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Thread: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

  1. #1
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    Default I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    Hey guys, been lurking the last few weeks after a long break but for those who remember me I'm back!

    I danced for about 2 years, haven't done it for about 18months now. After quitting dancing I took a waitressing job at the same club I was working and ended up in a relationship with a security guard. We've been together ever since and now live together. Everything has been wonderful, I've never been this happy with anyone and can really see a future with this guy.

    Since leaving dancing I have done a variety of hospitality jobs working for a large corporation (wish I could be more specific but need to maintain privacy sorry!) and in the time I've been doing this I feel like my confidence, spirit and self-esteem have just plummeted. Anyone who's ever worked as a waitress probably knows the feeling...but the fact that I'm enduring some despicable levels of rudeness from people for less than half what I would make in a week dancing (and for twice the hours) has really started to wear me down. The fact that I work for a corporation and not an independent business as well means I can't defend myself at all. I had a woman call me retarded the other day, but I had to continue serving her with tears in my eyes. I look in the mirror and feel like in the last year I have aged about 10 years on my face. My job is making me so depressed, and when I finally get a day off I just want to sleep and not spend time with anyone. When I was dancing I could walk out of the house in gym gear and still feel sexy and confident, and on my days off I would want to see family and friends, tidy up the house and just basically try to better myself and be happy!

    So after all that, I had been considering going back to dancing. After reading the law of attraction thread I feel like I want to even more. I have a feeling this will be a deal breaker for my boyfriend though. Apart from the fact that he does security for a lot of the clubs on the strip, all his friends do security there as well so there would be no way of keeping it quiet. I know he would be embarrassed if his friends were seeing me naked on the job. He has said before that he's really glad I don't do it anymore because towards the end of my dancing I was really unhappy and in a rut not making any money. But he doesn't remember a time when I was confident and making lots of money and really happy.

    I don't know what to do. Don't know how to bring it up or how to convince him. And if I'm faced with a choice between him and dancing I don't want to make that choice because I don't feel like I should have to. I do know that if I stay in my current job much longer I'm gonna crack in a really bad way.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    It sounds like you only really want to go back to dancing to get your sexy back, but I'm not sure if dancing will necessarily accomplish that, especially if you ended on an unhappy note. Going in to the industry with confidence is one thing, but going in when you're already down can be a recipe for disaster as there are many customers who seem to live for putting girls down, and they seem to be able to pick up on girls who are more susceptible. I've seen some girls argue on here that dancing gave them confidence, but I think in the vast majority, it's the opposite. I'm not trying to keep you from dancing, but really think about why you want to go back and if dancing will give that to you. It's hard not to look at dancing through rose-coloured glasses once you're done.

    If you're sick of your job and stuck in a rut, may I suggest finding a different company to work for? Or perhaps a different aspect of hospitality? An entirely new and different job, even?

    Above all, changing your attitude is going to be the biggest factor in turning things around. Regardless of what you do work-wise (stay in your job, dance, find something new), feeling depressed and not working on your self esteem will continue to plague you. That sort of change mostly comes from within. What sort of things do you enjoy doing that make you feel good about yourself? Schedule them into your life so you have to do them even when you're not in the mood. Give it time though, this isn't just going to change overnight.

    If you're dead-set on dancing again though, be honest with your boyfriend. It's a very real possibility that you'll break up over it. Is that something you're okay with? Keep in mind, if he and his friends work on the strip, you'll have to work with them post-break up as well. Are there are cities nearby you can work in that they don't? Perhaps that sort of a compromise would be enough for your boyfriend.

    Best of luck with whatever you do. I hope you figure things out and are able to get your confidence back up again.

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    Default Re: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    Thanks Shanna. Getting my sexy back is definitely one of the reasons, but of course its also largely about money and wanting to save and not work 50 hours a week for breadcrumbs. The first time around, I went into dancing as a nervous newbie looking for a way to make money in college.

    I can honestly say I'm part of the minority you mentioned, because it helped me with my confidence so much, and made me so much more assertive. I do understand what you're saying about girls going in on a bad note and it making things worse however, as I've seen it myself. I think another big part of the allure is the power I felt when I was working for myself. If someone was ever rude to me when I was a dancer I could just walk away (and in some cases, have them ejected from the club) but in pretty much any other customer focussed job I just don't have that option.

    You've given me some good thoughts though, thanks!

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    Default Re: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    ^Fair enough! The customer service of dancing really is much more empowering than that of waitressing, so I totally get how much of a difference that can be.

    Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? You may think he's not okay with it, but if you laid out all of these reasons why going back to dancing would be beneficial for you (and I assume he has noticed the change in your mood and demeanour and would like to have the old happy and confident you back!), he might be able to support your decision. At the very least, having that conversation will give you a better idea of how to proceed (break up, come up with a compromise like dancing out of town, or finding a new and better paying job).

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    Default Re: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    We have had some brief conversations about it in the past. He was pretty against it and mostly for the reasons that I stated such as his friends seeing me naked at work, guys treating me like a piece of meat, safety issues etc. Unfortunately I think that even though he's had so much exposure to the industry he only sees the negative side in his job. He only notices the girls who are doing extras or drugs because its his job to make them pack their shit and leave, only notices the customers that are getting wasted and trying to feel up the girls coz he has to kick them out. I think I need to think of ways to explain to him that there is another side to the industry that he doesn't get a chance to see...

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    Default Re: I'm back! And considering coming out of retirement...

    Hmm, that's tricky. He does have a very specific experience with the industry, and it can be hard to break that perception! Perhaps try framing stripping as the anti-waitressing, recounting all the positives of dancing as the opposition to the negatives of your waitressing job. He might be more receptive to that. So like, tell him the story of the lady calling you retarded and you having to serve her while fighting back tears. And then tell him that in the strip club, that would never fly, and you would have been able to remove yourself from that situation and not had it fuck with your mental wellbeing.

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