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Thread: When a client backs out after the date has started

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    Default When a client backs out after the date has started

    I'm new to escorting and last night I went to an outcall, we spent about ten minutes talking and had just started kissing, and then the client said he couldn't go through with it and asked me to leave. He gave me $50, which was technically enough to cover ten minutes of my hourly rate, but I still felt ripped off because I'd invested kind of a lot of time into getting ready and transportation to and from his place. He said it was because our energy wasn't right. It kinda seems like bullshit, but at the same time I know that everyone has the right to withdraw their consent, and I don't want to force anyone into having sex that they don't want. I also realize that I made a mistake by not getting the money upfront (this was the first time it hasn't been laid out in plain view or just handed to me as soon as I arrived, and I was trying to figure out how to bring it up gracefully). I mean, I would've negotiated with him and given back most of the money anyway (though I probably would've tried to keep more, maybe like $100), but I'm just saying the situation was kinda off from the start and I kind of think he had already decided that he didn't want to go through with it as soon as I arrived and that's why he didn't immediately pay me. There's a part of me that thinks he planned it this way all along (although I have no idea WHY he would want to spend $50 for ten minutes of conversation), because when he paid me the $50 he pulled it straight out of his pocket, he didn't have to separate it from the rest of the money.

    ANYWAY. I'm just wondering how other ladies handle this kind of situation, so that I'm better prepared if it happens again.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Did you fully screen him and have all his personal info? Because if so, I would be surprised he did that for fear of getting blacklisted


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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Yes I did screen him.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    While I've never had that happen to me - ever , a lot of guys don't care about being blacklisted. Being the biotch that I am, I would have demanded my FULL hour rate. Fuck that - you're being paid for your TIME and yes while you didn't spend an hour with him. It took you MORE than an hour to get ready for the date so technically he wasted your time. Now if you're one of those girls that false advertise/ look nothing like your pictures (even a little bit) then he owes you nothing. False advertising is false advertising and bait and switch should never be rewarded.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Most regular hobbyists do care about being blacklisted. Being a habitual "ncns" or repeatedly backing out without a compelling reason is definitely frowned upon to put it mildly.

    Afaic, pretty much the only time a client can legitimately back out is when SHE used some form of misrepresentation. That usually consists of using outdated photos or photos of someone else or advertising herself as gfe when she is not. Other than that , the man is pretty much obligated to pay the sum agreed. If he doesn't pay up without a legitimate reason he deserves to be blacklisted.
    Last edited by Eric Stoner; 10-05-2012 at 10:29 AM.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    My photos are clear and current, and they show my face and everything. He had been VERY persistent about how much he REALLY WANTED TO SEE ME. He sent me so many emails that I almost declined to see him because he was kinda freaking me out. I think he probably just had buyers remorse, because he made a comment during our chit chat about how it was basically a $250 therapy session, and he said it in a complain-y way. He was a hippy-ish dude and he kept talking about energy, about how sex is an exchange of energy, and that he doesn't connect with a lot of women because the energy is off or whatever, and then that's what he said about me too, that our energy just didn't feel right. So it's possible that that was his true motivation for ending the session, but I guess I'm too new at this to know if that was a valid reason. And of course I'm all paranoid that actually I had really bad breath or something (though I did brush, floss, and use mouthwash before I went over), or that I said something that pissed him off, but I don't think so!

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    He's a weirdo.... Of course sex is an exchange of energy.... His energy is too wierd to ever have sex.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Also I was mad because I work full time at a day job, and I only have the time and ENERGY (ha) to see 1-2 clients a week. I could've used that time to get some much needed relaxation at home, or to see an actual client who would've paid me for a full hour, and instead it was wasted!

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Dont stress over what you might have done wrong to make him end the date.. He surly has the right to end the date if so desired, but he was completely and totally in the wrong for not paying your rate. You held up your end of the bargain being as advertised, showed up as agreed for your date, and was not shady. Your rate is for your time as listed. Theres no such thing as pro-rated rates in this biz..whether he stays 10m, half hour or 45m he should pay you what was agreed, and its pretty rude of him to take it upon himself to decide to change that.

