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Thread: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

  1. #1
    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    So basically I lent my brother £400 naively thinking there was no way my older brother would ever con me out of my money. He promised to pay me back by september but he is now refusing. He says he will pay me back eventually but he always has an excuse as to why he can't and I don't believe I'll ever get it back. Basically like most strippers I fucking love money so I'm having an incredibly difficult time getting over losing £400 of my hard earned cash. I'm so angry at him and at myself for being so stupid. Anyone have any advise how to get over the anger and frustration?

    I could take him to a small claims court however if he declares bankruptcy which he could well do because he is in a lot of debt then he wouldn't have to pay me anything and all the trouble of making the claim would have been pointless.

    I was thinking of making his life really difficult by phoning his work and telling them I'm looking for my brother because he owes me money to really embaress him but I'm not sure if doing this will make him pay me the money and even though he's fucked me over I'm not sure I should be that mean. What would people here do?

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    Being broke is not the same as conning you. Maybe he had every intention of paying you but he simply doesn't have the money. Not that you shouldn't be angry anyways but don't make it worse by assuming he is just out to purposely screw you.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    First Rule do not do business with family.

    Second rule, before loaning money see proof that it can be paid back.

    third rule, if it is near certain that it won't be paid back, move on, and never loan that person another cent.

    Four go have a beer and laugh about it.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    Never loan money you can't afford to lose. I've been on both ends of this situation - neither one is any good. In my current situation - beyond broke and losing everything - I mostly refuse offers to loan me money unless it's a relatively small amount and I know the person lending it doesn't need it AND that they are WELL aware that in our current circumstance there is no promise made as to when it can be repaid. On the other side, I stopped loaning money to friends and family long ago that I needed back or expected to see again. If in your mind you're giving it to them - "loan" wording aside - then it's a pleasant surprise when they DO pay up and no loss when they don't.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    I agree that you don't know if he is just refusing to pay the money or literally can't pay the money. If he needed to borrow that much in the first place, then clearly he is broke. Back in December, I had my mom pay $65 and my sister pay $25 for Christmas gift for other people from me, with every intention of being able to pay them back by February. Well, it's now almost August, and I still haven't managed to pay them back, because literally every single time I have a tad bit excess of money, it ends up going to some unexpected bill. And I owe so much less than he does... I can't even imagine how I'd begin paying back that amount of money. I'd probably be crying every night, thinking about it.

    I completely understand that losing that much money sucks, but my general rule of thumb is to not lend money that you wouldn't be able to do without if it doesn't get paid back. If you are ok financially and just hurting over the broken promise, then let it go for now. Unless he starts spending lavish amounts on vacations and new cars instead of paying you back first, then give him some space to breathe and not worry. If he is doing stuff like that though, I would just cut him off and not speak to him/see him until he ponies up.
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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    You poor thing! I've been there with two of my exes. One it was a LOT of money that he totally screwed me out of, the other a relatively small amount he was too broke to repay (even though he wasn't too broke to throw a birthday party for himself lol.) It is thee worst feeling, and it has to hurt even worse when it's family. The only thing that *may* work is ask him to pay you back $20 a month for 20 months?

    But I feel like people in our lives justify sponging money off of us because they tell themselves "oh they're strippers, they make so much money it doesn't even matter to them," not realizing how hard we work! I think sometimes our loved ones even resent us for having so-called easy money.

    Just don't beat yourself up over it. Remember that if you're at fault at all in this situation, your flaw is simply being too good of a person.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    If he can't pay it back all at once, try and work out an arrangement with him to pay back a small amount each month, maybe £40 a month, for ten months. If he refuses to do anything at all to work things out, take him to small claims court. You have nothing to lose. At worst, you'll end up the same as if you did nothing, and at best, you'll get your money back.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    i doubt there is much you can do re the court unless you have proof of the money loaned, an agreement when it was to be paid back etc.

    ask someone suggested ask for a repayment plan

    i know why you are angry, its with yourself for letting him "dupe" you. revenge is not the route to take. all the time you would spend thinking about this arsehole, spend it on yourself, enjoying life, earning money. karma will take care of him, believe me.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    Holly
    This really sucks but really rethink suing your brother.
    Ten, twenty years from now, you both might be totally flush with cash and this will all be a distant memory, but not if you sue him.

    The truth, people who need to borrow money are usually having problems with either income flow or general life organization skills. So the loan just helps them from drowning. But yeah a lot of time they aren't able to pay it back, or just overestimate their ability to pay it back in a certain time frame.

    I've been on both sides. I've had people tell me I don't have to pay them back some pretty large chunks of money, thank goodness, it was like a weight lifted.

    I also have a brother who also needs to borrow $50 on a pretty consistent basis. He never pays it back....he just doesn't have it. *sigh*

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    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    I tried to work out an arrangement where he pays me a small amount each month and he refused. The thing is he is earning a good wage, he gets atleast £1100 a month. He isn't spending lavishly but he could be renting a much cheaper flat. I don't understand why he can't budget on the income he has and pay me back. I don't desperately need the money but although i can afford to lose £400 I obviously don't want to if I can help it.

    You're absolutely right naughtybeckie it is the feeling of being 'duped' and by my own brother. I think I'm just gonna have to consider the money a write off and I don't want anything to do with my brother for a while. Things like this make me think there is no point being a good person and trying to help people because you'll just get used.

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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    How can you take your own brother to court? Take it as a learning less and don't loan money you aren't willing to lose.
    Evil is always devising more corrosive misery through man's restless need to exact revenge out of his hate. Ralph Steadman

  17. #12
    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Re: Brother conned me out of £400 need advise

    "don't loan money you arn't willling to lose" lol what a stupid comment. 'Don't loan money you can't afford to lose ' is a valid principle but you shouldn't be willing to lose money you loan. If your willing to do something it implies you consent to it and if you consent to lose the money it would be a gift not a loan.

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