I was going to put this in the 'stupid shit' thread, it's quite long. Stay with me, though. It's pretty funny. I was quite bored in free chat this morning, and THIS happened. Let this be a lesson... feeding the trolls is a bad idea.. but if you're bored enough, you might be able to piss them off and entertain yourself at the same time.
The North American Troll in Its Natural Habitat
WARNING: names have been changed to protect the innocent and the idiots.
You too, can delve into the fascinating study of the common troll. There are many different varieties, but all are vicious. Do not be alarmed. If you want to approach the troll, do so with palms outstretched in a calm fashion, make no sudden moves, and above all, maintain a smiling facial expression. Trolls have very good senses of smell and can sense weakness. Attempting a counter-troll is often tricky business.
First, the troll carefully selects his chosen prey.
Troll Assington: are you pregnant or just fat?
MaryJaynexo: I'm in the fat category :-P
Troll Assington: where the fuck you from?
MaryJaynexo:You're a rude one. Canada.
Troll Assington: yes I am an asshole what is your point?
MaryJaynexo: No point, just stating the obvious lol
Having established his territory, the troll prepares to pounce on his victim, to no avail.
Troll Assington:I am sure you have heard this many times but put on some fucking clothes
MaryJaynexo: Umm, I'm an e whore. My job is taking my clothes off. Lmao. Leave the room if you're so bothered
Troll Assington: In case you did not know this let me enlighten you, when you are as fat as you are...you should not be getting naked
MaryJaynexo: well pardon me, I'll go quit my job now your highness. I'm a master troll, buddy, I can stay here alllll day.
Troll Assington: You should quit your job and then go out and get some exercise...it will help you lost weight you fat ass
MaryJaynexo:Actually I lost 50 pounds already and still losing but thank you for the advice :-)
Troll Assington: instead of sitting on your ass all day stuffing your face
MaryJaynexo: oops better get some more hotdogs, hahahaha.You're fun.
The wild troll is confused, and reassesses the situation, trying to attack his prey at what he assumes to be its weakest point: HOTDOGS!
Troll Assington:You do realize that in every joke there is a bit of truth right.....so I am going to say you are hungry and want about 5 dozen hotdogs right now
Troll Assington:how much do you weigh, i am going to guess about 300
MaryJaynexo:Nah, I don't even like hotdogs. My weight is in my profile
Troll Assington:168 pounds my ass you fat bitch
MaryJaynexo:I'd rather toast or something it's like 8 am. Dude, why are you here if you don't like looking at me? Honestly, I've heard it all before and it doesn't bug me.
Troll Assington:how much did you leave off of that number
MaryJaynexo:50 million pounds lol that's my real weight you got me
Further confused, the troll gives us an illuminating glance into his miniscule brain, revealing the method of selection he uses to stalk his victims:
Troll Assington: Honestly i was wondering what CA stood for
Troll Assington: ANd when I saw how fat you are, I couldnt help but make fun of you for it
MaryJaynexo: I see. Well are you having fun at least?
Troll Assington:Yes I am
MaryJaynexo:cool
Troll Assington: its fun to make fun of fat fucks who think they are sexy...such as yourself
MaryJaynexo:I've done my good deed then. Cool, do you do this often?
None of the troll's methods are working. He tries to weaken his prey again, hoping to gain some sweet, sweet satisfaction:
Troll Assington:In order to find your pussy do you have to roll yourself in flour and look for the wet spot?
MaryJaynexo:Yes, yes I do. How did you guess? Lmao. Are you reading these off google or do you have a joke book?
