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  1. #1
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    Default .

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    Last edited by Newbie2012; 06-27-2012 at 06:17 PM.

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Newbie2012 View Post
    Ok so here is the scoop, my fiance has been dancing for the last three years while she attends school. Let me start by saying it does not bring me great pleasure she dances but if that is the worse thing in the world she does then its ok with me. Over the course of the last three years we have had our ups and downs with dancing. My fiance is a great women who I trust and love. She dances in a full nude club and I am as understanding as I think I can be. I do not go to her work nor do I ask questions. My only request was she keeps her work at work and not home or outside the club. I have always believed her when she said she would do for me. Recently however on a night out with friends a gentleman in our group turns out to be a customer of my fiance. He began describing this stripper he goes and visits and it was my fiance. He told me he would text her to see if she was around(I never mentioned the fact I I was her fiance). I saw the number and it was hers. The next day I told her what had happened and her response was she could not make any real money unless she could contact her regulars. It is hard enough to be ok with guys caressing and seeing my girl totally naked more less having them have her personal number. I do not like the fact these men communicate with her out side the club. My girl and I left the conversation stop there and have not said another word about it yet. I really want her to not go this far. Is it unfair for me to think this way. This whole time I thought she did keep her work at work. Turns out maybe not. It really put a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I was not being told the truth. I definitly dont want my relationship to suffer over this but I want to put my foot down on the matter. If this is truely the only way she can make money off of regulars is it wrong for me to ask her to see what these guys say to her via texts? I do not want to make her feel like I want to invade her privacy but I feel like I am being keep in the dark and it is really bothersome. Any advice or similiar experience dancers or guys who dated dancers might have would be helpful.
    Her dancing or doing any other sort of work shouldn't be aimed at giving you pleasure. Can you really not see that thought for how self-centered it is? The rest of your post is tainted with the same attitude. Does she throw a fit if you answer a call or email from work? Yes, staying in contact with the men who spend money on her helps her to make money. You say you're upset because she lied, but you don't seem like the kind of guy who offered many alternatives. And "putting [your] foot down"..........? She's not your child. It sounds like you're just pissed one of your friends spends good money on her. I think you just need to get over yourself.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    That's common practice for dancers to let their regulars know when they'll be working. I have dancer friends who do that, bartender friends, server friends, because we're in a customer-service (to put it lightly) oriented industry, it's a step we can take to make sure our best customers can access us at work.
    I say have some trust in your fiance. But consider if the tables were turned. For example if you were a lawyer. If she was out with her girlfriends and one of them was telling her about her lawyer that she keeps on retainer and occasionally she talks to him for advice about her business or to see if he's available at a given time. Wouldn't you be slightly thrown off if she came home and wanted to look in your personal phone to see what her friend has REALLY been texting you?
    Have some trust. You're both adults. If she is not happy in her relationship with you she'll probably make a change a little more severe than texting a customer.

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    Well, for starters I'd say that this problem y'all are having could easily be avoided in the following ways:

    -You should had asked her a bit about the job, but for safety reasons. That indifference you showed to her from the start could had send her the message that you do not care about her in general. You may not want to hear dressroom BS or about other dancers, but you should had showed some concern regarding her safety.
    -She should had told you that she gives her # to customers.
    -If she did OTC meetings with them, she should had also told you about that too.
    -This woman is your fiancé, and you expect to marry her; her business will also be yours too. You have to ask her about those customers she is texting, but not in a rude way; again, this is first and foremost a safety measurement. There cannot be any secrets between you and her.





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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    I think your reaction to a post that you don't agree with is showing that you don't really want to hear another side besides "you're right she's a lying whore".

    And just because one of your buddies is a regular of hers, how does that make her "running around lying and having no respect for her SO"? If she runs around, lies, and has no respect for you, then why did you choose to get engaged?

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    hhhmmmmm, where to start. you assume that the guys want to fuck her, and you feel that she is encouraging them with texts she exchanges. is it possible that in actual fact the texts she exchanges with customers, are actually less about being good for business and more about the fact that you don't appreciate her and treat her like the goddess, she is? ooohhh i bet that hurt, but come on, i bet you act all suspicious around her, as you angle to see what you think she's up to, behind your back. problem is, you create your own reality, act like their is a problem, and their will be a problem. if you're not happy with her, her job, her lifestyle, do not trust her 100% and vice versa, you shouldnt be seeing each other any more.

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    just a quick thought, this could be quite interesting,do you think she comes on the forums here? uh oh!

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Newbie2012 View Post
    The quote "does not give me great pleasure" has nothing to do literally with pleasure. It is a sang that basically means does not make me really happy. Second, self centered, how do you figure that? Maybe in your world in a serious relationship people run around and lie and have no respect for their SO. You were really part of the 5% of peopel on SW I was hoping that did not respond to my question. I feel like 95% of people on here actually have something good to say usually followed up by advice or experiences, not anger and uneducated responses. Thank you though for your input and good luck.
    I'm aware of what the phrase means. Regardless, her job is not meant to make you happy. It is meant to provide her with the means to survive in the world. Acting as though you're doing her a favor by letting her dance (or in other words, letting her earn a living) is self-centered. You resent her job and it has probably always been apparent. If you two have fought over the subject of her work multiple times, then something as small as providing select customers with a way of contacting her probably seemed like something that wasn't worth bringing up. Maybe that makes her a liar, or maybe that means the way the two of you talk about her work makes her feel unable to broach the subject without igniting another fight. And "in my world," something like that isn't considered running around or flamboyantly disrespectful. But hey, I'm sure you didn't want another uneducated response from me, so good luck with learning how to communicate with the woman you're supposed to marry.

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    How do you know for SURE if they have a "disallusion" about you? I'm assuming you meant disillusion, as in "free from false belief or illusion" so what you just said is that the girls or guys who get your phone number do NOT have the freedom from illusion that you're more than a broker to them, and you go on to say "UNLIKE some guys who get a dancers number and want more" so if the two conditions are opposite, then YOUR customers think you're more than a broker, UNLIKE her customers.

    So stop trying to sound smarter than everyone else on the board by using big words that you don't know the definition of. Your chick is a hustler. You probably could take a page from her book.

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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    It's ok to be concerned... Be concerned about her safety her happiness her well-being and her level of comfort around you. She's smart, hot and she could be with basically any guy she wants to yet she's with you. You're not treating her like an adult you're treating her as if she's a child, as if you somehow know better than she does. I don't know what her thoughts are on the situation but I don't think you guys belong together. I am no career stripper and I know my boyfriend does not want me to keep doing it longer than I need to, and we are on the same page about it. But he does not resent me he does not meddle and he does not question my honesty as I've never given him a reason to. I just hope that if he felt I was being dishonest he'd take a more mature approach than you have.

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  16. #11
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    Default Re: How understanding should I be of my fiance dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Newbie2012 View Post
    Jay when I said I dont ask questions I mean like what guys or girls say to her while doing lap dances etc. Of course we talk about how her night was. We were together before she started dancing. Of course I was curious about the job, but after a while I no longer wanted to hear about how guys said they would give her money and this and that. I know what her job consists of. I also know that half the ppl I know who visit strip clubs are kinda pervs and the other half just go there for what it is. Half the ppl I talk to think that they all have a chance to screw a dancer, they believe they are not smart or something. My fiance is actaully a pre law student so she is far from dumb. Again this post was more about her keeping info from me that I thought was important. By the way for the who said what if my job required outside contacts it does. Im a sales rep for a commercial bank so I always need to meet new ppl and keep in contact with them. But the difference is the girls or guys who get my phone number have no disallusion about me being more then just a bank broker to them, unlike some guys who get a dancers number and want more.
    Well, I have to say that studying pre law is very stupid in the first place: something like accounting, economics, or criminal justice are more suitable for law school. So she's not that smart if her undergrad major is "pre law". Also, smart dances don't usually use their real numbers; most have a prepaid separate line or a google voice number just for customers. If she really want to keep you from knowing about the job, she would had used one of the options I listed. "I know what her job consists of"; that statement is mostly used by people who are actually clueless about our line of work. Also, most customers do know that we are just selling them a fantasy so not all customers have that in mind. Most dudes who go to strip clubs just want someone to talk. If you are so pissed off about her calling/texting those customers, you should talk to her about that NICELY. Als, Chiefkitty and TuesdayMarie are very right; you have trust issues, and you are trying to sound smarter than most of us in here when it's very clear you are clueless.





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    Default Re: .

    OP, don't beat yourself up. Stripping cannot be compared to any other job. Anyone who can keep their insecurities in check while dating a stripper deserves a lot of credit. Let's face it... a job where the goal is to sexually excite customers, flirt with them, pretend to be highly interested in them and all the while being naked and dancing seductively, can in no way be compared to any other job. I also don't know of any office job where business is conducted in a dimly lit room where the alcohol is flowing and Lil Wayne is singing "time for us to f*ck." It's not at all easy dating a stripper, because everything they do each and every day at work would be considered a form of cheating in any other context, and I'm not even talking about heavy extras. I'm sure if your fiance walked in on you sitting naked on a client's lap, while staring into their eyes and flirting with them, she'd freak. You can tell her all day, "but baby, it just helps me make more sales - it's all an act" but that won't take the sting away I assure you.

    I've only dated one stripper but I went into it with my eyes wide open. I didn't fool myself into thinking she was the innocent one that just did air dances and said "eeewww" every time a customer tried to touch her. I've gotten too many "highly affectionate" LDs from girls who just finished talking to me about their husband or bf minutes before. No dancer is going to run home to her bf and say, "hey babe, I met a few really cute and nice guys tonight. 14 guys rubbed my ass, 3 sucked on my tits (I slapped them after) and I grinded on one until he shot this massive load. Yuck, it was crazy! Oh hey, you in the mood for pancakes?" I assumed she wasn't having all out sex with customers but "gray area" activities were to be expected. I can live with all that but there aren't too many guys that can. Texts would be the last thing to push me ove the edge. Like others have said, it's all part of the job to let regulars know when they'll be dancing and to lure them back. Don't ask her to see them. You don't want to see them - trust me. They are probably flirty and it'll feel like a donkey kick.

    No doubt, trust under these circumstances is tough as hell but you have no choice. If you start to get upset over these texts, you're just going to push her away and drive yourself crazy. You just have to suck it up, keep trusting her, let it go or end it. Trying to set rules for her behavior or how she should handle her job is never going to end well.

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  19. #13
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    Default Re: .

    Wow this has got to suck. I don't think the op was bothered about the texting so much as to how this "friend of his"went into describing her body and everything he did with her. Then he wants to text her not to go into a club but the friend has plans for this dancer. Delusional plans but he has a case of the "hope and dreams". The fiance is having to now sit and listen to him talk about his fiance like a piece of meat that he's going to get to fuck at some point. You chose not to hear her side which is probably the pg rated version and now you have to hear the xxx version from a guy? Ouch.

    You're soon to be wife is just doing her job and I might add quite well if this guy is out doing other things and dreaming about her with his eyes open. Remember she see's him as just another customer. He think's he's not another customer. He probably even thinks he has a shot at being her bf.

    Now don't feel bad about it bothering you. Your reaction is quite normal. The point is what are you going to do now? You don't want to know what she does to make her money so you can just ignore it again. The phone thing is really how customers keep in contact and it keeps customers coming back to spend. All I can say is keep that "friend" away from you and hang out when he's not around. Then again if he's been at the club most likely all of the guys in the same group have. Or maybe listen to him since you don't want to hear details from the fiance. Now most guy will usually over state what happens to get approval from other men but still. Also don't piss that guy off he may be paying the other half of your rent. So be nice and smile.

    Ok so maybe new batch of friends to hang out with perhaps?

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    Default Re: .

    The thing that bothers me most about this post is that the dancer is stupid enough to give customers her personal phone number. Huge security risk. She needs to get a prepaid phone for her business purposes asap.


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    Default Re: .

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    The thing that bothers me most about this post is that the dancer is stupid enough to give customers her personal phone number. Huge security risk. She needs to get a prepaid phone for her business purposes asap.
    That is exactly what I mentioned in my last post!





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    Default Re: .

    Sorry folks but this thread with no title is giving me a headache. Please don't start a thread unless you actually mean it...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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