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Thread: Touch Issues :(

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    Veteran Member Fionaver's Avatar
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    Default Touch Issues :(

    I was wondering if anyone else here has touch issues. I've been in the business for a long time and I'm definitely hitting the wall as far as burn out goes, but quitting is not a viable option for me.

    I've been pretty protective of my body, or rather, my physical integrity, for a long time - I don't even like my grandparents hugging me. I just freeze.

    I have a really hard time staying in the moment when I'm having sex now - it's been like this for years, but it just seems like its getting worse. Maybe I'm just more aware of it, but I totally find myself tuning out while we're being naughty. Or I start focusing on how my body looks from his perspective. Or both.

    Does anyone else here go through this?

    Also: unsure where this should be posted. Please move if necessary.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    Were you like this before you started dancing?

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    Veteran Member Fionaver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    Nope.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    Is there any way you can limit some of the contact you allow in the club? I know this isn't always possible because high contact is just so expected, but if you could stop allowing a small thing that really bothers you (maybe you hate having your tits groped, your ass rubbed, or even something as minor as your neck touched) and pushing contact on a body part that doesn't bother you, that could be a small step in the right direction.

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    Veteran Member Fionaver's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    I work in a very low contact club. On the floor: I don't grind, they don't touch. In private they can touch, but the three key areas are off limits, no hair, no face, and no fluids. Those are my boundaries. I tell them that I prefer to save some things for my personal life, and they are usually cool with that.

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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    This happened to me too. Except I don't freeze up. I get pissed off.

    Good example: At my SIL's wedding last year, my FIL ran up to me exclaiming "YOU LOOK STUNNING" and swooped in to kiss me on the cheek. I dodged him completely and sort of side-stepped. I didn't say anything at the time, but I was FURIOUS. I don't like being hugged by anyone other than very close friends and my husband. I HATE being kissed in ANY way by anyone but my husband. I've been known to say "Don't hug me. I don't like it".

    The sex issues happened to me too. Really, the only thing that helped was retiring. I felt like I gave so much attention and affection at work it was a chore to give any at home. It took me about a year to start feeling better. I wish I was more help, but rest assured I think this is a common side effect.

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    Veteran Member Joanna_Kaary's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    I also freeze up if touched a certain way and am a "runner" when having sex sometimes. You are not the only one that has issues with physical boundaries.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Fionaver View Post
    I was wondering if anyone else here has touch issues. I've been in the business for a long time and I'm definitely hitting the wall as far as burn out goes, but quitting is not a viable option for me.

    I've been pretty protective of my body, or rather, my physical integrity, for a long time - I don't even like my grandparents hugging me. I just freeze.

    I have a really hard time staying in the moment when I'm having sex now - it's been like this for years, but it just seems like its getting worse. Maybe I'm just more aware of it, but I totally find myself tuning out while we're being naughty. Or I start focusing on how my body looks from his perspective. Or both.

    Does anyone else here go through this?

    Also: unsure where this should be posted. Please move if necessary.
    I apologise in advance but that line reminded me of this scene; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4j_GffcGsQ

    I'm also sorry to say that I drift during sex too, and the only thing that has helped is regular meditation classes.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    PM Optimist, she usually has great resources. Also, JD started a thread 'Preserving your emotional/psychological wellbeing" http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...cal-Well-Being which is probably worth a re-read.

    I googled and came up with BriteneyIrelands quote "Is There Intimacy Between You And Her? Then there is the joke about how the sex life of both gynecologists and strippers dwindle because they don’t like bringing their work home. Yet there is a bit of truth to it. When a stripper spends every night forcing intimacy with strangers, it can become difficult to not force it at home, as well. Also, after feeling objectified by lusty men night after night, she may less than stoked to find an amorous boyfriend waiting at home." http://www.datestripper.com/dating-a...d-cons-93.html

    I don't know what to say dude, If you can't quit then maybe head on over to a sex therapist.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    ^^^^Thanks! I try. I think this may be a case of having to say no to the customers and risk losing some sales. Experiment by deciding what you don't want share. You may want to stand back a bit like a newbie and give air dances a while. But you can make up for it by going after other sales. Lean more on the guys who want less Listen to what your body is telling you and what your emotions are telling you. You are not comfortable, you are not emotionally healthy but you have the power right now, today, to recover. Only you can maintain your boundaries and you don't OWE these dudes. You are the CEO and you call the shots in your business. If it means you have to go against these douches and get more assertive then so be it.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    “Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”
    ― Iyanla Vanzant
    Try looking at it that way. If you want to be treated as if you are more than a lump of flesh without feelings, it's time to act as if you have them and just say no and shove hands away and end dances with guys who won't listen.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    Yeah, I think we all become desensitized after awhile.
    Last edited by Tsepmet1; 09-28-2012 at 10:42 PM.

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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    I'm having the not-in-the-moment sex issues too (if i can even get in the mood :/ ). I feel like it's getting a little better since i stopped dancing full time and only do the odd weekend, but as you can't quit it seems like reducing contact is the best bet. I'd be interested ot hear more from flickdreams about meditation?

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    ^ the same course/class i'm doing originated in America (http://www.theyinproject.com/Yin/index.asp). In Aus the class is called 'The Art of Feminine Presence' and is based on her book which is available on eBay.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    I hope things are getting better Fionaver. You may find this new thread helpful. You may have a touch of PTSD from dealing with grabby guys all night but you can heal that revulsion or sense of overload. http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...ual-Harassment
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Touch Issues :(

    I can definitely relate...my ex mentioned this to me a couple times, but this is only an issue for me when the guy wants to get involved, I'm not in the mood, pushes it, and I give in and just go into "work" mode to get it over with...or when guys do things I explicitly tell them I do not like, which for me is basically anything involving my nipples. When guys push boundaries with me I go into work autopilot I guess because I'm used to dealing with that kind of shit at work, and when I feel like I'm at work, of course I'm going to revert to the same mindset.

    Try to focus on all of the things that make sex different from what you do at the club, whether that's your partner touching you in a different way, different levels of intimacy, kissing, etc. Also make sure you have clear lines at work that you don't cross. You kind of have to divide body parts and certain sexual behaviours/acts into categories of work and not work and not mix them so the two become distinctive.

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