type guy. Hell will freeze over before he ever gets VIP with anyone.

    Ah, the aftermath of a huge fight..it's very quiet in the house.

    Thanks Aurora_sunset for your honesty and insight on the situation. Happy to hear you got rid of that jerk who was in your life. Of course, with any relationship, there are positives and negatives, and since we only see what others share, it's hard to not be biased. However, right now, he is fucking with my income and my emotional/psychological well-being by not being supportive of this already psychologically straining job that I chose to jump back into to help our financial situation. GAH.

    What would be a good amount to tip a bouncer for something like this?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    ^$20..

  37. #24
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    I would just dump him. Knowing that he would NEVER buy a dance unless it was dirty is pretty much the ultimate sign of disrespect towards a dancer. This guy sounds like a loser. Move on with your life with a man who actually respects you and what you do.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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  39. #25
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    Default Re: Boyfriend Critiquing My Hustle...I Need Another Point Of View Please!!

    Luscious Sadie I think that's pretty much, slowly but surely what is happening anyway. This tension and negativity from our fight gravitated towards other parts of our lives today and things are just bad. He's tired of my tears and emotions, and I am tired of his disregard and controlling ways. I realized he will never see or appreciate all that I do for us and that freakin' sucks.

    He's mentioned moving back to California for a while. I part of me wants him to never return but if he actually never came back...I'd be very sad. Why the eff am I sad about getting rid of an emotional vampire from my life?

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