Ahhh ladies I am so frustrated. I have shot girl/girl adult work for almost 3 yrs now. Used to dance for my boyfriend's private company & gave that up because dancing was messing us up - also made a sort of deal. If I shot adult, I would stop dancing. Well I took a small break from shooting this summer to change agencies and was scheduled to go to LA in August and shoot like 7 scenes. For some reason I overreacted to not really wanting to do that particular trip and exclaimed I was done shooting! Well, that was a mistake. I made good $$ shooting when I could knock out several scenes then go home and now I'm financially hurting and I also miss shooting a bit. I've told him I wanted to start shooting again with select companies but he's throwing such a fit and making it impossible.
Here's his reasons: I answer phones for his company 7 days a week and he pays me a salary. If I get shoots, he has a back up person who could answer phones but they really suck so I am "letting him down" and apparently not grateful for the job he gave me to help me stay afloat. When I would go shoot, I would often downplay how it went and talk about how long it took or the other girl was rude - in my mind to make him feel better, since I figured no one wants their gf bouncing home from a porn shoot exclaiming how wonderful it was and that she didn't miss you at all! Now he thinks all shoots are worse than they were; that I have to shoot with gross girls all the time or something. He thinks I'm wasting my time shooting for a paycheck when I could make my own member's site & (in his mind) make way more $$. That confuses me b/c he still thinks I should do G/G on my site ... but not shoot it for other companies?! I am willing to do a member's site but as just a G/G performer, I'm sure it's beneficial to still shoot occasionally to keep my name relevant. I'm talking about shooting with Wicked, Penthouse, Danni, Twistys - reputable companies.
We were scheduled to go to LA a few weeks ago & meet my new agent to talk about me shooting again - got up early, got ready, and when he came out of the bathroom from showering he sobbing. I couldn't stand to see him hurting over me shooting so I called the trip off. He just confuses me b/c he used to tell me how proud he was of me & my career and now he hates it and sobs over it. He's always had a small issue with me sleeping with girls for my scenes, but I'm not bi - I'm just a good actress.
UGH can anyone give me advice? I am feeling guilty for wanting to shoot but resentful of him b/c now I have to live off a much smaller salary and rely on camming, which I really do not enjoy. I love him and don't want to hurt him but our whole livelihood already centers around him owning a stripper business ... we aren't square by any means ... I just want to shoot until I feel like I've accomplished my goals (chunk of $ in savings, Penthouse Pet, etc).



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