Troll Assington: What in the fuck made you want to be a fucking whore in the frist place
MaryJaynexo: see I needed more hotdog money. lmao
Troll Assington: There is no way in hell you can make decent money with you being as fat as you are
this is one job where looks matter bitch
MaryJaynexo:sorry but people like me even if you don't
Troll Assington: I didnt say i didnt like you
MaryJaynexo:Hm, well that's confusing then
Troll Assington: I think you might be a good person but not e whore material
MaryJaynexo oh. I see. Well that's something
Troll Assington: at least I am honest
MaryJaynexo:Go ahead, share your opinion lol
Troll Assington: I would share it even if you did mind it
Lost, scared, and hairy in the cold, cold, internet, the troll is still hoping for a morsel of food. Let's watch, shall we?
Troll Assington:how come you have no audio
MaryJaynexo:I lost my voice, was sick for a few days and my throat is all scratchy
Troll Assington: I thought maybe you had no mic or something
MaryJaynexo:No, I have one I just don't want to talk because I sound bad today
Troll Assington: I hope you get to feeling better
MaryJaynexo:Thanks
Troll Assington: it is never any fun when your sick
MaryJaynexo:nope
At last! The troll reveals his true objective and hones in on his kill, albeit ineffectively.
Troll Assington: so lets see them fucking tits
MaryJaynexo:lol I thought you didn't like fat tits? I'm confused
Troll Assington: I never said I didnt like fat tits
Troll Assington: that is what you get for thinking
Troll Assington: so stop fucking stalling and flash them fucking tits out
MaryJaynexo:My apologies lol. Does this work for you? The whole insult thing and then tits for free? Or do you get banned by now?
Troll Assington: you want to ban me for speaking the truth that is your right
MaryJaynexo:No I don't want to ban you. Most people would though. That's what I mean
Denied his food, the troll is further enraged.
Troll Assington: and if you are so proud of your fucking tits then show them
MaryJaynexo:I never said I was proud of them
Troll Assington: I love it when i get banned, that is what i set out to do sometimes
Well as long as you're accomplishing something right?
Troll Assington: if you was not proud of your tits and pussy and then you would not be an e whore
MaryJaynexo:What do you know about me besides I'm on the internet? lol, you don't know much at all about me.
Our researcher has given the troll a small tidbit. He advances forward, on the hunt for blood:
Troll Assington: it is simple really, you like to fuck, you like to cum, and you like to show your body
Troll Assington: other wise if you didnt like all three you would not be doing this
The trolls behaviour stuns and confuses the other, nicer, cuter animals in the wild internet:
Awesomereg1: you're so horrible but he wants to see your tits anyway?
But this troll is hungry. He will not give up without a fight for his food.
Troll Assington:you can sit there and act like I am wrong but we both know I am right
MaryJaynexo:I do like those things, but it is possible not to like them and still have this job, for instance if you are desperate for money, etc
Troll Assington: If you are desperate for money, then you would not be able to have the net and therefore you would not be doing this
Troll Assington: but hey nice try
MaryJaynexo:Well you can still be poor and have internet. I have been in that situation before
Deprived of other avenues of trolling, he seeks out whatever means he can to lash out at the researcher and obtain the food most preferred by trolls: internet butthurt. They say it's delicious, but this researcher has never tasted it.
Troll Assington: if you didnt smoke weed you would not be in that postion
MaryJaynexo:I don't smoke weed
Troll Assington: yea and your name is really mary Jayne
MaryJaynexo:What makes you think that?
Troll Assington: read the above statement
Awesomereg2: what game is troll playing :-D
MaryJaynexo:Honestly I don't smoke weed I just picked a stupid sounding name like everyone else lol. If I did trust me I would be high right now because free chat hurts my brain
Troll Assington: if you say so stoner lmfao
Troll Assington: anything hurts your brain.
Awesomereg3: troll is a tool!!
MaryJaynexo:Yes. From all the weed. lol
The troll is cornered, and makes one last desperate attempt to attain nourishment:
Troll Assington: how much longer you going to pretended you are not going to show me your fucking tits
MaryJaynexo:Well since I'm not going to show you them, I guess, forever?
Troll Assington: and if you think I am going to pay you to show them you are sadly mistaken there cupcake
MaryJaynexo:I don't care if you don't pay me lol. I'm just not showing them for free
Troll Assington: does your mom know your a whore
MaryJaynexo:Yep. She does.
