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Thread: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

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    Default Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    So I've been on the childfree band wagon all my life. Without exception. I have never, nor do not ever want to have kids.

    I have used progestorone in one form or another for 11 years, I currently have an Implanon in, which is my second one. I have decided I want something more permanent, as my health is impacted, and getting worse.
    I am currently in a cycle of migraines, sleeping them off, then insomnia, leading to another migraine, which has been going on all week, and occurs fairly regularly. I have a lot of other side effects from the Implanon, which is starting to impact my relationship, and my partner is ranging from
    annoyed to worried, depending what side effect is going on. I have just learned to live with the side effects, but he is encouraging me to go seek alternatives, and honestly, he's right. He's been really sweet and offered to do everything he can so i can have it taken out, including resorting back to condoms, but I hate them, he hates them, and the risk of breakage is just too high, especially with how I roll in the bedroom.

    I am really keen on having a tubal ligation. I have metal allergies so those copper IUD things are out, terrible memory and an unwillingness to risk going on the pill, worse side effects from Depo Provera injections, and really just want something completely permanent.

    Trouble is, I'm 28, childless, and the ideal candidate for them to say "no way".

    Has anyone one here had luck with any willing Australian Dr's? I'll travel if I need to. Or anyone who has decided early no kids, and how did you put it to your dr in a way that was acceptable. I know myself, I know I wont be changing my mind, I just need to convince them that so I can get on with my life in a healthier, happier way...

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    Veteran Member annabellz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Well, the copper IUD is out but have you looked into the Mirena IUD, its plastic- so that may be an alternative for you..

    If not then you should just present your case to your doctor like you did here. Give him all your facts and reasons for wanting tubal ligation, explain you understand the risks and consequences and are making an informed decision. If he wont do it contact other doctors until you find one that will.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Idk where you are in your relationship, but would your partner getting a vasectomy be an option? Also, not trying to push the pill, but if forgetfulness is your primary concern, what has worked for me without fail for ~4 years has been to set an alarm on my phone. I have a really varied sleep schedule so there's no way I would have been able to remember to take it on my own.

    As for convincing your doctor, I haven't had to do it personally, but I read a bunch of stories from men and women in similar positions as yours on child-free forums. The general consensus was that the best way to go about it was to call and ask about scheduling a consultation, and also at the time, ask whether the doctor has any age or child requirements (IE, the doctor won't do the procedure for anyone under 30, or perhaps anyone who hasn't had at least 2 kids or whatever arbitrary BS they have set up). If the person scheduling says there aren't any rules like that then cool, schedule the appointment. When you go in for the consultation, make it clear that you are not there to get advice on whether or not you "ought" to have it done. Rather, you made the decision to take measures to be child-free over a decade ago, have not changed you mind since, and are now ready to commit to a method that will not impair your day-to-day life and well-being. Now, the only questions are whether your body is healthy enough to undergo the procedure and whether that doctor is the right doctor for you. I think you just have to walk the line between pressuring the doctor and being firm in your decision. If (s)he doesn't want to do it, that's understandable, I guess. Just ask for a referral and move on.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Quote Originally Posted by tuesdaymarie View Post
    Idk where you are in your relationship, but would your partner getting a vasectomy be an option?
    Valid point but absolutely not. I wouldn't accept that, and he'd have bigger issues getting a dr to do it than me.
    I'm dating a 22 year old guy, who is happy not to have kids while he is with me, however remaining childless is purely my decision and as such, I'd like him to be able to have the choice at any time to say "actually, I wanna be a dad, let's call it a day..." and be able to go on to have kids with someone else. Most guys say they are OK with the no kids thing, then down the track it comes out they are not so OK with it, and just hoping I will change my mind. I don't put a lot of hope in being with any one person for the rest of my life, so I would never get a guy to change himself based on my choices. I don't want a guy resenting me for letting him make that choice, then regretting it later.
    That's kind of why I like younger guys... They are not ready to settle down and make families and shit, and that suits me perfectly. And also why I'll never date a guy with kids...
    Thanks for the pill alarm advice, another forgot to mention I remembered (doing well here, aren't I, lol) I take antibiotics for my skin every day. So not really a choice either, unless I get off the doxy.
    *sigh*
    ...but I do like the suggestions about the consult, stressing it's not about the choice, just about finding the dr. Good advice. Thanks.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    I highly doubt it... I know a girl who has 2 kids and a long term partner the same age. Even has endometriosis on ovarian cysts and no one will do it for her even. Its sucky. Shes also allergic to latex and has horrible reactions to synthetic estrogen. So pretty much she just avoids sex... its lame.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    I can't speak for Australian doctors but about 10 years ago I talked to my doctor about this. At that point I was convinced I never wanted kids and my mind had been made up. However my doctor didn't like to do them on childless women because yes even the most hardcore could meet a guy and change. The irony is in fact I did change my mind about this and am glad I didn't have it done. I do know they have some sort of semi permanent procedure where it lasts many years (not an IUD)and this might be a good choice for you.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    It's this view that the right guy will "change" things for me that is driving me absolutely batshit crazy. I understand people have real life experiences with changing their mind, I really do, and I respect that, but it's impossible to explain how solidly it does not fit into my life plan in any way shape or form. I have had several long term relationships, one of 8 years, and it never swayed me any closer to wanting kids.
    And in that parallel universe where I go certifiably crazy, lose all of my morals, ethics and life views I have formed over a lifetime and decide I am so crazy in love I want to spit out a kid, and do the thing to my body I never ever want to do.... I would go through the pain, expense and trouble of reversal, IVF, all that bullshit. I would have to want kids THAT much to change my viewpoint from where I am now. I know it's never going to happen, but I am more willing to go through all that FOR a kid, than go through all the other stuff preventing one with short-term solutions, when I know I'm just delaying the inevitable until I am no longer fertile.
    It's just so f*cking retarded that a doctor would allow me to get knocked up and have abortion after abortion, but wouldn't let me make a responsible and life changing decision to prevent something like that from happening permanently. And if I got pregnant accidentally, well there's just no question of going through with it. No. I'd terminate. No one would have a say. Not even my SO. I'm not changing my life to accommodate something I don't want to begin with.
    I'm just so annoyed at a world so geared towards the "family" dynamic. The assumption we will all want to be mothers some day. At least allow women the freedom of choice to do with their bodies what they so choose, and deal with the consequences of their decisions with time.... I mean, if we will let people amputate their own limbs due to psychological conditions, why the hell will we not allow women the freedom to choose their fertility options.
    It's crazy that I could fly off to Thailand without a second thought, and return having had the procedure I want, and yet a doctor in my own country would be unwilling to perform such a procedure on me. Not that I would risk medical tourism, but it's not even something people would do just because it's cheaper... Its something they may do out of sheer frustration at our medical system.
    Balls on all of it. Seeing my Dr this week to get her opinion. Wish me luck.
    end.rant.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    ^I agree and sympathize. My most recent dermatologist doesn't want to put me on a medication because it causes severe birth deformities. I told her that I have been on birth control for over four years, have never missed a pill, and have never had a pregnancy scare. I am extremely responsible about it and have never wanted children, but because I am "of childbearing age," she refused to even consider prescribing me anything that could harm a fetus. When I said something like, "I understand if you do not think the medication is the best option for me right now, however, I'd like to stress that children are not in my future, immediate or otherwise, so I would prefer for you to consider that when deciding on my treatment," she just gave me the You'll-Change-Your-Mind look. No, dammit, I will not! There are a plethora of non-emotional 100-fucking-percent logical reasons why I should not have children! Christ. I'm not even trying to become sterile. I just want clear skin, you fucks! My current SO and I intend to marry, but because we're both 22 right now and do not want to make it official till he can get affordable medical insurance apart from his family, I want him to wait to get a vasectomy till we at least have a set wedding date. He's half Cuban and his relatives are VERY family-centric. It doesn't help that he was the first born male either, and the only other one in that family's entire generation besides his little brother. Everyone from his mother to his 112-year-old great-great-grandmother keeps harassing me about how I'm just kidding when I say I don't like or want children. His grandmother seriously tried to convince me to get rid of my cat I've had for like a decade because, according to her, cats cause miscarriages and infertility.

    Anyway, sorry to rant on your rant thread. It's just that most of the time when I bring this up, I just get more bullshit. I tried to very plainly explain myself to my mother and all she can say is, "Oooh, you'll end up with a minivan full of little ones! You were always the maternal type!" NO I WAS NOT. I took care of my little brother because my mother went out because she didn't ever like little kids either but was pressured to have more! She was actually about to have her tubes tied when my father, who was casually dating her at the time, asked her not to because he could see a future with her. Yeah, long story short, that didn't go to well for her. Thanks, but I'll pass.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    ^Retin A/Roaccutane by any chance? I got the third degree "what birth control are you on, could you be pregnant, when was your last period", and a serious mental health checkover to get on that stuff... Was just lucky I walked into the dermatologists office on my period so they didn't force me to go downstairs for a pregnancy test.
    It's nasty stuff to a pregnant woman, but if you're sensible and have planned your BC method whilst on it well, there's no reason to panic. It was stressed to me if you became pregnant on that medication there would likely be some pretty horrific consequences. But yeah, it's OK if you've got it covered (which I did)
    It's hardcore stuff, but it worked well for me when I had it.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    There is a lot of issues of making a mistake and having regret here but you clearly know what you want... if I were you I would have them save some of my eggs in an "egg bank" or freeze them (not sure how either work/what they cost) and go ahead with ur procedure. You will have peace in mind knowing you got what you want and you won't get pregnant, but in the rare chance you wish to have kids you still can.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I can't speak for Australian doctors but about 10 years ago I talked to my doctor about this. At that point I was convinced I never wanted kids and my mind had been made up. However my doctor didn't like to do them on childless women because yes even the most hardcore could meet a guy and change. The irony is in fact I did change my mind about this and am glad I didn't have it done. I do know they have some sort of semi permanent procedure where it lasts many years (not an IUD)and this might be a good choice for you.
    I actually have 3 little ones and tied my tubes during my last c-section and now, 17 months later, I'm regretting it as me and hubby want more kids.I don't suggest getting tied to anyone due to my own experience .....Ill probably try to untie them in a few years... but that sometimes isn't effective.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    i dont really have an input about the thing... you know yourself best and if youve always been that solid than its rare you will regret it. the only thing i can predict about myself is unpredictability so i steer away from any kind of permanent solutions to anything. i just wanted to say thanks for the info about the horrible side effects on the implant and the shot, ive been considering it but i think now ill just stick to the pill.