    Anyway...def in the future, make sure to get your rate asap. Getting comfortable and going as far as kissing etc without knowing if youre getting paid for your time is too far. Ive been burned and refuse to let it happen to me again...with a repeat Im not quite so strict, but with a new guy...always. I have it on my site that the first thing they are supposed to do is put the envelope down without mention.. nothing happens til they do that.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Mike is right. He is weird but you were wrong for kissing without pay. Never do anything for free. Hell he is in your presence the clock starts no matter what.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    We ALL have made errors in judgment somewhere along the way - at least you got something - it could have been worse and he refused to give you anything - just learn your lesson and go forward - you and your time are the commodity and that needs to be valued and compensated - I expect to be paid within 5 minutes of arriving - in my mind there is no reason to delay and I shouldn't have to ask for it

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Always collect the money up front in your fully fee and there is no refunds because you have set time in your schedule to meet this "client"
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Just to throw a rhetorical question out there, woud you (you being the general "you") have preferred that the client go through with the appointment, even though he wasn't feeling the chemsity, and the leave an okay or mediocre review? I ask because sometimes it happens. The chemistry just isn't there, due to no one's fault. What is the appropriate course of action for each party in those situations?
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Hrmm..Im not sure what to think of that rhetorical question because it really does not relate to what happened here. The situation you are bringing up is an entirely different one.

    Scenario: The guy made a date with her, she showed up as agreed for the date. He changes his mind (perfectly fine to do) decided for himself what her time was worth and payed her much less than what was agreed upon (*not* okay).

    Firstly, this is why its wise for an escort to get payment upfront, that way a guy cant muck around with it later. As long as he still has the money, he can cheat her out of it. If she had gotten her payment upfront, there would be no issue (not coming down on you Anna..live and learn. I learned too afterall) Now if the guy was decent he would have payed her rate as agreed. Like I said, our time is not pro-rated, if *he* chooses to leave the date early, that has nothing to do with her rate. Another option I would be okay with, for the guy to ask her what she prefers/what would be okay with her. She'll either say she expects her full rate, or be willing to compromise. Taking it upon himself to decide she should only get $50 is an insult.

    Your scenario: The guy made a date with her, she showed up as agreed for the date. He has a less than stellar time and writes a review to reflect that.

    It happens. Not a big deal.

    No one person on this earth is compatible with every single person they meet. She did not do anything bad for him to write a nasty review about the date and cause worry. Going through the date and writing a review that their chakras did not align, her aurora was a shade of deep purple that night and he did not feel the connection to pass energy between their bodies is not going to have a damaging effect on her business. Instead, anyone reading the review will think hes lost his fucking mind and any lady reading the review as part of their screening process will turn him down.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    If money changes hands, it is generally agreed a review can be written. HOWEVER

    After something like this (where yes you should have gotten the money up front) I would immediately contact each review board and let them know the client's email address, handle, etc. and tell them what happened, this way your bases are covered in the event he tries to review you

    I've had something similar happen once - except we did more than kiss - he had booked two hours and only stayed for half an hour because he started feeling guilty (he was engaged, go figure) but he paid my full rate and left a tip - total gentleman. This guy was just checking you out I guess - I would first contact him, let him know that you now realize he cheated you and ask for payment in full via Greendot - give him a week to do it before reporting him to blacklists. He does deserve a chance before you report him, since you didn't ask - it's not your fault you didn't know any better, but blacklists are for clients who steal and hurt providers, and he technically didn't steal, he just got away with something. It is all our own responsibility to stick up for ourselves in that room.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    I feel like the situation wasn't bad enough and that he probably wasn't deliberately being a douchebag, so I don't know if I feel comfortable blacklisting him. If word did get out on the review boards I'm afraid it would hurt my business. I only have one review so far, and it's a really good one, but getting a bad one right now would probably kind of ruin everything.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    There are some guys who are just very particular and try to do the not paying up front thing as a way to cheaply cancel dates that don't meet their expectations. He knows payment is expected at the start of a date. That is standard practice. By withholding payment he was keeping his options open so he could cancel it cheaply. Us guys know its a gamble whether there is going to be "chemistry" or the right "energy" whenever we schedule a date. For some that is even part of the thrill of it. This guy was just reducing his possible "loss" by not paying up front. Whether you blacklist him or not is of course up to you but he's definitely a time waster.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Personally, I dont like the term "blacklist" because the lists do a lot more than that. Blacklisting really means "your name is mud and no one will ever see you again!" but in reality, our blacklists are more like the sharing of negative experiences as a warning to other ladies what a guy is capable of so that they can make a decision.

