Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

  1. #1
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    17
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    Sorry for the rambling background, but I'd really like some input to those who know where I'm coming from here. So, thanks in advance.

    I've been dancing on/off for 8 years now and have been married for 5. I have a college degree, worked a day job for a while. Left that good-paying day job (out of necessity due to conflict w/territory & company car--long story) just before finding out I was preggers with my oldest. I went back to dancing when she was 6 months old and danced for almost 4 years. I don't believe in working full-time with a little one at home if dancing provides the income to keep us afloat working 3 days/wk especially considering the cost of daycare. All along I was looking for something a little more in-line w/my degree and professional experience. I started working part-time for a small business with what I thought was great potential and continued dancing 2 days/wk. We decided on baby #2, and I started working full-time at the 'day' job and quit dancing when I was 6 wks preggers . Well, my boss at said business basically left me with a lot of empty promises and became basically unbearable to work for (honestly myself and others in the office think she may be starting with dementia). I feel basically screwed over in many ways. So although the plan was for me to go back after maternity leave, I told her to go pound sand only in nicer terms. Now, my youngest baby is now 5 months, and we need my income soon before we'll be in the red financially. I decided I'd rather go back to dancing than work for the psycho-boss, lol. But, now the hubby acts like that's not an option?! Well, I don't want to pay over $1,000/mo to daycare for strangers to raise my baby, first of all. And, that's only if I could secure a 'day' job and honestly it'd have to pay over $50k to even be feasible. He never was fond of me dancing, but it wasn't an issue really. Now, somehow he's freaking at the idea. He's made comments to the effect that go ahead if I want to make a quick-buck as a whore!!!???? He's usually overdramatic, but WTF! I'm at a loss here, and really just feeling the need to rant somewhere. Oh, and at least part of the issue is we cannot tell his or my family what I'd actually do for a living. I was a "bartender" before at a bar no one would ever frequent. My family wouldn't speak to me if they knew.... I went the honest route and it's sad really that apparently I'm conditionally loved, but the way it is. His family knows I used to dance, but we left it at that....
    Last edited by sexymia; 10-10-2012 at 10:58 AM. Reason: more background

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Joanna_Kaary's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Cleveland Ohio
    Posts
    372
    Thanks
    929
    Thanked 608 Times in 220 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    All I can say is it sounds like a really hard situation. It's true that sometimes the 'honest route,' the way 'good society' or families, etc. want us to do things just doesn't work. It's bad enough your own family can't accept what you do in order to be the best mom you can be, so it would sure be nice if your husband could! I would say *try* to get him to see that dancers really aren't whores, maybe by going into the club with him as customers before you go back, but often trying to get someone to understand just doesn't work if they don't want to understand.

  3. #3
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    17
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    Thanks for the input. I really just needed to blab this somewhere to someone since I can't talk about this really with anyone, blah.

    It's just so crazy because this isn't new to him. I guess he was set with the idea that I'd never be going back. Ah well. We need to talk this through again, but I just want to burst into tears when we do talk because he has it all wrong my reasons for dancing again. He thinks I should just 'get a job.' ARrrrggghhh.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to sexymia For This Useful Post:


  5. #4
    Veteran Member Arianna419's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2010
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    325
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked 208 Times in 128 Posts

    Default Re: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    Nothing to contribute, really. Just letting you know you're not alone in this situation, I'm going through almost EXACTLY the same thing. I quit dancing for almost a year. My husband has been kind of supportive, but I have a lot of friends that aren't. It's hard to explain to people why dancing can be the smartest decision. (Once you factor in daycare costs, travel time, housework, time with kids, all those reasons.) And yet people somehow think that we're too "lazy" to work a "regular job" or that we WANT to dance around naked for strangers for some reason. It can be frustrating.

  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Arianna419 For This Useful Post:


  7. #5
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    17
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    Yes, Arianna, I completely agree..... To those who have no idea what we really do at work, they think we're taking the easy road. I've told my hubby..... Taking a desk job would be easy, lol! Our job is both physically and mentally demanding.

  8. #6
    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2008
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,980
    Thanks
    621
    Thanked 6,894 Times in 2,672 Posts

    Default Re: Going Back to Dancing after Baby #2.... Hubby not as supportive as before. :(

    Perhaps try presenting dancing as the most fiscally responsible option. Make up a budget of costs and income for two scenarios: one being you returning to dancing (and thus saving on costs of daycare and such) and the other being you taking an office job (and thus incurring extra costs for daycare). Be realistic with the earnings you can expect to get in both options, so don't just put down a minimum wage salary if you feel confident that you'd be able to get something higher, and err on the conservative side for your dancer earnings as you haven't danced in a while.

    Of course, as a compromise, you could offer to dance while job hunting for an adequate alternative that you'd both be happy with (ie. you don't have to incur so many added costs with daycare but are able to raise your baby mainly on your own, the salary is good, and you'd enjoy the work/it'd be a good fit). In this economy, it's not unusual for people to be job hunting for a year or longer!

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-24-2011, 12:08 AM
  2. Going back after Baby
    By UtterlyOpiate in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-25-2007, 12:07 PM
  3. Going back to dancing after baby
    By bahamianempress in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-17-2007, 05:11 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •