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Thread: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

  1. #1
    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    Hey ladies,

    So I'm back at work, it's tax time and I'm looking at my plans for the next financial year. More importantly, my goals in terms of earnings.

    What I'm facing is a dilemma. I WANT to earn more, much more. I pull in the average for our club a lot of nights without hustling guys much, if at all. So I do OK, usually due to a TON of stage sets, and some limited private shows. I am at a no contact, air dance club. They book shows in 15min blocks.

    My biggest issue is approach avoidance. Basically having grown up shy (read:petrified) of encounters with strangers, I find it terribly hard to break the ice and first approach, and I know it affects my sales as I don't have that "swagger" when (if) I walk up. I can upsell pretty easily, and converting a $90 dance into a $140-$160 shower show is not that hard, and if I push a little I can often get them to switch up (I believe this is my best show, and they respond well to that) I am especially good when I set my mind to selling 2 girl shower shows, because those are SO much fun. Point is, I can sell it.

    Mostly I get shows when the customer has asked me to come and see them after my stage, or approached me on the floor, or done a 180 when I've gone by, and I have had time to stop, not when I have approached them cold. So now I really would like a chunk of that cash. The "too shy to ask" guys cash. The "I don't ask for dances" cash (I've seen that line over on the blue side) I can sympathise with guys who feel shy and don't want to ask a dancer for a dance, because.... I don't want to ask them for one for the same reasons.

    Looking at it from a customer service perspective, I know I should be making friendly with everyone. I used to manage a team of retail girls and would always be annoyed if I saw a customer alone, looking for help, whilst the girls were chatting, restocking etc. So I see the logic and I have tried to apply this ("just go say hi... you would hate to be ignored too... what harm can it do?... he might be nice...) but what I often end up doing is finding an excuse, going book a stage set, fixing my makeup, etc.

    I am good at picking the guys that will spend... When my instinct says "go talk to him" (and I ignore it) I often see another girl scoop him up within a few minutes of that thought and go off for a show. I also pick out girls as they get seated, and think "she'll be there for ages" and generally they are. I can pick them, I think, I can sell them pretty well, I just can't approach them cold to save my life.... I have limited patience for conversation, and I will drift off if I am losing interest. I would rather make less money than sit and talk shit with a custy to get a short 15min show in 40 mins time. Sometimes I get the "you look bored" line, which does snap me back to the table pretty quick, because I realise I let on that I wa
    s.

    I do OK on stage, I often hear (especially from female custy's) "she's my favourite" or "she's really good" (I HATE bragging, so please don't interpret it as such, just trying to paint a picture) so I know people find me OK to look at and watch dance. I'm not that worried about rejection, I really don't give a shit if a person doesn't like my look/style/boobs/whatever, I don't take rejection personally. I just freak out at the thought of walking up to a table and sitting down, and it's messing too much with my cash flow...

    So.... Help??? Tips? Ideas? Suggestions?




  2. #2
    Veteran Member aperfectseal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    I have the same exact problem as you. It has helped me to try to make a little game out of it.... Like I'll tell myself that if I want to have a cigarette/buy a drink/take a break/whatever, I need to make at least $20 more before I do that. That way, I get myself on the floor trying to make fast money and talking to guys. Or if it's not that busy, I won't let myself take any breaks unless I have talked to every guy in the club and I'm not ignoring any cause I'm being too shy.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    dont listen to your emotions and move your body.

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    Veteran Member Purrfect's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    I have struggled with this in the past and these are some things I said to myself which helped a lot:

    * Sales is a numbers game. The more people I approach, the more people will say yes. I won't hear a 'no' if I don't ask, but I also won't hear a 'yes'
    * I am not there to date them. This is business. Who cares if they say 'No thank you, I don't like you. I prefer blonde/brunettes/big boobs/small boobs.' Cool, that means someone else will have a good time with him. That doesn't mean I am a lousy stripper. That simply means I am not the girl for him. Awesome, let's move on! (This eliminates the feeling of 'rejected' and 'hurt')
    * I am a sales person and I am selling my time/dances. My time is valuable and I have goals to achieve. I am not here to chitchat or get drunk. I am here to make money.
    * Men come to a strip club to look at beautiful naked women and I am a beautiful woman who wants to make sure they have an awesome time! It would be disrespectful if I didn't go and ask if they wanted to have a great time with me. (This requires you to be 100% SURE that you are, in fact, awesome. If you don't believe it, say it to yourself until you start believing it.)

    All in, all:

    when you look at a guy and think 'Should I or should I not?', don't ponder. Simply get up and go there. Just say hello. Be sweet. Be fun. They are there to have a great time. What's the worst that could happen when you go there and say hello? Like the absolute worst? He says 'I'm not interested.' That's all! He is just a customer, nothing else. At least it's an experience. He might have dances in an hour. Tomorrow. Next week. You NEVER know.