    That being said, I would definitely appreciate seeing something like this about a guy when checking him out. Guys can get away with things like this because women figure, oh its not *that* bad, and then he can go on to keep doing it and perhaps even progressing when he realizes he isnt getting caught or turned away. Also, just think to yourself, is this something I would have liked to know he would do before agreeing to see him? I personally would like to know if a guy witholds funds and hands out $50 for a date.

    As for the review thing...I just really...really do not see what on earth this guy could possibly say in a review to completely ruin you as an escort. I may be missing details of the date here, but him just saying he did not connect with you to go through with the date just doesnt seem like something to be "scared" of. If he even writes a review. I just couldnt see myself going through the trouble of doing damage control and telling all the review boards my side of the story.

    He was a jerk for giving you only $50, but the story itself isnt so dramatic that you need to be scared or start contacting mods and trying to get your side heard. It happend, you know now how to handle the issue of payment from now on and move forward from here.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Generally even bad reviews are good pr - sounds strange but totally true! I know of a lady who got a really awful sore and the week after was the busiest she'd ever been. If I've learned anything it's that the guys are a dime a dozen truly, and it's not worth saving yourself when others could get burned too - just my two cents

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Well I guess I'm not worried about a bad review, since there's not really anything for him to review, but more that if word got out on the boards that I wanted/expected payment even though no services occurred, that I'll look like a greedy bitch. Or especially that everyone will assume I was false advertising/bait and switch or something. Especially since I'm new and only have the one good review to vouch for me.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Right when a client lets me in the door if the donation is no where in sight I ask for it and don't feel bad about it.
    Many of the obstacles you once imagined are not even there.



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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Quote Originally Posted by AnnaPDX View Post
    Well I guess I'm not worried about a bad review, since there's not really anything for him to review, but more that if word got out on the boards that I wanted/expected payment even though no services occurred, that I'll look like a greedy bitch. Or especially that everyone will assume I was false advertising/bait and switch or something. Especially since I'm new and only have the one good review to vouch for me.
    A service did occur. You showed up. You're paid for your time... Not sex. Repeat it like a mantra... seriously. If I show up for a date and the guy just wants to talk about his cats for an hour (true story) I expect to be paid cause I held up my end of the bargain. I showed up prepared to spend an hour with him. What you do in that time... Whether he decides to leave early has no bearing on whether or not or how much you should be paid.

    You're not being a greedy bitch for wanting to be paid as agreed. Change your perspective. A guy who thinks you shouldn't be paid as agreed is a cheap ass.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    Also... Don't be do scared of what guys will think. If you stand your ground and don't let what someone might think or how a review might affect you dictate any aspect of your biz, they will know you're not one of those girls they can mess with. Many of these hobbyists love girls who think like that cause they are the ones they target to pressure them into lowering rates, doing things on dates they aren't comfortable with because they are "well respected in the community and can make or break you"

    I'm super chill but when I first started a guy tried that with me and wanted to intimidate me using reviews as leverage. I cursed him out both privately and publicly on the board. I set the tone that I don't care enough about reviews to worry about pleasing any of those guys. And when I did start getting reviews they've all been good. Don't stress over stuff like that. The best guys aren't hobbyists who live on boards trying to intimidate girls and arguingl politics on escorts forums anyway.
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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    i am no escort but i think he should of gave you your money in the beginning and if he backs out, oh well, no refund.

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    Default Re: When a client backs out after the date has started

    There are some of these creeps can sense or know you are new and pull this type of crap on new girls because they could never get away with this otherwise.
    Many of the obstacles you once imagined are not even there.



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