How would you feel if your long time girlfriend decided she wanted to be a dancer. What would make you okay with it?

How would you feel if your long time girlfriend decided she wanted to be a dancer. What would make you okay with it?
^ Are you the long-time girlfriend who is hoping to tell her boyfriend the "right thing" so he'll be OK with it?
Please understand that there are very few things you can do to have any serious impact on how he feels about it, or how he deals with it.
This is one of those things that's all about him and only marginally about you.
If you think it through, I believe you'll see why. What freaks guys out about their SO dancing is really the fruit of their own internal demons -- the potential doubts, brewing jealousy, that gnawing fear that they are being kept in the dark or lied to or otherwise manipulated.
Very few guys end up being able to handle it, especially when it's a long-term SO who decides to dance. It may start out as positive, with the unfortunate but often inevitable bragging about the girlfriend being a dancer, but this phase passes. It then goes quiet for a while, and then the trouble begins.
The best advice I have for you is that you ask him directly about any doubts or concerns he might have and address it in the context of your own relationship -- what's strong, what works and where it can bend or flex or grow so that you can explore dancing and he can live with it. After all, he's your long-term SO, and if your priority is keeping the relationship together, put the relationship first and find how -- or if -- dancing fits within that world.
Unless he backs you into a corner with demands or outright forbids you to do it -- and that may have already happened for all I know -- you have options and flexibility to explore what works.
The reason I'm encouraging this sort of emotional outreach is that if you don't do it, all the emotional turmoil will very likely unwind under the surface with him, and you won't initially see that boiling mess fester inside him. And when it explodes, it won't be obvious why or where it came from or how you can deal with it.
Sorry for all this bad news. If it makes you feel any better, there are guys who can deal with the job, and some are more experienced with it than others. But please start this dialog with the focus on where he stands so you have a good chance of coming out on the positive side here.





Speaking hypothetically it's not really something for me to be "OK" with or not if she has made up her mind to do it. It really becomes an issue of whether or not I'm going to stick around and give it a chance to work. Now, that being said, for myself it would depend on the circumstances. I've dated dancers who were already dancing or had been taking a break from it and it was really no big deal. If I was involved long-term with a woman who had never danced before and all of a sudden she hit me with the idea my immediate thoughts would be of concern for her. It's not about trust or strangers looking or touching, it's more about my knowing what dancing can do to a woman's psyche and me being afraid that she wouldn't fully understand what she might be in for. No doubt it would be challenge for both of us. Dancing changes a lot of things in a relationship since it quite often changes the way that women view men.





You ought to be aware when you ask this question here you are asking it of a very small subset of the male population....veteran SC regulars. Expecting a non-patron to see things similarly might be a stretch. I have dated women inside and outside the SC industry and while I never had issues with girls I met who were already dancers, I'm not so sure I wouldn't have had an issue with one considering entering that world, particularly over the last few years with things in that world not seeming to be trending in a good direction.
"never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe
If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill




I have never had a problem casually "dating" dancers, but by the time I meet them they are already dancing. If a girl I was interested in dating wanted to become a dancer, I would do everything in my power to talk her out of it. But if she insisted I would go along with it as long as we are still casual (and she didn't dance for any women customers). If we started getting serious, realistically I would probably ask her to decide between stripping or me, and I would abide by her decision.



90% of men in a LTR will have reservations about you dancing and deep down won't like it (they may say otherwise but they're lying to you), and it may end up being a cancer eating away at your relationship. Since 90% of men in a LTR will not like you dancing, this makes it the normal reaction. It's the other 10% who have no problem with it that would worry me. That 10% would probably consist of sociopaths, pimps, cuckolds, creeps, guys who don't give a shit about their SO, and guys who don't go to strip clubs and don't understand what's going on. You may have a small percentage of guys who are 100% OK with it and are actually normal adults, but that's only a very tiny percentage. The only exception I can think of is if you're in an open relationship, then the guy might be OK with it.
The notion that the guys who don't like it are insecure and have inner demons is completely ridiculous. It's NOT normal to have a guy's LT SO touched and groped by other men and him not giving a shit about it. I'd find it creepy if a guy was 100% OK with it.
If a guy is just dating you and is not in love with you then he won't care as much as a guy who loves you and are in a LTR with you.
As to what to tell him to ease his mind, you can always use the old standbys: It's just a job -- the guys don't touch me -- I don't like dancing but I'm doing it for our future, etc.
SW Myth# 143: Guys who don't like their SO's being touched and groped by other men are insecure douchbags.
^ That bouncing-off-the-walls reaction is your own demons at work. You recognize that, right?
You can tell by how hysterical you get, the percentages you make up out of thin air, your swing to the extremes ("not give a shit about it") and that old standby, labeling guys who find some way of dealing with the choices their SO makes as "sociopaths, pimps, cuckolds, and creeps."
The real kicker, though, is your blustering, spitting outrage at how no normal man would put up with having his SO dance because of how badly girls are treated in clubs -- presumably all clubs, everywhere.
This shows us something about how you behave in clubs. You know that, right?
Note to OP: The way the guy reacted above is what I was warning you about -- it will be highly emotional, it will be all about how the guy feels, it will involve hurling names at the customers, and it will all be said with a patronizing overlay of how it's all because he really loves you.
The part where he's completely ignoring you, what you want, your choices as an adult or what you are looking for in life speaks volumes about how he really feels about women -- especially women with choices and power.