    By the way, I used to work in the club you talk about. Great place with a lovely crowd, wish you all the best and I hope this helped.
    "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." - Dream for an Insomniac

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    Veteran Member Purrfect's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    I have struggled with this in the past and these are some things I said to myself which helped a lot:

    * Sales is a numbers game. The more people I approach, the more people will say yes. I won't hear a 'no' if I don't ask, but I also won't hear a 'yes'
    * I am not there to date them. This is business. Who cares if they say 'No thank you, I don't like you. I prefer blonde/brunettes/big boobs/small boobs.' Cool, that means someone else will have a good time with him. That doesn't mean I am a lousy stripper. That simply means I am not the girl for him. Awesome, let's move on! (This eliminates the feeling of 'rejected' and 'hurt')
    * I am a sales person and I am selling my time/dances. My time is valuable and I have goals to achieve. I am not here to chitchat or get drunk. I am here to make money.
    * Men come to a strip club to look at beautiful naked women and I am a beautiful woman who wants to make sure they have an awesome time! It would be disrespectful if I didn't go and ask if they wanted to have a great time with me. (This requires you to be 100% SURE that you are, in fact, awesome. If you don't believe it, say it to yourself until you start believing it.)

    All in, all:

    when you look at a guy and think 'Should I or should I not?', don't ponder. Simply get up and go there. Just say hello. Be sweet. Be fun. They are there to have a great time. What's the worst that could happen when you go there and say hello? Like the absolute worst? He says 'I'm not interested.' That's all! He is just a customer, nothing else. At least it's an experience. He might have dances in an hour. Tomorrow. Next week. You NEVER know.

    By the way, I used to work in the club you talk about. Great place with a lovely crowd, wish you all the best and I hope this helped.
    "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." - Dream for an Insomniac

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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    I used to be scared to go up to intimidating looking guys, too. But lately I've been forcing myself and they turn out to be much more friendly than I thought they were and not mean at all. Even if they reject us, so what? It's hard to get over yourself but you gotta just do it!

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    Thanks guys. Like I said, I really don't care about rejection, if they say no, I don't care, their loss, basically. I'm self confident enough to know that the opinions of a customer at a strip club don't mean shit in real life. It's the chatting hustle that I find draining, I don't want a drink from them, I don't care about their life, their problems or what they want to talk about unless they are paying. Only my regulars deserve me having any kind of care about their life, and it's because they are cool guys who would never ask for anything more than my time/attention at the club.

    I also abhor people touching me, so the touchy "let guys have a feel of my ass", put their arm around, stroking/touching, etc hustle I see girls doing makes me nauseous and I can't do it. In touch clubs, I don't have an issue with girls doing it, and I don't judge anyone for contact, I am just physically and emotionally incapable of tolerating it. I dislike it in our club as it's not permitted and I don't want customers thinking it's OK to touch the girls. With my life experiences, this reaction is never going away. It's why I will likely only ever work in no contact clubs. I'd want to peel my skin off if someone licked/grabbed/touched/stroked me.

    @BringOnTheMen- I like the idea of dressing approachably and beckoning them over, I might try this on busier nights. I am far more comfortable talking standing up, as I feel like it is easy to get away. I have just started updating my stripper wardrobe to be a little less rock chick and a bit more nice/pink/soft, so that should help. I think our attitudes are pretty similar when it comes to the customers, from what I have seen of your posts.

    I know my product is good, I put a lot of effort into making my shows what the customer wants/needs, be it fun, interesting, a connection, sensual dance, etc. I don't vent about ex boyfriends, eating disorders, family problems, waste the customers time going to the bathroom, all of which I have encountered in shows with other girls, so I know what I'm selling is worth it... Just need to get out there and sell it.

    Thanks ladies!

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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    Oh we sound so alike, I'm assuming you are either talking of MG or PP? I used to work at MG (before the amazing refurbishment) and it is a VERY chatty club. Like you I'm not a fan of small talk.. It's tough. It's hard to decide when to leave & when to stay. Like the above advice it comes down to the type - maybe you're just not it, it's not an attack on you the person. I used to think of myself as a flavour - some people like/don't like. I've had a really long break & am coming back in October, I spent a lot of time on the stage/bar/changeroom/bathroom not making money & now I intend to change that. After all you are there to make yourself money. You will forget the faces, get over the awkward dances. There's nothing to lose if you can keep yourself motivated! If in doubt I did A LOT of doubles work. Find someone, try doubles, agree to not take it personally if the other person gets a dance. I've been dragged quickly by girls who needed a partner for a customer so much by just being friendly to the other girls.

    Ps. double shower shows are SO easy and so fun!

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Approach avoidance, aka being a big naked scardey-cat

    Hey sydneymiss, you are spot on about the clubs, although I am a pp gal at heart. I have a couple of good regulars (the non chatty kind) at mg, but only work there infrequently. During the quiet season pp is a chattier club, the other night girls were averaging 30mins or so worth of hustle before a show: not worth it to me.
    I have definitely come a long way in the 9 months I have danced, and I can talk to people much better now, I just want to be one of those ballsy, approach everyone, get lots of shows girls.
    I think it's a personality type and I'm so not it. So it means I have to get to that point by nurture, not by nature.

    I double with a handful of great girls, so I'm covered most nights, and I always offer this as a show option. I'll work with anyone but I have my preferences obviously

    Im a bit strange and this is either a perfect match for certain customers, or completely offputting to them.

    Thanks for the tips, I'm working on my determination in the days leading up to my next shift, so we will see how it goes. I'm good with setting an event as a time to change tactics, so I've taken end of financial year to signal the start of the new me...,

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