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Thread: The critical importance of "sexy time"

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Was just cruising a thread here and after thinking it about what I like in a guy, it has me pondering whether many of you ladies place a lot of importance on what goes on in the bedroom when you are in a relationship. Like, how common it is for girls to "settle" with sexual issues if the guy is otherwise great, or be heaps strict on their "performance" in order to be interested in a relationship.

    I've always been a sexually driven person. Well, since I was 14 anyway. I am also a "long term" dater however, and I tend to stay in relationships for a while. What I am finding as I get older however is I am less willing to settle when it comes to sexual performance. I was with one of my ex's for 8 years, however towards the end he had put on a lot of weight, and started having huge problems maintaining an erection. Within a few months of this issue arising, and with it getting progressively worse as he then got "performance anxiety" and frustration, I split up with him. I cared about him immensely, but grew distant once that intimacy was gone. He also snored terribly so I ended up living in the spare room just to get some rest. I felt bad, but I really couldn't deal with no sex and no sleep.

    My most recent split was due to dancing, but even so, I found after 18 months things had cooled off a lot, and I was finding myself a bit bored and frustrated again. I had tried to spice things up, but he really didn't dig anything I was into much (violence, choking, smacking etc) I think I'm up to par with my side of the sexy times... certainly a couple of the ex's, particularly the recent one have said they haven't found a similar experience with other girls after me, and if I sleep with someone, they always- 100%- try for more, so I guess I go alright.

    In between relationships I tend to gauge whether I will see someone again based on their "performance". If it's lacklustre, I just have no desire to go there again. If it's great, and they pursue me, I may end up dating them. (assuming they meet my other standards)

    So... Thoughts on the importance of sex in determining and defining your relationship? For me it is key. Critical. Essential in keeping me around.
    Would you settle if a guy could not please you sexually if he gave you everything else you wanted?
    Do you place much importance on this as a part of a whole relationship?
    Do you like cake?
    I do.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    i am the exact same way. i cannot be in a relationship with someone i am not having good sex with or id probably cheat. sex is on the top of the list of importance to me. i dont think anything is wrong with it, some people are just simply wired to be that way. its natural, we are animals. my heart and head is in my vagina. everyone is different.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    I can go long periods of time without sex, but you better believe my partner & I better mesh well sexually. If not, i'm out that bitch. I can't do lame boring sex. I just cut off a really good looking, sweet, successful young man bc he was too fkn boring in the bedroom. I couldn't.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Yes to both sex and cake. I'm gonna have to agree, I can't be with someone who's d-game is whack. I really hate it when I've found someone who's awesome at sex and then have to cut them off because they're less awesome at some other aspect of life... but such is the way of the world =/

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    I'm not the most sexually driven, and have dated guys for extended periods of time despite the sex being mediocre at best (my most recent ex never once made me cum in the year+ that we were together). I can see though, that without great sex it's too easy to become cohabitating friends rather than lovers.
    It's only recently that I've experienced truly great sex and I have to say I've seen an increase in my libido like never before. Vaybe this is the key to a successful relationship that I've always missed before. We will see...

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    I settled for "meh" chemistry for 6 years and finally bailed .
    Then my new boyfriend was depressed / on meds / weiner didn't work ..... so I bailed on that guy too.
    So .... it took me a long time .... but now I have GREAT chemistry and sexy time with the guy I'm with currently!

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Sex can extend a unhealthy relationship or end a supposedly perfect one. There have only been a few women that I couldn't connect with sexually & it was the worst feeling, I would have rather played by myself I took a young woman to Nola in August & she was a pillow princess, worst lay ever. She didn't want me to sweat on her...lol I haven't called her since.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    She didn't want me to sweat on her...lol I haven't called her since.
    lmao!! i agree, which is why im more sexually attracted to the rough man types not the pretty boys/metros. i feel that theyre more worried abouf getting their nails chipped, being clean or something.

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    Featured Member SuperJa's Avatar
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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    I can go long periods of time without sex, but you better believe my partner & I better mesh well sexually. If not, i'm out that bitch. I can't do lame boring sex. I just cut off a really good looking, sweet, successful young man bc he was too fkn boring in the bedroom. I couldn't.
    This is a lot like me. I can go for a long time when I'm single or they're out of town and it's nbd, but when they're around, it better be awesome, or no point imo.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ...
    Then my new boyfriend was depressed / on meds / weiner didn't work .....
    Reading that last part made me burst out laughing
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Sex is important to me but i don't allow it to determine a relationship entirely.

    I am currently dating two guys. One i have (damned good) sex with and hang out with and who would more than the casual arrangement we have. The other we have had sex, although only a few times,and it was great, but we are taking things slowly as we first met a couple of months after he came out of an 8 year relationship and pretty much fell in love at first sight. We really can see ourselves spending the rest of our lives together, so we currently only date and don't sleep together as he wants to take it slowly. I'd rather not take it slowly but then i haven't come out of an 8 year relationship.

    The guy i'm sleeping with knows that i have massive feelings for someone else but we both like the regular company and sex. The guy i have massive feelings for knows I am sleeping with the other guy only because he wants to take it slowly. But great as the regular company and sex is I would never want that over the man i love and when he is ready then we'll be exclusively together.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    No way I'd stay with someone if sex was shit. It would make me start to hate the person or I'd end up cheating. Deal breaker. Unless it was a temporary issue or a medial issue after marriage. Ie. if my hubby got in a car accident or something and couldn't preform, I wouldn't leave him, but I'd definitely ask if I could bone other people and expect a "yes".

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    The beginning of the end of my previous relationship with the guy who couldn't make me cum was when I started having conversations about sex with my new guy. The fantasies started and my relationship ended. And sex with the new guy is mind-blowing.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    My hubby goes soft sometimes because of alcohol/weed but he is skilled and generous, and the sex is really good. We work with the situation by going back to foreplay if he goes soft and then return to a different position.

    If I was dealing with a man whose performance was unsatisfactory I would have a chat with him (at another time, not after sex). Read some Tracey Cox and give it some time. Only if he was great in the other ways which matter in a relationship though.
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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    ^ Ya a once and a while thing is totally ok, but if its never satisfying... then there is a problem.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    if he cant fuck for shit he better be loaded or i wont bother. sorry but its true.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    Before MM, I would have said dealbreaker. Sex is a HUUGE part of my life, and an even bigger part of my love life. MM & I started out hot & heavy, but due to some medical issues & personal things, her libido has really cooled off for the last 12-18 months. Normally, I would probably end up breaking up with a girl after that - I NEED good bedroom action or I get bored and frankly when I'm sexually frustrated I start to get more and more bitchy and argumentative over time. But this relationship is different in several ways. For one - the cooling off in teh bedroom has had ZERO effect on my feelings for her or desire to have her around. Never had that happen before, and it's awesome. Sexondly - she lets me play with other girls as much as I want, so it really doesn't matter. I've had a helluva dry spell this last year but that's my fault and/or a lack of attractive and interesting partners, not her problem. And she's been very tolerant of me being kind of a dick when the frustration got bad, lol. We still fuck, but it isn't like it used to be and nowhere NEAR as often - but for the first time in my life, that has not affected the RELATIONSHIP one bit. It's awesome.

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    ^ ya but totally different situation if you know you can go elsewhere...

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    Default Re: The critical importance of "sexy time"

    For me a good sexual relationship comes down to having a girl who realizes sex is important and is a) almost always down for it and b) willing to try to the things i like. Simply realizing that sex is more important than the million inconsequential little things we waste our time with everyday is what really matters.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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