    shoulda said something when you felt like shit....... plz dont let me rant on in the DR with my trivial yet amusing men/life problems if you feel like youre in the gates of hell due to a deadly migraine/insomnia hangover.
    hugs xx
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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    ^aww, hunni, thankyou. You actually weren't at work the worst night last week, which was Wednesday. That's why I picked up on a lot of the gossiping that night, because I was a bit quiet.
    As far as the side effects go, I have had a good run. With the Depo I used to get headaches when I was due for a shot, and I put on a bit of weight, and had lower sex drive, but otherwise it was pretty good. My periods stopped completely and I rarely had one over the 6 years I used it. Overall it was OK. The Implanon was great when I first got it, I lost a heap of weight, and remained pretty stable for a while, although having a period a bit more often (maybe every 2-3 months) It's only in probably the last 12 months I have really noticed a huge change in the way it works, and funnily enough, like the depo, I am approaching the 6 year point. So it may be that my body adapts over this time and it becomes less effective.
    Everyone has different reactions based on their body chemistry, so don't take my experiences as gospel, some girls can't tolerate progestorone at all, some it works perfectly for years. For me, overall it's been worth it. The bonus of the implant is that if you react badly or it is not working well/causing side effects, you can take it straight out and go back to normal within a couple of weeks, whereas there is no way of getting the injection out if you have it and it doesn't work the way you expect.
    One of the other girls has an Implanon too, if you wanted another opinion I can ask her to talk to you about her experiences with it.
    The massage chick felt it the other night while massaging my arm, and was like WTF????

    I like your men problems. Feel free to share them any time...

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    thnx bb =]
    i dont know i think i may stick to the pill. i dont like the whole take everyday for the rest of your life deal but its worked for me so far, no side effects except clear skin and big boobies lol =] im just terrified of getting pregnant. im way way too emotional to deal with any consequences if contraception dont work. but then again my sex life is pretty meh at the moment. maybe if i have another serious partner ill consider changing. ive just read articles about the implant not being completely reliable in some cases but what is. bah sometimes i hate being a woman. you can choose from two not so awesome options: possibility of having babies, or never having babies. i wish i was a stone set as you are. i dont like kids but who knows one day i might want my own.
    i love you! lemme know what you decide
    if you do go through with the surgery ill bake you cupcakes. xx
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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Yes. I am about to get essure done. This place: http://www.advancedgynaecologymelbou...procedure.html

    I am also childfree and a similar age to you.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    If you have not considered it, I would look into the Mirena IUD as a tubal ligation alternative. The Australian Mirena appears to be the same product that I got in the USA and like a previous poster said, it is plastic and does NOT contain copper. It has a tiny dose of hormones that are not supposed to affect you systemically. Many folks (including me) who do not like or tolerate hormones well (the pill, ring, Depo, Implanon, etc) choose Mirena.

    I know that you are 100% committed to a tubal, but I wasn't, so there was no way I'd be able to convince a doctor. I suggest it because if your doctor won't be convinced even though you totally are ... this is something you can both agree on.

    It's significantly less expensive, less intrusive, and easier to get than a tubal, with THE VERY SAME effectiveness. I walked out of the office and went shopping. You would have to get it replaced every 7 years (but in 7 years, you would be a perfect tubal ligation candidate).

    Whatever you choose, I think the trick to getting what you want is just to have faith in what you want. It's OK if your doctor says "no way". It's OK if your first 10 doctors say "no way". It doesn't mean you're wrong! Don't get discouraged. Keep asking, eventually you will find someone who will do it ... whatever it is.

    There is an active forum discussing IUDs here: http://iud-divas.livejournal.com

    Best of luck.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    Quote Originally Posted by flickad View Post
    Yes. I am about to get essure done. This place: http://www.advancedgynaecologymelbou...procedure.html

    I am also childfree and a similar age to you.
    Flickad, that is awesome! How did you go with the referral/approval process? Were there any psych exams or other processes to get approved to have it?
    They also do endometrial ablation, which is something I had been considering as well. Would be more than happy to do a shopping trip to Melbourne if I have no success with getting both of these done in Sydney.
    It's wonderful to hear a success story of someone actually being OK'd for the procedure, and in a similar position to me.

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    Default Re: Talking my Dr into giving me a tubal ligation..

    I have no idea how it works in Australia but I was able to have mine tied in Canada. I have fatigue issues and I stated that as a reason for having my tubes tied. I have heard that doctors in Canada will tie your tubes as long as you have a plausible reason that you need it in some way in regards to your long-term mental/physical health in someway.

    It has been years and I've never regretted my decision. I would be willing to bet on it in Las Vegas that I never will.

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