^All Good Things, your entire post is nonsense and is not worth going through line by line to dispute. All I can say is that I treat the dancers like gold and I have a lot of fun in the SC.
All Good Things, aren't you the guy on site news accused of raping 3 dancers from Stripperweb. Yeah, you treat the dancers real nice. And I'm sure they all made it up, too.
Note to OP: This guy is the sociopath and creep I warned you about.
I'm sure you treat dancers like gold. Like an inanimate commodity.
And yes, I knew you would scream back at me at the top of your lungs about fiction made up for purposes of criminal extortion. But it's just weary fiction -- and a subject that has been discussed to death, in public, so everybody can air it out.
What you are not counting on is that the dancers on this site see through fiction better than you do.
The sooner you stop underestimating dancers -- and women in general -- the happier you will be in life. Really.





I have never dated a dancer but as a mostly retired dancer I will say dating is harder. Most men I encountered while dancing fall into a few categories: there are the guys who realize it's just a job (mostly guys in the business or know about it), guys who think a dancer is a slut, or the guys who tried to get me to stop. Even though I danced at no contact bars some guys still assumed there was more going on. Other guys I met who were ok with it were ok because they expected me to support them. There are exceptions though but harder to find.
If my previous girlfriend had come to me and told me she wanted to dance, I would have been against to the point of it probably ending our relationsship if she insisted. I doubt there would be anything that could have been said that would change my mind.
As it is I do happen to be dating and living with a dancer now, but we met while she danced and at that point I decided to enter the relationship anyway.




I met my SO after becoming a dancer, but we had a conversation about me reentering the industry after a break. Contrary to Steve's enlightening statistics, my SO is not a sociopath and we are monogamous. Some points that have helped us maintain an understanding on this subject are:
-- I have goals, financial and in other areas of life. I work in clubs because I want to get x-amount of savings. No matter how you spin it, money is important. While he would be more than happy to take financial care of me (and he tries now, despite both of us still being in school and him not having a high-paying job), I think having my own money is important and he respects that. We intend to marry in 1-3 years, so hopefully much of the money I'm making now can be set aside to help us build a house.
-- I don't get drunk at work. Not only is there the risk of losing self-control and beating the hell out of someone with my shoe, which probably worries him more than me being victimized at work, but there's also the drive home. If I were to get drunk, I would call him and he would come get me.
-- I let him know when I'm on my way home. Some people might see that as overbearing, but I live just south of Houston and work on the north side sometimes. It's quite a drive, lots of drunk people, and Houston citizens/police aren't exactly known for their ethics. I like hearing his voice after a long night anyway.
-- In relation to the goals, he knows this isn't a forever thing. It's a means to an end. That might not be the case for everyone, but it is for me.
What I think some people miss on this subject is that your SO doesn't have to "like" what you do. If it were the other way around, I probably wouldn't like it. My SO works in tech and I hate his job because his manager is an idiot, he doesn't get paid enough for how hard they work him, etc. But I know he has to work. Similarly, he can hate my job for the obvious reasons without it becoming a festering wound in our relationship. It has to be a really solid relationship, but it can definitely work.