Troll Assington: You should bring your mom with you and do a show with her
MaryJaynexo:Well you know, I have to give you credit for spelling correctly.
Troll Assington: I bet you would bring home the bacon that day.
MaryJaynexo:Lmao, nah my mom doesn't approve. She just knows.
Troll Assington:How can she approve or dissapprove if she has not done this. that is really fucked up of her isnt it?
MaryJaynexo:She's very Catholic. Does that answer your question? lol [not true]
Awesomereg1: this is funnier than american tv shows :-D
Troll Assington: oh but she has no problem with the catholic preist playing hide the cock inside of lil timmy?
MaryJaynexo:Lmao you don't like anyone do you
Troll Assington: I like myself so therefore I like someone
Troll Assington:I bet your mom was a whore when she was younger is why she does not approve of you doing this
MaryJaynexo:I don't think she was but I guess the possiblity is there lol. If she was she never told me about it
Troll Assington:Yea like your mom would come right out and say I was a whore growing up
MaryJaynexo:Well no she wouldn't...So I'll never know lol
Reg2: take ur meds and leave her alone
Troll Assington: you could grow some fucking nuts and ask your mom if she was a whore growing up
MaryJaynexo:If I had nuts I'd be on a different site though. I like this one
Troll Assington: You are just scared to find out if your mom was or wasnt a whore
Troll Assington: makes you wonder if your dad is really your dad
MaryJaynexo:Not really I don't care I'd still love her. I don't like my dad so I don't care about that either [note, also not true. He responded exactly how I thought he would]
Troll Assington: now we know why your fat....daddy issues
MaryJaynexo:lol yep, you caught me again
reg3: wonder if he has ever had a woman? such a charmer
Troll Assington: and that is why you are a e whore......trying to replace your love for daddy with sex
MaryJaynexo oh lawdy you caught me again
Troll Assington: and sex in person is out of the question
MaryJaynexo:You're so smart lol. No I have a boyfriend, have had for 5 years
Troll Assington: Just because you have a bf doesnt mean your fucking him
Troll Assington: and it doesnt mean you are the only one he is fucking either
MaryJaynexo:Well we had sex after the first year, so if that answers your question..I don't think he cheats but I guess it's possible. Anything is
Troll Assington: Like you would admit you was not fucking him
MaryJaynexo:Well if I fuck myself online why wouldn't I fuck in person? We have a couples account on here LOL
Troll Assington: because I dont see any man wanting to see you fully naked let alone fucking you
reg1: Troll is mayb his bank account says 0.00 :-D
MaryJaynexo:Well I guess you'll have to take that up with him
Troll Assington:What makes you think I want to talk to him?
MaryJaynexo:If you want to know why he likes me naked you do. Only he can answer that...any last words?
Our researcher has exhausted her remaining time for study, although she has gained a multitude of knowledge on troll habits from this encounter.
Troll Assington: are you sure he wants to see you naked and just dont have pity for you?
MaryJaynexo:I have no idea but he's the one that knows
MaryJaynexo: Any last words before I ban you? You're boring me now.
The troll launches himself into one last enraged fury when he finally, finally figures out that he will be denied a tasty meal of butthurt.
Troll Assington: ban me you fat cow, just goes to show that I was right about you
MaryJaynexo:Bye dickhead. :-)
Troll Assington:fat slut
Troll Assington: has been blocked
MaryJaynexo: LOL
MaryJaynexo: that was a workout and a half. lmao
reg3: ohhh he was jerking it the entire time
MaryJaynexo: Definitely. I think he was a humiliation fetishist.
MaryJaynexo: Sorry I kept him in here for so long but damn I was laughing
MaryJaynexo: love you guys you're troopers haha
You too, can participate in this amazing research opportunity. Just mail your results to: LMAO, Canada.
The end.
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