I agree with this and what I put in bold is the major point. It's easier for someone to accept this "job" if they met you working this "job" already. So there would be no surprise no change necessary. No one would all of a sudden have to deal with a shift in what you do to survive. It's basically he would need to accept it or hit the road from day one. This isn't really the same for the op that has been in her relationship for some time completely out of the adult industry all together and now wants to get into it. Which is why the post went up in the first place in more than one area. Because she's trying to figure out a way to do what she wants to do but not have it affect the relationship she's has already built for quite some time.
Ok as much as I accept the comparison on jobs it's not quite the same.Yes it's a job as we all know it but how many of the customers that approach you at work want to hear that you're working? Most dancers are no longer salaried, are even some are required to be physical with a customer to some degree. Plus a strip club on your resume doesn't help much with advancement in other areas of work nor would coming to an office job in 8inch platform make you stand out at an office job as a hard worker. They are totally different worlds and they require a certain amount of patience to continue doing. Also money doesn't fluctuate as rapidly either. He goes to work gets his hourly or is salaried and does his job for an extent amount of time. A dancer has to interact with men , some of which have no money at all in hopes that someone will spend. Even when the customer is ready to spend it's usually of him getting as close to simulated sex as possible. Also in many cases sex of some sort does happen which is what most men would usually have an issue with. Still if the guy has accepted the job from day one he can't all of a sudden turn around and complain. This is how you eat today.
Now a guy that has always had his girlfriend's sexuality to all areas be something between himself and her is now going to have to deal with that sexual aspect of a gf being shared with a bunch of other people. That's the problem. He didn't sign up for this when they created a relationship and now he may have to do so which can destroy a relationship all together.
another double posting grrrrr!
Last edited by cherryblossomsinspring; 06-27-2012 at 02:14 AM.
I agree with your post and I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said. You truly brought up both issues. The OP put up a post for the girls here and she was basically told the very same exact thing. Many of dancers talked about how men wanted to pimp them out after they started dancing or how they had to pacify some guy by showing them the money they made for "both" of them, so I don't think this is a shocking revelation. For me if I'm grinding away on a bunch of men and swatting hands away and having to fight off being fingered the last thing I want to hear when I get home would be " so hunny how much did you make". "Or someone pushing on me for sex before I've even taken a shower. There are even some guys that will push for sex right before a dancer goes to work in some twisted effort to "mark territory".
I can see you even pointed about that a small percent that isn't one of the others you mentioned will be 100% ok with this job. We all know this is rare to find and even though not impossible it's a very small percentage.
I agree with like 99% of your posts but I don't think this guy is necessarily bouncing off the walls so to speak. He's telling the truth about what most men would feel. This doesn't make them bad people but this is the truth. Then again I don't know what all he does at the clubs so that's between him and the dancers but he did bring up some valid points.
Now the whole part here : "The part where he's completely ignoring you, what you want, your choices as an adult or what you are looking for in life speaks volumes about how he really feels about women -- especially women with choices and power"
I don't think her bf is "ignoring her" I think it's more about we're in a relationship where we keep our clothes on and no one sees our private parts but us. Also no one can touch our private parts. We don't flirt with other people for any type of gain, financially or otherwise. This isn't also about "women with choices and power" because women have been using their bodies to survive for ever and a day. It was only recently where women were allowed to be in the same work force as men and do jobs specifically geared towards the male population, usually being harassed, antagonized or fired for "being competitive". I mean where does most sexual harassment within regular jobs stem from? A woman that can do the same job a man can do but may do it better? Then he decides to attack her sexually to let her know "her place". In this economy many women are moving into adult work because regular jobs are far and few and may require her to be on here knees at some point anyways. Sometimes is best to avoid those shit paying jobs and throw on some heels and make them pay to see that sexy body. Plus because the "adult work" is so taboo there is a higher pay grade involved. If everyone was ok with it people in this industry would make the same as the guy pushing a mail cart around.
Power yes. A woman having that sweet "V" will always have power. It's the one thing she can truly use to survive on if all other options fail. Even if she can't talk , has one leg, is blind, there will be some man somewhere that will pay for the magic "V". So thank god for men of reason![]()
double posting--



To echo the comments made earlier, I'd be worried more about her than myself - worried if she's going in with her eyes open, if she's strong enough to handle the onslaught of pricks (literally), etc. I would ask her why she wanted to start - is it for the money? Or is it some glamorized view that she'll be adored by men in a 24/7 party that flows with money and Moet? Because if it's the latter, then we would need to have a serious, no bullshit talk - that motivation is not only delusional and dangerous, but it hints at a whole host of insecurities and 'needs' that raise red flags. If it's for the money, I'd want her to know exactly what she's getting into first, armed with the knowledge of what the job entails.




I agree with your points, but since the other posters were all coming from the POV of long-term customers, I thought I'd share my experience with my SO because he hasn't ever stepped foot in a club and didn't know I was a dancer when we met. I was also between clubs when we met and because we spent so many evenings/nights together (instead of me getting my ass to work; whoops), he got used to hoping it was an "in the past" sort of thing. He definitely has issues seeing this sort of job as being completely comparable to his and I could never pretend he doesn't sometimes get jealous over it, but constant communication has helped. I think the biggest issue that the OP might face is meeting all of the stereotypes that have been built up in her SO's head.
Actually, OP... do you ever go on Reddit? You should go to this page to see some of the thoughts/prejudices that people come up with when they are met with the idea of someone becoming a stripper: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/co..._is_it_really/
This one too http://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comme...stripper_nsfw/
Actually, here's the search with all their stripper-related nonsense: http://www.reddit.com/search?q=stripper
Some people are really level-headed about it and have responses that echo many of the thoughts you'd see on this board. Others, however, will give you examples of the worst possible responses your SO could have. Reading through them might give you a better window to your SO's perspective.





Idk AGT, but putting aside the unsupported percentages, I think that Steve has a point. IMHO a great deal of men would struggle with the concept of their SOs stripping. It is one thing for strip club hounds in their 40s and 50s to sit here and opine on this in an almost academic way, but it is quite another thing for a 20-something year old guy, who probably knows little (if anything) about strip clubs, to face the reality that the woman who he loves is going to take her clothes off for, and be touched by, other men.
May there be selfish components to a guy's negative feelings about this? Of course, but the same could be said about many aspects of a relationship. People enter into relationships because they fulfill certain wants and needs. Also, the existence of a jealousy element does not preclude other concerns that he may have about her physical or emotional safety. In fact, I would have to imagine that many guys facing this are filled with a variety of scrambled and, to some degree, visceral emotions and concerns, including a healthy fear of the unknown consequences to their relationships.
I will also say, based upon the girls that I deal with and even on stories on here, that an inordinate number of dancers who ARE in relationships seem to end up with scumbags and/or operators. Now I'm sure that there are many dancers in healthy relationships with good men, and all of my comments on this topic are based solely upon anecdotal evidence, but it is what I have seen. It really makes me wonder if most dancers would be better off waiting until they are done dancing before entering into serious relationships.
Anyway, just my two cents.
I never dated a dancer and I am not sure how I feel if I was dating someone who told me she wanted to be one but I known enough guys who go to clubs and treat dancers as objects. If I had a problem with her dancing I think It would primarily over that.
I don't know how others view this but when a dancer tells she she is married or in a serious relationship I find it a little awkward at first to touch her . A married female giving me permission to touch feels wrong to me on some level


I'm honestly kind of surprised at how common the "I'd be ok if she was already stripping, but not ok with it if she wanted to start" response is on this forum.
If a girl I was friends with or dating wanted to get into stripping, I'd do what I can to help her out and support her (in fact, I'm gonna be helping a friend of mine get into the industry soon by driving her to the audition, giving her advice, maybe lending her clothes, etc.).





Quite simply, if that was part of her life before one met her, or perhaps even the only reason one met her in the first place, then one would have no say whatsoever in her involvement. If this was going to be something new injected into a relationship, then one would have a say. That being said, the guys opining here are veteran regulars who see the toll this line of work can take on a person and on that person's relationships outside the business. And FWIW, most of the women I've known involved in the business have been somewhat to very unhappy about being there and have recommended to other women (as have I) to avoid the business.
"never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe
If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill
I agree that he’s telling the truth about how many men might feel. (But he was certainly bouncing off the walls – I think some of his spit actually hit my computer screen). The fact that his own demons were on display in such a dramatic way was rather amusing.
Like Steve, many men would make it all about themselves, just like he did in his original post – how they feel about it, how it makes them look, what people must be thinking about him and above all how other guys touching their SOs make the guy feel.
So it’s always about the guy.
And many new dancers buy right into this – let’s make it all about him because that’s the only subject that seems to come up.
I’m encouraging her to fast-forward a few years in her life and see how she feels when she is more like you and many of the more vocal dancers on this site – knows when to call bullshit, knows how to put her own priorities first and thinks in terms of negotiating and finding psychological places where “I can live with it” is a place of relative calm. There are very few high-stress jobs like dancing where people are truly happy for any extended period because the nature of the job has a way of pushing people to their very limits – which means it can break people, and in fact does. People crash and burn. And even those who survive rarely truly thrive because of the tensions and cliffs and hazards associated with that highwire act.
So by default that means that the only way two partners can find a way to live with it is through some form of negotiation. And that means sharing power, trust and vulnerability.
And not making it all about the guy.
I’m actually not speaking in a purely academic way in this case – I’m speaking from first-hand experience.
I’m sure most guys who have dated dancers or ex-dancers are familiar with that dreaded “Can you talk to my boyfriend?” question that a wide-eyed girl asks in earnest of you while she’s standing in front of you half-naked teetering on heels and shaking her hair out of her face and smoking like a fiend. After all, you are with X, right? And you know this guy because we all went out together last Saturday night. So you know what to tell this guy, right?
Oh God, no.
Guys would rather gouge out their eyeballs with red-hot fire-irons than talk about how they really feel about that subject.
There is really no way to come at this from the guy angle, anyway. It must come from either inside the new and inexperienced dancer after she’s matured to the point where she stands up for herself, or from other more established and stable dancers’ lives that she can observe and learn from, quietly.
Advice doesn’t work, nagging doesn’t work, lectures don’t work, warnings don’t work.
One of the principal reasons for establishing StripperWeb ten years ago was to create an environment where dancers could do that learning in a quiet, observational way. There was no objective platform far away from the cutthroat competition of the DR and the unfortunate exploitative malice on the part of club ownership in many clubs across the country.
I still think SW is most valuable for the lessons it teaches quietly.
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